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Finding a therapist - issues aside from OCD


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Hi there,

I am in quite a good place with my OCD but am realising more and more that there are some other issues that I need to deal with and that underpin my OCD.

I think I have reached the limit of what I can do myself with the help of people on here and my partner.  I think I would benefit from some outside help.  But honestly, and I know this isn't fair, but I have absolutely no faith in therapists, or probably medical professionals in general if I'm being honest.  

I don't really know what help I need and I want someone else to tell me.  But I don't know how to go about getting that other than going to my GP, and last time I did that and got therapy it was worse than useless, in fact I think it probably made things worse. 

I just wondered if anyone has any advice or whether I should just keep reading books and muddling through.  I don't really want to spend a fortune on private therapy.  

Thank you :)

GBG x

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Hi GBG, I wish I had the answer to this question. This is why I decided to go private for CBT, so that I could choose the person I wanted and have treatment on my own terms, but the cost really does make me want to cry when I know I could get treatment for free too. Perhaps you could speak to your GP but use your knowledge to advocate a bit more. So really ask for a therapist experienced in CBT. If it isn't helping, it's worth going back to your GP and explaining that to them and trying to seek a referral to someone else. I don't know how well that would work in practice, but it's better than being stuck with someone who is making you feel worse. 

I wonder if you can even identify a service that you think is good and ask for a referral to that particular service? I think it depends a bit on where you live, but there are centres that specialise in treating anxiety disorders, you'd likely be on a waiting list but if you could get a referral they would probably be much more helpful than a random therapist. 

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Hi Malina 

Thank you for this it's really helpful :) it does seem outrageous that we should have to pay in order to get treatment that actually works, and so much money as well. I totally understand why you've gone down that route though. 

I guess I'm not even sure CBT is what I need or whether some other kind of talking therapy would be better, I don't know even what my issue is really other than I just feel really unhappy with myself as a person a lot of the time and can't really unravel why. I spend a lot of time trying to figure it out but that easily turns into unhelpful ruminating, but then blocking it out has never really helped me either. Just feel a bit stuck. 

I might go and speak to my gp and see what comes of I it just don't feel optimistic about it and wonder whether I would be better just muddling along. 

Thanks so much for your input, hope you're doing OK 

Xx

 

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7 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I guess I'm not even sure CBT is what I need or whether some other kind of talking therapy would be better

 

Honestly, I don't think it matters too much. I think the feelings you describe sound like things that most people with mental health conditions go through. How can you feel good about yourself when you're dealing with so much stress? Also, it's not uncommon to have more than one mental health problem, especially anxiety and depression, for example. If you find a good therapist, they should be able to understand that and support you with both. 

I'm not sure where you live, I am seeing a therapist who used to work in an anxiety centre in London and he seems great. He doesn't work for the NHS anymore but I believe that others at this place must have lots of experience. If that isn't too complicated geographically, I'd be happy to send you details of the place.

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Hi Malina,

Thank you so much for your kind offer.  It would be tricky for me to get to London though.  I think if I was more on board with the general principle of having therapy, I would be happier to pay more/travel more etc.  I am just really cynical about the whole process.  Which I know probably isn't fair.  I always feel like I could just solve things myself if I could find the right bit of advice or the right book or whatever.  I guess sometimes though you need to speak to a professional.

I think maybe I will go and have a chat with my GP and see what is offered, if anything - I guess I can always change my mind about it!  and hopefully whoever I speak to can understand what the issue is and where we need to go with it, if anywhere. 

Thanks again, it's much appreciated :) 

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1 minute ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Hi Malina,

Thank you so much for your kind offer.  It would be tricky for me to get to London though.  I think if I was more on board with the general principle of having therapy, I would be happier to pay more/travel more etc.  I am just really cynical about the whole process.  Which I know probably isn't fair.  I always feel like I could just solve things myself if I could find the right bit of advice or the right book or whatever.  I guess sometimes though you need to speak to a professional.

I think maybe I will go and have a chat with my GP and see what is offered, if anything - I guess I can always change my mind about it!  and hopefully whoever I speak to can understand what the issue is and where we need to go with it, if anywhere. 

Thanks again, it's much appreciated :) 

I totally understand you. You seem to have a great deal of insight and you should be proud of how much you have manged to learn on your own! I hope you manage to find someone who actually helps you this time! :) 

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2 minutes ago, kaheath80 said:

I have a private therapist and she’s amazing, especially with my BPD, but she does charge £75 a session. It’s worth it for me, but I get it’s a lot of money and not everyone wants to pay that much.

Hi Kaheath

Really pleased you have such a good therapist (and they do exist!) - do you mind me asking how you went about finding her? x

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I also have an issue with struggling to open up when talking to someone face to face.  I get very hung up on wanting them to "like" me rather than actually saying what I need to say, and I also end up saying things differently to how I intend - and then they run away with that and I am too polite to put them right lol! :headslap:  I wish there was a way of speaking to a therapist in a written format, over instant chat for example - I know it would work better for me but I don't think there is such a thing.  

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11 minutes ago, malina said:

I totally understand you. You seem to have a great deal of insight and you should be proud of how much you have manged to learn on your own! I hope you manage to find someone who actually helps you this time! :) 

Thanks Malina - that's really nice of you to say :) I guess I am proud of learning so much although I'm sure some would say I should probably be OK by now after so much time spent going over and over and over it! I bore myself sometimes! 

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Actually my wife found her online by googling therapists who can help with limerence, which I was struggling with at the time. It was a coincidence that she specialises in BPD, I didn’t realise I had it at the time! She diagnosed me. 

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4 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

Thanks Malina - that's really nice of you to say :) I guess I am proud of learning so much although I'm sure some would say I should probably be OK by now after so much time spent going over and over and over it! I bore myself sometimes! 

If that was true, we'd all be over it by now! So many of us here have been through therapy, have been reading and learning and yet we still suffer with this. Honestly, I have been thinking about how weird it is that I understand exactly what is happening to me when I'm anxious and I even know what the correct response should be and yet I still feel anxious and awful! It is what it is, you can't control everything but I'm sure that all you have learned has help you manage a lot of the problems, even if they are still there.

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An experienced clinical psychologist should be able to deal with a broad spectrum of mental health issues. 

My private therapists were also in London :(

Face to face is best, but some therapists do consultations via Skype. 

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8 minutes ago, kaheath80 said:

I think being scared to open up is common- my wife has just started therapy and finds it really hard and scary. I love it as I love talking about myself!

It's not so much that I'm scared though, it's just not very effective for me - I always end up saying something completely different to what I mean.  I get very hung up on wanting the therapist to feel appreciated or like he/she is doing a good job - even if actually it isn't helping me at all.  Whereas in writing (on this forum for example) I can properly explain myself and open up, and there is an emotional distance between me and the people I'm talking to which makes it different somehow. I just wish there was a way of doing that I guess. 

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Well simply because my career was based upon face to face dialogue with clients loss adjusters insurers. It was hugely beneficial for deals that we related face to face, got to know each other well. 

Plus you have to make an effort to get to face to face therapy - and making that effort is part of the commitment we need to make. 

Various times I was not feeling great emotionally and, as a result, physically - but I still made it to therapy :)

 

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Just now, taurean said:

Well simply because my career was based upon face to face dialogue with clients loss adjusters insurers. It was hugely beneficial for deals that we related face to face, got to know each other well. 

Plus you have to make an effort to get to face to face therapy - and making that effort is part of the commitment we need to make. 

Various times I was not feeling great emotionally and, as a result, physically - but I still made it to therapy :)

 

that's great really pleased it work for you Roy :)

I guess though what works for one person doesn't work for all though - and part of my issue with therapy in general is this idea that "they know best".  My reluctance to engage face-to-face is not to do with commitment but to do with knowing myself and what works best for me. I am totally unwilling to spend a whole load of money on a format which I feel does not work for me at all. But I'm totally unable to find anyone who does it differently which is a big part of why I have stayed with the forum/books etc. 

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You're right, there are very few alternative formats, which isn't great when you think that some people with such problems may have trouble leaving home or interacting with a stranger. What about group therapy? It may seem odd to suggest interacting with an entire group when you're not keen on a face to face interaction, but it could turn into more of a discussion rather than having one person talk to you as if they know best. I have never tried group therapy so I can't comment on how helpful it is. I think some people also do Skype sessions, but you're still speaking directly to them. 

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Hi GBG :)

I understand what you are saying about therapy being difficult for you, it's like you need a little therapy for some of your problems to help you feel confident enough to engage in therapy with a therapist. I haven't had a therapist, but I actually think finding a good therapist would be amazing. Absolutely amazing. I don't go looking for one but if I was stuck I would. 

I don't understand why you don't think therapy would work for you. Your experience clearly wasn't the best but that doesn't mean the next one will be as bad. 

I think you need CBT with an added therapy like Compassion Focused Therapy but that's just my opinion. Definitely read CBT for OCD, it's where I learnt extra stuff :)

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Yesterday at London Bridge I especially chose to walk past the building where I first had private therapy.

It was the session that I ultimately chose to terminate for exactly this reason. The therapist - an eminent psychiatrist and cognitive behavioural therapist -  came from that school of thought. He knew best not me :(

After a few sessions of learning what my problems were, he wanted me to go into "flooding" exposure regularly for two weeks. 

I told him he was NOT taking into account the brief I - the client - had set for the therapy. My OCD came in episodes, and my brief was to learn what to do when in an episode in order to help to bring it to an early closure. 

A very specific brief. 

This flooding would have catapulted me into another episode. 

I think there needs to in the future be less of this dogmatic approach from therapists, and more responding to the brief and making informed suggestions, not orders. 

This experience didn't put me off finding another therapist - but it made me more choosy. 

 

Edited by taurean
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9 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

Hi GBG :)

I understand what you are saying about therapy being difficult for you, it's like you need a little therapy for some of your problems to help you feel confident enough to engage in therapy with a therapist. I haven't had a therapist, but I actually think finding a good therapist would be amazing. Absolutely amazing. I don't go looking for one but if I was stuck I would. 

I don't understand why you don't think therapy would work for you. Your experience clearly wasn't the best but that doesn't mean the next one will be as bad. 

I think you need CBT with an added therapy like Compassion Focused Therapy but that's just my opinion. Definitely read CBT for OCD, it's where I learnt extra stuff :)

If I could speak to a therapist like this, in this format, then I would. And if I could be sure they were good. But I can't do that. It isn't a confidence issue. It's that a face to face format doesn't work well for me when talking about myself, or anything indepth.  It's just how I am. I need time to consider what I'm going to say. There is also the dogmatic aspect of this kind of thing, the "I know best" thing. You get this everywhere from doctors to GPs to physiotherapists. It instantly puts my back up. I like to have discussions, not to be told what to do. Which is the great thing about this forum. I guess with the forum though I feel like I take up too much time from people like you :) 

I definitely need to track down that book, in fact I'm going to get it tonight x 

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Interestingly it just occurred to me that my worst, and my best, CBT therapists were based at opposite ends of London Bridge - a bridge with which I am well acquainted as my first two offices were based close by and, during my lunch hour, I would sometimes watch them building the bridge :)

 

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14 minutes ago, taurean said:

Yesterday at London Bridge I especially chose to walk past the building where I first had private therapy.

It was the session that I ultimately chose to terminate for exactly this reason. The therapist - an eminent psychiatrist and cognitive behavioural therapist -  came from that school of thought. He knew best not me :(

After a few sessions of learning what my problems were, he wanted me to go into "flooding" exposure regularly for two weeks. 

I told him he was NOT taking into account the brief I - the client - had set for the therapy. My OCD came in episodes, and my brief was to learn what to do when in an episode in order to help to bring it to an early closure. 

A very specific brief. 

This flooding would have catapulted me into another episode. 

I think there needs to in the future be less of this dogmatic approach from therapists, and more responding to the brief and making informed suggestions, not orders. 

This experience didn't put me off finding another therapist - but it made me more choosy. 

 

It sounds like you definitely did the best thing advocating for yourself like this Roy :) 

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