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Am I a creep? Am I delusional?

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Hi, this is a really really embarrassing post for me, but I've tried to speaking to someone about and they are saying I'm looking to deeply into this. I posted on here a while ago that I've developed a crush on a guy at university. I'm worried that it's not normal or if I'm actually a creep and a horrible person. This is a rambley post with no real structure to it and I don't think has anything to do with OCD. I would really appreciate some advice because I'm scared.

It started really randomly. One day this guy just struck up a conversation with me and we seemed to have a lot in common. I felt really comfortable and just wanted to stay there with him. He would often laugh at my jokes as well - and I'm not very funny. I haven't felt like this in a really long time. I would get really excited to see him and talk to him. I felt in coversations he would be extra nice to me and I just got that feeling of extreme happiness. I even thought 'maybe' he might even feel the same as I had to do a group project with him. I felt as though he treated me a bit differently (or maybe I wanted him to) and he was really understanding about my extreme fear of public speaking and doubt about my work. He kept telling me I would do great and to not worry about it, and even told me what to do when I felt really anxious about it. Even, throughout it he would smile at me and I felt a lot better about it. When it was done, he complimented me and told me that I had done great. He didn't say that to anyone else but me (I'm reaching, I know) That's kind of where this ends. I told someone about this crush (someone that doesn't even know him) and how I knew nothing would come of it and I was sure he didn't like me in that way because in all honesty he never spoke to me outside of uni or anything, so I knew it was one sided and I was setting myself up for disappointment. However, this week I went in and he didn't speak to me at all. I was quite sad by this and felt like he just ignored me and was irritated by me. But during class I turned round a couple of times to him looking at me (reaching I think again)

Basically I'm scared that I'm a delusional creep. That I've made these things bigger than they actually are. I've also read about mental disorders in which you obsess over people. I'm also scared just in case he thinks I'm stalking him because I ended up getting to my class early and I decided to go and get some water beforehand and when I came back he was there, and yesterday I arrived early and he ended up walking in straight after me (again he didn't talk to me). Another instance was today I was walking to another building and he was walking in the door just slightly ahead of me. That's quite a few times to bump into someone by accident, like did I do that on purpose? Does he think that I'm stalking him? 

I'm worried that on some level he was creeped out by me or knew that I had told someone else about my feelings for him. I feel like he's really closed off with me and I feel like it's because I was really creepy towards him. I don't know what to think. I keep retracing my steps and thinking if I had done anything to offend him or make him feel uncomfortable. I can't really think of anything (and I've tried really hard to think of things) I'm also thinking that I've misinterpreted all these interactions because I just don't want to feel lonely or feel 'normal' - especially when I also deal with sexual intrusive thoughts. Maybe he can tell I have these and is weirded out by me.  I'm also worried that one of my friends at uni could tell and had told him, or I accidentally sent a message about it without knowing. 

Another reason is because this has happened to me before - I was totally in love with this guy a few years ago and my friend at the time told me to talk to him. So, I struck up a conversation with him. I thought that he liked me because my friend told me he did - even though he had a girlfriend. Anyway, long story short - it ended up in tears and he called me a c***. I was so devasted by this that I emotionally closed myself off to anyone because I was so embarrassed at how stupid I had been. I'm worried I've done the same with this guy, even though I've been careful this time with who I speak to about this. I'm also worried that I'm pathetic looking for reasons why he would like me when I know he doesn't. I feel delusional like I've made these things up in my head and that they never happened. It's not like he ever asked me out or anything. I just want to make sure that I wasn't inappropriate or creepy towards him. I know this post makes me look like a pathetic delusional loser but I need to know I wasn't being inappropriate or making anyone feel uncomfortable because I would feel so awful if I done anything like that. 

I'm sorry for this rant but it's been on my mind for days now and I'm so embarrassed by it. 

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From what you've described, I don't think you have done anything wrong. Sometimes people change in different social situations, he may have been really nice to you when you were working together but maybe isn't as comfortable or chatty when you bump into each other. Sometimes having a structured interaction makes it easier for people to open up. The experience you had with the other guy sounds awful and I'm really sorry that happened to you, but you really are overthinking this situation. Honestly, even if you were inappropriate towards him, you've got to let that go. As you get older, you'll realise that what people think of you doesn't matter that much, not everyone will always love you but life goes on. 

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Hi, I wrote a topic similar to this a few months ago. 

In a nutshell, I developed a crush on my neighbor / friend after we started hanging out a bit more. At the time I was grieving the loss of my Nan so my OCD was going crazy sending me into a deep depression, so as well as a crush, I became emotionally attached to this girl. Both the crush and the emotional attachment were and still are enhanced by OCD but at the time I began having the same worries as you, "Am I stalking,  am I a creep?" etc. Whilst behaviours were a little bit obsessive, they were also quite normal crush behaviours like hanging out in places where I knew she'd be just so I could run into her and talk to her, but I started worrying too much over it and it went out of control. I began worrying if she didn't smile at me, or didn't say "hello" in a friendly tone, I became obsessed with trying not to annoy her and ended up doing it because I was always checking with her if she was ok with me - all reassurance seeking of course. 

Don't forget that OCD is at play here because you're over analysing and checking for signs that you've annoyed him or what he might think about you..  I know it's hell, but it's OCD manifesting causing you to ruminate and seek reassurance on a forum so there's your evidence right there. The best advice I can give is just ride the wave of this crush and do not under any circumstances analyse your feelings or behaviours because that's what I did and it caused me to inadvertedly spook this girl out by carrying out compulsions by asking her. 

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Stop perpetuating this in your mind the only way you can have absolute answer is if you ask him, maybe casually or find something else to focus on, simple as that choose an option or suffer in your mind . 

Edited by jay.b42

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What you describe is absolutely normal behaviour. I don't think there's anyone in the world who hasn't experienced this kind of thing before! Getting crushes and having strong feelings and fancying people and wanting to spend time with them etc is all absolutely normal,  as is the disappointment of not having your feelings returned, especially when young.   Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, it is all part of the complicated tapestry of life. I think you have been burnt with your other experience with the guy and now you're analysing things through that particular lens. I think feeling anxious or disappointed by this is normal ; however your worries about being a delusional creep are ocd. So - you need to work out what your compulsions are  (analysing ruminating etc) and find ways to curb and so them. Easier said than done, I know. 

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Hello everyone and thank you for the replies to this topic. It's a bit different to the other topics I post on this forum. I think also because I had no usual OCD fears around this I felt so great and felt really normal. I did make sure I wasn't being too much so I restricted myself from talking to him and everything because that experience that I described. I knew nothing would come of it so I'm quite embarrassed to be this disappointed by it (even posting about this is really embarrassing for me) i just saw a change in his change behaviour towards me (again I don't know this for sure - I think he was just trying to be nice to me and I fell for it) and I felt really down about it - especially because I did look forward to seeing him (which I felt was stalkerish behaviour) I started distancing myself from him a couple of days ago again because I thought this. It was quite difficult in classes because I just kept thinking what was wrong with me and if I had been awful or weird towards him in any type of way. 

Again thanks for the replies - I really do appreciate it :) 

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