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I know I must drive people mad on here and they probably want to shake me but I am really hurting.

With other themes I can understand the need not to confess but I can't stop feeling that this genuinely deserves confessing.

As you know I was drunk and ended up laying on my sister in law's bed for maby 30 seconds and another time seeing her through a window and trying to get in a locked door but going home.

The belief that my intentions must have been bad are sucking me up.

Although nothing happened, for me to be there is bad and I can't stop feel my partner should know.

I M trying to notice my ruminating.

I know what I'm doing here ,sorry,I just don't know where to turn,I feel I was pursuing something,I should be thankful nothing happened but just being there is betrayal in itself

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I'm not going to discuss what happened. It doesn't matter. You are looking for reassurance and I'm not going to give it. We've been over that ground again and again. It doesn't do any good.

The fact that you wrote the details here, for the umpteenth time, shows that you continue to ruminate  to go over the details. That is the problem. What happened months or years ago is not the problem. That you ruminate constantly is the problem. Compulsions.

You have to change what you are doing. If you don't, you will remain stuck.

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Hey battlethrough, I know it's very tough at the moment and your OCD is screaming at you to get the reasurrance and the relief by posting. I don't think anyone's here is going to give you a different reply to what has already been said about, before. I personally think it is best you take some time off the forum. Do something that relaxes you and something that helps you refocus away from the intrusive thoughts that are bugging you at the moment.

Stay strong, you can do it.

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Yeh I'd say so, perhaps at the moment it might be wise to steer clear of this forum because you're not taking any advice on board and you're clearly using the forum as an outlet for your confessions which is quite simply, a compulsion. Of course confessing to us is better than confessing to your wife, but nonetheless, you're still pouring fuel on the fire by posting the same stuff. I know because I have been there, in fact I came online here today because I wanted to share an ERP experience / confess to something that happened during my therapy today but have since decided not to engage, and live with the uncertainty that I might be a bad person.. although the insatiable urge is to confess to someone special, I am putting her welfare needs first by not opening up and allowing the OCD to cast any doubt about me or uncomfortable feelings in her already fragile mind. 

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