Hard to "accept"

[humbleno1]

The phrase, accept what is out of your control, is often touted as a source of comfort, relinquishing responsibility, for ocd. And its often a good motivator, to "let go" of possibilities.

Im finding it really hard to do this. Because im obsessing on an action of mine, which says It was a choice, a choice I should feel guilty about, a choice that I need to worry about, born out of compulsive reassurance seeking, I understand Its a vicious cycle, I want to, step out of the cycle, but this is something that keeps pulling me back, can someone offer me some insight into how I can overcome this aspect specifically.

[Atlantis]

I think sometimes you have to let things go especially if the action was born out of OCD, i.e. if you didn't have OCD, then you wouldn't have done it.. because the only other choice is torturing yourself mentally by ruminating. It's hard I know but it is possible. 

[humbleno1]

Thanks for the reply, alas I thought this was the stumbling block then it will quickly just reverted to being worried about the action itself not the guilt, so cant win. Im starting to think I really need some help. Im going to look into some private therapy I think.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi humbleno

I recommend this article all the time because I think it's such a good article on this subject - "real life OCD":

http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/

I think it might help you.

GBg x

[humbleno1]

I inquired about some private therapy, 60 pound a session - but I dont want to do it and it end up being for nothing ive had therapy before, and in essence i wasted alot of money because I couldnt do the therapy it was a long time ago.

This is a lot cheaper than before, but...

The problem ive got with all of this is, im genuinely concerned about the welfare of the child, I feel like each moment I dont get certainty on this, im risking a lifetime of regret because the worst is going to happen. Or could happen. This is a possibility that is truly hard to accept especially from my actions. :/ Whats bothering me is at one point I could feel the pressure eminating, and it was really constricted, now Im worried it was too much and I think it was too much genuinely, now I know ive been over this but how do I get over this.

Edited October 11, 2018 by humbleno1

[gingerbreadgirl]

Did you read the article humbleno?

Edited October 11, 2018 by gingerbreadgirl

[humbleno1]

1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Did you read the article humbleno?

I did and I get it I really do, but the problem is its like, its the obsession of.

 

Why couldnt I leave the last obsession alone it lead to me doing this,

Which makes me obsess trying to convince myslf I couldnt help it, then I feel guilty because me trying to relieve myself anxiety has lead to me POSSIBLY doing some sort of damage, why would I ever do that, secondly peoples reactions to it havent been great, thirdly at times my ocd tries to convince me i enjoyed it or something,  and finally, it just depresses me, it really really depresses me.

 

Thanks for the replies.

 

[PolarBear]

20 hours ago, humbleno1 said:

I inquired about some private therapy, 60 pound a session - but I dont want to do it and it end up being for nothing ive had therapy before, and in essence i wasted alot of money because I couldnt do the therapy it was a long time ago.

This is a lot cheaper than before, but...

The problem ive got with all of this is, im genuinely concerned about the welfare of the child, I feel like each moment I dont get certainty on this, im risking a lifetime of regret because the worst is going to happen. Or could happen. This is a possibility that is truly hard to accept especially from my actions. :/ Whats bothering me is at one point I could feel the pressure eminating, and it was really constricted, now Im worried it was too much and I think it was too much genuinely, now I know ive been over this but how do I get over this.

You have to give up your search for certainty. OCD will not let you be certain. You have to become okay with leaving this alone.

[humbleno1]

9 hours ago, PolarBear said:

You have to give up your search for certainty. OCD will not let you be certain. You have to become okay with leaving this alone.

thanks for your response after some consistant rumination today, I think ive arrived at a point of understanding its really just not helping, and im now starting to stop. I managed to go a good, 5-6 hours tonight without doing any REAL ruminating. So I need to start now keeping it up. Its easier said than done when the spikes come flying in. But yeh im tired now.

 

 

[stanwee lee]

I feel your pain humbelino1, i can feel the torment you are in, it is what we all feel and it is tough.

Really hope you find some peace soon but whatever you have done in the past that is torturing you just now and making you feel the way you do i think only proves you are a good and moral a person. 

I also struggle living with uncertainty, how can you move on when that one question remains unanswered or you can't  ease your conscience , i am led to believe that is the only way to get relief from OCD but many people do it so it is achievable.