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How can I get rid of guilt

bruces

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lostinme

lostinme

Posted
Posted

The thing is Bruce we all see that it’s at child hood trait that we learn by our mistakes and what we believe to be right or wrong at an early early age. How ever it’s not, it’s a life long trait because we are always learning from our mistakes because its the ifs and when we could encounter a situation that we believe we may have acted wrongly or incorrectly. It’s about learning from our mistakes that’s important and not how we acted or didn’t, or what we did or didn’t do etc, it’s about recognising it as a mistake and one you have learned from and how you would or could act differently the next time if it should arise. You have to learn from self compassion and forgiveness for the mistakes you have made and realise it’s all part of the learning process through our lives. What’s important is you realise it was a mistake and that’s not who you are now, it’s a past mistake so let it go it’s no use beating yourself up for something you cannot change. 

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dksea

dksea

Posted
Posted
31 minutes ago, bruces said:

Why oh why did I make such a dreadful mess of my life? How on earth did it come to this? I just don't understand! 

Wherever we are in life at any given moment is a combination of choice we make and outside forces acting upon us.  None of us is 100% responsible for where we are in life. 
Regarding the choices we make ourselves, yes sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes they are big mistakes, but up until the moment you die you can always try to live a better life moving forward.  While it can be helpful to consider our past to try and learn from it, it doesn't help to dwell on it at the expense of everything else.

Regarding the outside forces that act upon us, unfortunately sometimes those can land us in bad places despite the best intentions in our personal choices.  Bad things can, and do, happen to good people.  For those of us in this forum, and millions of others one of those bad things is OCD.  Whatever else may have happened in your life, whatever choices you may have made, you also need to acknowledge that OCD is part, possibly a large part of why you are where you are.

In the end you can't change what happened in the past.  You can learn from it, you can if appropriate try and make amends for it, you can celebrate it, etc.  But you can't change it.  You CAN change your future.  If you don't like where you are now, then you can at least make the effort to try and make the future a better one.  Don't waste all your time worrying so much about the past that you forget to live now and work towards a better future.

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dksea

dksea

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, bruces said:

I'm finding it hard to see how I'll ever be the person I want to be,I don't know where I go from here now! 

You don't have to see the end of the road, you just have to see a little bit ahead.  
It's a little bit corny, but i'll leave you with the lyrics form one of my favorites Christmas movie songs (You can do a google search using the title if you want to find the video, its very fun)

Put One Foot in Front of the Other
By Jules Bass and Maury Laws
Winter: I really am a mean and despicable creature at heart, you know. It's so difficult to... [sighs] really change.
Kris: Difficult? [chuckles] Why, why look here. Changing from bad to good's as easy as...taking your first step.

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door

You never will get where you're going
If you never get up on your feet
Come on, there's a good tail wind blowing
A fast walking man is hard to beat

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don't be the rule, be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door

If I want to change the reflection
I see in the mirror each morn
(Oh you do!)
You mean that it's just my election
(Just that!)
To vote for a chance to be reborn

You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor
You put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door

Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor
Put one foot in front of the other
And soon you'll be walking out the door
 

Edited by dksea
missing text
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taurean

taurean

Posted
Posted

I think GBG is right bruces. 

Instead of just wallowing around lost and regretful, just do some of those practical things that the folks here have suggested to you on your threads. Look them up, note them down, get doing some of them. 

Remember this famous saying:

"We must lose ourselves in action lest we wither in despair". 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...
dksea

dksea

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, bruces said:

How do we understand life? 

Philosophers have spent countless hours, days, years, even lifetimes pondering that very question.  Maybe we can, maybe we can't.  Maybe its a different answer for each person.  Maybe its too hard to answer at all.  But we don't need to understand life to live it, the same way we don't need to understand internal combustion to drive a car, or micro-biology to enjoy a meal, or quantum mechanics to use a GPS.  You are alive, you have a life, make of it what you want!

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taurean

taurean

Posted
Posted

We were watching "The Secret Life Of The Zoo" on More4 TV today. 

One of the young keepers said in a piece to camera that working with animals has helped her understand humans better. I like, and as a former pet owner - and vicarious "owner" to a family of woodpigeons who visit our garden - I agree with her statement. 

And I wouldn't be here now if my father had not been able to swim across the river to escape from the Germans at Arnhem.

Or my mother had not been a nurse, refused to believe I just had a bad stomach ache, and had me referred to hospital when I was just seven. They diagnosed appendicitis and carried out an immediate emergency operation. 

The universe is about 13.8 billion years old. However much our individual troubles mean, they stand in perspective against that fact. 

It's pointless, as Dksea says, to contemplate the meaning of life too much - better rather to learn, and implement, how to live it better by making thinking and behavioural changes to aid our recovery. 

I am still waiting to hear from you that you are putting into practice some of the excellent advice you have been given on the forums, across all your threads, bruces. 

You can do this, you can. But at the moment you are stuck in not believing that you can. 

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taurean

taurean

Posted
Posted

You cannot change the past bruces, but you can learn to let it be. 

And you can change things for you and everyone around you from now on. 

I came across this quote today by Brooke Shields. 

" Don't waste a minute not being happy. If one window closes, run to the next window, or break down a door ".

And another quote, this time by Ann Brashares. 

"Being happy isn't having everything in your life be perfect, Maybe it's about stringing together all the little things". 

It is. Because if you got busy on some of those little things that we have all been suggesting to you, you would shift that negative bias that is clouding your thinking. 

Choose to do beneficial things, especially for others, and you will start to feel happy. And that can mushroom onwards. 

Forget that guilt that OCD throws at you. We have told you all about that. 

Everyone has things they regret, but if there is OCD in a person then it will likely focus on it and exaggerate our response. 

We sufferers, we learn to spot this and not listen to the OCD, but refocus away. 

So let's hear next about you trying out the small steps towards a happier you. 

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dksea

dksea

Posted
Posted
On 18/10/2018 at 14:24, bruces said:

I'm have existential thoughts,if we are all mortal and life ceases to give enjoyment for whatever reason then how can we justify existing! 

Because of two things:
1. We don't know what happens after our existence in this life ends
2. While we might be unhappy now it doesn't mean we won't be happy again at some point in the future

All we know is that we are alive now, and we have the possibility of being happy in this life.  Ending ones existence takes away the possibility of any future happiness completely AND since we don't know what happens next doesn't guarantee anything will be better.

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Guest OCDhavenobrain

Posted
Posted

I don't really see any change here Bruces, you are posting all those questions. I would bet you do it here because you have OCD and this is a forum for OCD-sufferers. However this won't get you anywhere, atleast not when it comes to recovering. 

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Ollie46

Ollie46

Posted
Posted (edited)
52 minutes ago, bruces said:

I really don't know why I feel this way I have everything I need but I'm unable to see positives somehow. 

You feel this way because you suffer from OCD. You have a medical condition. You know that these thoughts and feelings have been blown massively out of proportion. Focus and make the decision to ignore these thoughts. You will never come to a conclusion on the reason or justification of living, people have been thinking about it since people first learned to think in the first place! I asked my grandmother, shortly before she died, what she thought the meaning of life was. And she told my that life was for living- so live it. That can be hard with this disorder sometimes but to make a start, you have to do what you know you have to and use what you’ve learned about obsessive thinking to stop it.

Edited by Ollie46
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dksea

dksea

Posted
Posted
On 21/10/2018 at 03:06, bruces said:

It's so incredibly hard to live life with a mental illness isn't it 

Its true, living with a mental illness can be quite difficult.  But it is also difficult to live with blindness, diabetes, being in a wheelchair, etc.  Unfortunately like those conditions we can't change that we have OCD. But like those conditions we can treat it and adjust our life to manage it.   Its totally fair to be frustrated at times and to complain at times about the situation, but that won't change it.  If you want to change it there are practical, real steps you can take.  Definitely not always easy steps, but real and worthwhile. OCD is a treatable, manageable disease, but you have to choose to go down that path.  Its ultimately your choice.

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taurean

taurean

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Posted

Anxiety is our alert response to threat. It works well when that threat is real. 

Unfortunately it also works when the threat is generated by OCD or another anxiety disorder. 

But as Dksea says we can learn how to change the irrational anxiety responses of these disorders. 

Sitting at a keyboard crying for help, but never actioning it, won't get you better bruces. Listening to the responses and actioning them will help you lose your guilt, manage your OCD and ease your anxiety response to them. 

When are you going to start the process?  Surely it's a whole lot better to be doing something realistic and practical? 

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