Jump to content

Recommended Posts

OCD and depression are very common. I was at absolutely rock bottom 4 or so years ago, and I know that over the last four years we have had many similar obsessions. You must stop the compulsions mate- they are the reason that you remain stuck on this. Do something positive to try and lift your mood. There is a way back from here mate- I got there and so can you. Start now, put your foot down- zero tolerance on compulsions, treat it like it's OCD ('cos it is!). You can do this buddy

 

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 58
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Don't know anymore binx,feel at the end of the line,I'm not part of this world anymore,just a prisoner in my own head that's filled with filth and regret,morbid I know but I just can't keep the vasard up while dying inside,

Edited by battlethrough
Link to comment
5 minutes ago, battlethrough said:

Don't know anymore binx,feel at the end of the line,I'm not part of this world anymore,just a prisoner in my own head that's filled with filth and regret,morbid I know but I just can't keep the vasard up while dying inside,

I know- really I have been there. I remember the urge to confess too. Your OCD is blowing this up to be something it isn't at the moment. At the moment, it might feel like you can't see or feel that this is the case- that will come, for now, trust the advice you have had on here. Treat it like OCD- we can all see this even if you can't at the moment- that will come in time.

Link to comment

Will it ever though,it goes then back stronger every turn,my heard just keeps going on every thing bad I've done,thought or fantasized about,it's being dead and in hell anyway,the things I've fantasized ffs,don't want to be a percentage,may have to go home,my head's going to explode

Link to comment
4 minutes ago, battlethrough said:

Will it ever though,it goes then back stronger every turn,my heard just keeps going on every thing bad I've done,thought or fantasized about,it's being dead and in hell anyway,the things I've fantasized ffs,don't want to be a percentage,may have to go home,my head's going to explode

It comes back because you buy into it all again. When I was very ill I saw my self as the devil- I thought there was so much horrible stuff that I had thought about and done. My solution- confess to the Mrs and see what she thought- reassurance. Did this make me feel better? Yes, for a bit... then something else would come up or I would pick her argument to pieces. This is not the way. Work might be a good thing at the moment to try and keep you occupied. I think the worst thing you can do at the moment is have time for thinking- all you will do is chew this over and over. Take a break- do some breathing, maybe find a quick mediation on Youtube or something to bring your pulse rate down, splash some water on your face. After that, do your best to not act on the compulsions. As soon as you relax the urge to go over it again will come back (...if I can just resolve it this one time I can leave it alone)- don't fall into the trap. Zero tolerance. 

You can do this mate

Link to comment

Thanks binx ,not reassurance mate,I know that most normal men don't fantasize about the women the love drunk and being desired and having sex with other men,not in anyway is that ok,that's wrong,I can hardly look myself in the mirror,that's Pervy no matter what,stress is making me physically sick,I am a disgusting man for that,thanks for the support but I'm so much in a dungeon,

Link to comment
1 minute ago, battlethrough said:

I know that most normal men don't fantasize about the women the love drunk and being desired and having sex with other men,not in anyway is that ok,that's wrong

Really? You know that? How did you know that? Did you ask permission before you read everyone's mind?

I can't reassure you mate- I shouldn't, but you don't know that at all. You have an anxiety disorder that puts everything you think/feel under the spotlight- they're just thoughts.

I've got to go to work mate so probably won't be able to reply again... Seriously, a lot of people on this forum have been where you are- me included. There is a way out and that's to start treating it like the monster it is (OCD!). You also have to stop putting yourself down- this won't help.

Look at your notes from therapy- trust the professionals... no amount of googling will give you the expertise they have developed from treating 100s of patients.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, battlethrough said:

Thought stopping Vs refocus,

Find it hard to do,my brain will latch on,I automatically freak and try to run or push away,how do you gently refocus when it pulls you in so strong and it doesn't let you refocus

I am currently ungoing supervised ERP where it is my task to allow the thoughts to come into my mind that I have done something awful, not to fight or engage in compulsions to try and work it out, or seek reassurance that it's OCD and nothing else.. it is harrowing but the point of it is to allow the brain to become de-sensitized to the thoughts by thinking about it so much that eventually, it gets boring - the thoughts will still be there but they will (and I hope soon) be without poison and I will not feel the need to argue. 

My OCD fear of harming focus is centred around my neighbour and whenever something happens she will be on my mind as the reason for urges, fear of acting on urges. One of my compulsions is to confess to her things I think I did but.. that is just a compulsion which fuels the fire. I'd feel great for a while but then OCD would generate something else that I'd need to confess and so on.. 

But, what about the impact on her ? as someone young, pure and innocent without any real understanding of how evil OCD is, and then she has me spouting off stuff that would play on her mind and make her wary of me perhaps. That would be selfish of me, very selfish and I don't care how strong the urges are to confess, I would rather live with that uncertainty for the rest of my days than cause this girl any worry. 

You want freedom from this? The only way you'll get it is by NOT confessing and I strongly recommend ERP with a qualified professional. 

Link to comment

Erp for you wouldn't be the fantasies themselves but the thought that they make you a bad person, sick, disgusting etc.  It would be holding that thought in your mind and not interacting with it, not analysing it, not punishing yourself, nothing. Just allowing it to be there and getting on with your day. 

Link to comment

That makes sense GBG,she focused on emotions last session.

My partner asked if I wanted to talk about anything,it's such a cruel illness that we can't be open,it goes against all I believe to hold stuff back,just said struggling with anxiety,I hate lying,I wanted to blurt every detail out x

Link to comment
12 hours ago, battlethrough said:

,it's such a cruel illness that we can't be open,it goes against all I believe to hold stuff back,just said struggling with anxiety,I hate lying,I wanted to blurt every detail out x

OCD is cruel its true, but there is a difference between being genuinely open and giving in to a compulsion.  
You ARE struggling with anxiety and the best thing for you to do to get better is to not talk about every aspect of it in detail.  That is not remotely the same as lying.

 

On 05/11/2018 at 23:33, battlethrough said:

,I know that most normal men don't fantasize about the women the love drunk and being desired and having sex with other men,not in anyway is that ok,that's wrong,I can hardly look myself in the mirror,that's Pervy no matter what,stress is making me physically sick,I am a disgusting man for that,thanks for the support but I'm so much in a dungeon,

A thought is just a thought.  Who cares what kind of fantasies you have?  No one has 100% control of the thoughts that happen to them, literally no one.  What you DO have control over are your actions.  Stop judging yourself by your thoughts, it is not helping and it is not healthy.

Link to comment
23 hours ago, battlethrough said:

My partner asked if I wanted to talk about anything,it's such a cruel illness that we can't be open,it goes against all I believe to hold stuff back,just said struggling with anxiety,I hate lying,I wanted to blurt every detail out x

I can really identify with a lot of what you're going through.  What I've come to realise, though, is that everyone keeps things from their partner - it's just most people don't see it like that.  You can't share absolutely every last thought you have with your partner or you'd bore them into an early grave.  Believe me when I say your partner will keep things from you as well - she just won't have an emotional connection to it, she won't see it as holding something back or not being open, she'll just see it as something you don't need to know.  I'm not interested in knowing all my partner's thoughts, fantasies or what she does or thinks through the day or what she's done or thought in the past.  I'm not interested and I'd rather she didn't tell me.  

Your ideal of wanting to be open about absolutely everything is not remotely realistic and if everyone did this relationships would be destroyed left right and centre.  But most people don't see it like this because it is not an emotive issue to them.  They don't even realise they're not sharing everything because it stays below the parapet.  Whereas with us, normal and human things are brought above the parapet by OCD and we fixate on them, convincing ourselves they're real issues when they're not. 

I've realised that confessing is actually selfish - we like to dress is up as honest and open and noble, but it isn't, it's plain selfishness.  We want our partners to take the burden, to reassure us and make us feel OK about ourselves so we don't have to trust our own judgement.  OCD makes us do this and it's up to us to say no, enough. 

Link to comment
10 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I can really identify with a lot of what you're going through.  What I've come to realise, though, is that everyone keeps things from their partner - it's just most people don't see it like that.  You can't share absolutely every last thought you have with your partner or you'd bore them into an early grave.  Believe me when I say your partner will keep things from you as well - she just won't have an emotional connection to it, she won't see it as holding something back or not being open, she'll just see it as something you don't need to know.  I'm not interested in knowing all my partner's thoughts, fantasies or what she does or thinks through the day or what she's done or thought in the past.  I'm not interested and I'd rather she didn't tell me.  

Your ideal of wanting to be open about absolutely everything is not remotely realistic and if everyone did this relationships would be destroyed left right and centre.  But most people don't see it like this because it is not an emotive issue to them.  They don't even realise they're not sharing everything because it stays below the parapet.  Whereas with us, normal and human things are brought above the parapet by OCD and we fixate on them, convincing ourselves they're real issues when they're not. 

I've realised that confessing is actually selfish - we like to dress is up as honest and open and noble, but it isn't, it's plain selfishness.  We want our partners to take the burden, to reassure us and make us feel OK about ourselves so we don't have to trust our own judgement.  OCD makes us do this and it's up to us to say no, enough. 

Yep, what she said.... I couldn't have put it better myself. You can do this Battlethrough, you need to stop punishing yourself for stuff that your OCD has blown up to be huge. It's your OCD doing this- treat it like an OCD issue.

Link to comment

Thanks,I know you're right,OCD will always through another angle, because she was part of the fantasy I feel like I have violated and degraded her ,I know I can't change anything and I try to accept what is is what is but it has such a strong hold and it's just playing by jumping to one thing to another to make me feel vile

Link to comment

I think with you you need to stop trying to make yourself feel better about it.

If someone has OCD about hand washing, the best thing they can do is put their hand in the toilet and not wash it.

With you, I think you should deliberately indulge in one of these fantasies, try to make it as "bad" as you can, bring on as much guilt as possible.  And then do it again.  Keep doing it until you become desensitised to it.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now



×
×
  • Create New...