lily17 Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 (edited) This happened last month. I was sitting next to my sister and she stood up and came close to me and we were arm to arm while she was showing me something on her phone and when we made contact, I got aroused. Then I got a thought that said 'come on, do it for sexual reasons' and so 'I did'. I don't really know which it meant but I believe it was the contact. So according to the internet, any sexual contact with a child is sexual abuse... :'( and this is not the only time it happened, I never touched her tho but didn't move either.. Edited October 6, 2018 by lily17 Link to comment
angels Posted October 6, 2018 Share Posted October 6, 2018 If your on this site chances are your here for help with ocd. Ocd in intrusive thoughts that are un invited not welcome that disturb us and make us question what sort of person we are for having them followed by reassurance seeking and terrible doubt OCD latches onto everything try see it as ocd ignore and refocus rough I know but only way to get better Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 1 hour ago, angels said: If your on this site chances are your here for help with ocd. Ocd in intrusive thoughts that are un invited not welcome that disturb us and make us question what sort of person we are for having them followed by reassurance seeking and terrible doubt OCD latches onto everything try see it as ocd ignore and refocus rough I know but only way to get better In that moment I just felt like a shot of adrenaline, you know? My little sister touching my arm it felt good and I thought that would be for sexual reasons, now I just realized that I meant that contact was for sexual reasons even though she iniciated the contact, and not me. I didn't touch her okay? I just thought that it would be for sexual reasons and I can't figure out why would I choose to think that, why would I feel that. Why would I like that. I just don't know. I'm so confused. I'm so anxious. I don't know what to do. Have I sexually abused her? Internet says any contact with a child with sexual intention whether it be carnal or not it's abuse. This is a nightmare. Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 I think what I meant in that moment is that I would let myself go with what I was feeling, meaning that it would be for 'sexual reasons' but not really. I don't think what I meant it was the contact was sexual since it was just arm to arm. Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 6, 2018 Author Share Posted October 6, 2018 I lost myself for a moment there and then it happened again days later. It's a thought, I must be. I hope it's just a thought.... Link to comment
Caramoole Posted October 7, 2018 Share Posted October 7, 2018 Lily....We've talked about this a lot. Both the type of thoughts you're having and the things you should/shouldn't be doing to try and improve the situation. What steps are you actively taking to try and change your response? Simply posting in fear (carrying out a compulsion) isn't going to help. So come on Lily, what should you/are you going to try and do? Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Today is my birthday... And I'm plagued with thoughts. Now my obsession is targeting my 20 yo cousin who took her shirt in front of me and I just... Looked at her breasts partly because I was shocked, felt attracted to them and curiosity. That's not the worse thing because I've been breathing thinking about them I don't know if on purpose or just accidentally but then I've tested myself to think up an image of her breasts and breathe at the same time with the purpose of feeling aroused but not to please myself, you know? Like it was just a test not something to do to enjoy it... So yeah I don't know the answer and the last time I felt like I was falling into the tentation and letting myself go with the funny feeling in my parts that I didn't know if I wanted to go on with it because I was liking the funny feeling or the image in my mind, luckily I stopped. But hell do I deserve to feel this bad even on my birthday? I've been trying not to test myself real hard but I just can't... Link to comment
PolarBear Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 I hope no one gives Lily any kind of reassurance for this. We are being used as part of her compulsions. It needs to stop. Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 So the verb 'touch' also means having a contact with someone. She touched me and I didn't move so a contact was made and I said it was going to be for sexual reasons. It was too strong to be just a groinal response so I guess it was actual arousal... So I guess I've sexually abused her. I have to turn myself in. Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 12, 2018 Author Share Posted October 12, 2018 Please someone reply please please Link to comment
PolarBear Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 Not going to reply the way you want. I'm done playing the compulsion game. Link to comment
lily17 Posted October 13, 2018 Author Share Posted October 13, 2018 I think I even knew what I was doing was wrong or maybe I thought since I wasn't touching her... But turns out I was because we were making contact arm to arm. I didn't think about that in the moment... I just... I just... Link to comment
Recommended Posts