Stopping Stimulants

[paco5959]

 I don't have confidence in the Doctor that prescribed a medication for me 2 years ago. It was my new Primary Care Doctor who is very young and flighty.(she prescribed something similar to Adderall for my OCD approx. 2 years ago, stating that OCD and ADD can be intertwined?), and from what I'm hearing, stimulants are horrible for OCD.  The doctor told me to "just take this when I need it", which seems insane anyway for OCD diagnoses, so therefore, I'm not worried about tapering off since it is an instant release of meds, you don't have to build up to feel an effect.

I was diagnosed with OCD at 12 (31 now), and for that ENTIRE time, I have been misdiagnosed with other things and put on the wrong medications. I am DONE. I can't imagine how horrific all those chemicals were during development. I want to do this on my own. I don't want chemicals in my life anymore. I don't even know who the real me is.

That being sad, I have not taken the med (stimulant) in 3 days, and the OCD is full throttle. I feel overall calmer, not going a million miles a minute. I think much of this is psychosomatic (me being anxious because I know I am stopping a med that was supposed to help me) therefore, my OCD is really high right now. And going in obsessive directions it usually doesn't and making the urge to confess things to my boyfriend from my past for "clarification". I know none of this matters. I know what this is. I know OCD lies. But it feels so real, I can almost see it as much as I feel it.

I cannot... Keep bringing up my past, guilty feelings, thoughts of what I've done and what I haven't, into my beautiful relationship of 5 years. All things related to the 5 years we have been together. (example: new ping/sick guilt around confessing I was taking some downer meds in the first 2.5 years, when I said I wouldn't anymore.. Boyfriend knows I struggled with them in the past. I said goodbye to that stuff about 2.5 years ago, so the 2nd half of our relationship has been amazing growth. But obsessing about taking something AFTER I promised I wouldn't). I know I am a different person now, we are different, and that's not me anymore. Why does this OCD keep shifting in my relationship to different things to feel guilty about? 

Has anyone had a similar experience with stopping a medication that may have been wrong for them, getting through the storm that comes after stopping a chemical you've been ingesting, and saw the light? I left a VM for an OCD specialist, but doing that alone made me feel horribly depressed.

[californiadreaming]

Hey Paco, I have to ask - have you ever been in OCD therapy?

I can’t speak to the medication part too much as I’ve never been on stimulants. I HAVE been on SSRIs and I will day they are helpful, but not a quick fix at all. The way it was explained to me from both my OCD therapist and GP is that the SSRIs with OCD treatment are supposed to make doing the therapy a little easier. If you just take the meds alone - you are essentially “masking” the feelings and not challenging the thoughts.

Of course, some folks stay on the SSRIs after therapy is completed and that’s OK, too.

What I’m getting at is - maybe you should focus on therapy instead of meds.

[dksea]

9 hours ago, californiadreaming said:

The way it was explained to me from both my OCD therapist and GP is that the SSRIs with OCD treatment are supposed to make doing the therapy a little easier. If you just take the meds alone - you are essentially “masking” the feelings and not challenging the thoughts.

I want to start by saying that CBT is vital to long term recovery from OCD.  I can not emphasize that enough.  Having said that, I disagree with this take on medication, at least from my perspective and the literature I have read.  For me the SSRI doesn't hide any feelings, instead it allows my brain to operate more closely to how it should.  I can have the same thoughts when I'm taking my medication they just don't "stick" as much like they would without it.  The SSRI acts as a sort of mental grease if you will so the lever in my brain doesn't get as stuck.  Nothing is being "masked' as I can still feel normal anxiety.  

Having said that, its true that its important to learn how to deal with your OCD through CBT because the meds don't work (at least for most people) 100% AND their effectiveness can fluctuate over time based on things like stress, illness, etc.  So yes, medication can be a big help but its dangerous to rely on it alone because you have no idea what to do when its NOT working.  Having the tools of CBT is the difference between small bumps in the road and major mountains.