False ocd thoughts urge to throw clothes away

[Guest Phil10]

1 hour ago, Caramoole said:

Phil, this sort of posting is not helping you at all, it is actually helping to support and maintain your OCD.  You say that "Nothing can change my thinking", that isn't true but your thinking will stay like this until you change the way you respond to these fears and currently that is by the use of compulsions.....the use of this thread being a major one.

I'd like you to think about how you can try and address this, what you could do differently when the urge comes to post on the thread.  What sort of feelings might you experience if you resist?  What you can try and do to deal with the feelings of distress etc.  Let's try and move away from posting your thoughts or explaining what you can't do or fear and try and move towards an action plan as to how you can change this

I need help though

People said stop compulsions then I did and what happened was I worried over the towel then the towel box and today I had to leave the toilet without a proper clean backside and went into the room for toilet paper the towel boxes were out so I worried they got poo on them so I did a compulsion bought a new box and towels. I mean I may use the towel boxes again but it’s a bit like the iron board. I am limiting how often I use stuff I mean that’s maybe progress as let assure you I use to throw stuff away. 

What happened was the complusions were not working so I was forced into using the iron board. I bought lots of iron boards and irons returned them all then worried the shop was contaminated and won’t stop there now. I did break the compulsion slightly as I click and collected something there but again my head says I can only buy certain stuff there.

So what I’m saying is I need more help once the “seeds” are implanted on my head like the thought something is contaminated that’s it. I go on a journey I worried if I never replaced the box I would walk around with poo germs. 

My anxiety and ocd is all focused on poo germs/toilets germs and dirty laundry. I wish somebody could help but I feel quite helpless. When I beat the compulsions and stop doing them it’s replaced by another or thoughts on life and existence. In the past when my ocd went I had short spells of no ocd in between now I am beating one thing it gets replaced by another. The letter box is now the towel box I have a catalogue of areas of contamination which I never forget.

Is stopped asking for help the answer? I mean I have already been given help here and from the theripst and it stopped me replacing the door and some other stuff. I managed to quit taking 2/3 towels each shower and changing clothes. I did this by brushing the towel off the wall to reassure me it was clean I know that’s a bit of ocd but I managed to avoid replacing the towel. So yes I feel I need to talk, offcourse my goal is stop posting I don’t want to be here all the time but my ocd is pretty bad right now and I can’t afford therapy again for the moment so I need some help on what to do to beat this..

[Guest Phil10]

I am resorting to taking pictures and videoing evidence when I take an item upstairs or if I wash some clothes as I don’t believe my head and I go on the journey it’s bad I feel I need to but this is where I am at..

[PolarBear]

10 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I am resorting to taking pictures and videoing evidence when I take an item upstairs or if I wash some clothes as I don’t believe my head and I go on the journey it’s bad I feel I need to but this is where I am at..

This is just another compulsion.

Look, it's great that you didn't replace the door. Lately you have been telling us how you didn't do a certain compulsion, but very often it's because you did a different compulsion instead. That really isn't moving forward. You need to start recognizing when you are doing compulsions. And by your very frequent stories, it sounds like you do them with a great deal of frequency.

You say you need help... well what do you think we've been doing here for months on end? We've been helping. You are choosing not to take our advice. It's a bad choice and it is keeping you stuck.

I know it is uncomfortable not doing compulsions. I realize that. Welcome to the world of recovery. It's hard. It's hard to change your bad ways, especially when you've been doing certain bad things for years. But it has to be done. You have no choice, if you want to recover.

[Guest Phil10]

12 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

This is just another compulsion.

Look, it's great that you didn't replace the door. Lately you have been telling us how you didn't do a certain compulsion, but very often it's because you did a different compulsion instead. That really isn't moving forward. You need to start recognizing when you are doing compulsions. And by your very frequent stories, it sounds like you do them with a great deal of frequency.

You say you need help... well what do you think we've been doing here for months on end? We've been helping. You are choosing not to take our advice. It's a bad choice and it is keeping you stuck.

I know it is uncomfortable not doing compulsions. I realize that. Welcome to the world of recovery. It's hard. It's hard to change your bad ways, especially when you've been doing certain bad things for years. But it has to be done. You have no choice, if you want to recover.

Yes you are correct I have replaced the compulsions with another. But the problem is I use my will power to beat one and then another comes something new so instantly think I need to replace again. Is it possible to stop all compulsions what should I expect? How have others beat it have they replaced the compulsions? Is it a case of doing less? What am I aiming for? 

I’m not sure I can move forward when I have such fears of toilet germs and dirty laundry?

[PolarBear]

Okay. It is incredibly hard to just stop all compulsions. First off, you likely don't even know all of the compulsions you do and second, you have been doing them for a long time and it's hard to break a habit.

One thing you can do is start making a list of compulsions you do. This way you can start to be cognizant of compulsions you are likely to do in the future. How do you know something is a compulsion? Compulsions are done to reduce the anxiety caused by intrusive thoughts and/or to stop a bad thing from happening. In your case, it's quite simple: anything you are contemplating doing that is meant to reduce anxiety and/or to stop the 'spread of contamination' from dirty laundry or toilet germs is going to be a compulsion.

And I mean, write down your compulsions. Actually have a written list of likely compulsions.

Now, how do you stop? There are three ways I know of that you can achieve this. The first is to simply not do it. Stop. Not always easy to do. The second is to reduce. You've already down that with the towels from showering. Instead of using 4 or 5 towels, reduce the number to 3. Do that for a week, until it's somewhat comfortable, then reduce it to 2. Do that for a week then start using 1. And from then on you only use one. Reducing is down over time, to achieve some future goal.

The last way is to delay. You already did this with the door. At one time you were absolutely panicking about your letter slot being contaminated. You wanted to do a big compulsion by replacing the door. But you delayed. And delayed again. After a while, your anxiety went down and it just didn't seem that important to replace the door. This is the power of delay. You can do this with just about any compulsion. When you feel the urge to do a compulsion, say to yourself, "You know, I'm going to delay that compulsion for 15 minutes." Then wait 15 minutes and see if you still want to do it. At that point, you can do the compulsion or maybe you feel like you could delay it again. And so on. Also, if you start with delaying a regular compulsion for 15 minutes, then next week try delaying for 30 minutes, then 60 minutes, then 2 hours and so on. After a while, you'll be delaying so long that you'll get to the point where you just don't need to do compulsions.

As for your fears of toilet germs and dirty laundry, it's all a big lie that you have perpetuated and made worse by doing compulsions. You pay a lot of attention to these made up threats. That makes them seem so much worse than they really are. So if you slow down and eventually stop doing compulsions, you are paying less and less attention to them and they simply won't seem to be as big a threat as they were.

[Guest Phil10]

Yes well with the towels I was able to go from 5 to 1 right away by brushing the towel against the wall. I can certainly try delaying and reducing the compulsions. It’s hard when they get replaced by a new one. And yes I can try writing then down.

The issue is delaying still I want to replace a door or iron board I mean the feeling isn’t strong it’s mild. I prob won’t replace the door but I still won’t accept some stuff via the letter box. The frustrating thing for me is it’s not always replacing that’s the problem by not replacing it creates an avoididance behavior. Like the iron board my response has been to use it less. So what would you advise I have won by not replacing it but sometimes I can use it I mean I don’t have anxiety but I just tend to feel a bit lazy and not iron the clothes as I never replaced the iron board.

So yes like I say not replacing is not always the hardest but actually using it is. And it’s very hard to persuade me to use it I mean I can still look ok with unironed clothes but the problem is I have a long list stuff where I don’t feel it’s clean so I limit the use. Obviously I have no cash to replace everything each time. The headphones is another example my response has been not replace just hardly use them. Perhaps it’s a safety behavior? I mean with the towels my head says maybe I will use them for work but if I go to the shops I need a new towel. 

I have a lot going on here and it goes beyond compulsions. I can resist them but some days I can’t. You have gave some good advice on how to stop doing them. But don’t you think it will be hard for me to actually use something? Especially when it’s so easy to say well I don’t need it I won’t use it?

[PolarBear]

Good point you raised. That is another facet of CBT. In my last post I told you how you can go about not doing compulsions. Avoiding things is a compulsion all on its own. So the cure is to stop avoiding things. Again, not all right away, but in a slow, systematic way. You have to start using the headphones. You have to start using the iron and ironing board. Not all at once, but maybe you start with the headphones, using them once a day for half an hour. Next week use them for an hour. See?

Basically you slowly deconstruct your old, bad behavior and start replacing it with, well, normal behavior. At first it is going to be uncomfortable. Your mind is going to scream, "But there's danger! There's germs!" You move past that and do it anyway. Slowly, over time, that screaming will diminish as you start using things again. It won't be right away. But you will make some gains and that will be the impetus to try other things you have been avoiding. What starts out slow becomes faster and faster as you gain confidence.

[Guest Phil10]

36 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Good point you raised. That is another facet of CBT. In my last post I told you how you can go about not doing compulsions. Avoiding things is a compulsion all on its own. So the cure is to stop avoiding things. Again, not all right away, but in a slow, systematic way. You have to start using the headphones. You have to start using the iron and ironing board. Not all at once, but maybe you start with the headphones, using them once a day for half an hour. Next week use them for an hour. See?

Basically you slowly deconstruct your old, bad behavior and start replacing it with, well, normal behavior. At first it is going to be uncomfortable. Your mind is going to scream, "But there's danger! There's germs!" You move past that and do it anyway. Slowly, over time, that screaming will diminish as you start using things again. It won't be right away. But you will make some gains and that will be the impetus to try other things you have been avoiding. What starts out slow becomes faster and faster as you gain confidence.

Thanks I will try that 

Tonight my head said ok take another shower and use the towels but my head went no I will get poo germs over my body and spoil the sofa so I used the new towel and it beat me. It’s really hard to just use something I guess I could start with the easier stuff like headphones which is a little easier. It seems it’s quicker to construct these ocd believes than it takes to get rid of them. I guess to be positive and say I’m not doing every compulsion for now. It may be a case of chipping away and doing a list of stuff that bothers me. When I had therapy she did give useful sheets to rate the thought and do alternative responses so perhaps I can use this.

I am hopeful of using these towels again to be honest I’m sure I have come out with a dirty backside before and never worried but because the towels were on show I worried more. Also if under wear had stains I would wash them and not think twice. So yes I hope I can use these towels once more. I can’t say for sure right now though. 

Im finding this ocd very difficult to beat the ocd. Like I say it’s only in past year that I have seen my ocd reach this level.

[Caramoole]

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

But the problem is I use my will power to beat one and then another comes something new

It's a common mistake to think of things in terms of something new.  Try and remember it's ALL OCD...whether it's towels, irons, headphones, poo, germs.....the "thing" itself isn't important, it is the same OCD thought that you are attributing to these different things.  You are dealing with another uncomfortable fear though whatever "thing" it relates to.  So instead of dealing with a 100 different things that bother you, remember the "thing" doesn't matter....what matters is dealing with the discomfort of an OCD thought.

[dksea]

8 hours ago, Phil10 said:

People said stop compulsions then I did and what happened was...

Aside from Polar Bears fantastic advice above, something you need to keep in mind is that this is not going to be an immediate process (unfortunately).  It will take time for you to really stop all the compulsions, and thats normal.  They have become habits that you got used to over time.  Now you have to unlearn those bad habits, which also takes time.  Just like you can't go from couch potato to star athlete overnight, you can't go from serious OCD sufferer to fully recovered overnight either.  It'll take time and hard work, but it will change if you keep at it. 

PB talks about setting gradual goals, and thats what you have to do not just for stopping the compulsions but for your OCD recovery in general.  The overall goal is to overcome OCD, but the intermediate goals are going to be smaller and help you get there.  Focus on the immediate goals and it will help you stay on track.

[Guest Phil10]

My ocd tells me the hall and room are spoiled now as I stood with a dirty backside I mean there is times say when someone brings dog poop in that a room can become contaminated but I fear it spreading all round the room yes I just stood but my head says I spread the germs all over handles and room. It’s these types of worries which make me move house I mean yes it may be unlikely I spread germs but I worry the room won’t be the same anymore. 

[Orwell1984]

Writing the latest thoughts down here is a massive compulsion you need to stop 

[taurean]

8 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

My ocd tells me the hall and room are spoiled now as I stood with a dirty backside 

Hello Phil. The way forward is to learn not to listen to the OCD - and think as sensible careful non-sufferers-from-OCD do. 

10 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

but I fear it spreading all round the room yes I just stood but my head says I spread the germs all over handles and room.

You fear it, and your head says....., because you are paying attention to, and giving meaning to,the OCD core belief that the poo creates germs and the germs are spreading around the room. Yet you see it is irrational. 

13 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

yes it may be unlikely I spread germs but I worry the room won’t be the same anymore. 

 

27 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

It’s these types of worries which make me move house 

How would moving house solve any of these false or exaggerated interpretations of nil or minimum threat? 

It's the OCD within you, not the house or environment, that is creating the threat. 

Go back to what I mentioned before. The reality in this situation is how sensible rational caring people live their lives. People who would recognise only a real threat and respond to it.

For me this is a key component of CBT therapy for contamination OCD sufferers. 

We moved house a year ago. This bungalow had been badly neglected, and a team of workers had crawled all over it renovating and modernising it before we moved in. 

Did we arrange to come here a day early, and spray and clean the whole house with germ- attacking agents?

No. They had cleaned it, seemingly sensibly, and we accepted that it was clean enough - we never doubted that. 

With OCD, the obsessive fear (O) , the urge to carry out compulsions (C)  the distress (D) all flow from believing the negative false or exaggerated OCD core belief. 

When we truly learn not to do this, not to carry out compulsions, and that when we do nothing bad will happen, the disorder evaporates and the obsessions lose power and frequency. 

[Guest Phil10]

13 hours ago, taurean said:

Hello Phil. The way forward is to learn not to listen to the OCD - and think as sensible careful non-sufferers-from-OCD do. 

You fear it, and your head says....., because you are paying attention to, and giving meaning to,the OCD core belief that the poo creates germs and the germs are spreading around the room. Yet you see it is irrational. 

 

How would moving house solve any of these false or exaggerated interpretations of nil or minimum threat? 

It's the OCD within you, not the house or environment, that is creating the threat. 

Go back to what I mentioned before. The reality in this situation is how sensible rational caring people live their lives. People who would recognise only a real threat and respond to it.

For me this is a key component of CBT therapy for contamination OCD sufferers. 

We moved house a year ago. This bungalow had been badly neglected, and a team of workers had crawled all over it renovating and modernising it before we moved in. 

Did we arrange to come here a day early, and spray and clean the whole house with germ- attacking agents?

No. They had cleaned it, seemingly sensibly, and we accepted that it was clean enough - we never doubted that. 

With OCD, the obsessive fear (O) , the urge to carry out compulsions (C)  the distress (D) all flow from believing the negative false or exaggerated OCD core belief. 

When we truly learn not to do this, not to carry out compulsions, and that when we do nothing bad will happen, the disorder evaporates and the obsessions lose power and frequency. 

Thanks yes well I moved house once before due to ocd about the washing germs but I can’t afford to move again. Like I said in my other topic the thoughts seem pretty awful. I feel my ocd is a developing condition it that makes sense? Despite suffering for 10-15 years with this it’s actually became much worse over the past few years. I mean I now fear certain shops? If I return an item to the shop I fear the whole shop is contaminated? Has anyone heard of that before with ocd? 

So where I go from here well I struggled with Cbt not sure if I get another theripst or go back to same one as money is tight. 

I have started doing compulsions again either buying stuff and refusing to use it or taking stuff back and rebuying it? How can I quit this? 

I mean I admit my house is probably cleaner now than when i moved in but despite my cleaning ocd I feel my house is only average clean as I don’t clean it too often. My ocd is more hand washing and showering. 

I know I need help because I am now avoiding shops fearing they are forever contaminated and fearing rooms in my house as I never had a clean backside? I mean I know it’s irrational I have seen people clean poop up and get on with there day dog walkers to cleaners. To be these situations seem like the end of the world me having a dirty backside, touching dirty washing to me these are awful they feel terrible I mean it’s not just the compulsion I do it’s the way I feel. 

But yes given my ocd has got worse I’ve got to ask what to do next? Yes I have seen some wins with the ocd but I’m still battling away 

[dksea]

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

Despite suffering for 10-15 years with this it’s actually became much worse over the past few years. I mean I now fear certain shops? If I return an item to the shop I fear the whole shop is contaminated? Has anyone heard of that before with ocd? 

As PB (and probably others) have mentioned before in this thread, yes OCD will get worse as long as you continue to engage in compulsions.  Its not at all surprising you are seeing things getting worse and worse because you continue to engage in compulsions (including as Orwell mentions above posting here about each and every situation you have intrusive thoughts about and how it makes you feel).  
 

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

But yes given my ocd has got worse I’ve got to ask what to do next? Yes I have seen some wins with the ocd but I’m still battling away 

You stop doing the compulsions.  If you want to beat OCD you have to work at stopping the compulsions.  Its difficult yes, but also straightforward.  Re-read Polar Bears post above, he gives you some great advice on systematically approaching it.  

 

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

So where I go from here well I struggled with Cbt not sure if I get another theripst or go back to same one as money is tight. 

Therapy is important, and getting professional help should make things easier, but it will only work if you are willing to listen and do the work.  You really really need to be serious about it and serious about listening to what the therapist has to say.  Right now I worry about that because you seem unwilling to listen to what we have been telling you for 18 pages now.  You're getting the same advice on page 18 as on page 1 and you keep asking what to do.  We've told you, multiple times, what to do, but you keep refusing it and going back to telling us about your compulsions and anxieties.  Therapy is not magic, its not going to cure you just by going, and while sometimes a mismatch between a therapist and a patient can hinder results, even the best therapist can only do so much if the patient isn't willing to do the work.  So yes, I think you SHOULD get more CBT but you MUST listen, accept, and do the work if you do.

[Guest Phil10]

Back to the false thoughts I get ones like I touched the toilet brush or I put my hand down the toilet or I buy something new and I worry it went near dirty washing. It’s a cycle and I struggle to break it. Last night I had a second shower as I worried I put my hand down the toilet. Like I say the thoughts are pretty awful sometimes I can sit with it but I still have the lingering thoughts and belief that I did put my hand down the toilet. I fear my stag and wedding day because I may have anxiety and ocd thoughts which could spoil the day. 

[taurean]

Phil you need to take some small steps on easy elements of your hierarchy of triggers, one by one.

Work on those, looking for the irrational, exaggeration of risk core belief for each as you tackle it and determine not to believe it. 

Sit with the resultant anxiety as the OCD seeks to battle with you. But if you note it's wrong, then refocus away - and keep this up, in due course the anxiety and the intrusions will fade. 

Then take the next, slightly more powerful, trigger and work on that. 

Gradually you will slay those OCD dragons and claw back power over your thinking. 

Don't think about the stag night and wedding at this time. Just focus on this exercise and you will be amazed. 

Make this procedure your big focus, not the carrying out of compulsions including your posts of what you are thinking. Stop that, and get onto the CBT trail as above. 

Roy 

[dksea]

6 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Back to the false thoughts I get ones like I touched the toilet brush or I put my hand down the toilet or I buy something new and I worry it went near dirty washing. It’s a cycle and I struggle to break it. Last night I had a second shower as I worried I put my hand down the toilet. Like I say the thoughts are pretty awful sometimes I can sit with it but I still have the lingering thoughts and belief that I did put my hand down the toilet. I fear my stag and wedding day because I may have anxiety and ocd thoughts which could spoil the day. 

Phil, please stop and listen to what we are saying.  THIS ^ is a compulsion!  You do it almost daily, posting detailed descriptions of your intrusive thoughts and compulsive behavior.  You need to stop doing that, its not helping you.

[Guest Phil10]

So as I have been saying the past few days ive had thoughts that false thoughts that I put my hand down the toilet. 

For 2 days I stopped touching stuff and showered or touched certain stuff today I decided to carry on with my day touched the handle touched the hoover but I then worried they were dirty and my urge is to replace them.

People tell me continue with my day I do and it can make things worse. Hopefully I forget it I mean over 50% of these false thoughts I soon forget in a few days only a handful last months on end. 

The good news is I am seeing a theripst again on Monday same one I had 7 seasons with so perhaps I can find some direction and way to beat these thoughts?

Sometimes it feels impossible to be in my own mind due to such negative and intrusive thoughts has anybody else felt this way before?

[Orwell1984]

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

For 2 days I stopped touching stuff and showered or touched certain stuff today I decided to carry on with my day

Good- this is the right thing to do 

 

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

my urge is to replace them.

Accept the discomfort and feelings of anxiety and panic. Don't replace them or try to escape from the feelings. Become comfortable with accepting the presence of the feelings and urges. They will pass at some point. It might take a while but it will happen.

 

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

People tell me continue with my day

This is the right thing to do and accept the awful feelings will be with you. They will leave on their own if you don't pay attention to them. Get involved in other things that require your utmost focus. Do something enjoyable because you deserve to do something nice for yourself if you have to put up with the feelings and urges. Reward yourself for fighting the good fight.

 

2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

over 50% of these false thoughts I soon forget in a few days only a handful last months on end. 

Proof that the thoughts and sensations pass on by on their own. This process will become second nature if you practice being ok with uncomfortable thoughts and sensations sticking with you for a while. Short term pain for long term gain. 

[Guest Phil10]

I need some help with my ocd 

Basically anything I’ve not used in a while from dusters to bags to clothes I worry are dirty and need replaced 

Anything I buy and take upstairs I worry is contaminated and been near the dirty laundry in the bathroom. I’ve had these themes for months remember with the iron boards.

Since that ANYTHING that goes upstairs I believe landed on the dirty pile another false thought but what’s happening is I am not using the stuff and want to replace. How can I programme my brain to once again use the upstairs of my house? It can be a crippling condition as I believe it I use the stuff it will contaminate the places I go?

[dksea]

Phil, you are doing the same thing as always, repeating your description of your situation and asking us what to do.  We've told you what to do, thats not going to change. If you didn't understand it before go back and re-read it again.  Posting like this is a compulsion and is not helping you.

[Guest Phil10]

37 minutes ago, dksea said:

Phil, you are doing the same thing as always, repeating your description of your situation and asking us what to do.  We've told you what to do, thats not going to change. If you didn't understand it before go back and re-read it again.  Posting like this is a compulsion and is not helping you.

In that case all I will do is replace stuff upstairs then and keep it down stairs it’s not ideal but I have no other way to deal with this right now 

[taurean]

Phil this quote from our wonderful forum friend Polarbear sums things up beautifully. 

"The contamination only exists in your head."

I am a practical sensible careful 68-year-old guy, and I don't have this min theme of OCD. 

Taking the view of such as us will help you to see how the OCD within us creates false and exaggerated threats. 

We aren't careless, we don't take unnecessary risks ; we learn to not believe or connect with the OCD. And this applies across the board with the various themes of OCD. 

Edited January 19, 2019 by taurean

[PolarBear]

5 hours ago, Phil10 said:

In that case all I will do is replace stuff upstairs then and keep it down stairs it’s not ideal but I have no other way to deal with this right now 

There is another way. You can go against the thoughts and start using all this stuff.