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Feeling so alone


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A few months ago i worked up the courage to tell my mum i thought i have OCD. She responded by calling me 'ridiculous' and didn't speak to me until I bawled my eyes out in the car on the way to work to my dad. My dad was very sympathetic and felt terrible. I think about this situation a lot. I almost hold a grudge against my mum, does this make me a terrible person? I didn't want her to feel sorry for me I just wanted her to stand by me. 

I have a friend who has OCD and bipolar amongst other things. I talk about my OCD with her but i'm so scared of going to the doctors due to her experience with therapy not really working. 

I want to be fixed. I'm very stressed at the moment. I have my referral appointment next week for a lump on my breast and I have an important exam to get into uni, as well as a coursework deadline, working extra hours and my skin (acne) is bad. Can someone please give me some advice? I'm going through another rough spell 

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I'm so sorry Freya. I had a similar experience in my early 20s, not from an OCD perspective, but with a few heath issues someone close to me repeatedly pooh-poohed as nonsense....they weren't my parents, but I expected more from them. It came as a surprise, well, shock really, but in retrospect I honestly think they were scared, they didn't understand what was happening, or enough about the illness and felt a bit out of their depth knowing how best to help me.

That might be why your mum reacted that way. My parents, and I think this probably applies across the board have a knack of also mistakenly feeling anything their children suffer with they're somehow to blame for, and then the guilt kicks-in...it seems safer sometimes to dismiss and push the news away. It's painful for you, but it sounds like your mum might have made a knee jerk reaction, but I hope she will gradually be much more supportive of you.

It's so important to get the right help from your doctor though. I stupidly put it off year after year thinking I could manage the OCD, until the OCD managed me. I could have saved myself quite a bit of misery if I'd grasped the nettle sooner rather than much later, please don't make my mistake. Your friend's experience is her experience, it doesn't follow yours will be the same, don't let it put you off beginning treatment. 

You're coping with a huge amount at the moment, I think I would get the breast appointment and exam for uni out of the way and then maybe have a think about seeing your GP about getting help for the OCD. It usually takes a bit of time anyway for the CBT to begin and in that time you can focus on the coursework.

I take my hat off to you, I can just about remember the stress I was under working towards a place at university and I didn't have to work on top of that, but it will all come together for you:)

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Aw that's horrible Freya.

It's such a shame your Mum reacted that way when you told her that you have OCD but perhaps she's just someone who doesn't like thinking about mental health issues? or perhaps she was secretly afraid of you developing any psychological issues? Of course feeling hurt about this doesn't make you a bad person but it won't help you either so it's worth forgiving your Mum about this when you feel able to.

Its really good that you've got a friend who understands OCD, whom you can talk to about everything. If you need CBT then do not let your friend's negative experience of therapy put you off; If you start therapy and find that you're not making progress then you can always choose to stop sessions but you might find it really helpful.

It's not surprising that you're feeling overwhelmed with everything that you have going on at the moment. Try to just focus on one or two of these problems each day- so maybe tomorrow you might prioritise revision, then on Sunday focus on the coursework.

For the referral remember that 90% women who visit one-stop/rapid access breast clinics do not have breast cancer and that that figure is much higher (over 95%) for under 20s so there's a very high chance that it's something like a fibroadenoma (benign lump) or a cyst. Can you reduce your hours at work whilst you're struggling with OCD? Also the GP might be able to prescribe something for the acne. 

You're doing so well to cope with so much at the moment but if you're struggling with OCD then definitely see your GP for a CBT referral!

xx

 

 

 

 



 

Edited by BelAnna
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Thank you for all your happy birthdays and responses. It was a good birthday if I ignore my stupid anxiety.

 

Its 2:41am, In being a barrister at mock trial in court tomorrow at 9am. I am very overwhelmed. I feel very sick but i'm not sure if i'm feeling sick from mixing baileys and prosecco.

I might ask my teachers for some deadline extensions and get my **** to the doctors as i can no longer live like this. I love my mum to pieces, I do forgive her it's quite clear she's scared. My sister was anorexic and tried to commit suicide, she always says she couldn't live without me and I really believe it's true. I'm trying to drink water and stay calm, I've probably taken on too much work. 

I think all my emotions have been piling up and hit me at once. All the work and my OCD/possible depression makes for a scary and overwhelming combination. 

 

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Poor you Freya, hope you're feeling better today. Anyone would feel overwhelmed in the situation that you are in at the moment.

I hope the mock trial thing went well! It might be a good idea to ask your teachers for an extension for the coursework- perhaps mention that you have found a lump and are under a two-week clinic referral, which is causing you additional anxiety at the moment. 

Your Mum's reaction makes a lot of sense, in the context of your sister's illness- it does sound like she is just scared of mental illness and of losing you. 

I hope you're ok!

 

 

Edited by BelAnna
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