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lonelygirl91

New OCD theme

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I've been struggling lately with the same old themes such as OCD about being gay or bi and worrying that I'm a paedo. Today a new worry has come up; what if I'm trans. 

I've always appeared to be satisfied with being a woman but now I'm like what if I've secretly wanted to be a man. I remember when I was about three saying that I wanted to be a boy. I don't know why I remember it since I have a bad memory and don't remember much from my childhood. I think it was only once. Maybe I said it because I was the only girl and wanted to be like my brothers. I don't know if kids say random stuff. I guess they do. I remember watching an old video when my brother was about three saying that he wanted to be black. We found it hilarious. 

Growing up I liked typical girl stuff like dolls, Disney and stuffed animals. My favourite tv programme was the Powerpuff Girls. I always read books that were geared toward girls like Jacqueline Wilson. She was my all time favourite writer.  I didn't like sport or boys stuff. I played with boys when I was younger though but I didn't like doing boy stuff. I care for stuff like stuff like Pokemon, football, planes and cars. 

I keep thinking what if I was really trans as I didn't like playing with baby dolls and I would cut my Barbie dolls hair. I also loved to play with Lego, not just girlie Lego. 

Even now I've always been quite girly; I love shopping and clothes. I like makeup although I'm not super into it like most girls. I don't like stuff like make up tutorials on youtube. I love animals and go gooey over really cute animals. I'm not interested in technical stuff and gaming and I hate football and watching sport. I like playing some sports but I've only really gotten into it because of my job which is doing sports activities with kids. 

I keep thinking what if I'm trans. For example I've never liked having big boobs, which most women are envious of. I don't want kids and I would love to have smaller hips. I don't want a big bum which is now the rage. I want a normal size part bum. Vaginas are gross but I'm used to my own. 

My mind keeps telling me I'm trans. Do.i sounds trans? Why do new OCD themes emerge? 

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What if you do what to be a trans? So what? 

At the moment your OCD has picked up something from when you were 3 and turned it into an obsession - personally when I was 3 I used to eat mud, maybe I thought it was chocolate mousse - who knows? But I'm damned if I can remember exactly what I thought that day when I chowed down on it's eartly goodness. Pretty sure you can't rememebr exactly what you thought and why but the bottom line is, YOU WERE 3! 

Most of your post is self assurance that you're a normal hetrosexual woman with no signs of being remotely interested in becoming a man, you're engaging in 'what ifs' - you will only get through this by not seeking certainty so get used to living with the uncertainty that a part of you might want to be a man, at the moment because you're ruminating and obsessing, you will feel 90% certain that those thoughts are true, but if you stop the compulsions i.e. mental checking, that will go down to a 0.1 % chance and I'm sure you can live with that because nothing in life is certain. (except death and taxes) 

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2 hours ago, Atlantis said:

At the moment your OCD has picked up something from when you were 3 and turned it into an obsession - personally when I was 3 I used to eat mud, maybe I thought it was chocolate mousse - who knows? But I'm damned if I can remember exactly what I thought that day when I chowed down on it's eartly goodness. Pretty sure you can't rememebr exactly what you thought and why but the bottom line is, YOU WERE 3! 

Most of your post is self assurance that you're a normal hetrosexual woman with no signs of being remotely interested in becoming a man, you're engaging in 'what ifs' - you will only get through this by not seeking certainty so get used to living with the uncertainty that a part of you might want to be a man, at the moment because you're ruminating and obsessing, you will feel 90% certain that those thoughts are true, but if you stop the compulsions i.e. mental checking, that will go down to a 0.1 % chance and I'm sure you can live with that because nothing in life is certain. (except death and taxes) 

:goodpost:

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1 hour ago, lonelygirl91 said:

But it most trans people say that they want to be the opposite sex from a young age. Why would I just say that? 

I used to obsess over my mums high heels when I was very young... does that mean anything?  If I allow my OCD to dictate on it and ruminate enough by 9 pm tonight I will probably be posting up similar to yourself. 

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