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False ocd thoughts urge to throw clothes away


Guest Phil10

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Hi Phil,

4 hours ago, Phil10 said:

someone said to me I can clean my hands and don’t replace them so like other stuff can be cleaned too?

Wouldn't you be replacing one compulsion for another? Ideally you need to be working towards stopping all the compulsions you're carrying out.

Even if you look at cleaning instead of replacing something as a temporary stepping stone to where you want to be, recovered...in all likelihood, knowing OCD, those cleaning compulsions will become just as entrenched and difficult to tackle as those you're struggling with around replacing things at the moment.

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

My partner did a dirty washing and it was near my clean washing crate so I worry I need to throw that away too 

You've said something very important there, you worry you need to throw the crate away. OCD is a worry problem, there is no real danger here....you don't need to do anything other than working at refocusing to bring the anxiety down. 

You might also be a little further ahead than you're giving yourself credit for. You could have chosen to change your shoes before going out last night, but you chose not you, you did what everyone else does by wearing them in spite of the thoughts and doubts.

You need to do much more of that, actively look for where you can challenge yourself.

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38 minutes ago, Hal said:

Hi Phil,

Wouldn't you be replacing one compulsion for another? Ideally you need to be working towards stopping all the compulsions you're carrying out.

Even if you look at cleaning instead of replacing something as a temporary stepping stone to where you want to be, recovered...in all likelihood, knowing OCD, those cleaning compulsions will become just as entrenched and difficult to tackle as those you're struggling with around replacing things at the moment.

You've said something very important there, you worry you need to throw the crate away. OCD is a worry problem, there is no real danger here....you don't need to do anything other than working at refocusing to bring the anxiety down. 

You might also be a little further ahead than you're giving yourself credit for. You could have chosen to change your shoes before going out last night, but you chose not you, you did what everyone else does by wearing them in spite of the thoughts and doubts.

You need to do much more of that, actively look for where you can challenge yourself.

You are correct I wore the shoes that was good however I may never use the washing crate or shoes again so the ocd wins. 

Should I continue the expansive therapy even if it’s not working? Can I give an example I blocked a toilet in a hotel 4 years ago so I avoid that hotel ever since. This is how bad my ocd is I avoid stuff for years like I had a thought my suitcase would have toilets germs if I go back to that hotel.

yes I may forget the shoes issue soon but it may be one of these I worry for years about it and avoid areas due to it? When I wore the shoes at first I was more ok because with my ocd the issue is actually after the event my head may say it’s fine and it’s only a few hour a or days later I actually worry this is the completixity it’s when my head over thinks I start avoiding stuff and it’s all toilet germs/dirty washing or general rubbish these are my fears.

I feel I’m not winning right now I feel more and more is off limits where is this going to end is everywhere going to be dirty? I feel I will always worry about dirty washing germs now let me go back when I stayed at my parents the washing was on a cupboard when I moved out that was when the fear started 3 years ago I was coming in and out shower and wiping my backside and small particles of toilet paper hit the towels. Since then I’ve had this big fear over dirty washing I mean in my last house I use to leave stuff on floor in my bedroom and never worried too much. 

It’s a difficult cycle to break?

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Plus I don’t come in and out shower now so the washing is no longer dirty. I mean another example is my suitcase I use this for both clean and dirty washing yet when I wear the clean clothes I don’t worry one bit? So perhaps is it possible this happens to other people if they put like Sandles in a holiday case they touch dirty washing? Is this more common than I think?

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3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

You are correct I wore the shoes that was good however I may never use the washing crate or shoes again so the ocd wins.

It might win this time, but it doesn't automatically follow it has to or always will. You could throw the crate, but continue wearing the shoes? Last night you proved to yourself you can do it, you could decide to keep building on that achievement. 

Sure OCD will win a battle here, a battle there....but you'll also win a battle here and there too. The trick's to do what you're doing and keep working at it. At some point the balance will tip in your favour and when a thought to throw something strikes you'll automatically be able to brush it off....like anything it just takes a hell of a lot of persistence and practise. 

3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I may forget the shoes issue soon but it may be one of these I worry for years about it and avoid areas due to it? When I wore the shoes at first I was more ok because with my ocd the issue is actually after the event my head may say it’s fine and it’s only a few hour a or days later I actually worry this is the completixity it’s when my headmmmm

I can really relate to that. There's a difference though between how we handled our fears in the past and how we can choose to handle them now. It's implementing that choice that means you won't be tormented for years to come. When I didn't know how damaging compulsions were I did everything I now know guaranteed they almost became cemented in my mind.

If I had known then not to avoid what I feared, not to ruminate and not to wash they wouldn't have become the problem they did. 

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking if you try a new way of handling this you'll experience the same results you did in the past, you won't...this is a new way to deal with the fears effectively, one that's going to eventually completely free you from the disorder. 

3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I feel I’m not winning right now I feel more and more is off limits where is this going to end is everywhere going to be dirty? 

Again, I've been there Phil, but it's impossible to fulfill OCD's demands for absolute cleanliness, and even if you did in one respect it will immediately up its demands to another level. As Polar and DKSEA have already said,  go for normal....observe how everyone else lives their everyday life.

This again is what you need to do more of. ..

3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Plus I don’t come in and out shower now so the washing is no longer dirty. I mean another example is my suitcase I use this for both clean and dirty washing yet when I wear the clean clothes I don’t worry one bit? So perhaps is it possible this happens to other people if they put like Sandles in a holiday case they touch dirty washing? Is this more common than I think?

It's not only possible, it's normal and natural and where you need to aim for.

You can be how you were three years ago,  you can pick up your clean clothes, throw them on the floor and wear them. You can put your phone on the floor or in wash basket and use it w/o cleaning it....you don't have to abide by the disorders rules, you can live how you want to live again.

Take it step by step,  but as I say any opportunity to go against these demands to throw things away, pause, take stock and make a choice that supports your long term mentail health. 

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5 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Plus I don’t come in and out shower now so the washing is no longer dirty. I mean another example is my suitcase I use this for both clean and dirty washing yet when I wear the clean clothes I don’t worry one bit? So perhaps is it possible this happens to other people if they put like Sandles in a holiday case they touch dirty washing? Is this more common than I think?

Please just remember the basics: ERP, 4 steps, no need to follow the thought it’s not reality.

I’m really  new so am posting because I know some things can be forgotten after a while. Put yourself through the hard time now for a longer result rather than using a compulsion for a short result which will get you knowhere.

Nothing wrong in acknowledging, just waste of energy to follow.

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7 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Should I continue the expansive therapy even if it’s not working? Can I give an example I blocked a toilet in a hotel 4 years ago so I avoid that hotel ever since. This is how bad my ocd is I avoid stuff for years like I had a thought my suitcase would have toilets germs if I go back to that hotel.

yes I may forget the shoes issue soon but it may be one of these I worry for years about it and avoid areas due to it? When I wore the shoes at first I was more ok because with my ocd the issue is actually after the event my head may say it’s fine and it’s only a few hour a or days later I actually worry this is the completixity it’s when my head over thinks I start avoiding stuff and it’s all toilet germs/dirty washing or general rubbish these are my fears.

Lets break this down a bit

  1. A thought pops in to your head, in your case "What if this thing is contaminated" 
  2. You feel anxiety
  3. You start to think about the consequences of that thought "If its contaminated now it might spread to other things!"
  4. You feel increased anxiety
  5. You repeat steps 3, 4, 5, perhaps many times.
  6. You engage in a compulsion to try and relieve the anxiety you feel in steps 2 and 4, in your case throwing things away
  7. Your anxiety decreases temporarily BUT your brain now believes the thought was important and the thought becomes more likely to happen again
  8. Go back to step 1

Thats the OCD cycle, thats the loop you are stuck in.

You can break the cycle, but you have to make some choices and do the work to do so.  As I've said in previous posts, the anxiety you feel is a real emotion.  The thoughts you are having are real thoughts.  But the consequences you fear are not realistic, not even remotely.

Lets consider a parallel scenario.  In the US recently one of the national lottery games had a prize of over $700 million.  Thats a lot of money.  Lets say I bought a ticket.  Afterwards the following steps happen:

  1. A thought pops in to my head "What if I win the lottery?"
  2. I feel excitement
  3. I start to think about the consequences "If I have so much money I could buy a new computer"
  4. I feel increased excitement
  5. I repeat steps 3,4,5, perhaps many times, with increasingly extravagant purchase ideas.
  6. I start to buy expensive items using my credit card based on my thought that I might win

"Wait a second!" you say.  "You haven't won yet! Why are you doing that!"

EXACTLY.  I am responding to emotionally and out of proportion with reality.  The odds of my winning the lottery are practically non-existent.  You are doing the same thing when you throw away items.  You are responding emotionally to a practically non-existent threat.  

I can already hear your objection "But I KNOW the dirty clothes touched my clean clothes.  I know the toilet overflowed.  I know..."  You are confusing events that occurred with the actual consequences of those events.  Just because you think/fear contamination from dirty clothes touching clean clothes, even briefly, doesn't mean that contamination is actually real.  AND even if a contamination situation actually occurs, the feared consequence you have isn't realistic either.  Lets say in the brief moment your clean shirt touches a dirty shirt some small particles of sweat transfer over.  So what?  You are not going to be harmed by wearing that shirt.  You may not like the idea of wearing it, it might make you feel some anxiety, but its not ACTUALLY going to harm you.  Staying in the same hotel as one you did years ago in which a toilet overflowed is not ACTUALLY going to harm you.  Yes, you might feel anxiety about staying there, but that does not mean the threat is real.  

If you want to get better you need to choose to accept this simple truth:  Feeling fear about something doesn't make that something actually true or dangerous.

Beating OCD is both very simple and very difficult.  In order to beat OCD you have to stop doing compulsions.  Thats it.  Sounds pretty simple when you say it like that, but of course it still remains difficult to actually do.  Compulsions are like a bad habit, the more you do them the harder it is to stop doing them.  Its like smoking.  How do you stop being a smoker? Simple, you stop smoking cigarettes.  But as any smoker can tell you actually stopping is hard and you usually have to try many times.  A smoker may decide to give up cigarettes one day, feel ok at first but feeling increasing discomfort over time.  Eventually they give in and accept the temporary relief of another cigarette.  In the short term they feel better but they have just become a smoker again, and slowed their recovery.  Now, its perfectly normal and understandable that a smoker trying to quit will not do so perfectly.  They will almost certainly have to change their behavior gradually.  Maybe going from 2 packs a day down to a 1, then a half, then 1/4 then 0.  It might take weeks, months, or even years, and it will probably take multiple attempts before it sticks.  OCD is the same. The longer you can go without giving in to a compulsion after an intrusive thought, the better.  You may not always be able to resist, especially at first, but you have to at least be putting in a serious effort.  And at first you might fail, after all, you've been stuck with this disease so long, its a habit thats become entrenched.  But just like you can break a bad habit, you can break your compulsions.

You talk about your therapy not working, but what are you expecting from that therapy?  Are you expecting some answer on how to stop worrying?  Are you expecting to finally figure out how to clean everything so you don't feel like its contaminated?  Unfortunately thats not how treatment for OCD works.  Therapy is a guide, its a learning and coaching opportunity, its there to help you do the work to beat OCD, but it won't do it for you.  In order for you to beat OCD, in order for the therapy to help YOU MUST do the work.  You MUST challenge your compulsions.  You MUST stop throwing things away (or avoiding them) out of this fear of "contamination". That is how you can beat OCD, its the only way you can beat OCD.  Unless and until you are willing to do that, no amount of therapy or cleaning or throwing stuff away is going to change you for the better.  You are still going to feel anxiety in life, anxiety is normal.  You might even feel it more often at first, just like a smoker becomes more agitated when they start to quit smoking.  But the consequences you fear remain out of scope with reality.  You don't need to throw things away.  You don't need to avoid this hotel.  You have to choose your path and only you can choose it.  No one else can do it for you.  Its absolutely possible to get better and there are many things to help you on the way, but you have to put in the work.  

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I threw the crate away so the ocd won this time. Not sure about the shoes yet.

The issue is like right now I have the fear the germs are spreading but I have wore the shoes in my house but don’t feel too anxious reason is I stand on the floor where dirty washing has been plus the odd dirty sock has landed on the carpet and I have not worried. So why does my head make a meal of it and believe the outside world is the danger? Why can I tolerate the germs in my house however I am terrified the outside world has been contaminated? 

So like another example is my partner putting her shoes In a suitcase next to dirty washing last summer she told me this last night but it doesn’t worry me too much if those germs spread.

also a few weeks back I worried my phone was contaminated as I touched headphones from a bag she touched when she never washed her hands after packing the suitcase yet I touch other stuff that’s been in her case then my phone and don’t worry.

What is going on with these contradictory situations? Why is it not one rule for each? Can anyone explain what’s going on in my head where I’m ok with x situation but not with the other?

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another one of the false thoughts is I get a thought I peed myself I believe I have even if I never even if my boxers are not wet the thought makes me believe I need to shower 

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4 hours ago, Phil10 said:

What is going on with these contradictory situations? Why is it not one rule for each? Can anyone explain what’s going on in my head where I’m ok with x situation but not with the other?

Its OCD.  Thats just how OCD works.  Some thoughts give you anxiety.  Others don't.  We don't know exactly why, its just how it is.  You don't need to analyze why, thats a compulsion.  You just need to accept that that is how OCD works and take the steps to beating it that have been laid out.

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21 hours ago, dksea said:

Its OCD.  Thats just how OCD works.  Some thoughts give you anxiety.  Others don't.  We don't know exactly why, its just how it is.  You don't need to analyze why, thats a compulsion.  You just need to accept that that is how OCD works and take the steps to beating it that have been laid out.

Yes basically I have thoughts the street the supermarket and pub is contaminated by the shoes yet I don’t feel such thoughts about my house where I also walked? I think I tolerate the odd dirty sock on my floor but I now walk down the street and believe it’s containated in the same way I feel about the hotel or places I’ve been where the toilet has blocked ect? It comes under the “forever contaminated” tag for me how do you think I can get out of the thinking something is “forever” contaminated or ruined? Can I ever get to a point where cleaning it is enough? I mean they clean the supermarket floor and pub floors and it rains in the street so why do I believe something is forever dirty? 

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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

so why do I believe something is forever dirty? 

Again, OCD.  For whatever reason thats what yours has latched on to.  While many themes are common and we can relate to each others experiences in a general sense, each persons life is different and so is their OCD.  The things that bother you about cleanliness haven't bothered me (so far) in my OCD journey, but other things have that you likely haven't had to deal with.  So, we don't know why exactly each person is affected differently, but we do know the treatment modality is basically he same, CBT and possibly medication.

This is not unique to OCD either, many conditions have causes that are not fully understood and can affect two people in a variety of ways.  For example, I was born with asthma.  No one knows why, and while I have a general idea of what triggers it and how to treat it, its not precise and its not 100% the same as other people with asthma.  Even the intensity varies from person to person.  Same with my allergy to peanuts.  Mine is mild, I can ride it out without taking any medication if I don't want (though I usually do take an antihistamine because its unpleasant otherwise).  Some people are so allergic they need to use an epipen and be hospitalized immediately when exposed.  Scientists and doctors still don't know why that is, though they continue to research and are making some progress.  In the meantime, to the sufferer, it matters little what the underlying biological defect is that causes the allergy (or asthma, or OCD) but how you live your life knowing that you have that condition.

Do I wish I didn't have asthma, or a peanut allergy?  Absolutely, both are quite troublesome and have caused problems in my life.  But I DO have them and so far I can't change that.  So I learn to manage them and live my life in spite of them.  Same with OCD.  I would give almost anything to not have this ******* of a disease, but until the day someone invents a cure, I do, so I have learned to manage it and live my life in spite of it.  It has not always been easy, and it has definitely not always been fun.  My life would probably be different, possibly quite different if I didn't have OCD.  But this isn't a video game, there is no restart button.  All any of us can do is make the most of what we have.  

 

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

It comes under the “forever contaminated” tag for me how do you think I can get out of the thinking something is “forever” contaminated or ruined? Can I ever get to a point where cleaning it is enough?

You can get to that place with CBT (and possibly medication).  Thats the answer when it comes to OCD.  Its going to keep being the answer for OCD at least for awhile now.  If you want to get better thats how you do it. Its by far the most effective treatment for OCD and has worked for millions, probably 10's or even 100's of millions of people.  Its not magic, its not quick, its not easy, but it works IF you put in the effort to do it.  Would I rather there was an easy and quick way? Sure.  But I wish the same about being in good physical health too, I'd much rather sit around all day then do exercise, eat whatever I want, instead of making smart choices for meals.  But reality doesn't work that way and I can't change reality.  So I do the work instead.  Because its worth it.

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Phil, OCD is utterly and completely irrational. It makes absolutely no sense.

You want to talk about irrational? Your brain has convinced you that clothes you wear are fine, but the moment you take them off they are full of germs. How does that happen? You can't rationally explain how that is possible in the real world.

It's all a big lie. Your own mind lies to you.

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Hi Phil,  I've thrown out more than I care to remember.  I've started taking a low dose of Abilify along with Cipralex ssri   I feel my ocd symptons greatly improved.

I haven't been able to do exposures cause my ocd is so severe, but now that i have some relief, my therapist thinks I am ready to do some work.   I know meds aren't for everyone, but I was so desperate I decided to try and am glad I did.  are you on meds

 

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So basically I will probably replace the shoes but my ocd says “if I buy another brown pair of shoes they will be the contaminated ones too” I’m thinking buy a different brand. I had this ocd a while back with floor mops I wouldn’t use the same one as bathroom as I worried it would get confused with the downstairs one.

Anybody relate to this? How can I challenge it? I still have the urge to replace my iPad and camera as my partner touched the rucksack after touching her suitcase dirty washing.

I also get thoughts that I pooed or peed myself. I see my theripst on monday what should I tell her? Because nothing works right now.

Is there some way to control these thoughts? 

Edited by Phil10
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6 hours ago, Phil10 said:

How can I challenge it?

Simple, don’t throw things away and replace them. That’s all there is to it. 

 

6 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Is there some way to control these thoughts? 

Not directly no. You can’t force yourself NOT to think about something because trying not to think about something is still thinking about it. 

“Don’t think about red balloons, don’t think about red balloons” means you’re still thinking about red balloons. 

The solution to OCD is to stop responding to and focusing on the thoughts. If you do that they will become less important and you won’t care about them and they will fade away. 

Everytime you respond to the intrusive thought with a compulsion you train your brain the thought is important and it’s more likely to come back.

Everytime you DONT respond, just let the thought sit there and don’t analyze it or throw things away or whatever, you teach your brain the thought isn’t important and it’s less likely to come back. 

But it takes time, you won’t just be able to make the thought just “stop happening” overnight.

 

 

 

 

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Yes basically I still want to sell my camera and iPad as I fear the dirty washing germs it just doesn’t feel right also I got a new rucksack that’s in the same cupboard so I fear germs and today I had a thought my wallet was in a dirty washing yet it wasn’t. Plus I fear even wearing new brown shoes as my ocd says they will be the contaminated ones even if brand new. 

So yes when I’m In this loop what’s the point paying for therapy when I still have the urge to replace stuff anyway? I could cancel therapy and save money as at the moment I may replace stuff plus I pay for therapy what’s point paying twice? 

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Don't replace stuff. Simple. 

All this ruminating you do, going over what happened, thinking about transference of germs, is absolutely pointless. You are chasing a big lie. You are doing all this mental work over nothing. There is no reason to replace anything. There is a great reason to stop believing the thoughts.

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1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Don't replace stuff. Simple. 

All this ruminating you do, going over what happened, thinking about transference of germs, is absolutely pointless. You are chasing a big lie. You are doing all this mental work over nothing. There is no reason to replace anything. There is a great reason to stop believing the thoughts.

Yes what do you think ahout therapy some told me it doesn’t work for everybody so maybe I shouldn’t continue but I do wonder how else I can beat this ocd?

I feel my life is controlled by ocd. What I can say about replacing stuff is if the item is too dear to replace is simply cant but it doesn’t stop me having the thoughts where as replacing removes them. If it was possible to stop them another way I would 

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4 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Yes what do you think ahout therapy some told me it doesn’t work for everybody so maybe I shouldn’t continue but I do wonder how else I can beat this ocd?

I feel my life is controlled by ocd. What I can say about replacing stuff is if the item is too dear to replace is simply cant but it doesn’t stop me having the thoughts where as replacing removes them. If it was possible to stop them another way I would 

The only way to stop the thoughts is to stop reacting to them. You haven't figured that out yet. You are causing your OCD to be so bad. You sre causing the thoughts to come. You are causing that crippling anxiety and doubt you have. You are causing it all by reacting badly to the thoughts and doing compulsions.

The thoughts and urges to throw things out will not stop until you stop what you are doing.

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7 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Yes what do you think ahout therapy some told me it doesn’t work for everybody so maybe I shouldn’t continue but I do wonder how else I can beat this ocd?

But maybe it WILL work, in fact, it probably will.  Why focus on the small negative case and ignore the much more common positive one?  You MIGHT have a heart attack tomorrow, so you could spend all day worrying about that and be miserable OR you could accept (as we almost all regularly do) that it probably won't and get on with your life.  You already can and do accept uncertainty about numerous other events in your life without hesitation, which means you CAN accept it about this too.  Yes OCD makes that harder, but not impossible.  Therapy (possibly with medication) is far and away the best thing you can do if you want to get control over your OCD and move forward in your life.  Why search for other solutions when the best and most effective one is still there for you?

 

7 hours ago, Phil10 said:

but it doesn’t stop me having the thoughts where as replacing removes them. If it was possible to stop them another way I would 

Replacing DOESN'T remove the thoughts, else wise you wouldn't still be struggling. 

Imagine yourself driving down a worn out old road every day, filled with rocks and pot holes and what not.  Day after day you drive down this road and do damage to your car.  A flat tire, a damaged axel, etc.  So you replace the tire, fix the axel.  Problem solved right?  Your tire got flat? You replaced the tire.  Your bag got "contaminated'?  You replaced the bag.  But the REAL problem is the road, not your car.  If you took the time to fix the road, you're car wouldn't have NEARLY so many problems.  You wouldn't have to constantly be replacing and repairing its parts.  Likewise with OCD if you do the work of fixing the underlying problem, you won't have to deal with the compulsions.  But in order to do that you have to stop making the road worse by driving on it and start repairing it instead.  You have to stop giving in to the obsession and performing the compulsions.  If you want to stop being bothered by the thoughts you have to stop doing the one thing that makes them more likely to stick around.  Until you accept that and start doing the work there is nothing much else to do.  Aside from doing the therapy the only other recommendation would be to talk to your doctor about medication.  If you aren't taking any now that is a possible way to help reduce your symptoms and make the work of therapy a bit more manageable.  But you'll still have to do the work with the therapy, which will be worth it in the end.

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I have given in to the ocd which happened on holiday with the rucksack last month. I decided to sell my iPad and camera. 

The cost of the sale means I can replace the iPad and I already got a new rucksack and can go on holiday stress free. 

The good news is i won’t replace my phone as like the front door it’s too expensive £1 thousand pounds. I accepted I replace my phones yearly and it also fell on toilet floor so I would be replacing it too much when it already has germs. 

I also gave up therapy as it wasn’t helping at the moment I spend cash replacing but I also spend money on therapy with little benefit. 

The shoes issue I won’t wear the shoes again they will be binned. I’m not as worried about the germs outside now though and I accept there is germs outside. I just couldn’t relax on my next night out if I kept them. 

My theripst says it’s a bit up and down which is true at the moment sometimes I can resist rebuying but other times I can’t? Do I give myself praise or should I be hard on myself for the times I have replaced?

Im going to ask the doctor about some anxiety meds and also maybe some nhs therapy which won’t cost. They might offer neither as in the past they have not so I went privite for therapy. Another theripst is an option but not right now as I plan to give my finances a rest after spending over £300 on therapy. I may go back but unlikely as all I got from it was the ability to talk about it I never got any coping methods.

Anybody else any take on what to do next? I admit it has beat me sometimes but right now I can’t get over these dirty washing germs I know that to some here these germs don’t even exist but to me the only way I feel a relaxed comfort is to replace. 

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