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gingerbreadgirl

Finding a therapist - issues aside from OCD

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Hi GBG,

Just to add my perspective - without trying to deluge you with advice. I have had private CBT and to be fair it did work at the time . I have also have CBT on the NHS and was equally good. I have also had some therapists I have just not gelled with in both sectors. 

I don't know your history with therapists but if you can find a one you can 'connect' with it makes a massive difference. In my current geographical location I have had 2 bouts of CBT via the NHS, the first around 4 years ago I found the therapist rubbed me up the wrong way and while he may have known his stuff I struggled to work with him felt he was patronising me.

The second bout of CBT which finished in January this year was a lot more successful, I felt the therapist actually wanted to help - and crucially didn't speak down to me - like you this really gets my back up if I feel I am being patronised. The lady this last time had for me at least the right manner - she was firm but I liked her. 

As for opening up - that's a tricky one, my OCD theme (at least one of them) is very sensitive and I struggled at first but found once I went for it and spoke it did become easier and once that connection was established I found I was more at ease as you get to know each other a bit more. 

You may well benefit from some form of self - compassion therapy as well as CBT as others have mentioned, its tricky as just cos we have OCD it doesn't mean OCD is the cause of all our problems, it may well distort things but we are all human and we are subject to the emotions and problems that hit everyone in the population. 

Perhaps you could speak with your GP to discuss options? or does your work offer some kind of help - I know some places do have a kind of support system in place for mental health struggles. 

 

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Thank you for this avo it is really good to hear about others' positive experiences with therapists. I know I am too cynical about it and it is good to hear that sometimes it does work out! 

I guess when I saw a therapist last time I got drawn into wanting her to like me, and I almost wanted her to believe that I shouldn't be there, I didn't need therapy and it was all a mistake! (I know it sounds so ridiculous!!) And her advice was so incredibly basic. I feel like I know a lot now and I need someone to help me find that extra piece of the puzzle, not explain the basics which I already know. But I don't really want to pay. If I go to my gp I suspect the advice will be to go through iapt. But like you say maybe I should just go and have a chat and see what comes from it, it's not like I'm committed or anything. 

Thanks again and hope you're OK? X 

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Hi GBG,

I think at least speaking with your GP is a sensible step - you have nothing to lose by doing so. Would some kind of self- compassion type therapy be worth mentioning when you do see them? 

I am so so thanks - glad its almost the weekend! 

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Thanks avo, I think you're right and there's  nothing to lose by chatting to them. I definitely think self compassion type therapy may be worth looking into. I always worry if I give myself compassion I am "letting myself off the hook" for all the bad things I've done bla bla! So yeah would be good to see what I can do. 

Hope you have a lovely weekend :) x 

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Hi gbg,

I’m sorry but im probably going a bit off track here, but I think it’s important to remember it’s not just about getting over OCD it’s also about developing as a person, filling the time that was previously occupied doing rituals and compulsions etc. Learning about the different emotions we start to feel that have been suppressed for so long. Becoming an independent person and not relying on others to make decisions for us or reassuring us that we made the right choice. We slowly start to learn more about ourselves as a person and where we would like to be and slowly we begin to grow and I think that this is just as important too :)

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27 minutes ago, lostinme said:

Hi gbg,

I’m sorry but im probably going a bit off track here, but I think it’s important to remember it’s not just about getting over OCD it’s also about developing as a person, filling the time that was previously occupied doing rituals and compulsions etc. Learning about the different emotions we start to feel that have been suppressed for so long. Becoming an independent person and not relying on others to make decisions for us or reassuring us that we made the right choice. We slowly start to learn more about ourselves as a person and where we would like to be and slowly we begin to grow and I think that this is just as important too :)

This is so true lost and really important to remember :) 

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I've had similar feelings about therapy, it took a lot for me to find my current one. And it takes time to form a relationship with one, who will understand that and will expect you not to open up right away. I'm doing somatic experiencing at the moment and it's great - gentle, not psychoanalytical, not intense, but also very subtly powerful. It's taken 5 sessions for me to even begin to get comfortable being honest with her, and getting past that whole wanting to please her stuff. She recognises it though, and there's no judgment, just the recognising together of what's happening.

I was reluctant to start therapy as I was a little arrogant in many ways, I wanted a REALLY good one because I thought they had to be especially knowledgeable or something. After years of rubbish health professionals, I thought I knew quite a lot and needed someone who knew more. This was a mistake - it's not what they know or how experienced they are, it's how they navigate the therapeutic relationship. And how they work with you, on your level, as a partner in exploring your issues. No one is going to be the perfect therapist, but you'd be surprised how effective simple therapies can be if you stick with them.

Of course, going private was the only real option and that sucks because not everyone can afford it. I'd say go into it open minded, with no expectations, but stick with it.That seems to be the best way to get the most results. Wishing you luck!

Edited by Saffie

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That's great information Saffie. 

On here we tend to see focus on poor delivery of therapy, not the very many therapists private or otherwise that work as a team with sufferers towards good results. 

If we set the bar too high, then we will most likely be heading for disappointment. 

We can always top up therapy with some enlightenment from our fellow-sufferers on the forums. As current threads are showing, the forum collective have the time to consider then weigh in with informed opinions which, as I know from my own case, can turn out to be absolutely priceless. 

Edited by taurean

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30 minutes ago, Saffie said:

I've had similar feelings about therapy, it took a lot for me to find my current one. And it takes time to form a relationship with one, who will understand that and will expect you not to open up right away. I'm doing somatic experiencing at the moment and it's great - gentle, not psychoanalytical, not intense, but also very subtly powerful. It's taken 5 sessions for me to even begin to get comfortable being honest with her, and getting past that whole wanting to please her stuff. She recognises it though, and there's no judgment, just the recognising together of what's happening.

I was reluctant to start therapy as I was a little arrogant in many ways, I wanted a REALLY good one because I thought they had to be especially knowledgeable or something. After years of rubbish health professionals, I thought I knew quite a lot and needed someone who knew more. This was a mistake - it's not what they know or how experienced they are, it's how they navigate the therapeutic relationship. And how they work with you, on your level, as a partner in exploring your issues. No one is going to be the perfect therapist, but you'd be surprised how effective simple therapies can be if you stick with them.

Of course, going private was the only real option and that sucks because not everyone can afford it. I'd say go into it open minded, with no expectations, but stick with it.That seems to be the best way to get the most results. Wishing you luck!

This is great advice and probably quite close to the bone because I think I too am probably a bit arrogant about this  - like "I know a lot and I've been thinking about it for ages, how can some therapist think they know more after half an hour of speaking to me?" But as you say it's not about their knowledge per se but their perspective and how they navigate the relationship. Thank you for this :) 

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7 hours ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

This is great advice and probably quite close to the bone because I think I too am probably a bit arrogant about this  - like "I know a lot and I've been thinking about it for ages, how can some therapist think they know more after half an hour of speaking to me?" But as you say it's not about their knowledge per se but their perspective and how they navigate the relationship. Thank you for this :) 

Yep, been there haha. I think that's fairly common too. But yeah exactly, realising that helped me take the first step towards finding one. Hope you find one that works for you :)

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I don't see a problem with disbelief in general when it comes to psychiatry. I don't know if I am having other diagnosis beside OCD and I don't really think that I will dig deeper when I am recovered from OCD. It doesn't have to be a bad thing GBG. 

Also I personally thinks that it is somewhat of a blessing to have lost faith in psychiatry overall because I can see now that I saw it as a crutch, a crutch which I really need to find elsewhere and ultimately in myself. 

Nobody have helped me better than myself because ultimately you have to get to the stage where you can be your own therapist. But people online have been a blessing, I like you all. But some sourches have hit home with me a liiittle more than others, some therapist on Youtube and Polarbear here have been real sources of knowledge and it comes to a point where knowledge isn't enough. Thank god for the fact that we have internet, I don't even want to think about how it was having OCD 40 years ago. BUT it can also be a curse because when can get obsessed with trying to find the perfect match. However, the benefits of having free information about it is much greater than the negative impacts. There are some problems when it gets obsessive and that is why we all are here (because we seems to be somewhat obsessive, but that's alright) so I think that we all have a responsibility not to feed  of OCD-monsters when someone is  having the wrong motivation behind searching knowledge online. That is what I fear to some extent nowdays when it comes to forums. This forum is great when it comes to that aspect!

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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11 hours ago, Saffie said:

I've had similar feelings about therapy, it took a lot for me to find my current one. And it takes time to form a relationship with one, who will understand that and will expect you not to open up right away. I'm doing somatic experiencing at the moment and it's great - gentle, not psychoanalytical, not intense, but also very subtly powerful. It's taken 5 sessions for me to even begin to get comfortable being honest with her, and getting past that whole wanting to please her stuff. She recognises it though, and there's no judgment, just the recognising together of what's happening.

I was reluctant to start therapy as I was a little arrogant in many ways, I wanted a REALLY good one because I thought they had to be especially knowledgeable or something. After years of rubbish health professionals, I thought I knew quite a lot and needed someone who knew more. This was a mistake - it's not what they know or how experienced they are, it's how they navigate the therapeutic relationship. And how they work with you, on your level, as a partner in exploring your issues. No one is going to be the perfect therapist, but you'd be surprised how effective simple therapies can be if you stick with them.

Of course, going private was the only real option and that sucks because not everyone can afford it. I'd say go into it open minded, with no expectations, but stick with it.That seems to be the best way to get the most results. Wishing you luck!

I am living in Sweden and this is (sadly) my experience too. At that point after 10 years of going to therapists through my young adult years did I have so much information myself so I could start to get the puzzle right. Start, not getting cocky here now, we probably have to always be on our guard to some extent. But I payed for some appointments to a private therapist and she was so much knowledgeable right away. It is really really sad how the situation seems to be when it comes to OCD and therapists. It even gets more sad with the fact that it actually is a condition which can be relieved, people in studies are showing great benefits when they are given therapy. 

I would also like to give the therapists some justice, because I feelt really lost and in despair many times and just talking to someone can be great. But when it comes to OCD and actually giving me therapy... well

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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If I had my time again - and wasn't badly affected by OCD - I think I would have liked to be a clinical psychologist. 

Now they tackle lots of different mental and emotional states - which is one of their problems as they may not have acquired adequate knowledge about how OCD works. 

I would seek to put that right - and I would recommend modules of simplified factual OCD learning as part of their ongoing continued professional development training. 

 

Edited by taurean

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51 minutes ago, taurean said:

If I had my time again - and wasn't badly affected by OCD - I think I would have liked to be a clinical psychologist. 

Now they tackle lots of different mental and emotional states - which is one of their problems as they may not have acquired adequate knowledge about how OCD works. 

I would seek to put that right - and I would recommend modules of simplified factual OCD learning as part of their ongoing continued professional development training. 

 

That's interesting Roy.  I very nearly applied to the Clinical Psychology training scheme, and did work experience with a Clinical Psychologist in an NHS setting after getting my psychology degree.  I still often wonder whether I should have carried on down that path.  I'm not sure I could have dealt with the stress, though, and I'm not sure I have the patience.  But it will always be one of those things I look back on and wonder about.  Paths not taken and all that. 

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1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

That's interesting Roy.  I very nearly applied to the Clinical Psychology training scheme, and did work experience with a Clinical Psychologist in an NHS setting after getting my psychology degree.  I still often wonder whether I should have carried on down that path.  I'm not sure I could have dealt with the stress, though, and I'm not sure I have the patience.  But it will always be one of those things I look back on and wonder about.  Paths not taken and all that. 

I suppose you could say what we contribute here is a sop to that desire. And valuable all round :)

My niece elected to do an open university clinical psychology course when she was caring for her Mum. It was too challenging for her and she pulled out, but has found another wonderful career instead.

Various of my friends say I should train to be a clinical psychologist - overlooking the fact that I am actually 68.5 years old :xmas_lol:

I myself fell into insurance by accident - the youth employment officer suggested it - and it fitted me perfectly anyway, I never regretted it. :)

 

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I can imagine you would've been an amazing clinical psychologist Roy :) insightful, kind and patient - a combination we could all do to have in a therapist. 

It's good to have no regrets though :) 

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On ‎29‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 21:25, gingerbreadgirl said:

This is so true lost and really important to remember :) 

Yes, Paul has a great slide for this about 'nature abhors a vacuum'... so true :)

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This is where I think therapists are a little remiss. 

The patient with mental illness is not a lump of meat, but a highly-individual upset person needing specific care and consideration. 

Rolling out a therapy system like a football formation doesn't, for me, work. 

There needs to develop a bond of trust and each element of CBT needs the right time per patient to be introduced into the mix. 

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