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False ocd thoughts urge to throw clothes away


Guest Phil10

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7 hours ago, PolarBear said:

There is another way. You can go against the thoughts and start using all this stuff.

You are correct there is

The anxiety is mostly about the iron boards and also my stag night I bought stuff for it and worry it’s dirty and can contaminate the pub. 

I “may” use the items I may replace im on the fence right now.

I feel fine at work but like right now the way I think that my mind is controlled by god I don’t even know if I will make the choice I believe some entity will.

Good news is I have therapy on Monday and I can explain all this to her 

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So like i say my ocd is very select I touched the hoover phone and handle and floor mop when I had a thought I put my hand down a toilet yet my head only fancies replacing the floor mop?

Also I can’t get the idea out my head that somebody or a god isn’t controlling my thoughts and that I am really me and life isn’t preplanned?

Anyway I have theapry tomorrow after a 3 month break not too optimistic but I have plenty to discuss. 

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So I replaced the rucksack sadly my relief was short lived as my partner went near the bin on the train with the shopping bag and new rucksack. This is the issue at the moment doing compulsions have failed. I was tempted to return the bag but so far resisted the urge..

The iron board issue hasn’t gone away I’m still using the old one determined to still buy a new one however after taking two back and 3 irons my relief may be short lived. 

I have spoke to my theripst about it and also read books there doesn’t seem to be much information on compulsions failing and this is very new to me in past few months. I can only assume as my ocd is that bad it’s not working?

So yeah I’m looking for this rucksack to be perfect but like the iron boards I’m going through too many and in the end I just need a rucksack for the job so I can’t keep replacing?

Edited by Phil10
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Also I left the house with a whole list of ocd today..

Did I lock the door?

Was the toilet blocked?

Was my clean t shirt dirty?

Was my clean socks dirty?

Are my thoughts controlled?

and I wore old shoes just in case, washed my hands a few times, avoided trying new shoes on, then the rucksack issue and I worried if I touched it my hands were dirty anyway. 

So yes it is tiring having ocd that’s my average routine right now..not great

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44 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I can only assume as my ocd is that bad it’s not working?

You need to shift your mindset. Compulsions are never a good thing.

Compulsions make the obsessions stronger

Your obsessions are now so strong BECAUSE OF THE COMPULSIONS. Your compulsions will not take away the anxiety anymore and won't seem to take it away even for a short time. 

The compulsions will however CONTINUE to make your obsessions stronger and more horrific. 

The only way to stop this whole thing is to stop doing the compulsions.

Edited by Orwell1984
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Phil again let's say you don't need to use the thread as a compulsion, to write down all your intrusions here :(

 If you carry on doing so it is likely the moderators will close the thread.

Let me just say now that carrying out compulsions empowers not diminishes OCD. So we do need to trim them right down, then stop them. 

One of the commonest forms of compulsion is rumination, and here is a quotation I came across which sums up why this is worthless in tackling OCD. 

"The word ‘rumination’ comes from what cows do when they digest grass: they chew it again and again before they swallow it, and it doesn’t end there: they then bring it back up … and chew it again. That’s what we do: a lifetime of chewing"

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Yes I have issues I rebuy iron boards, rebuy rucksacks and don’t feel any relief I don’t know if I will take them back or what I will do. I feel frustrated the therapy isn’t having any effect people say be patient but the reality is it might not work. 

I can’t seem to stop myself buying stuff I mean yes I post when I have worries but I also need some support because I am battling away and needing help to try and cope with this.

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We give you support Phil. I don't know what you're looking for but we guve you and everyone else fact-based strategies to get past this. You come back with this long diary of qhat OCD is up to today and what compulsions you've done or contemplated.

What support are you looking for?

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What you can do Phil is resist those compulsions and ride out the pull of them and the resultant anxiety. 

I should think that everyone who has managed to recover from OCD,  myself included, has had this challenging battle to face - and by hook or by crook and a lot of dedication and determination, done so. 

I can recall times I felt half dead from anxiety, yet still picked myself up and got myself to my therapy session. 

It's up to us to do the homework, tackle the exposures, change our thinking and our behavioural response. 

No therapist can do it for us. And it saddens helpers here when, as often happens, we have given lots of help and advice yet the sufferer seems frozen in time - like a rabbit in the headlights - seemingly unable to apply that advice, do the work, make those changes. 

Phil you know what to do.Aside from guidance and homework from your therapist, it's all been given here. 

There isn't more guidance to give. Sympathy of course - but you have to wean yourself off those compulsions. You know they make OCD worse, strengthen it, encourage it. 

It isn't the therapy that isn't working. The therapy does work - as I know well. But only if we steadfastly keep working it, reducing compulsions, carrying out exposure, learning to refocus instead of carrying out compulsions, make the changes. 

You can do this Phil. We all can. 

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5 hours ago, taurean said:

If you carry on doing so it is likely the moderators will close the thread.

Honestly thats probably the best idea at this point.  19 pages in and we are exactly where we were on page 1.

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Tonight a bit of washing hit my bedroom door when I was moving it to the dirty pile sadly I feel awful about it and worry the door is ruined.

I know many here say it’s fine don’t worry and posting here is a compulsion however the issue is I can’t accept the fact the dirty laundry poses no danger? To me this washing is up there with toxic or sewage waste to me this is how it feels when something like this happens and it’s very hard to change my mind set. This is my problem with my ocd I’m unable to break free from fear stuff is ruined also not doing compulsions is difficult I can avoid it sometimes but I can also list many times when it fails and I give in?

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It is a compulsion Phil and you must stop this posting. 

You do know how to change this thinking. You apply what you know now about CBT to the thoughts and compulsive urges you get. 

Like we all have had to. 

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1 minute ago, taurean said:

It is a compulsion Phil and you must stop this posting. 

You do know how to change this thinking. You apply what you know now about CBT to the thoughts and compulsive urges you get. 

Like we all have had to. 

When my ocd was mild I never had to post

That said nothing anyone can say will make me believe stuff is clean again sadly hence why I moved house before 

I don’t understand the CBT my theripst mentioned getting me to hold a rubbish bin or toilet brush but I’m afraid I don’t think I can do that 

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Because its all nonsense from the contamination OCD. 

You believe it, so it controls you. Learn that it's all just rubbish, start to believe that not what OCD says, stop the carrying out of compulsions, and you can recover. 

Remember OCD looks to make all sufferers, whatever the theme, believe it. 

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3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

That said nothing anyone can say will make me believe stuff is clean again sadly hence why I moved house before 

True, nothing any of us says can make you change your beliefs, only YOU can change your beliefs through the action of CBT.  We can give you advice on what to do but only YOU can choose to do it.  If you want to escape from these obsessive fears you can, but not if you continue doing what you are doing now.
 

3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I don’t understand the CBT my theripst mentioned getting me to hold a rubbish bin or toilet brush but I’m afraid I don’t think I can do that 

Absolutely you are afraid, if you weren't there wouldn't be a problem.  The goal of CBT, and exposure therapy like holding a toilet brush or rubbish bin, is to help train your brain that the fear you are feeling is a lie, that there is no real threat.  If you do the CBT as your therapist is suggesting, in time, you won't feel the level of anxiety and fear about these objects as you do now.  Its called desensitization, and is a process with a long history of effectiveness and tons of evidence to back it up.  In fact, it happens to you all the time.  Say you work in an office or call center where a lot of people are on the phone all day.  At first the noise may seem really distracting and you notice it a lot.  Over time you start to automatically ignore it, your brain desensitizes to the noise and doesn't focus on it anymore.

As I (and others) have said before you have two choices:
1. You can challenge the OCD through the CBT.  You will feel anxiety at first, but over time it will fade and you will be free to live your life again.
2. You can continue as you are, with compulsions and not challenging your thoughts.  You will continue to feel anxiety and discomfort and it won't get better, in fact it will probably continue to grow stronger.

Either way you'll experience some anxiety, unfortunately theres no way around that really, but only one of these two paths offer you a way out.  Why not take it?  I mean, you already DO feel anxiety and fear a lot of the time.  Yes holding the toilet brush might make you feel fear too, but is it really that different from what you are experiencing now?

As frustrated and alone as you feel, the reality is you are not alone.  Millions of people around the world suffer from OCD, its far from a unique condition.  The good news is that we have a process that works to help people with OCD called CBT.  We know it can work because we have a mountain of evidence that demonstrates it.  We have people here on the forums who are examples of how it works.  SO again, why not take our advice?  What have you got to lose?



 

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3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I don’t understand the CBT my theripst mentioned getting me to hold a rubbish bin or toilet brush but I’m afraid I don’t think I can do that 

 

That is exposure - you are meant to hold a rubbish bin or toilet brush to see that even when you touch something dirty, nothing bad will happen to you. Maybe you should tell your therapist that you don't understand why you are being asked to do this so you can discuss it more with them. 

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I need some help again

The iron board issue people say you forget it like what happened with the door but I can’t because I go on holiday soon and I worried the train seats would become dirty as I worried that item of clothing I ironed was dirty hence why I replaced two iron boards and took two back. If I replace I know I will worry the new one is dirty. If I don’t I still think the old one is dirty.

and tonight I unlocked the toilet with the plunger and I had a thought that because the plunger touched the side of the toilet I hit my wooden sill with all the bottles on it. It’s another one of these I think so it must be true. Basically I also had thoughts I ran round the house touching the plunger walls and ceiling and my head bashed it off as nonsense but I have decided I must have took the plunger up high and hit the wood. I have no recollection of this but my head has muffled it up into a real life scenario. 

Also I got stuff for my stag party a few weeks back and worry it’s all dirty each time I buy something I think of an excuse. In the end I have decided I have to continue and take the stuff to the stag.

For the past few months my head has been playing games with these false thoughts. It always starts with lots of random thoughts I bash off then some I can’t. My partner said if have ocd why don’t I clean the house perfect? That got me thinking perhaps what I have is either related to the bipolar episode I had or my generalised anxiety becuase I don’t actually fear germs harming me or keep stuff perfectly clean. So my question is do you think it’s definitely ocd can it take various forms? Is it coming from my anxiety what’s going on?

And these false thoughts seem true 90% of them even if I worry I soon forget but 10% cause me a real anxiety and worry make me feel I’m going crazy and I struggle to function.

So yes can someone explain what’s going on to me?

Edited by Phil10
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I’ve had a disaster day for the ocd

Tonight I got changed put my dirty laundry on the bed then my partner brought clean washing up I wasn’t in the room she went downstairs and said she couldn’t place it on the bed as there was dirty laundry there but becuase I wasn’t there to prove she never put it down next to the dirty laundry I refuse to believe she just walked back out so what’s happened is we have had a disagreement and she can’t cope with my ocd.

My ocd wants to replace an expensive tumble drier as I fear all my laundry will be dirty now as this is another situation I have no proof like the letter box I had no idea if the envelope came from the bin so I worried there is simply no proof for me so I feel pretty bad here 

I know people will say “ok it’s fine to put dirty laundry next to my clean stuff” but well first off it may not have happened but anyway but my fear here is that it did happen.

She places the items back into the tumble drier my fear is that she placed it on the bed next to the dirty washing yeah she may have turned round and walked back out as she said even that isn’t ideal for me as it’s dirtry laundry in the same room as clean washing all I can see in my ocd mind is germs in the tumble dryer no longer clean washing there..

People say live with these thoughts but they are putting a strain on my relationship not replacing means months off worry, I even find replacing doesn’t fully help as I worry hours later anyway. I’ve kept the old iron board for 4 months and not replaced yet I am STILL in a state of worry this is no quality of life living in this fear 

Edited by Phil10
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We none of us have to do what our OCD tells us to do Phil. We just don't. 

By chipping away at those suggestions, knowing that to others they are worthless nonsense and they are not stupid, and so deliberately not responding in exposure and response prevention, we can disarm those thoughts and urges. 

Until we learn to do this in a gradual structured way, OCD will keep expanding its influence, ruining our lives and relationships. 

The only contamination in OCD is in the mind of the sufferer.

Others live their lives taking any necessary due care, and are not subject to the influence of such fabrication and exaggeration. 

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17 minutes ago, taurean said:

We none of us have to do what our OCD tells us to do Phil. We just don't. 

By chipping away at those suggestions, knowing that to others they are worthless nonsense and they are not stupid, and so deliberately not responding in exposure and response prevention, we can disarm those thoughts and urges. 

Until we learn to do this in a gradual structured way, OCD will keep expanding its influence, ruining our lives and relationships. 

The only contamination in OCD is in the mind of the sufferer.

Others live their lives taking any necessary due care, and are not subject to the influence of such fabrication and exaggeration. 

That’s true but it’s really hard to challenge these thoughts the iron board I sort of forgot about and it comes back stronger and I feel awful again. So what I never replaced yet I still worry even if I replace I worry I can’t win. My worry is all my clothes are dirty now how can I live with that fear?

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51 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

That’s true but it’s really hard to challenge these thoughts the iron board I sort of forgot about and it comes back stronger and I feel awful again. So what I never replaced yet I still worry even if I replace I worry I can’t win. My worry is all my clothes are dirty now how can I live with that fear?

 

Phil, maybe it would help you to talk to your therapist about mindfulness or some techniques to help you manage the actual feelings of anxiety. Our anxiety doesn't work in isolation from our body, it's an interconnection between the thoughts, behaviours and bodily sensations. I see that she is trying to get you to change your behaviours, which is a great start, but maybe you need some help in learning to manage the overwhelming sensations that you feel.

Also, I think you should try to see this from your partner's perspective too. She must be working hard to help you through all of this so it must hurt when you doubt her and question what she has done. I live with my partner too and it is difficult not drawing him into these problems, but I think understanding things from your partner's perspective is really important. 

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8 minutes ago, malina said:

Phil, maybe it would help you to talk to your therapist about mindfulness or some techniques to help you manage the actual feelings of anxiety. Our anxiety doesn't work in isolation from our body, it's an interconnection between the thoughts, behaviours and bodily sensations. I see that she is trying to get you to change your behaviours, which is a great start, but maybe you need some help in learning to manage the overwhelming sensations that you feel.

Also, I think you should try to see this from your partner's perspective too. She must be working hard to help you through all of this so it must hurt when you doubt her and question what she has done. I live with my partner too and it is difficult not drawing him into these problems, but I think understanding things from your partner's perspective is really important. 

Yes perhaps you are correct. I do the occasionally mindfulness and relaxation but I am quite lazy and don’t do it that often. 

And she doesn’t understand my ocd which is party why I went for therapy as I had to talk to someone. I feel that’s the only benefit I get from thearpy sitting getting these thoughts off my chest. I told her not to be offended that I never trusted her as I even worried my own mother took an envelope from a bin and put it in my letter box a few months back. 

My partner doesn’t understand why my ocd is worse and why the dirty laundry troubled me less a few months back. Right now I am battling a combination of existence thoughts and germ ocd worries with the dirty laundry. When one settles the other one pops up it’s a bit like a seesaw. 

I have been looking for a one for all answer to my ocd but seems there’s is no quick cure, quick fix seems all I can do is take what advice I can get.

I feel things will never get better? 

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I mean perhaps I should say maybe I have been looking for counselling rather than Cbt as I admit I am looking for support the actual Cbt stuff is too difficult for me like touching bins. I believe talking and acceptance will be my way out from the ocd rather than Cbt as such. 

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18 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I mean perhaps I should say maybe I have been looking for counselling rather than Cbt as I admit I am looking for support the actual Cbt stuff is too difficult for me like touching bins. I believe talking and acceptance will be my way out from the ocd rather than Cbt as such. 

I think you're in so deep with this OCD that you can't see what is actually best for you at this point. Your therapist's approach is not right for you. Talking/ruminating with her about the thoughts is making your OCD worse in the long run

 

19 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

And she doesn’t understand my ocd which is party why I went for therapy as I had to talk to someone. I feel that’s the only benefit I get from thearpy sitting getting these thoughts off my chest.

In the end, it's hurting you, your partner and your relationship 

 

19 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

My partner doesn’t understand why my ocd is worse and why the dirty laundry troubled me less a few months back

You either need to ditch your therapist and get one trained in CBT for OCD or tel your current one that her approach is not working for you and could she try a different approach?

Edited by Orwell1984
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