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battlethrough

Real events guilt come back strong

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Thanks for replying

Tough morning,woke up with crushing guilt,managed to get to work, trying to delay rumination,it's so so hard,it's like a stain on my character

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29 minutes ago, battlethrough said:

Thanks for replying

Tough morning,woke up with crushing guilt,managed to get to work, trying to delay rumination,it's so so hard,it's like a stain on my character

It's not about delaying but at least you're not engaging. Stick with it. This is what OCD hates, the lack of attention. It is tough but this is the right thing to do for the sake of your health and marriage. 

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Thanks

I know I have to put my foot down with the constant reassure texts,I t snowballs,I'll talking through with my therapist on Fri,seems so long away

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Keep fight mate. When it feels like you've delayed those compulsions enough... you've come this far- try to delay them a little more. It's so hard to get out of the automatic routine of your compulsions (especially when the guilt triggers it). You can do this mate.

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Look at some mediation stuff, listen to some music, be mindful about the things you need to do today. You need to try to being your anxious state down. It's going to feel like you're ignoring something that's so huge it defines you. It doesn't- but the worry and anxiety is real- it's based on false information though. We were both in a similar place back in 2015 if I remember correctly. A lot of worries about what should be classed as inappropriate. I remember feeling that horrible felling that I was the sort of thing they write about in the Sun or News of the World (when it existed). I recognise now that it was a load of rubbish- but it felt so real. You can do this mate- recognise your compulsions, spot when you're doing them, and find something better to do with your time (for now).

There is always a way back.

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Good advice from Binxy :) 

The first few days of not ruminating are by far the hardest, in my experience.  That's when it feels like you're gritting your teeth and battling your brain every single second of the day - it feels SO SO wrong to not try and figure it out, it feels unbearable.  You think: how can I carry on like this, this is intolerable, I need to do something to solve this.  But then, after the first few days, it gets a little easier.  You feel a little bit of space between you and the thought; you may even start to think it's a bit silly.  You're not out of the woods, but it doesn't feel quite as raw.  After that, not ruminating is still difficult but it gets easier, as long as you resist the urge to get pulled back in.  That call will get quieter and quieter as time goes by.  And one day you'll wake up and none of this will bother you anymore.  But you have to really keep trying, over and over and over.  Rome wasn't built in a day.  

Has your therapist suggested any exposure? 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl

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It is hard,I guess I've been ruminating all day but really trying to conentrate on jobs at hand,your right that it a screams at you that it needs attending to urgently,each theme has its own way of pulling you in,because this is real events that happened that is the weapon as I feel it's genuinely wrong,I've been trying to say to myself "ok maby I did have bad intent,oh well there is nothing I can do about it".but I'm not sure if that is the best thing to do as in a scens I am still engaging with the memories.

Edited by battlethrough

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My god this is so hard,every minute of my day has been filled with rumination,I'm exhausted trying to not and finding it near impossible and the thought and Feeling to confess is overwhelming.i know I can't ,but a voice keeps saying she deserves to know as I was pursuing and it was real.i promise I'm trying but I'm finding it so hard

 

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2 hours ago, battlethrough said:

My god this is so hard,every minute of my day has been filled with rumination,I'm exhausted trying to not and finding it near impossible and the thought and Feeling to confess is overwhelming.i know I can't ,but a voice keeps saying she deserves to know as I was pursuing and it was real.i promise I'm trying but I'm finding it so hard

 

How do you look on yourself? Do you feel that it's more that you need to punish yourself by telling her? Rather than setting her free of the devious, potential cheat / horrible husband you really are in the eyes of your OCD? 

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I know your right,this theme,if I can call it that in this case went away only to be replaced by another,my 3 last themes I've managed not to confess but this one always hits extra hard as it was drunken actions,I'm trying to let it go,it's going to take along time and I fear it will always come back

Edited by battlethrough

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