Jump to content

Feel as though I'm kidding myself :(


Recommended Posts

Hey.

So the past few weeks have been better. The depression has lifted, thanks to the medication. The obsession is still there and still thinking about it although not as much as I was. Even though I'm not thinking about it as much, it's still in my head constantly. When it isn't in my head at all, I suddenly realise and acknowledge that it isn't which makes it there again.

I'm making a concerted effort to just get on with life but it feels futile. Yes I'm functioning, yes I'm in a better mood (forced sometimes) and not spending lots of time ruminating etc. but it feels like I'm just putting a plaster over a gun shot wound here. Labelling as OCD feels like the easy way out, an excuse. ?

Link to comment

Well, Headwreck,

that is how the condition works. You have to push on and get on track with recovery. Don't listen to what it tells you, no matter how real it feels or how much anxiety or guilt it provokes, the less you play its game, the less OCD has a hold on you.

 

Link to comment
14 hours ago, Headwreck said:

Hey.

So the past few weeks have been better. The depression has lifted, thanks to the medication. The obsession is still there and still thinking about it although not as much as I was. Even though I'm not thinking about it as much, it's still in my head constantly. When it isn't in my head at all, I suddenly realise and acknowledge that it isn't which makes it there again.

I'm making a concerted effort to just get on with life but it feels futile. Yes I'm functioning, yes I'm in a better mood (forced sometimes) and not spending lots of time ruminating etc. but it feels like I'm just putting a plaster over a gun shot wound here. Labelling as OCD feels like the easy way out, an excuse.

First, I'm glad to hear things are improving.
Second, the doubt you are experiencing is very common during OCD recovery.
Labeling it as OCD is NOT taking the easy way out, OCD recovery is not an easy thing.  You are experiencing that first hand right now because although you are feeling better you are still facing a lot of anxiety, though its shifted target a little bit.
These obsessive thoughts have been bothering you for some time, and they have become very deeply ingrained.  You will think about them often at first.  Much like a person who tries to quit smoking will think of a cigarette a lot at first.  The thought will not simply vanish overnight, it will take time for it to fade in importance from your brain and become a non-intrusive thought.  The only way it will become futile is if you give up.

It reminds me of a joke.  3 men are stuck in a boat in the middle of a big lake.  The must get to shore or they will starve!  So the first man starts to swim towards the shore.  He gets about 1/4 of the way to the shore before running out of energy and sinks below the surface of the lake.  The second man starts his swim, gets about 1/3 of the way to the shore and like the first man, runs out of energy and sinks below the surface of the lake.  Finally the third, and last, man starts his swim.  He gets about 1/2 way to the shore but begins to feel tired.  Worried about ending up like the other two men he swims back to the boat to rest.

The third man could have been safe, but he gave up too soon and ended up going nowhere.  Don't be like that man!  Don't give up so easily!  You may not seem like it now, but you ARE making progress and if you keep at it you'll lick this before you know it!

Link to comment

That's exactly how I feel. I feel like if I don't go over it then I'm bad, and when I do I get in a mess again. I feel like I believe 99% it's me and 1% is hope that it's illness. It's like I have it just pretend it's not there but as soon as I feel some joy or there's a quiet moment it creeps up and makes my stomach churn. I feel the guilt bubble up. It's like i have a secret that's just buried for now until I return to ruminating later :(

Link to comment

This is the place I’m in right now too, Headwreck. Think of it as a milestone- look how far you’ve come, now your obsession is still there, yes, but it’s more background noise than being at the forefront of your mind. I’ve been through this before and all I can say is it gets better, I’m in the middle of a pretty gross setback but I know we can do it, I managed to make it back to this point after all ?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...