Time to get this under control.

[STEJ1986]

Hi,

I am new here and just wanted to introduce myself. Since i was a child, i have always carried out certain rituals. I never really thought anything of it. As ive got older, these rituals have gradually got more frequent. I feel as if i dont carry them out, something bad will happen to a loved one or a relationship. Ive always managed to hide most of these rituals from people. My mum noticed it when i was younger, but thought it had stopped. Really, it was just me being able to hide it better.

Lately, i feel like this is taking over my life. I cant do simple tasks without them taking forever sometimes. This has lead to me feeling very down, depressed and bursts of anger that im scared i cant control. I feel like if i dont speak to someone, i am going to hurt myself or someone i love. This anger just isnt me. Ive always been quite calm and laid back. My fiance has noticed a change in me lately too. Ive spoken to my mum and my fiance this week and finally admitted to what could be causing this. I have always been too embarrassed to say anything but the thought of hurting someone far outweighs the feeling of embarrassment. I have booked an appointment with my gp, to finally start getting this under control. 

Thanks for reading. It feels good to talk. 

Ste

[dksea]

Hi Ste and welcome to the forums!  Sounds like you have been through a lot but I'm happy to hear that you are starting your journey to recovery.  It can be difficult and scary to open up about OCD so you should be really proud of yourself for taking those first steps.  There's lots of great resources on the OCD UK site to check out and a great group of people here too.  For me it was a huge relief to find others who could relate to what I went through, I hope you will feel the same.  It can take time and work to learn how to manage OCD but its definitely worth it in the long run. Best of luck!

[STEJ1986]

Thanks for your reply. I feel a sense of relief now that ive talked about it. Ive been reading some posts on here and its good hearing from other people in a similar situation. I know its going to be hard but im determined to beat this. Thankyou. 

[taurean]

Hi Steve 

That manifestation of OCD you describe is known as magical thinking OCD - if you don't carry out the ritual XYZ will happen. 

Like all OCD themes, it's unpleasant and vicious. 

But as you learn about OCD and how to challenge it, you will recover. 

I also have a harm element to my OCD. With this kind of problem it is also challenging our core character values of love and care and suggesting we might act opposite to them. 

But our true character values remain intact and we learn not to listen to the OCD. 

About 1% of the population suffers with OCD that affects their daily life. None of us have any fault or blame for having OCD or experiencing such thoughts, and no-one should judge us for having them. 

We are, pure and simply, all sufferers from OCD. 

[humbleno1]

Hi steve it is really good you are wanting to get better, I'd honestly say that while a GP can help, its really important to get someone well versed in OCD which can take some time, the greatest thing you can do is your own research, ive had therapy myself, granted not for long enough, but once you know the ins and outs and mechanisms of the disorder, you can work on it, on your own also. and there are insights, out there, that are so good, id recommend, the ocd stories on youtube, mark freeman, ocdonline - phillipsons articles, and fred penzels articles to name a few.

[STEJ1986]

Thankyou both so much. Ive gone to a gp because i didnt know where to turn. Im so glad i registered on this forum though. Its a big help talking ro other people with similar experiences. Hearing from you makes me feel like i can turn things around. Ive started to concentrate on the smaller things first, things i just feel like i have to do, maybe without much of an obsession, but still have a compulsion. Things like having to close drawers, touching my leg, left hand and face (i do this a lot when nervous or anxious)  i feel these things are the easier ones to conquer first. After these ill work on the compulsions caused by obsessions. Thankyou so much. 

[Dawnie]

Hi STEJ1986

Welcome. I only joined last week and I wish I’d known about it when I was first diagnosed. It’s great.

I wish you all the best of luck in your journey to recovery. 

Well done for making the first step. Good for you for wanting to get your life back and getting control.

I agree with humbleno1

When u see your GP hopefully they will make a referral to a mental health specialist. I asked for consultant psychiatrist. Long wait to see him though. Then there can be a considerable wait for therapy to start. 

It will be worth it my friend. 

Wishing you all the best. Always here. 

Xx