Contamination

[Madchoc]

Hi everyone, I suffer from contamination OCD have done for thirty odd years, I am doing exposure therapy at moment, my problem is my oven in the cooker had been on and something like a red brown liquid leaked out of side of oven. I have since convinced myself it could have been blood or something when we cooked meat ages ago, my husband wants to pull cooker out to clean underneath as we do from time to time, and I am so very anxious about it it’s terrible, I know it needs doing but I want my husband to shower after it’s done, which is ok because he said he’s due a shower anyway, also when I have my hair done, my hairdresser washes my hair in the kitchen because the sink in bathroom is too low, so I darent have my hair done until cooker problem sorted.When my husband showers I will feel as though the bottom of shower cubicle will be contaminated by his legs when he’s done the cooker. I know reading this back how ludicrous it sounds, but I am so worried about food poisoning and contamination my OCD just won’t let go, sorry for the long post but needed to get it off my chest. Thankyou.x

[Madchoc]

          has no one replied because I sound so ridiculous, I apologise to you all feel so stupid now xx

Edited November 3, 2018 by Madchoc

[PolarBear]

You are right. It sounds ridiculous. It's OCD up to its usual tricks. 

[Guest PaulM]

On 03/11/2018 at 13:14, Madchoc said:

          has no one replied because I sound so ridiculous, I apologise to you all feel so stupid now xx

No. It doesn't sound ridiculous. Not at all to me. It's OCD, sure. But not ridiculous.

I can relate because I have very similar fears. I've put off cleaning things for fear of just spreading the contamination around. And like you I've struggled for a long time.

It sounds like this is something that would be near the top in a hierarchy list of exposures. You mention therapy - are you in therapy now with someone? CBT?

[Madchoc]

Hi Paulm, yes I’m doing exposure therapy now and it’s hard. X

Edited November 5, 2018 by Madchoc
Spelling

[Guest PaulM]

Hi Madchoc. A couple of questions - is your exposure therapy part of cognitive behaviour therapy? And has your therapist helped with creating a list of exposures to work up to?

The reason I ask is some people (me for one) struggled a lot with exposures without an understanding of the cognitive side and the distortions our brains produce.

I had a similar issue with my cooker and contamination. I couldn't even use it. I can tell you what I did if you're interested. It took a lot of persistence, but I got there and now I use my cooker all the time with little to no fear.

[Madchoc]

Hi Paulm, I would be very interested about how you did it, and we’ll done my therapist has explained things well to me, thanks for your reply

Edited November 5, 2018 by Madchoc

[Guest PaulM]

Hi Madchoc, apologies for not replying sooner.

In my case my therapists focused on helping me realize what was going on cognitively. That changed things for me - a significant shift in perspective from "oh no this is hell" to "bit by bit this will get me better".

For my cooker I began one week of barely touching the top of the cooker with the tip of my little finger. Like, a light tap. And, importantly, delaying my response which was to wash my hands (several times at that). I gave myself 10 minutes sitting with that crappy feeling and then permission to myself to wash.

After a week of doing this once a day, things progressed from 2 fingers, etc., up to placing my hand completely on there for a few seconds. Again I pushed myself to the next "step" as far as contact every week, just repeating what I was doing once a day. Slowly (very slowly in this case) I worked up to touching the knobs, handle, etc., and delaying the response longer than 10 minutes. It was very gradual and took a few months but I was able to use the cooker again.

All of these little steps might seem inconsequential, but they have an effect. Different people can progress at different rates and perhaps bigger steps. I'd been thought a traumatic experience of flooding (too much exposure at once) at a previous job. I knew for me it was going to be baby steps and gave myself permission that was okay.

I went from not even stepping near the cooker and actually thinking I need to get rid of it and somehow decontaminate everything around it (I thought about gutting the kitchen) to being able to have my daughter over for Christmas dinner and cooking together. Once a day, 10 minutes of feeling gross, gradually working up in exposure and time, giving myself permission to make it a gradual process, and with a mindset that these often inconvenient and very uncomfortable steps should feel that way and it will get me better.

[Guest PaulM]

I should add too that there are good resources for understanding the cognitive side. My therapists had me read the first three chapters of "The OCD Workbook" by Bruce Hyman and Cherlene Pedrick. There are other great books out there that I haven't read - others here might have suggestions of ones that helped them.

My therapists also had me write out charts where I would feel a certain way, list the automatic thoughts associated with that feeling, and label those automatic thoughts with the cognitive distortions that were at work. We'd do a score (SUDS - subjective units of distress score) at the beginning and then at the end of the exercise. It was a light bulb moment when I realized I was missing a step all along in what was going on. I thought it was trigger -> feeling. It all happens so fast. It was very enlightening to see I was missing the thought in between, that it's the thoughts about the trigger that create the feelings (trigger -> thoughts -> feelings), and how many cognitive distortions were at work during that thought process. It was easier to see the disconnection between whatever the trigger was and the feelings I was having about it. I guess that's why they're called automatic thoughts - the resulting feelings were instantaneous.

Hopefully some of this helps. If there's anything you are learning otherwise and I'm confusing the issue let me know. I'm a sufferer and not a therapist. But I was very lucky to find therapists who helped me see what was going on.

[Madchoc]

Thankyou for your advice, it’s really helped. X

[paradoxer]

On 05/11/2018 at 09:10, PaulM said:

No. It doesn't sound ridiculous. Not at all to me. It's OCD, sure. But not ridiculous.

I can relate because I have very similar fears. I've put off cleaning things for fear of just spreading the contamination around. And like you I've struggled for a long time.

It sounds like this is something that would be near the top in a hierarchy list of exposures. You mention therapy - are you in therapy now with someone? CBT?

When the Polar Bear said it was ridiculous, they were aiming to help. Context is everything ... before you're ungraciously dismissive - or pedantic. Yes, what the OP describes is ridiculous - and if you must - not ridiculous at all.    

Bloody hell ... ridiculous. 

[Guest PaulM]

10 hours ago, paradoxer said:

When the Polar Bear said it was ridiculous, they were aiming to help. Context is everything ... before you're ungraciously dismissive - or pedantic. Yes, what the OP describes is ridiculous - and if you must - not ridiculous at all.    

Bloody hell ... ridiculous. 

It wasn't intended to be "ungraciously dismissive - or pedantic".

I saw someone struggling with something I could relate to. My reply was directed at the original poster who used the word "ridiculous" in the second post.

Your response is unhelpful and frankly rude. I was doing my best to relate to someone suffering.

[Guest PaulM]

On 11/11/2018 at 07:33, Madchoc said:

Thankyou for your advice, it’s really helped. X

You're welcome Madchoc. It will get better with challenging it. You can do it!

[paradoxer]

3 hours ago, PaulM said:

It wasn't intended to be "ungraciously dismissive - or pedantic".

I saw someone struggling with something I could relate to. My reply was directed at the original poster who used the word "ridiculous" in the second post.

Your response is unhelpful and frankly rude. I was doing my best to relate to someone suffering.

So was Polar Bear. Context. 

[Hal]

Please, don't fall out over this guys, we're all on the same side trying to help each other beat this thing. Take pity on a poor mod whose had the train journey from hell this evening, and focus on what matters.

[gingerbreadgirl]

I don't think pauls comment was aimed at polar bear at all, but the original poster? Apologies for weighing in, it just seems a bit of a misunderstanding. 

Edited November 13, 2018 by gingerbreadgirl

[Guest PaulM]

2 hours ago, Hal said:

Please, don't fall out over this guys, we're all on the same side trying to help each other beat this thing. Take pity on a poor mod whose had the train journey from hell this evening, and focus on what matters.

Sorry Hal.

I may have overreacted to the criticism. I was surprised and reacted poorly.

I'll be honest - this exchange has caused me more anxiety. My intent wasn't to criticize anyone or their response. I hope something I said helps Madchoc. But I think I'm going to bow out for a while for my own health.

Best,

Paul

[Hal]

No apology necessary Paul and I'm sure you have helped Madchoc. These things happen every so often on the forum, but I really hope it doesn't put you off continuing to be a valued member of the community here.

[paradoxer]

5 hours ago, Hal said:

Please, don't fall out over this guys, we're all on the same side trying to help each other beat this thing. Take pity on a poor mod whose had the train journey from hell this evening, and focus on what matters.

Absolutely. No hard feelings re anyone here. I also may have been oversensitive. Tackling this disorder - same boat - is the thing. Sorry about the train journey. 

[paradoxer]

5 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I don't think pauls comment was aimed at polar bear at all, but the original poster? Apologies for weighing in, it just seems a bit of a misunderstanding. 

Like.