Finding the Strength, Energy and Commitment

[nrh12]

Hi

Something I often struggle with is the ability to commit to resisting and going against my obsessions and compulsions. 

If you’ve read any of my previous posts you’ll notice that my OCD revolves around fear of contamination with body fluids. There’s absolutely no concern of becoming ill or any other physical risk, it’s literally just the prospect of traces of body fluids (of all sorts, but the more intimate ones are the worst) being present and spread around. If I see a mark on a seat, wall etc. my concern is that it could be a body fluid and anything that touches it is contaminated. If I see something I deem to be contaminated with such fluids (e.g someone else’s bedding, mattress, unwashed hands) coming into to contact with something else, my concern is that the something else/other object is now contaminated. Of course, one thing can lead to another causing a chain of contamination. 

Some instances I consider “higher risk” than others: touching something I think is contaminated and then touching a wall or other object might be ok (it depends) but it would be much worse if I touched something contaminated and then touched something like the outlet of a tap or a cloth I clean the tap and sink with (the tap would be contaminated and so would my hands when I wash them). Its these higher risk and more sensitive issues I struggle with more (if an object is contaminated, the conimation is restricted somewhat, if a tap or shower head is contaminated I feel there’s no way to get away from the contamination and it would be “all over me” when I used it and then be spread to clothes etc.)

I know I should go against/resist the obsession and compulsion, but sometimes I just can’t find the strength of will to do it. On a practical level I can see what needs to be done/not done, I’d probably never be aware of any “contamination “ if there were any and I don’t feel I’d come to any harm, I just can’t get over the dread of spreading the contamination. Sometimes I find I can go against the obsessions and compulsions, but then it creeps back and by that stage I feel I may have spread the contamination (e.g. I don’t clean something, everything is fine for a day or so, but then I start to feel anything that has touched that something is contaminated).

How to I find the strength of will to commit to going against my obsessions and compulsions?

Thank you in advance, Neil

[Symps07]

Hi Neil,

I always find resisting performing compulsions (in my case ruminating) is useful but like you say, sometimes you can do it easier (or with less difficulty) than at other times.

Have you tried exposure therapy at all? From my own personal experience I have found this to be the most effective way to overcome an OCD theme as I find that by just resisting an urge to perform a compulsion on its own, it can become quite tiring as the thoughts keep coming into my head and sometimes I will ruminate on them intensely whether for a few minutes or maybe a day or so. But with exposure therapy it feels as though I am able to 'attack' the OCD and loosen the thoughts/fears hold over me.

It's certainly worth looking into.

In the meantime, keep trying to resist the urge to resist performing compulsions and remember to challenge and reward yourself in equal measures. If you are feeling fatigued, resist the urge to perform a compulsion but also treat yourself to some down time or something that will help to de stress you or take your mind off things and if you do give in to temptation and perform a compulsion, except it for what it is, a blip and move on from it. The last thing you need is to put extra pressure on yourself and tire yourself out even more.

All the best,

 

Symps

 

[nrh12]

Hi Symps

Thank you for your reply and comments. 

I think for me this is a combination of not being able to resist obsessions/compulsions and also not being able to engage in exposure therapy - the thought of the contamination is just to much sometimes. I think I am going to have to push the issue with myself, I can see that it works with me sometimes, but other times it’s very difficult. I think part of the problem is I wonder what if there really is contamination. 

Thank you again, Neil

[PolarBear]

Hey Neil.

You wonder if there really is contamination. Of course you do. All sufferers get stuck on what if their thoughts are true. There's the uncertainty. So, you decide to be cautious. You're not sure, but you err on the side of caution and you do compulsions, just in case. It's true for all sufferers.

What you need to do is find the strength to say, do what? Maybe there is contamination, but I'm not going to play the OCD game. Start small and build on small successes. Don't stop. Keep pushing yourself to challenge the thoughts.

[nrh12]

Hi PolarBear

Thank you for your reply and points. 

I find the thought of wanting to be “free” quite empowering at times and I try to use that. Small steps sometimes help, but I often find that there is only one step to take or all the steps are similar to each other. However, I do find certain aspects easier: touching something “contaminated” and then touching another object in the room might be fine, but if I’ve touched the outlet of a tap (for example) I find it near impossible - it’s almost like there are “levels” of contamination. I’ve also found that it’s not the immediate contamination that’s the issue, one “contaminated” object might be fine but then this could spread the contamination until it’s “everywhere”. Guess I could adept this to steps - settle for one “contaminated” object but no more, then maybe two and so on  it’s the sensitive ones I really struggle with - like if I thought a bottle of shower gel were conminated on the outside, my thoughts would be “how can I get clean using that”?

I think I need to focus on things at face value more (e.g. does it superficially appear to be contaminated) and almost try a blind commitment to not play into anything compulsive/obsessive regardless.

thanks again, kind regards, Neil

 

[PolarBear]

The seemingly magical ability for an unseen, alleged contaminant to spread from one surface to another I call transference. It's really quite something how sufferers of your theme get it in their heads that touching an alleged contaminant prodyces a never ending supply of the contaminant on rheir fingers so anything touched afterword becimes contaminated. And this continues until a compulsion is performed to stop the transference.

New what if for you: what if the original thought that there is a contaminant present is a lie?

[nrh12]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

The seemingly magical ability for an unseen, alleged contaminant to spread from one surface to another I call transference. It's really quite something how sufferers of your theme get it in their heads that touching an alleged contaminant prodyces a never ending supply of the contaminant on

New what if for you: what if the original thought that there is a contaminant present is a lie?

Hi

Thanks for your second reply. 

I do often try to revert back to the original “contaminated” item and challenge that assumption, not that it always works.

There are two things I try to do to make small/bite size steps, but I’m not sure if they actually help or not (perhaps even support the obsession/compulsion):

1. The first is to think about the fact various dirt and “contamination” is all around and I don’t really have an issue with this general “contamination”. So if something I’m worried were actually contaminated, the “spread contamination” isn’t alway an issue as it will be less the the original source as going from one thing to another will reduce the amount present (it’s gradually wearing off). For example, I’d have an issue with touching a used toilet bowl/seat but people come into contact with similar “stuff” as they are actually using the toilet, they then touch things (perhaps before or without washing their hands properly) someone else may touch this and then other things and so on... I may come into contact with such things during the day and these don’t really bother me.
2. The second, if I am worried about the “spread contamination” I try to use not cleaning this “spread” as a small step towards accepting it, instead clean the “original source”. I’m not sure this necessarily a good step overall, and the problem is once I’ve cleaned this main fear, the “spread contamination” may then become the issue (even if it wasn’t an issue in the first place). 

Thanks again, Neil