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Guest Phil10

False ocd thoughts urge to throw clothes away

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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

*Maybe I pooed myself or peed myself.
*Maybe my trousers are dirty so I change them.
*Mayve my towel is dirty so I take another sometimes another and upto 4.
*I had the thought a letter I got was from the bin so I wanted to replace the letter box and door but so far resisted however I won’t accept any phone cases though the door 
*Maybe I never washed my hands, Maybe I touched a toilet Maybe I went to the toilet and never never washed my hands 

If you want to get better you need to start challenging thoughts like these.  You can go in to an endless cycle of "Maybe..." or "What if I...".  When you notice these thoughts you have to say "So what? Who cares?"

"Maybe I touched a toilet"  
So what? Who cares?
 

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

Obviously I have anxiety by not replacing sometimes it gets so bad I have to replace.

You need to stop believing this.  You need to CHOOSE to not believe it anymore.  You have thoroughly convinced yourself that replacing is something you MUST do.  Thats a lie.  Its a 100% lie.  You do NOT have to replace anything.  Yes you will feel anxiety if you stop doing your compulsions, thats normal, but you can survive it.  The anxiety WILL go away and you won't die because of it.  You won't die because you didn't replace an iPad that was touched by a bag that was touched by a dirty sock.  Its simply not an actual danger, you have tricked yourself in to believing its a danger.

As PB says above, you keep explaining in detail why you have to replace this, or why that is contaminated.  I appreciate your honesty, but none of that actually matters.  No matter how many times you explain it, it won't change that its not a real threat.  Its not something that is true, your OCD is lying to you and you are believing it.  You can choose to stop believing it.  Yes it will be uncofomfortable and hard, but if you commit to it you will get better.

The approach you have tried so far isn't working because you aren't committing to it.  I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, its a hard choice to make for a lot of us.  It may be one of the hardest things we have ever done or will ever do in life.  But its possible, just like someone who is fat and out of shape can improve themselves and run a marathon, you are mentally out of shape but you can get in better shape IF you commit to it.  But just like the person who is physically out of shape won't get better if they only exercise lightly on an occasional basis, you won't get better if you only challenge your thoughts occasionally when you feel like its easiest.  You need to challenge these thoughts as often as possible.  You need to resist the urge to replace as much as possible, and when you think you can't do it anymore try your best to resist for just a little longer.  And sometimes you will make a mistake, you'll give in to a compulsion, that doesn't mean you failed, it just means you have to try harder next time.  No one expects you to be perfect at this, but if you want to get better you do have to be consistent and determined.  Because if you don't try and change things, really change them, then you'll be stuck in that room on fire.  You'll be stuck replacing and feeling anxiety about "contamination" for the rest of your life.  You are worried that if you stop your compulsions you might not feel better?  Well you aren't feeling better WITH your compulsions either.  The problem isn't going away WITH them, so why not try doing it WITHOUT them.  Not for a minute or two, or even a day or two, but for the long term.

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11 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Ok but I never replaced the front door but I still have the thoughts now and again? I don’t feel I have won as if money was unlimited I would replace the door tomorrow.

So if I quit all compulsions I’m not sure I can feel any better. Obviously I have anxiety by not replacing sometimes it gets so bad I have to replace. I don’t get why the false thoughts are as difficult as situations where I believe contamination has occurred. I could have a perfectly clean house and have a thought that someone brought dog poo in and my head would believe this.

So I mean In the ideal world you would say don’t replace that’s great if I don’t but my fear is the anxiety won’t dissapear either I tried to live with not replacing the camera and it went down a bit and it flared up and I replaced 

Yeah, I know that's your fear, currently. It is very common. Cutting out one compulsion here isn't going to make a big difference over there, when you continue to do other compulsions.

Every time you do a compulsion, you are reinforcing the belief in your mind that there truly is contamination present and that you must do something about it. That ensures you will get more thoughts about contamination in the future. It also ensures that you will remain anxious and doubtful.

It's a hard concept to wrap your head around. You are causing all the problems by reacting to the thoughts and doing compulsions.

I should also point out that it has taken you years to get to the bad place you are in. It will take months and months of doing the right things to see a positive difference.

Edited by PolarBear

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Guest Phil10

I think I have an example of temporary relief with my ocd because the false thought that my jumper was dirty basically I wanted to replace the iron, crates, iron board and rewash all clothes plus my new rucksack and camera needing disposed off due to these thoughts of contamination 

so yes it can be a bit extreme even replacing my camera has caused me to want another one and another so it might never end.

So far I’ve resisted. Now I get thoughts my top or socks are dirty quite often right now like the towels. I tend to just swap it for another howvewr this occasion the other day because I had ironed it and placed it in cupboard the thought was more difficult to deal with. That said when I replace my tops if I worry they are dirty I don’t want to wash the contents of my drawers or replace. It seems my ocd remains selective on what worries to focus on like in some way I need to worry?

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Guest Phil10

I’ve not replaced yet but given I replaced my camera and iPad who knows what my ocd will do 

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Guest Phil10
4 hours ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Do you have the money for all the replacements you are doing? 

No it eats into my savings and it’s almost ran dry now 

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8 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

No it eats into my savings and it’s almost ran dry now 

Why not facing the anxiety now instead of when you are broke? It will probably be harder then, because you have fed it for so long. I know why and I understand that the feelings are very strong, but that is pretty much what you need to see here. AND it may save you, your last savings.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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2 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Why not facing the anxiety now instead of when you are broke? It will probably be harder then, because you have fed it for so long. I know why and I understand that the feelings are very strong, but that is pretty much what you need to see here. AND it may save you, your last savings.

When I have one towel left I can’t swap it or when I have no hand soap I use less or last night I wanted to change my underwear and had no more left I couldn’t do the compulsion. My ocd is like cholcoate I will do it because it’s there to eat 

and yes it would be helpful to keep some savings left 

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Guest Phil10

The issue is there’s becoming too much to replace due to these thoughts I can’t keep buying new cameras but now I believe all my clothes are dirty due to the thought the jumper was dirty?

 

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On 18/11/2018 at 08:12, Phil10 said:

The issue is there’s becoming too much to replace due to these thoughts I can’t keep buying new cameras but now I believe all my clothes are dirty due to the thought the jumper was dirty?

No the issue is you continue to believe that these things need to be replaced.  They do not.  It doesn't matter what was dirty or what it touched, the reality is that NONE of it needs to be replaced.  You need to start separating the intrusive thoughts "what if this is dirty/contaminated' and compulsive beliefs "I have to replace contaminated things", from the reality, none of it is contaminated or needs to be replaced.  Note, I did not say you need to stop having the thought "this is contaminated" or "this needs to be replaced".  You can, and probably will for some time continue to have these thoughts.  But you don't need to ACT on those thoughts.  You are in control of what you do.  You can make a choice not to give in to the thoughts.  Yes, for a time it will be uncomfortable.  Yes, it will be hard, but YOU can choose not to replace these things.  But you MUST stop buying in to the idea that replacing is something you NEED to do.  Its not.  It never has been, it never will be.  You need to eat.  You need to sleep.  You don't need to replace anything.  Start challenging that lie.

 

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20 hours ago, dksea said:

No the issue is you continue to believe that these things need to be replaced.  They do not.  It doesn't matter what was dirty or what it touched, the reality is that NONE of it needs to be replaced.  You need to start separating the intrusive thoughts "what if this is dirty/contaminated' and compulsive beliefs "I have to replace contaminated things", from the reality, none of it is contaminated or needs to be replaced.  Note, I did not say you need to stop having the thought "this is contaminated" or "this needs to be replaced".  You can, and probably will for some time continue to have these thoughts.  But you don't need to ACT on those thoughts.  You are in control of what you do.  You can make a choice not to give in to the thoughts.  Yes, for a time it will be uncomfortable.  Yes, it will be hard, but YOU can choose not to replace these things.  But you MUST stop buying in to the idea that replacing is something you NEED to do.  Its not.  It never has been, it never will be.  You need to eat.  You need to sleep.  You don't need to replace anything.  Start challenging that lie.

 

Well I think I can break it down to easier stuff and try not replace something like a door or iron board if there was no proof and it was a false thought. If I can dismiss these thoughts it would be easier 

The shoes that hit the dirty washing I believe it will take me longer to accept these never needed replaced given they touched the dirty washing. 

I have made some progress with not taking a new towel each time or washing my hair three times only once. My Psychiatrist thinks exercise and and reducing the anxiety will elimainate my ocd not sure if you agree? In the past when I beat ocd my anxiety was low.

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5 hours ago, Phil10 said:

if there was no proof and it was a false thought.

This is where I think you continue to be the most stuck.  There IS no proof.  You have, because of the OCD, become convinced that this "contamination" is a real thing and that the only way to solve it is to replace things.  But thats a false belief.  OCD is lying to you.  Part of your recovery needs to include challenging this false belief.  Not by trying to reason with it, but by deciding not to buy in to it anymore.  Of course that will take time, but you can start by remembering when you talk about your problem that the "contamination" is not real.  That you don't NEED to replace things, you just have a compulsion that makes you feel like you need to do that.

 

5 hours ago, Phil10 said:

If I can dismiss these thoughts it would be easier 

Heh, well then you wouldn't have OCD, so it would definitely be easier :)  But you can get to the point where you are able to dismiss these thoughts or at the very least they won't cause you to feel such anxiety.  In order to get there though you have to challenge them by recognizing them for what they are, intrusive thoughts that stick around because of OCD.  You don't have to argue with them "such, no thats not contaminated, because ..." instead the approach is more along the lines of noticing the thought, labeling it and moving on "oh, thats just my OCD acting up, it doesn't mean anything" etc.

 

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5 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I have made some progress with not taking a new towel each time or washing my hair three times only once.

Thats great to hear!  Keep up the good work, and be proud of your achievements along the way.

 

5 hours ago, Phil10 said:

My Psychiatrist thinks exercise and and reducing the anxiety will elimainate my ocd not sure if you agree?

Exercise and reducing sources of stress can certainly help in overcoming OCD, thats true.  However that alone will not eliminate OCD.  Does your therapist treat you using CBT?  Is he/she familiar with that?

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Guest Phil10

What can I do to reduce the anxiety when I feel all tense trying to resist replacing or doing compulsions and you worry you are going mad? Is there any tips? 

Im not having CBT now as it was costing too much I had 7 sessions though 

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Was the psychiatrist willing to refer you to a NHS provider for CBT? In England you can go via the self referral route. Not sure about the Scottish system. 

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13 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

What can I do to reduce the anxiety when I feel all tense trying to resist replacing or doing compulsions and you worry you are going mad? Is there any tips? 

Im not having CBT now as it was costing too much I had 7 sessions though 

You have your priorities messed up man. 

You can afford therapy, sell off some of your stuff you bought or even better take that last money and use it on therapy instead of new things. 

Overcomming OCD is your number 1 priority. I am surr your OCD could be sble to justify taking loans to buy new thingd when you are at that point. So make this decision now and save yourself both money and anxiety

 

Edit: and most importantly you need to really try to see this from anothet perspective. Go outside your comfortzone

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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1 hour ago, Angst said:

Was the psychiatrist willing to refer you to a NHS provider for CBT? In England you can go via the self referral route. Not sure about the Scottish system. 

I’m in Scotland and no be gave me some relaxation to put up on YouTube instead 

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Guest Phil10

I went and replaced something else today the issue is it I don’t replace I get this massive wave of anxiety and if I do replace whilst it gives some relief I feel anxiety if my finances are low so it’s a bit of a cycle.

I feel i may have to accept these compulsions to replace won’t go away right away. I’m also pondering a few more Cbt private sessions after Xmas once finances improve a bit?

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1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

You have your priorities messed up man. 

You can afford therapy, sell off some of your stuff you bought or even better take that last money and use it on therapy instead of new things. 

Overcomming OCD is your number 1 priority. I am surr your OCD could be sble to justify taking loans to buy new thingd when you are at that point. So make this decision now and save yourself both money and anxiety

 

Edit: and most importantly you need to really try to see this from anothet perspective. Go outside your comfortzone

I see your point but I was actually getting anxiety going to therapy and what she wants saying isn’t stopping me doing compulsions like replacing so my family also agreed it was best to stop. Yes I’m wasting more money replacing but I spent over £300 on therapy and I seen no improvement? 

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27 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

I see your point but I was actually getting anxiety going to therapy and what she wants saying isn’t stopping me doing compulsions like replacing so my family also agreed it was best to stop. Yes I’m wasting more money replacing but I spent over £300 on therapy and I seen no improvement?

You know that you are supposed to get more anxious while you are in therapy. 

 

Nobody can stop you, it is ultimately you who have to do that. You that need to do differently. 

But do not let it fool you that it is too expensive while it let you buy new stuff when you have the smallest inclination to do so. 

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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8 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

You know that you are supposed to get more anxious while you are in therapy. 

 

Nobody can stop you, it is ultimately you who have to do that. You that need to do differently. 

But do not let it fool you that it is too expensive while it let you buy new stuff when you have the smallest inclination to do so. 

Yes the issue is I replaced some crates today as I believed my zipper was dirty as I had the thought. So far I have resisted buying a new iron and iron board but got the crates so I can click and order a new one if my anxiety gets bad. 

I have managed to stop taking towels and washing my hair 3-4 times in past week so have seen improvements by saying stop I won’t do it.

At the moment I always seem to change socks, trousers tops as my head says “oh it’s dirty” so I replace so perhaps buying a new iron right now isn’t the best way as these thoughts will continue. It’s really in the past few months my dirty washing worries have went from a 4 to a 10 in worry terms.

My head believes the zipper was dirty despite there being no evidence. That said if I don’t replace everything or I sit here logically I know there’s is no dirty washing germs as the zipper was only dirty in my head but it’s like a mental contamination and my ocd is selective of what I replace I still feel guilty that I replaced a camera and iPad 

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Guest Phil10

It is expensive because I said I was rebuying plus therapy so it’s fact that it’s cheaper to just rebuy and no therapy fair enough if it worked but it doesn’t 

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Guest Phil10

I was considering emailing my theripst and ask if she thinks it’s worth having a couple more sessions or what since my ocd is bad and nhs don’t give therapy? 

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34 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Whereabouts are you located? In England the NHS do offer therapy. Alternatively there are a number of good self help CBT books. 

I’m located in Scotland and ok I could try books?

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