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False ocd thoughts urge to throw clothes away


Guest Phil10

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22 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

What sort of advice are you looking for? Have you been reading the advice that people have been giving you in this thread? 

Yes I have read the advice but I still want to move house again due to the germs 

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On 08/12/2018 at 07:46, Phil10 said:

Thus is where I don’t get my ocd it all seems unnecessary to worry like this. It I feel absolutely awful and think about stuff being “ruined”?

Thats why OCD is a disorder, why its a problem.  It IS unnecessary to worry like this.  If you didn't have OCD you wouldn't.
 

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Well yes but I feel my life’s is doomed and I need to move house due to stuff being ruined?

You feel bad, you feel anxiety, those are real feelings, but again, there are more choices than the one you are allowing yourself to believe and go with.  You keep buying in to the following belief:

"I have two choices: A) Stay and my life is ruined.  B) Move and my life will be better"

We are telling you there are other choices, and that A and B are lies.  You KNOW that moving doesn't work, you've already done it once before and ended up with the same result.  And we are telling you that A is a lie too, that you can (as literally billions of people do) stay and be perfectly fine.

Before they get better an alcoholic believes, firmly, that the only thing that will make them feel better is another drink.  A smoker believes that the only thing that will make them feel better is another smoke.  Until they make a choice, to ignore that feeling, a very real feeling just like you are having, they don't get better.  They choose, often with help, to change their behavior and ignore the false belief that there is only ONE answer.  Its not easy, its often quite hard, and they don't feel better right away, it takes time, but in the long run its worth it.

If you want to get better you have to stop accepting that how you feel means something is true, that you can feel anxiety and unpleasantness about the thought of "contamination" but that doesn't mean the contamination is real.  You have to decide to stop saying "But what about..." and push through the anxiety and stop the compulsions despite how you feel. This thread has gone on for 13 pages now and the advice we are giving you is the same we did on page 1.  You've explained in detail a variety of situations where you feel anxiety from the "contamination" and we've told you the exact same thing.  No matter what you tell us the advice is not going to change.  No matter how many situations you explain or reasons you give, the way to beat OCD and get your life back is going to be no different.  Yes, what you are feeling sucks, no one is denying that.  No one is denying its hard or that you don't like it or that you feel a certain way because of your intrusive thoughts.  We accept and believe everything you have said about what you are experiencing, but it doesn't change what you must do IF you want things to change.  If you are looking for a different answer, you aren't going to get it.  If you are looking for a magic step you can take to make it all stop right away, you won't find it.  If you want us to tell you that its ok to move or replace, we aren't going to do that.  There's really nothing new to add, if you still aren't sure what to do, re-read the thread and see what we are telling you.  Its still the same.  And if this thread goes on 13 more pages that will not change.  You are the ONLY person who can make the choice about what to do going forward.  Other people can help, but only you can do it. 

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Where I’m at now is the other night I did the washing three times as I worried it wasn’t washed.

Every item of clothing I put on I either change or worry it’s dirty I went through phases of changing my socks three times bit like the towel issue. 

I worry every item that’s in the washing machine is never clean despite my partner taking over doing these washes to stop me worrying.

Sometimes my compulsion is to shower if I worry my clothes are dirty. It’s like my life has been consumed by the fear of dirty washing it’s an issue that a got worse and worse seems the more I fear it the greater the doubt and anxiety.

The issue where I had 5 irons and three iron boards I have since returned some and sold the rest. Im using the old iron not having no too much anxiety still want to replace it again but feel right now no point as I would worry about it again.

Crazy thing is these worries are so trivial and 90% of them are false thoughts my head makes me up I can almost see thoughts pass over me and not worry and hand pick ones to worry about.

I had a short spell of no worry and I was searching and looking for something else to worry about. So what have I learned the compulsions are not working but I’m interested to hear if anybody here has found compulsions have not worked after they previously gave some relief? Perhaps I’m looking for a psychology type answer here to see why for years I was feeling relief from compulsions to suddenly stop? I can only put it down to the severity of my ocd going from mild to very bad ocd.

So I believe my anxiety is so bad right now due to the compulsions not working and the way I believe some of the thoughts and I’m struggling to challenge them so if anybody has any tips I’d be grateful. All I can say it’s its no fun putting on clothes from your drawer and instantly feeling you are wearing dirty clothes..

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3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Where I’m at now is the other night I did the washing three times as I worried it wasn’t washed.

Every item of clothing I put on I either change or worry it’s dirty I went through phases of changing my socks three times bit like the towel issue. 

I worry every item that’s in the washing machine is never clean despite my partner taking over doing these washes to stop me worrying.

Sometimes my compulsion is to shower if I worry my clothes are dirty. It’s like my life has been consumed by the fear of dirty washing it’s an issue that a got worse and worse seems the more I fear it the greater the doubt and anxiety.

The issue where I had 5 irons and three iron boards I have since returned some and sold the rest. Im using the old iron not having no too much anxiety still want to replace it again but feel right now no point as I would worry about it again.

Crazy thing is these worries are so trivial and 90% of them are false thoughts my head makes me up I can almost see thoughts pass over me and not worry and hand pick ones to worry about.

I had a short spell of no worry and I was searching and looking for something else to worry about. So what have I learned the compulsions are not working but I’m interested to hear if anybody here has found compulsions have not worked after they previously gave some relief? Perhaps I’m looking for a psychology type answer here to see why for years I was feeling relief from compulsions to suddenly stop? I can only put it down to the severity of my ocd going from mild to very bad ocd.

So I believe my anxiety is so bad right now due to the compulsions not working and the way I believe some of the thoughts and I’m struggling to challenge them so if anybody has any tips I’d be grateful. All I can say it’s its no fun putting on clothes from your drawer and instantly feeling you are wearing dirty clothes..

Hi Phil, I may not be the best equipped to answer this because I personally haven't had a huge number of compulsions. However, I have been reading your thread here it sounds like you have been engaging in your compulsions to the point where you have exhausted them. This is possibly why they aren't giving you relief. Also, anxiety is completely random, they may give you relief sometimes but not other times. I think you need to really try to stop engaging with them. Yes, you put on fresh clothes and they feel dirty, but so what? Wear the clothes and accept feeling dirty, it will not harm you. What is harming you is cleaning your things over and over again to make them feel clean. The feeling of being dirty will always come back. We have all worn dirty clothes and nothing has happened to us because of it. The more you expose yourself to the feeling of being dirty, the more it will decline and you will need the compulsions less and less. It's so hard to change when this has been your way of life for so long but it's the only way. 

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Yes the issue with the iron board so is still troubling me as the iron board I returned I worry was near dirty laundry and I worry I can’t buy from that shop now. The crazy thing is I only began to worry about the iron board after I bought a 2nd one not the first but my anxiety has spread and making up these situations.

Again it all comes down to dirty washing and worrying about it

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54 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes the issue with the iron board so is still troubling me as the iron board I returned I worry was near dirty laundry and I worry I can’t buy from that shop now. The crazy thing is I only began to worry about the iron board after I bought a 2nd one not the first but my anxiety has spread and making up these situations.

Again it all comes down to dirty washing and worrying about it

Can I ask a question - do you on some level believe that dirty clothes aren't dangerous and see the irrational nature of these compulsions?

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The compulsions were feeding the thought. Now the thought has been stronger than the compulsions short term calming effect. This is why compulsions need to be stopped because they feed the thought into a huge monstrosity which takes more effort and time to fix. 

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12 hours ago, malina said:

Can I ask a question - do you on some level believe that dirty clothes aren't dangerous and see the irrational nature of these compulsions?

Yes I see they are not dangerous but I just can’t live with the anxiety as my anxiety tries to make me believe there is a contamination risk. How can I stop worrying over dirty washing? Perhaps if I hear how others touch and handle dirty washing it would make me feel more at ease? 

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3 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I see they are not dangerous but I just can’t live with the anxiety as my anxiety tries to make me believe there is a contamination risk. How can I stop worrying over dirty washing? Perhaps if I hear how others touch and handle dirty washing it would make me feel more at ease? 

I think you just have to start exposing yourself. Take it easy and don't push too much, but wear your "dirty" clothes....and the anxiety will come. It's supposed to come. Feel the anxiety and eventually you'll see that nothing will happen. Dirty clothes won't kill you and anxiety won't kill you either. I think you just have to take the plunge and gradually stop engaging with these compulsions. It's a painful process but it works. 

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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I see they are not dangerous but I just can’t live with the anxiety as my anxiety tries to make me believe there is a contamination risk. How can I stop worrying over dirty washing? Perhaps if I hear how others touch and handle dirty washing it would make me feel more at ease? 

What you are looking for here is reassurance. You are searching for something, anything, to get your anxiety down. Nothing we say will make you feel better for long. Soon enough the thoughts of contamination will come back and you'll be stuck with more anxiety.

It's all a lie, Phil. There is no contamination present. None. A part of your mind has been lying for a long time. You choose to believe it. You choose to try and solve a problem that doesn't exist. And that makes your situation eorse. It prolongs your agony.

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2 hours ago, malina said:

I think you just have to start exposing yourself. Take it easy and don't push too much, but wear your "dirty" clothes....and the anxiety will come. It's supposed to come. Feel the anxiety and eventually you'll see that nothing will happen. Dirty clothes won't kill you and anxiety won't kill you either. I think you just have to take the plunge and gradually stop engaging with these compulsions. It's a painful process but it works. 

Wear dirty clothes that I think are dirty and are actually clean or wear dirty clothes? Like at hotels when I say I wear the same clothes going to breakfast or I use to wear work clothes twice so effectively they could be dirty.

I feel my ocd is a developing issue like for example my latest is “shops” becoming contaminated. Today I worried my sock was dirty I changed the sock then I worried the sock touched the jeans so I changed the jeans I then placed them on the ground so I worried my top and zipper was dirty as I never removed all my clothes to put the “dirty” washing down. 

Im constantly believing all my clothes are dirty. Since therapy my ocd has got worse and worse so I wonder what next? I’m on meds for anxiety now so I just don’t know how I can free myself of the ocd? I don’t understand why the ocd has got worse? 

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5 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

What you are looking for here is reassurance. You are searching for something, anything, to get your anxiety down. Nothing we say will make you feel better for long. Soon enough the thoughts of contamination will come back and you'll be stuck with more anxiety.

It's all a lie, Phil. There is no contamination present. None. A part of your mind has been lying for a long time. You choose to believe it. You choose to try and solve a problem that doesn't exist. And that makes your situation eorse. It prolongs your agony.

I agree it is a lie that’s why when I stated this topic I said it was false ocd thoughts I mean logically I know the thoughts are a lie but my mind refuses to believe it i can be sure 90% of the contamination issues have never been any germs present maybe only the odd time there has actually been something dirty to worry about. 

I don’t know what made my ocd worse I mean I moved house and I maxed my money out knowing I can’t move again for a long time I know I can’t run so the “perfectionism” part of my anxiety and ocd is quite bad. I believe this is what is making this ocd worse knowing I can’t  keep running. When I lived In my last house I would try and tell myself I will replace it at some point I also do that now to try and ease the anxiety to avoid me believing it’s “forever” contaminated. Now either I forget about it and don’t replace it like the front door or I replace later. I still worry about certain things coming via the letter box but only 10% of stuff. I’m still annoyed that I avoid shops and avoid the letter box meaning when I order something I’m limited to where I can get it from. I realise the avoidvancre, perfectionism, contamination are all part of the ocd cycle I’m stuggling to break. My ocd has started believing solipsism again do I wonder if anybody else even feels ocd as I feel self contained in a simulation I’m in that cycle of thought again..

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It isn't a lie 90% of the time. It's 100%. All the time. With the mindset that there are times when you should be worried about dirty laundry, you will tend to be overly cautious and revert to your default, which is to do compulsions to fix the perceived problem. And that will keep you stuck.

 

Edited by PolarBear
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9 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Wear dirty clothes that I think are dirty and are actually clean or wear dirty clothes? Like at hotels when I say I wear the same clothes going to breakfast or I use to wear work clothes twice so effectively they could be dirty.

I feel my ocd is a developing issue like for example my latest is “shops” becoming contaminated. Today I worried my sock was dirty I changed the sock then I worried the sock touched the jeans so I changed the jeans I then placed them on the ground so I worried my top and zipper was dirty as I never removed all my clothes to put the “dirty” washing down. 

Im constantly believing all my clothes are dirty. Since therapy my ocd has got worse and worse so I wonder what next? I’m on meds for anxiety now so I just don’t know how I can free myself of the ocd? I don’t understand why the ocd has got worse? 

I meant you should wear the clothes that you percieve as dirty, but are actually clean. I think your example of the sock is a perfect place to start - in that situation you certainly shouldn't change the sock and you shouldn't change the jeans. Just accept that the sock could be dirty, but who has ever been hurt by a dirty sock? Resist the urge to change that sock and let the anxiety come. Just feel it and keep telling yourself that this is just OCD and it's not real. The OCD has gotten worse because you keep engaging with your compulsions. Until you stop allowing yourself to change clothes that you percieve as dirty, you will continue to be stuck. You have to fight back, but you seem to constantly allow yourself to carry out these actions that, deep down, you know don't make sense. 

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8 hours ago, PolarBear said:

It isn't a lie 90% of the time. It's 100%. All the time. With the mindset that there are times when you should be worried about dirty laundry, you will tend to be overly cautious and revert to your default, which is to do compulsions to fix the perceived problem. And that will keep you stuck.

 

I’m finding it very difficult to accept the laundry isn’t dirty when I say 10% I mean the times something actually touches germs like when I got a new toilet flushed the plumber went into my system and touched stuff a germ risk. 

Most of the time I wear clothes and believe they are dirty. This is the false thoughts but there had been times when my shoes actually touched dirty laundry so for me that was a genuine germ risk. Both these situations are just as bad for me though.

I feel my life is limited I avoid shops, I binned shoes and need new ones now, areas of the house don’t feel clean and it gets worse and worse until everywhere is contaminated in my head. It’s a crippling condition this ocd as every day right now I’m battling. I have been through phases when it’s the odd bit of ocd every few weeks but every day right how dirty laundry is causing me anxiety a lot of the time I change clothes and do that compulsion and that fails as I still feel dirty. So I’m at a stage as I say where the compulsions are failing.

I don’t know where I go from here you can tell me the dirty laundry isn’t harmful which is true I wear clothes from a suitcase which has both clean and dirty washing on it’s surface and I don’t worry but my ocd is select. Many have said it’s perfectionism but I’m not sure anymore as I have these contradictory situations where I tolerate the same germ and don’t worry vs a situation similar my head chooses to worry about. It’s like the ocd is looking for something to worry over. Some days I can resist not changing clothes due to the thought some days the ocd wins and I change but today was an example where I changed and it made my ocd worse and want to avoid a shop.

I just wish I knew how to escape this mess with this ocd I mean perhaps it’s good the ocd is only focused on dirty laundry rather than mutlitple iasues. That said not much can convince me if I touched dirty laundry and never washed my hands that I’m not “forever” contaminating something. I realise maybe some people touch a washing machine and don’t wash there’s hands or a bin and don’t wash there hands but I find this difficult. I can only stress the issue here about forever contaminating something is real because I avoid the situation or if I don’t I get more anxious. However avoiding means I’m anxious as I can’t use my letter box or can’t use a shop so I feel my ocd is severely limiting my life.

Simply saying the ocd is lying doesn’t seem to be helping I need some statagey to tackle this the Cbt failed so I need something to go on to in some way rescue the anxiety and ocd. What steps can I take to use these shops? How can i avoid throwing away? Cleaning something isn’t even enough for me only throwing away. I feel a bit trapped as by avoiding it creates anxiety but by using these shops will cause me anxiety so I can’t win? The ocd has boxed me into a corner perhaps this is something which has affected others and they can find a solution to help me?

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4 minutes ago, malina said:

I meant you should wear the clothes that you percieve as dirty, but are actually clean. I think your example of the sock is a perfect place to start - in that situation you certainly shouldn't change the sock and you shouldn't change the jeans. Just accept that the sock could be dirty, but who has ever been hurt by a dirty sock? Resist the urge to change that sock and let the anxiety come. Just feel it and keep telling yourself that this is just OCD and it's not real. The OCD has gotten worse because you keep engaging with your compulsions. Until you stop allowing yourself to change clothes that you percieve as dirty, you will continue to be stuck. You have to fight back, but you seem to constantly allow yourself to carry out these actions that, deep down, you know don't make sense. 

Yes that’s true but that’s the thing some days I can do it and wear the sock but other days I go on a journey change the sock three times and worry my shoes are dirty. It’s simply not that easy some days I can tackle the ocd better than others. By changing sock today it made it worse I went on the journey changed the jeans I avoided buying any shopping and the items I touched in the shop I now want to avoid these shops. Like I say my suitcase carries both clean and dirty washing on its surface and I deal with that but when it comes to this I struggle..

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8 minutes ago, malina said:

I meant you should wear the clothes that you percieve as dirty, but are actually clean. I think your example of the sock is a perfect place to start - in that situation you certainly shouldn't change the sock and you shouldn't change the jeans. Just accept that the sock could be dirty, but who has ever been hurt by a dirty sock? Resist the urge to change that sock and let the anxiety come. Just feel it and keep telling yourself that this is just OCD and it's not real. The OCD has gotten worse because you keep engaging with your compulsions. Until you stop allowing yourself to change clothes that you percieve as dirty, you will continue to be stuck. You have to fight back, but you seem to constantly allow yourself to carry out these actions that, deep down, you know don't make sense. 

The anxiety makes me feel I’m going mad and I feel trapped it’s not just a chest pain I feel it over takes me and I need to change the sock or my day is ruined I can only stress that enough I honestly feel I will go mad if I don’t do the compulsion 

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34 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

The anxiety makes me feel I’m going mad and I feel trapped it’s not just a chest pain

I absolutely believe that you feel this way, I know first hand how extremely unpleasant intrusive thoughts can be, I think we all do.  The thing is, while you might feel its impossible to endure this and sit with it, in actuality it is possible to get through it and it won't actually drive you mad.  Just like an alcoholic genuinely feels that can't get through the day without a drink or a smoker feels like they can't get through the day without a smoke, you genuinely feel like you can't get through this without doing a compulsion.  But in all three cases its actually possible to do, hard yes, but possible.  Or to use a more positive example, its like training for a marathon.  On day 1 you feel like there is no way you'll ever be able to do it, and on day 1 you probably can't, but if you keep working at it, if you keep trying harder and harder, eventually you can.  Maybe you can't stop doing compulsions completely on day 1, but if you keep working at doing them less often eventually you won't have a problem not doing them at all.

And the good news is there are resources that can help.  Therapy can help you learn techniques and methods to make not doing compulsions and dealing with the anxiety easier.  Mindfulness is one technique that can help ease anxiety.  Medication is also an option.  While not everyone chooses to go down that path, for some of us its a key component in helping us overcome our OCD, whether its something more long term like an SSRI, or even a short term drug specifically to help ease anxiety and allow you to better learn to stop the compulsions at the beginning.  Sort of training wheels for the mind as it were.

We fully acknowledge that what you are experiencing is painful and intense, overcoming OCD isn't easy, but its possible.  The alternative to trying to beat it is that the OCD will simply continue to get worse, and none of us want that, especially I would bet you.  You don't have to tackle this in one day, its not a sprint, its a marathon.  Make a plan, work towards a goal and you can achieve things you never thought possible.  Its worth it Phil, it really is.  But you have to make the choice.

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Phil, you continue to post your OCD thought processes and your resulting compulsions. You do it over and over. It's not helping!

We get you think there is something wrong with dirty laundry. We really do. But it's a lie. It always has been. 100% of the time. It doesn't matter what touches dirty laundry. It isn't contaminated. 

Look, you've been going round and round on the forum for a long time now. You've gotten nowhere. We've suggested umpteen times what to do but you rarely do it. 

You will not get better if you keep doing the same old thing. If you want to get better, you have to suck it up and do the hard work necessary. I'm being brutally honest but I think you need a reality check. Otherwise years will go by and you will still be telling us the same things.

Think about it.

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17 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Phil, you continue to post your OCD thought processes and your resulting compulsions. You do it over and over. It's not helping!

We get you think there is something wrong with dirty laundry. We really do. But it's a lie. It always has been. 100% of the time. It doesn't matter what touches dirty laundry. It isn't contaminated. 

Look, you've been going round and round on the forum for a long time now. You've gotten nowhere. We've suggested umpteen times what to do but you rarely do it. 

You will not get better if you keep doing the same old thing. If you want to get better, you have to suck it up and do the hard work necessary. I'm being brutally honest but I think you need a reality check. Otherwise years will go by and you will still be telling us the same things.

Think about it.

There is some safety behaviours I have been doing a while now like using two strimmers avoiding the letter box for certain items. Can I ever be free of these worries without moving house? Can I once again accept everything via the letter box without a new door or moving? The reality is I fear I may never be able to stop these safety bahaviors even if the ocd drops to mild again. 

I cant help but do the same thing I see no escape from the ocd. I admit to someone who has no ocd these worries don’t matter but to me I spend my entire day with these worries avoiding stuff believing these thoughts and feeling ill. 

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19 hours ago, dksea said:

I absolutely believe that you feel this way, I know first hand how extremely unpleasant intrusive thoughts can be, I think we all do.  The thing is, while you might feel its impossible to endure this and sit with it, in actuality it is possible to get through it and it won't actually drive you mad.  Just like an alcoholic genuinely feels that can't get through the day without a drink or a smoker feels like they can't get through the day without a smoke, you genuinely feel like you can't get through this without doing a compulsion.  But in all three cases its actually possible to do, hard yes, but possible.  Or to use a more positive example, its like training for a marathon.  On day 1 you feel like there is no way you'll ever be able to do it, and on day 1 you probably can't, but if you keep working at it, if you keep trying harder and harder, eventually you can.  Maybe you can't stop doing compulsions completely on day 1, but if you keep working at doing them less often eventually you won't have a problem not doing them at all.

And the good news is there are resources that can help.  Therapy can help you learn techniques and methods to make not doing compulsions and dealing with the anxiety easier.  Mindfulness is one technique that can help ease anxiety.  Medication is also an option.  While not everyone chooses to go down that path, for some of us its a key component in helping us overcome our OCD, whether its something more long term like an SSRI, or even a short term drug specifically to help ease anxiety and allow you to better learn to stop the compulsions at the beginning.  Sort of training wheels for the mind as it were.

We fully acknowledge that what you are experiencing is painful and intense, overcoming OCD isn't easy, but its possible.  The alternative to trying to beat it is that the OCD will simply continue to get worse, and none of us want that, especially I would bet you.  You don't have to tackle this in one day, its not a sprint, its a marathon.  Make a plan, work towards a goal and you can achieve things you never thought possible.  Its worth it Phil, it really is.  But you have to make the choice.

Yes I have been unable to spend anymore money on therapy but I can use the information I learned in the 7 sessions I had it never worked but I can read over stuff again. And yes I could try more medication and mindfulness that may help. 

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4 hours ago, Phil10 said:

There is some safety behaviours I have been doing a while now like using two strimmers avoiding the letter box for certain items. Can I ever be free of these worries without moving house? Can I once again accept everything via the letter box without a new door or moving? The reality is I fear I may never be able to stop these safety bahaviors even if the ocd drops to mild again. 

I cant help but do the same thing I see no escape from the ocd. I admit to someone who has no ocd these worries don’t matter but to me I spend my entire day with these worries avoiding stuff believing these thoughts and feeling ill.

There is no safety, only false safety.  
Yes you can be free of this without moving house, IF you start doing the things to recover that we have told you about multiple times.  
Yes you CAN help but do the same thing, again, all of us here understand the struggle of OCD, we've all been through it too.
You didn't choose to have OCD, but you are choosing to perpetuate the OCD cycle by continuing to do the compulsions and not listen to the solutions that have been offered to you.  
This thread is on its 13th page now and its all just one big cycle.  You tell us about your problem, we tell you how you can change things, you tell us how nothing is changing and it will never change, we tell you again how to change things, etc. etc. etc.
I hope you make the choice to start tackling your OCD and working to get better, I really do, but as i've said before, that choice is up to you, there's really not much more I can offer than what i've already said and I hope you will go back through this thread and re-read, and I mean really absorb all the information and advice you've been given.  You have the opportunity to change your future, I hope you'll take it.

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