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I'm having a tough day.


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Just want to complain or "have a moan" as you say in the UK ;) 

I recently got engaged and I am currently wedding planning with my fiance. Everything should be blissful, but I'm sitting here worried that I cheated on him and forgot and it will come back to bite me. 

I'm terrified of this "secret" coming out after the wedding and being humiliated. There were some text messages exchanged between myself and an ex that could be seen as inappropriate. I did not mean them romantically, but they could probably still read that way. I have this fear that my ex screenshotted them and sent them to him on Facebook and my fiance hasn't seen them. I know that sounds ridiculous and it screams of OCD, but the fear is definitely there. My SO even said recently (without me asking) that he checked his filtered messages a while back and didn't find anything interesting in there. But I'm worried he didn't check them well enough.

Again, I know this is OCD and if it wasn't this particular fear, it would just be another. I think the major life change triggered my OCD a bit. I've been seeing a therapist still and working on it. 

I read a story today about a girl who flirted with a colleague and someone said, "well you should tell your BF in case he sends him messages on Facebook" and I got triggered majorly. I know my mistake was to being ruminating instead of letting it pass.

I'm just frustrated today.

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I am super triggered today. I kept bringing up checking Facebook messages and he was like, "Oh, I'll have to double check when I reactivate to see if I missed any!" and my blood ran cold. The sad thing is that I've actually looked through this inbox, but maybe I didn't? I can't remember. I think I did, though. I remember not seeing anything.

Planning my wedding has been very triggering for me :(

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Everything in your post looks classic OCD. 

And you are giving meaning to this dreamed-up core belief, leading to the fear and worry that "at some time in the future"  he will "find out" and react badly. 

To me, reading this, it's standard OCD worthless nonsense - it's such a bad plot it's silly to the non-sufferer - but to the targeted sufferer, bonkers though it seems to others, the OCD makes it seem real.

Don't let OCD ruin your planning and your future, which it is trying to do. 

When you accept what is going on and don't believe or give meaning to it, and keep that process up, the intrusions will ease off in power and frequency. 

You can do this dreaming. Believe in WE not the OCD :)

And keep that going. 

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5 hours ago, californiadreaming said:

I am super triggered today. I kept bringing up checking Facebook messages and he was like, "Oh, I'll have to double check when I reactivate to see if I missed any!" and my blood ran cold. The sad thing is that I've actually looked through this inbox, but maybe I didn't? I can't remember. I think I did, though. I remember not seeing anything.

Planning my wedding has been very triggering for me :(

Remember, the trigger isn't the thing (for OCD sufferers life is a trigger. The important thing is how you react, or, if you like, don't react to it. 

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