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Need advice asap please... panicking


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16 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now - but this isn't to do with you not being good enough! Sometimes things just don't work out and almost always, when enough time goes by, people look back and they're glad.  Maybe you guys will work it out, maybe you'll decide to part ways - but whatever happens, you'll be OK, you'll get through it and things will be good again.  xxx

 

12 hours ago, Orwell1984 said:

Hi Saz. I'm sorry that all this is happening to you. I believe you need to put yourself first. I think that the OCD, anxiety and everything is your mind trying to deal with the upset in your relationship. I think you need to heal from this relationship and that will help you regain your confidence. Sending you warm thoughts. You are a lovely person, it's so clear to us all that you are whether you choose to believe it or not X and you deserve better in your life.

 

11 hours ago, dksea said:

Hi @Saz so sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time right now :(

I can absolutely relate to those feelings, the hurt the pain, its all real and it all sucks.  You have every right to feel that way, and there's no quick or easy fix unfortunately.  But, at the risk of sounding cliche, it does get better, I promise.  Things might change, and some of that change will be crappy, but its also temporary.  Again, easy words to say, much harder to live through as it happens (if it happens), but I wanted to share it with you as someone who has been through some tough breakups from long term relationships that even when it feels like it will be (and boy does it) it isn't the end of the world.  Its ok to be sad, mad, jealous, etc. to a degree but the most important thing is to make sure you are doing what you need to do for yourself to be healthier.

BTW, I know this is also a bit of a reassurance thing, so I won't say it more than once, but trust me, there are PLENTY of us guys out here who not only don't mind girls in glasses, but find them quite attractive :)

Hang in there Saz!

Thanks GBG, Orwell and dksea.

I'm just in a complete mess. My head hurts so much. He wants space. Well he has had space for weeks as we have not been living together, it's just sounds like a pathetic excuse to me. I told him I will not wait for him to decide when he feels like trying, it's so unfair. Being apart has only made things worse, we can't resolve anything if we are apart , thing's need addressing. Everyone thinks he doesn't want to be with me and I think it too. I can't believe he's done this. He hasn't even got the guts to tell me the truth, he's just pushing me into it so he doesn't look bad. How cruel.

I'm sorry to go in about this as it's not OCD but I'm also having a flare up if you like. I'm remembering how I felt certain I'd done something wrong and committed a crime after the wedding. I thought it straight away I know I did. :(

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2 hours ago, Saz said:

I'm remembering how I felt certain I'd done something wrong and committed a crime after the wedding. I thought it straight away I know I did. :(

Put this away Saz now.  Accept that stress and circumstances are causing a flare up but don't creep into ruminating this old issue, snuff the conversation.

As for the other half, he is being unfair and sounds like he's playing the game to his rules and advantage.  I don't think it would be unfair to insist that he comes to a decision instead of leaving you dangling in mid air.

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5 hours ago, Caramoole said:

Put this away Saz now.  Accept that stress and circumstances are causing a flare up but don't creep into ruminating this old issue, snuff the conversation.

As for the other half, he is being unfair and sounds like he's playing the game to his rules and advantage.  I don't think it would be unfair to insist that he comes to a decision instead of leaving you dangling in mid air.

Yes he is caramoole. He's off to stay with his mum tomorrow overnight then off to the Manchester Derby. He's a city fan and I'm a united fan so should have know that in itself was a recipe for disaster! On a serious note though I'm shattered and heartbroken that he can mess me about like this and come off as so cold. I have said a hundred times to just tell me either way if he wants to be with me or not but he just keeps saying he needs space. I'm so frustrated, I've a constant headache, puffy eyes and look so pale. I know this situation isn't helping my anxiety at all but I'm at a loss as to what I can do. My mum's is gutted for me. He's going to have his space because I can't stop that, I can't force him, I don't want to force him to want to be with me. I feel so low.x

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6 hours ago, ExpectoPatronum said:

So sorry, Saz. By the way, I’m currently rocking glasses too. Have you tried joint/couple counseling at all, and is that something he would be receptive to? 

Thanks expectto but no I don't think he would be up for that. Don't even want to suggest anything now because it's just me fighting for us and coming up with suggestions and making an effort, I want him to make an effort considering its his doing. I want him to show me, he knows this as well, he's definitely pushing me away on purpose I just know it. It's gone from buying a house together a couple of months ago to this, what the actual hell :( x

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1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi saz, how are things? Xx 

Hey GBG

Things are a complete mess! Each day things get worse, I put the phone down on his mum yesterday as I felt she was attacking me, my mum was upset, kids were upset....and he is still saying we need space and not saying if he wants to be with me or not either way! I've told him no space and that it's over and he has ended it. I don't know what I can do, it's a very frustrating situation. I actually think he doesn't know what he wants and he knows he might regret it if he ends it....but he has ended it by his behaviour. I can't work him out at all. I'm vitamin d deficient, have low iron, my body isn't absorbing things properly, I have all the false memory thing going on, works has a horrible atmosphere at the moment, it's nearly Xmas and I should be all happy and excited but I don't know what's going to happen then :( You are probably sorry you asked GBG :( x

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It sounds like a really difficult situation :( 

I can't offer a lot of advice other than to just say... Breathe... Slow down, and take things one issue at a time. You're under a lot of stress at the moment and it is magnifying lots of issues all at once, but if you take them one at a time and just breathe you will cope. I think you are right to tell your partner it's over. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it which is so unfair to you. I think you should draw a line under the relationship and don't keep hoping for him to change. You will get through this and you really deserve better.

As far as work's concerned... It will blow over. I always think when there is drama at work that on my death bed I won't even remember this, it doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Work pays the bills. I think a healthy amount of disconnect at work can be a good idea  - just put your head down and get on with it then come home to your kids and the important things. This situation will blow over. And with the vitamin d and iron problem, what has your doctor recommended?

Sending hugs. Be strong xx

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7 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

It sounds like a really difficult situation :( 

I can't offer a lot of advice other than to just say... Breathe... Slow down, and take things one issue at a time. You're under a lot of stress at the moment and it is magnifying lots of issues all at once, but if you take them one at a time and just breathe you will cope. I think you are right to tell your partner it's over. It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it which is so unfair to you. I think you should draw a line under the relationship and don't keep hoping for him to change. You will get through this and you really deserve better.

As far as work's concerned... It will blow over. I always think when there is drama at work that on my death bed I won't even remember this, it doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Work pays the bills. I think a healthy amount of disconnect at work can be a good idea  - just put your head down and get on with it then come home to your kids and the important things. This situation will blow over. And with the vitamin d and iron problem, what has your doctor recommended?

Sending hugs. Be strong xx

Thanks GBG X

I don't understand how everything has just snowballed so quickly. I'm so confused and hurt. I have told him it's over and I've said it's his doing. I've told him to come and tell the oldest kids because it's only fair he explains what he is choosing to do. He doesn't want a break, he obviously doesn't want to be with me now but is saying oh but I'll see if I want to get back with you after some space! That's in a nutshell what he is saying.

I'm on tablets for vit d and looking to increase my iron intake but I'd like to know the underlying reason as to why I don't absorb some vitamins and minerals, but I think it's linked to my stomach as I have stomach issues and that's were most thing's are absorbed.

Feel so drained but have to be strong x

 

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10 hours ago, Jules46 said:

Hi Saz

How are things today, thinking of you and hope you are taking care of yourself as best you can. x

He's left me. He finally admitted tonight he doesn't want to be with me. Heartbroken beyond words and so are the 2 eldest. Can't stop crying. 2 Months ago we are buying a house and now he's left me! Give me a break universe please! :(

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Hi Saz

I'm so sorry, i totally believe  you need and deserve more than this i really do. From the children's perspective all this indecision and being in limbo must  have been awful.  Knowing where you are at the moment must be truly sickening and as you say heartbreaking. Eventually knowing where you are there will be the opportunity to build rather than being left suspended. These words are just cold comfort at the moment but something in your posts tells me  that you have a lot of love, beauty, worth, sincerity and warmth in you. Thinking of you all and here for you as i know are others on this board xx

 

 

 

 

 

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2 hours ago, Jules46 said:

Hi Saz

I'm so sorry, i totally believe  you need and deserve more than this i really do. From the children's perspective all this indecision and being in limbo must  have been awful.  Knowing where you are at the moment must be truly sickening and as you say heartbreaking. Eventually knowing where you are there will be the opportunity to build rather than being left suspended. These words are just cold comfort at the moment but something in your posts tells me  that you have a lot of love, beauty, worth, sincerity and warmth in you. Thinking of you all and here for you as i know are others on this board xx

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, Jules46 said:

I just wanted to add one more thing, i have just noticed just how many people have posted to you and repeatedly. I hope that definite fact as well as the content underlines and proves my point. That's one thing ocd cannot cause doubt upon. x

Such a lovely reply Jules, made me smile at what is a truly horrendous time.

Thank you xxx

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I'm really sorry to hear this Saz, you must feel bereft :(

But....as Jules says, there will come a point where you can start to build rather than dangling suspended and taking all that is metered out to you.

I know it won't seem that way at all right now but you will survive this and come out the other side.

 

Caramooke :hug:

 

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2 hours ago, PolarBear said:

All I can offer is a virtual hug, Sarah.

 

2 hours ago, Caramoole said:

I'm really sorry to hear this Saz, you must feel bereft :(

But....as Jules says, there will come a point where you can start to build rather than dangling suspended and taking all that is metered out to you.

I know it won't seem that way at all right now but you will survive this and come out the other side.

 

Caramooke :hug:

 

 

46 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hugs saz. You are strong and you will get through this xxx:hug:

I can't do this, I feel so sick. I didn't ever think I'd feel this upset. It hurts so much. I don't know what I've done, probably all this ocd hasnt helped.... but to choose a house together, plan it all out, then act so cold towards me and say you don't want to be with me... It's so cruel. He obviously doesn't love me, how can that change within the space of a few weeks. Has anyone else been through this. I hate what he's done but can't help but wish he would come back and say he's made a huge mistake and that he loves me and is sorry... it won't happen though. I'm struggling so much x

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I'm so sorry to hear this, Saz. I agree with everything else that has been said. Stay strong, take time to look after yourself and do fun things with your children. Remember, it's onwards and upwards from here :hug:

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15 hours ago, Lynz said:

I'm so sorry to hear this, Saz. I agree with everything else that has been said. Stay strong, take time to look after yourself and do fun things with your children. Remember, it's onwards and upwards from here :hug:

 

14 hours ago, ExpectoPatronum said:

I’m so sorry, Saz. Will be thinking of you! 

 

9 hours ago, Orwell1984 said:

Just seeing this. I'm so sorry Saz. X :( You're such a lovely soul, I hope life gets better xxx

Thank you lovely forum friends. X

I'm feeling tremendous anxiety, guilt and regret at the moment for telling people, his family and friends, that he's left me even though he has. I mean what if he is having a breakdown or depressed, I will have just made things worse. What if he did just need space (even though I didn't agree with that). My head's racing.

A separate massive worry that I have is that some people have said that my gut feeling is normally always right, when they asked my what my gut feeling was with my ex. I said I think he doesn't want to be with me but that he hasn't got the guts to admit it. And look it was right! What about this false memory, my gut feeling on that was that I committed that crime. I feel like I'm going to vomit.

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Gutted for you Saz. On top of everything else this has happened. However, drawing any sort of parallel between gut feelings about about a relationship and a gut feeling about your false memory is faulty logic. It's an OCD trick... I've had that one similar- in my case it was "Well if I'm capable of doing/thinking X then that must mean that I'm capable of doing Y. Therefore it must have happened". I can't begin to understand how hard things are for you at the moment but try to keep an eye out for the OCD... this is exactly the sort of opportunity it looks for.

Hang in there my friend (or me dook- as we say in this part of the Midlands).

Take Care,

Binx

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