How do you.....

[Caramoole]

3 hours ago, bruces said:

I havnt been back yet 

Make sure it's something you discuss

[helen10937]

Well go stop posting miserable comments

[Caramoole]

8 minutes ago, helen10937 said:

Well go stop posting miserable comments

Helen, this is your last warning.  If a thread frustrates you, stay away from it.  Any more sarcastic comments will mean we'll have to review your ability to post.  This has to stop

[helen10937]

Ok sorry

[bruces]

5 hours ago, helen10937 said:

Well go stop posting miserable comments

Understood 

[bruces]

Wouldnorjer people who suffer with ocd say they fun life massively complex? 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Why are you asking these questions Bruce? What are you hoping to hear?

[taurean]

It seems a compulsion ; and like all compulsions, it isn't beneficial. 

Perhaps bruces you might instead think - what little achievement(s) could I make today that could give me a lift? 

When I was in the depth of despair my therapist gave me the "ACE"  plan to use daily, until I had pulled myself out of the mire into which I had sunk mentally and emotionally. 

A is for Achievement 

C is for Closeness to Others 

E is for Enjoyment. 

I was to look to find one or more of each of those to do every day. 

It got my juices going and if I managed one, I would try to do another. 

By the time it had pulled me round I was easily managing several of each, and felt tons better for it

Now I reckon that, even in the very apathetic state in which you find yourself, it won't be difficult to rise up and work this simple programme? 

Edited November 4, 2018 by taurean

[Bodger]

On 26/10/2018 at 16:45, bruces said:

Cope with not being the person you want to be? 

You make changes in your life to become the person you want to be.

On 28/10/2018 at 00:08, bruces said:

My therapist told me I needed a lifetime of therapy because I'm so ill,that's really not good is it?! 

I have not needed to see my therapist for a couple of years, however I still need to ask them questions every now and again by email or phone. Most of us if we are honest will always need to practise therapy, for me I am at the point I practise myself.

On 28/10/2018 at 17:54, bruces said:

Do you think that with theses unfortunate issues we have and the regret about the past,we can ever get our lives back on track? 

Yes. You know my story Bruces. You got to let the past go.

On 28/10/2018 at 21:45, bruces said:

It's very difficult isn't it 

Yes so difficult. But it's down to us to take action. No one can do it for you.

On 30/10/2018 at 06:35, bruces said:

I think that's part of the problem the things I can't change are the ones I want to the most! 

Why not? Unless you have done something really bad, which I doubt you have Bruces.

Have you ever say down and reviewed all the positives in your life.

[bruces]

I suppose if you can't let go of the past it's when things become difficult,and some of the things I want to change are things like age,which really seem to bother me! 

[taurean]

For every obstacle that we come across, there may be a way round over or through it. 

If we react to it with a negative bias, everything will however remain challenging. 

In one self-help book I read, the same happenings of a particular day in a woman's life were viewed at negatively - and how that affected her - and positively - and how that affected her. 

Just changing her behavioural response via positive takes on the issues made a massive difference. 

I do this myself if I get setbacks or challenging issues. 

It works. Whatever our circumstances or issues, we can look for a practical more positive way we can look at it. 

 

Edited November 4, 2018 by taurean

[dksea]

5 hours ago, bruces said:

and some of the things I want to change are things like age,which really seem to bother me! 

Its definitely understandable to wish things could be different, especially when struggling with significant and/or chronic illness.  So your desire is definitely understandable.

But, barring a massive and highly unlikely scientific advancement, age isn't something you can do anything about.  If you spend all your time lamenting the passage of years, all you do is get older and end up with more to lament.  Instead you can choose to make the most of whatever years you have left,  hopefully many.  

[bruces]

Guilt is an incredibly difficult emotion to contend with isn't it 

[bruces]

Isn't life just the strangest game l! 

[Hal]

Posting like this isn't doing you any good Bruce I'm actually a little worried it could be hindering rather than helping you now....do you think it could be? 

[bruces]

I don't think it does,no just so hard to say anyway out! 

[Binxy]

There is a way out mate. There really is... But you need to break this cycle of negative thinking and wishing this, that and the other. I guess acceptance is an important thing. You are where you are at the moment and no amount of thinking is going to change that. Time for action- let's see some positivity Bruce, you can do this.

[bruces]

I genuinely wish there was but I can't undue the things I've done which really hurt 

[Caramoole]

4 hours ago, bruces said:

I don't think it does,no just so hard to say anyway out! 

I agree.  I think that this type of melancholy posting,  with no hint or evidence of you utilising the suggestions...is harmful to your progress.  It is like an endless compulsion.

Have you had another therapy session yet?

[Binxy]

My point exactly Bruce- what's in the past is unchangeable. It's done and running over things again and again is not going to help. You've got the rest of your life ahead of you- how many more years are you going to waste by punishing yourself? Everyone has things they wish they had done differently, everyone has things they wish they had not done at all. I know I certainly have. Learn from them, and move on- that's what life is. Come on Bruce- whats your plan for moving on? What you are currently doing is not working.

[bruces]

I just wish I could draw a line in the sand and start afresh but I don't seem to be able to let myself 

[Caramoole]

You have to stop wishing Bruce's and start doing.  This introspection isn't helping you at all, this thread does need to come to a close.  You have a lot of good suggestions, you now need to decide whether to try and use them or, if you can't, concentrate on your formal therapy.  There aren't many more ways for people to offer suggestions, you now have to play your part.....and albeit perhaps in small ways, make some changes.  

[bruces]

I havnt been back for therapy yet I don't think I'm engaging with it properly 

[Caramoole]

You won't begin to engage with it if you don't go.  It all takes time.  But again, the bottom line is you must make some changes and make a decision to at least try and change.

We need to see some of shifts take place here on this thread, otherwise it's not serving any purpose or helping you at all Bruce's.

[bruces]

i know this kind of talk isn't helpful but it just seems so impossible when we live in such a difficult world