Jump to content

This isn't reassurance seeking


Recommended Posts

Hi

Just wanted to know as fellow ocd sufferers...

Do any of you experience this?

I Dont feel entitled to have a nice day, it's always poking at me, and if I have even one good day I feel bad cos I'm not 'allowed'. It all feels fake because nobody knows how bad I am? I have a voice saying you know what you did, and I literally feel like I cannot enjoy things anymore...that I don't deserve it?

Anyone feel this way or is it just me?

Link to comment

I'm also obsessing over why I reacted in certain ways, people say they test things in ocd but I can't make sense of why I would, so does that make me bad, no idea anymore it's all a mixture of what ifs.

I've read people testing or checking as part of ocd....but I don't know why my response was the way it was...

Also I've read that people feel like in the moment it isn't ocd, or that they wanted to act then felt guilty afterwards, so I guess it plays with us in so many ways.

It's just so hard to accept it's the illness and not ourselves because if it was easy we would all be recovered and wouldn't be anxious anymore.

It's such a nasty thing being so confused by your own head and hearing so many angles of the same tiny event that you no longer know what's real....but feel the need to feel guilty just in case it's you. I don't feel like being the kind of person who dismisses it as ocd... I feel like a liar.

Anyone experience this? I don't want to be told that I'm asking for reassurance I want to know that others experience such muddled up ideas?

 

Link to comment
26 minutes ago, ocdsufferer85 said:

I'm also obsessing over why I reacted in certain ways, people say they test things in ocd but I can't make sense of why I would, so does that make me bad, no idea anymore it's all a mixture of what ifs.

I've read people testing or checking as part of ocd....but I don't know why my response was the way it was...

Also I've read that people feel like in the moment it isn't ocd, or that they wanted to act then felt guilty afterwards, so I guess it plays with us in so many ways.

It's just so hard to accept it's the illness and not ourselves because if it was easy we would all be recovered and wouldn't be anxious anymore.

It's such a nasty thing being so confused by your own head and hearing so many angles of the same tiny event that you no longer know what's real....but feel the need to feel guilty just in case it's you. I don't feel like being the kind of person who dismisses it as ocd... I feel like a liar.

Anyone experience this? I don't want to be told that I'm asking for reassurance I want to know that others experience such muddled up ideas?

 

This is a very classic OCD trick, the whole doubting if these thoughts are real or just part of OCD its something ive struggled with too. just remember OCD thoughts are Ego Dystonic, meaning they are against our inner beliefs and values we live by which makes them distressing. That said OCD also has a habit in picking holes every time we figure out its ocd and gets you back in a loop having you 'what iffing' all day 

Edited by beckyboo
Link to comment
1 minute ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

This post is one long rumination, OCDSufferer :( you will only feel worse and worse the more you analyse this.  

Exactly! rumination & throwing intellect at it is one of my more.persistant habits 

Link to comment

I just feel like a monster. 

If my fear is to speak bad then why didn't I make sure I was certain I didn't, why in that moment did I feel that I was either so close or just like something was happening? I go over this constantly.

But I've also compared it to other stories I've read...someone was worried about hurting their child, they had a thought to touch them and did, but they didn't want to. 

Others got strong urges over things and felt themselves literally holding their hands back from hitting people etc.

At the end of all this I didn't want to speak and they didn't want to hurt anyone. So why are we left feeling disgusting and unable to accept it's ocd?

 

Link to comment

First of all dont torture yourself reading other peoples stories or compare them to yours it doesnt do you any favours but only add futher distress and anxiety. OCD can come in all shapes and sizes, thoughtd, visual images or even what feels like urges, then do things to stop that from happening so its giving victory to the OCD 

Link to comment

Your first post asks a valid question. The answer is yes. I spent nearly 40 years feeling very badly about myself. I often thought, if thry only knew (what was going through my mind).

Your later posts are you ruminating again. You've gone right back to analyzing that one moment. That's the very thing you've done for years and it has gotten you nowhere. Now you want to do more of it?

Link to comment
2 hours ago, beckyboo said:

First of all dont torture yourself reading other peoples stories or compare them to yours it doesnt do you any favours but only add futher distress and anxiety. OCD can come in all shapes and sizes, thoughtd, visual images or even what feels like urges, then do things to stop that from happening so its giving victory to the OCD 

No what I'm saying is reading other people's stories makes me feel better, that it IS possible for an illness to cause such a mess, that things can be out of my control...even when I think I should be in control. 

Link to comment
6 hours ago, beckyboo said:

First of all dont torture yourself reading other peoples stories or compare them to yours it doesnt do you any favours but only add futher distress and anxiety. OCD can come in all shapes and sizes, thoughtd, visual images or even what feels like urges, then do things to stop that from happening so its giving victory to the OCD 

I am finding it so hard to accept it's ocd I try and try and try

Link to comment
On 07/11/2018 at 14:00, ocdsufferer85 said:

Hi

Just wanted to know as fellow ocd sufferers...

Do any of you experience this?

I Dont feel entitled to have a nice day, it's always poking at me, and if I have even one good day I feel bad cos I'm not 'allowed'. It all feels fake because nobody knows how bad I am? I have a voice saying you know what you did, and I literally feel like I cannot enjoy things anymore...that I don't deserve it?

Anyone feel this way or is it just me?

It's not just you. Suspect that this is universal with OCD

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...