Worked myself into a panic state- help!

[BelAnna]

I found a red bump and some other issues on my bust- I'm very scared it could be inflammatory breast cancer. 

I am now believing that I have it and that I won't survive very long (I know people can survive breast cancer but survival for IBC is quite low) and just feeling absolutely dreadful. I wanted to get married and have kids and now I'm thinking that I could die in my early 30s (I'm 30 now). I know this would be insulting to post on a 'Do I have cancer' type forum but I feel so incredibly scared.

Please help!

 

 

[Dragonfly]

Hi BelAnna,

I had health anxiety/health OCD quite bad a couple of years ago, and it began more or less the same as what you’re describing. I found a small red patch on my breast which just didn’t seem to be going down. I googled it and IBC came up and so the health OCD began. I then began ‘finding’ other things wrong. 

Like me then, it sounds like you’re now worrying yourself beyond belief and catastrophising. 

Mine did go down but it did take a couple of weeks, and all the other concerns I had were absolutely fine too.

If you’re concerned then see your gp, they’re very understanding with any breast issues, but in between waiting for an appointment please try to refocus on something else. I know that’s hard, but you’re not doing yourself any good by going through what’s if’s etc. I scrambled my brain doing that  x

 

 

 

 

[BelAnna]

Oh thank you so much Dragonfly! I don't know if I'm starting with health-related OCD fears but I feel awful just now.

Your situation sounds identical and I would love the outcome to be the same too! (I'm so concerned that I'm worrying about jinxing it!). Did you get referred to a clinic? I have a heavy bust and use a lot of chemicals due to my contamination OCD so I'm concerned that I could have caused IBC if I do have it. 

I keep imagining not reaching 35 (I'm 30 atm) and not getting to do normal things. Were you the same with the worrying? I've also given in to googling several times and almost cannot resist the compulsion to keep reading about it. 

I'm going to book an appointment today for one day this week x

Edited October 9, 2018 by BelAnna

[Dragonfly]

Ah good, get that appointment booked then do something you love doing and refocus! 

I never google anymore! I still wish to this day I hadn’t then! I ended up literally checking myself every half hour a day if I could, and calling my husband in tears if I ‘found’ something.

Yes, I was referred in the end, but I think maybe this was only because I had had breast problems before (lump when pregnant and a swelling a year or so later, all benign though) so I think maybe the gp thought this would draw a close to it all. I was in a bad way though. 

This is why I’m saying please, if you can, refocus on something else once your appointment is booked. You really will do yourself no good going over something, that in all probability will be totally fine X

 

 

 

 

 

[BelAnna]

Thanks Dragonfly! 

I decided to look at my chest in the mirror earlier and noticed that my other breast is quite large and purpley compared to the left one (which is the one with a red mark on it) so I'm now much more panicked.

Just phoned up and apparently at our GP practice for appointments sooner than 3 weeks you can now see a paramedic but not a set GP. Apparently we can try phoning on Thursday or Friday early in the morning and see if we can get a same-day appointment but I feel so anxious. It doesn't help that everything I have seen on TV for the past couple of days seems to have been about breast cancer! 

I think I'm now more worried about my right red boob than about the mark on my left one! 

Edited October 9, 2018 by BelAnna

[PolarBear]

Stop examing yourself. I imsgine you are doing it repeatedly. That will only make things worse.

[Dragonfly]

Hi BelAnna,

As Pb says above, you need to stop constantly examining yourself etc. Honestly, it will just get out of hand otherwise like it did with me, and the OCD will play it’s tricks. In the end through my constant checking I ‘found’ so much I thought was wrong with me - in actual fact it was all totally fine!

See if you can get an appointment on Thurs or Fri, but until then work your hardest to refocus away from all thoughts on this. It will be hard, but as I said, constantly checking yourself will get you nowhere! X

 

 

 

Edited October 10, 2018 by Dragonfly

[Angst]

Hi BelAnna.   Very much agree with advice given. Stop googling. Stop checking. It has become a compulsion for you. Did you see your GP today or yesterday?

I saw my GP about two weeks ago about a skin complaint and with treatment it is clearing up. On two previous occasions I had to go to out patients appointment at the hospital for cancer tests for skin conditions. All clear. I would feel in quite a predicament if I felt on these occasions that I could not visit a GP.

You need to be able to visit a GP as they are the gatekeepers for further tests and they can diagnose for common conditions without further tests.

A visit to a GP would be a personal victory against OCD. Do it. Book an appointment and do no more checking. 

[BelAnna]

Thanks Angst, Dragonfly and Polarbear, 

I was going to book an urgent appointment on the day on Thurs/Fri but I showed my Mum and she said it looked as though it was going down. I don't want to waste the GPs time, especially when I would have to face my contamination OCD in order to visit the practice (I haven't had an appt for 3 years).

Our practice only really offers appointments for 3-4 weeks time unless you take an urgent one but now I'm unsure what to do as the red bump is still there. I've stopped googling because it was only scaring me but last night my brain was dwelling on morbid thoughts about death. 

Angst, that's so good that your skin lesion is benign. 

Dragonfly, I did find three things to concern me when checking my chest. I just want the little red spot/patch to disappear! how long did it take for yours to go? I'm concerned because it will be three weeks since I noticed this on Thursday! I think not having been seen by a GP yet isn't helping me but it's difficult to make the decision to take an urgent appointment unless I'm sure I need it. 

I'm still feeling scared some of the time so I think I should book a routine appointment unless it (the spot/lesion, not the feelings) gets any worse this week in which case I'll take an urgent appointment.

xx

On 09/10/2018 at 14:07, Dragonfly said:

Ah good, get that appointment booked then do something you love doing and refocus! 

I never google anymore! I still wish to this day I hadn’t then! I ended up literally checking myself every half hour a day if I could, and calling my husband in tears if I ‘found’ something.

Yes, I was referred in the end, but I think maybe this was only because I had had breast problems before (lump when pregnant and a swelling a year or so later, all benign though) so I think maybe the gp thought this would draw a close to it all. I was in a bad way though. 

This is why I’m saying please, if you can, refocus on something else once your appointment is booked. You really will do yourself no good going over something, that in all probability will be totally fine X

 

On 10/10/2018 at 19:50, PolarBear said:

Stop examing yourself. I imsgine you are doing it repeatedly. That will only make things worse.

 

On 12/10/2018 at 15:58, Angst said:

Hi BelAnna.   Very much agree with advice given. Stop googling. Stop checking. It has become a compulsion for you. Did you see your GP today or yesterday?

I saw my GP about two weeks ago about a skin complaint and with treatment it is clearing up. On two previous occasions I had to go to out patients appointment at the hospital for cancer tests for skin conditions. All clear. I would feel in quite a predicament if I felt on these occasions that I could not visit a GP.

You need to be able to visit a GP as they are the gatekeepers for further tests and they can diagnose for common conditions without further tests.

A visit to a GP would be a personal victory against OCD. Do it. Book an appointment and do no more checking. 

 

Edited October 14, 2018 by BelAnna

[Dragonfly]

It took a couple of weeks to go, and then went as fast as it appeared in the end. But like you’re doing now, I’m between finding my patch and seeing my gp I checked myself like crazy and ‘found’ loads to worry about!! 

Honestly, stop checking yourself. Not sure if you’ve sorted your appointment now, but if you have then great, wait for your gp to look now. But if you keep searching you’ll always find something you think you should worry about x

 

 

[BelAnna]

2 hours ago, Dragonfly said:

It took a couple of weeks to go, and then went as fast as it appeared in the end. But like you’re doing now, I’m between finding my patch and seeing my gp I checked myself like crazy and ‘found’ loads to worry about!! 

Honestly, stop checking yourself. Not sure if you’ve sorted your appointment now, but if you have then great, wait for your gp to look now. But if you keep searching you’ll always find something you think you should worry about x

 

 

Thanks Dragonfly, that's good to hear.

On Friday I decided it was nothing to worry about and that an appointment in a month's time might be OK so didn't make the appointment. Then yesterday I had another little panic after finding an identical mark on the other one BUT I guess if anything that makes them more likely just to be normal marks. I keep switching between feeling fine and panicking that there's something wrong. 

I really hope that i'm not ill but also that I'm not starting with health anxiety because that would be a pain! 

I have such issues with going to the GP practice that I only really want to go if there is a real risk of it being BC and/or if the GP will refer me for an ultrasound!

[BelAnna]

On 09/10/2018 at 13:35, Dragonfly said:

Hi BelAnna,

I had health anxiety/health OCD quite bad a couple of years ago, and it began more or less the same as what you’re describing. I found a small red patch on my breast which just didn’t seem to be going down. I googled it and IBC came up and so the health OCD began. I then began ‘finding’ other things wrong. 

Like me then, it sounds like you’re now worrying yourself beyond belief and catastrophising. 

Mine did go down but it did take a couple of weeks, and all the other concerns I had were absolutely fine too.

If you’re concerned then see your gp, they’re very understanding with any breast issues, but in between waiting for an appointment please try to refocus on something else. I know that’s hard, but you’re not doing yourself any good by going through what’s if’s etc. I scrambled my brain doing that  x

 

 

 

 

Hi Dragonfly,

I'm still panicking and still haven't seen the GP yet! I showed my Mum the red bump and we decided it might just go away but since then I've noticed that on the other side of my bust my nipple is poorly defined (so the base of it sort of blends in, rather than being circular) and I'm now massively freaked out! 

I really did refrain from checking but just noticed while showering yesterday. 

Were you noticing lots of changes like that when you were in a panic about IBC? 

 

[Dragonfly]

Hi BelAnna, 

I did  If we scrutinised any part of our body we’d ‘find’ things that we think don’t look right though.  

When I had my red patch I put off going to the doctors for a few weeks as I had a few other very stressful things going on around that time, and I just couldn’t face another thing. I hoped it would go away, but then began overly checking myself and developed health anxiety. Reading between the lines I wonder if you’re doing the same kind of thing; scared of going to the doctors because of your contamination OCD, and now checking like mad as you’re worried?

I know it will be hard, but make the appointment, get checked, then get on with your life. In the end I was seeing things that weren’t even there, nip this in the bud now and draw a line under it! 

Maybe you could get there literally just before you’re due in? x

 

[BelAnna]

4 hours ago, Dragonfly said:

Hi BelAnna, 

I did  If we scrutinised any part of our body we’d ‘find’ things that we think don’t look right though.  

When I had my red patch I put off going to the doctors for a few weeks as I had a few other very stressful things going on around that time, and I just couldn’t face another thing. I hoped it would go away, but then began overly checking myself and developed health anxiety. Reading between the lines I wonder if you’re doing the same kind of thing; scared of going to the doctors because of your contamination OCD, and now checking like mad as you’re worried?

I know it will be hard, but make the appointment, get checked, then get on with your life. In the end I was seeing things that weren’t even there, nip this in the bud now and draw a line under it! 

Maybe you could get there literally just before you’re due in? x

 

Thanks Dragonfly!

My original concern 3-4 weeks ago was about a red spot on my one side, then another popped up on the other! (neither are acne spots). I had been noticing redness on my other side for a while but a couple of days ago when I looked I saw the the line of the areola is very blurry, irregularly shaped with some sort of rash so that you cannot see where it ends and the skin begins- I am now terrified and keep imagining having a poor prognosis/dying/never meeting someone & marrying, never having kids, only living to my early thirties etc. 

I've made up my mind that I am definitely going to the GP tomorrow now but will have to phone in the morning for an urgent appointment- I'm not risking having untreated IBC and I hope that if there's any doubt I get a referral to a breast clinic. Thanks for the advice I think I will only get there just as I'm due in and try to sit away from other sickies!

Edited October 24, 2018 by BelAnna