Extreme ERP

[Atlantis]

OK so tomorrow my battle against POCD will go up a notch. So far it's been getting on buses full of school kids and my therapist is always there making me walk up and down the bus even when it's rammed.. hell.. not done that for YEARS as I've not been able to. But tomorrow, I'm going to hold the infant child of one of his colleagues.. I feel like throwing up as I'm writing this. 

He said the exposure it to let the thoughts come, i.e "I want to cause harm, I want to cause sexual assault" etc and allow any movements that usually accompany the strong urges in these moments of absolute terror.. BUT, instead of immediately trying to calm myself down by engaging in compulsions, I am to stop in the guilt and fear zone. Then, after the exercise I am to record what I believe I did i.e. some kind of crime, and then listen to it over and over again until the fear dies down... seriously cannot see this happening fast, but apparantly it will.. then once it does, I am to repeat this exercise again and again until it no longer provokes fear. 

The point of this is to reflect on the situation again when there's no fear raging in the background so that I will see this condition for what it is, a lying irrational, posessive bully that's taken 37 years of my life, ruined jobs, relationships and friendships, along with ambition and opportunity. 

so watch this space. 

Has anyone ever done ERP like this? If so how did it make you feel and was it successful? 

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Atlantis

I don't have your theme so obviously haven't done this kind of erp. I did however put myself through a quite intense erp hierarchy a few years ago which felt horrible at the time but worked almost miraculously and pretty quickly too, ridding me of a fear I'd had since childhood and for the most part it's stayed away. I was amazed by how well it worked and just wished I'd done it sooner. So stick with it - it's no walk in the park but it will change your life. 

I know that's not exactly what you asked but just wanted to give some support!

[taurean]

Hi Atlantis 

We can't get better from OCD unless we face our fears in ERP. 

I will simply add into the mix that with themes like harm, and paedophile, OCD challenges one or more of our true core values and suggests the opposite might really be true, instead of caring we might cause harm etc.

As made clear to me in my OCD therapy, that is what it does and it lies. Because our true core values are still in tact, but the fear that we might act contrary to them causes the disorder and the phobic response. 

I bet you are hiding behind the POCD acronym because of that fear. So another part of your journey will be not hiding your distress and fear behind the acronym. 

Believe in what your therapist is doing, take on the distress and remind yourself OCD lies, it is attacking your real true core character values ; and ride the storm. 

[Atlantis]

8 hours ago, taurean said:

 

Believe in what your therapist is doing, take on the distress and remind yourself OCD lies, it is attacking your real true core character values ; and ride the storm. 

Thanks both, but they want me to not distract myself by saying such mantras.. my OCD involves movement and strong urges so it's not just thoughts I feel I am dealing with, so for example when I'm holding the baby's bum I am going to have very tense arms and hands and that's where I'll get sudden jerky movements along with the usual "I am doing this to abuse..." etc... 

[taurean]

It's more a question of realising the cognitive side - what the OCD is actually up to. I agree mantras aren't the way forward as they are repetitions. 

The only way to stop those intrusions is to not let them create a restriction, and let them come on, yet  stand firm. When they don't get an emotional response, don't get attention, they gradually weaken. 

Believe your therapist, not the OCD intrusions. 

All the best 

Roy 

 

[Atlantis]

Thanks Roy and GBG, the kid was sick so didn't happen today.. maybe tomorrow. Or next week. 

[PolarBear]

Sounds like you have an excellent therapist.

[gingerbreadgirl]

Good luck atlantis.  It'll suck but you'll be doing an amazing thing for your mental health.  x