Good and bad, or rather bad and good!

[kaheath80]

Hi all, I just wanted to share a few things both bad and good. Recently my job role changed and the stress triggered a relapse of both my OCD and my BPD. My work was affected and eventually I had to take a few days off sick. Things were worse than they had been for a long time. 

But, I went back yesterday and I had an interview in another department. I don’t think I’ll get the job, but I managed to get through the interview despite going through a mental health crisis, and I know I did the best I could have done, so I’m proud of myself. 

But more excitingly, I had submitted a short story to an anthology asking for stories about fantasy characters suffering mental illness. My story was about a magician with OCD. Today I had a reply back saying it had been shortlisted. Nothing may come of it, but I’m pleased to have even been shortlisted. I’ve never had any fiction published before, only non fiction.

[kaheath80]

Ok never mind. 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Kaheath

Sorry for not seeing this.  I think sometimes posts can fall through the gaps depending on what time of day they're posted, who's online, etc.

That is great news about your story! And it sounds like a great idea - I'd love to read it? Fingers crossed for the final stage.

I'm sorry to hear you've had a difficult time with your mental health of late, and a change in job - I know how much your job affects you and this must have been really difficult.  You should be really proud of yourself for getting through the interview under those circumstances.

Hope you're doing a little better now? x

[Lynz]

Congratulations Kaheath! 

I've always had fantasies about writing fiction and getting it published. Maybe because alphabetically my work would stand next to J.K. Rowling in bookshops . I've never actually had the confidence or time to do it though so I take my hat off to anyone who manages to do it.

BTW I've only just seen this post now so I echo what GBG says about posts sometimes falling through the gaps.

[daja]

That’s good Kaheath! 

[kaheath80]

Thanks everyone! And sorry for my post yesterday- I do tend to take it a bit too personally when people don’t reply.

Work is going ok now thanks- when I went for the interview and had to try and sell myself despite feeling rubbish, it made me feel better about myself and realise I am good at my job! I’m not worrying about running out but that may be because not much was covered while I was off and I’m on a week’s holiday from Wednesday so I’m struggling to get everything done! I guess i’ll see how I go when I get back.

I guess I can’t share my story if it’s published elsewhere, but I’ll be sure to let you know if it is! If it’s not then I want to try and get it published elsewhere. If anyone is really keen to read it then you can send me a personal message and I’ll send it. Otherwise I can share details of how to buy the book when published, if it gets that far. It’s an anthology about mental illness with fantasy characters, so it sounds well worth reading, that’s why I was so keen to contribute.

Mental illness is good for something! 

[kaheath80]

I’ve just been told my story won’t be published. Even though I tried to prepare for this and tell myself to take the positives, I feel like I must be a terrible writer and that I’m failure. Maybe this was my only chance and I’ll never get another one.

I had started to worry about jinxing it- like if I told too many people I had made the shortlist (I did tell a lot of people as I was pleased) then maybe I jinxed it. Or silly things like today I went to a cathedral and my friend and I talked in it and now I feel like maybe I was punished for that by not being published etc. Are these OCD ‘magical thinking’ type thoughts? Before I got the news I had been regularly asking God to please let my story be published, and trying to bargain like I don’t mind if I don’t get that job as long as my story is published. I’m not religious in the slightest....

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi kaheath

I'm sorry to hear this. I am a writer as well and I have been rejected dozens, hundreds of times - like every other writer. It sucks. It makes you feel like the worst writer in the world, for a day or two, then you pick yourself up and keep going. The feelings you have are universal to all writers and you just have to work through them, they are an unfortunate part of the process for everyone, successful or not. I have also tried bargaining with fate etc despite not being religious! Keep going - one day you will get there! Xx 

Edited November 3, 2018 by gingerbreadgirl

[daja]

Good advice gingerbreadgirl. Keep soldiering on Kaheath. x

[taurean]

There is I think, as you suspected, magical thinking in there. 

I too got rejected when I sent off a piece to private editorial - though I found some comfort in having pieces published in my firm's magazine, and writing technical articles and presentations. 

That was, for me, the other door that opened when one door closes. 

I also like writing feature topics,and blog updates, on here - they don't have to be submitted to editorial first - though they might perhaps be moderated

Trying to break through as a writer in private publishing must be a sore trial  and taking rejection is unfortunately part and parcel of the process. 

It must be similar to budding actors seeking work - attending numerous auditions trying to make a breakthrough. 

Or singers or songwriters trying to get noticed. 

[kaheath80]

Thanks to everyone for the replies. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a writer, I take rejection too personally. I’m really afraid that that was my only chance and I feel like I’ve wasted it by not being good enough.

[gingerbreadgirl]

I think it's important to find a reason to write for yourself, to enjoy it for its own sake. Then any success becomes an added bonus rather than the be all and end all. Writing is incredibly subjective and it's also an ongoing learning process - there's no such thing as only having only one opportunity! X 

Edited November 4, 2018 by gingerbreadgirl

[taurean]

To a certain extent we get good enough by practice and obtaining critique. 

I only got round to entering two photographic competitions, one for a gardening magazine, one for a local society. 

I made sure I read the brief carefully and bore that in mind whilst I considered how I might conform to the brief, yet find something from locations I knew that would show a creative colourful interpretation with tight cropping. 

I won a third prize in both competitions. But the best was seeing my photo reproduced in the magazine. 

I would keep writing, but submit to something where you are sure what you are writing is along the lines of what their profile and content is - meeting the brief. It helps to write to a theme or subject matter in tune with their work. 

There are local publications that seek submissions. Such as parish magazines, local history groups, local newspapers, societies producing newsletters or whatever. 

And the real bonus for me when I write is that my brain focuses right in on the work, it takes me away from worries stresses and into a calm creative mode. 

[kaheath80]

Thanks for everyone’s replies, I do really appreciate them. I didn’t reply before as I was feeling really insecure about everything. I also found out I didn’t get that job, which didn’t help.

The thing is my story was perfect for the brief, that’s why I could only assume I’m not a good enough writer. But I’m going to wait a few weeks and then try and submit the story elsewhere as I do think it’s a good story.

GBG- I do enjoy writing, its just hard being rejected when you have low self-esteem. What kind of writing do you do? I have had non-fiction articles published so I am a published writer, I just really want to get somewhere with my fiction too. I feel like even one publication would make me feel like it’s worth it and that my writing is adequate.

[gingerbreadgirl]

I hear you. I have low self esteem too and rejection is no walk in the park. I must have been rejected dozens and dozens of times before I got anywhere, probably over a hundred times, and I continue to get rejected repeatedly and have to plod on  - it's part of the process for anyone. Stephen King talks about his years of rejection in his book on writing. It is so competitive and so subjective but the people who get somewhere are the ones who don't give up. Keep going! Do it for the love of it, creating characters and stories  - what could be more fun than that? And if no one wants it, so what if you've enjoyed writing it?

Edited November 6, 2018 by gingerbreadgirl

[kaheath80]

I think this is all to do with my BPD.