Doubt

[freya196]

I'm going to the doctors tuesday morning to get checked about my possible lump on my breast and THEN i will book an appointment for the doctors there and then. I find it's time for me to get some help! I'm in a massive fear spiral right now, I think about a relationship I used to desire and I feel nothing but fear? The idea of sexual love brings me panic. I believe I'm scared if i'm not attracted to someone my friends might think is attractive i'm gay. There's a new boy at our work, he's quite attractive but now everytime I look at him i'm crippled with anxiety. I only work weekends but the feeling of heightened anxiety after every weekend is too much for me to bare. I know this post is sort of a collect of thoughts and statements, but my main question, is this panic i feel when i look at the opposite sex (the sex i desire i romantic and sexual relationship with) a product of my ocd? 

[Jules46]

Hi Freya

First and foremost i hope your medical problem is one that can be quickly solved and put your mind at rest if possible on that one.

Regarding your worries about relationship from my own personal experience, if this is any help at all was that Expectations and worries about what i could give and a partner might want really ramped up my ocd. 

This may have been said before but is it possible for you to build up a friendship before dating anyone to see how you feel. OCD will still try it on probably but you will be able to expose yourself to your concerns and fears more gradually if it is someone who you think may lead on to a relationship. So long as my concerns weren't repeated endlessly and i had got to know and trust the other person  i found i could gradually trust and share what ocd did to me with more understanding than i thought i would receive. I am not saying this always happens but could happen.

I was a late starter in my own relationships because of the way OCD convinced me in so many ways that i could not have a relationship. Gradually with Cbt professional help i learned to ride the wave as it were with my massive anxieties, trying to block them completely didn't work. It also helped that i dated people who had mixed levels of knowledge about ocd and were practical, grounded people so when anxieties around sex and intimacy resurfaced or were 'spiked' as some people might say they were a calm anchor. This is not to say that i didn't get on their nerves with or without my ocd and they on mine with both past partners and my now wife but ways that can seem an impasse for someone with ocd is often seen in a very different way by others. Hope this may help in some small measure, happy to discuss more if it does.