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Finding a therapist - issues aside from OCD


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16 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I need time to consider what I'm going to say. 

But why? Are you sure it isn't a check of some form. Say you say something wrong and it needs correcting, what is so bad about that. 

I really get the 'I know best' thing, my one and only therapist was useless, just used to go on about how he went to the shops for exposures with other clients. He never ever suggested doing the same for me! No formulation, no talking of thoughts, assumptions and beliefs. Totally rubbish. But anyone with an 'I know best' attitude is a bad therapist/gp, still isn't a reason to not try again.

22 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I definitely need to track down that book, in fact I'm going to get it tonight x 

Good, I hope it helps. What we all need is a therapist like Paul Salkovskis and co :)

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14 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

But why? Are you sure it isn't a check of some form.

I see why you'd say this :) - but no that isn't what I mean.  I am bad at explaining things face to face and I am in many different contexts - I don't know why exactly, a few reasons I expect.  But it isn't a good format for me.  Even at work I tend to push people towards emailing if they want a good explanation out of me.  I think this is more a personality thing than anything.  Some people at work love having meetings and hate emailing.  I however always write best, I take my time to think about what I want to say.  This isn't an OCD thing.  And it isn't a shyness thing either.  It's just me. 

14 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

my one and only therapist was useless, just used to go on about how he went to the shops for exposures with other clients. He never ever suggested doing the same for me! No formulation, no talking of thoughts, assumptions and beliefs. Totally rubbish.

This is rubbish and really disappointing, I'm sorry you had this too :( I just feel like everyone is a bit like this though.  It's human nature, where people are qualified in a certain arena then their ego gets involved.  Doctors are the worst for this.  And I can't help feeling like if I get a therapist I will feel talked down to, even if I'm not - just because they're the one with the knowledge, they're the one I'm paying. 

14 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

What we all need is a therapist like Paul Salkovskis and co :)

yes definitely!! :) :) 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl
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13 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

It's just me. 

Well, I'm not big on the 'this is who I am', I don't think anyone is who they are, we are all ever changing, but that's a topic for another day :D

So if this is who you are, find a therapist where you can incorporate this form of communication. You could both agree to email any extra thoughts you've had on a subject you were talking about or take notes with you into your session. You aren't likely to be the only person who prefers this.

13 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I just feel like everyone is a bit like this though.  It's human nature, where people are qualified in a certain arena then their ego gets involved.  Doctors are the worst for this.  And I can't help feeling like if I get a therapist I will feel talked down to, even if I'm not - just because they're the one with the knowledge, they're the one I'm paying. 

This is overgeneralising, making assumptions and using feelings as evidence but you know that already. Just keep your options open I say! :)

Edited by Gemma7
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26 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I see why you'd say this :) - but no that isn't what I mean.  I am bad at explaining things face to face and I am in many different contexts - I don't know why exactly, a few reasons I expect.  But it isn't a good format for me.  Even at work I tend to push people towards emailing if they want a good explanation out of me.  I think this is more a personality thing than anything.  Some people at work love having meetings and hate emailing.  I however always write best, I take my time to think about what I want to say.  This isn't an OCD thing.  And it isn't a shyness thing either.  It's just me. 

 

Maybe this is something you could actually tell the therapist, it would certainly be helpful from them to know so that they can give you more time to think things through before expecting an answer

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5 minutes ago, malina said:

Maybe this is something you could actually tell the therapist, it would certainly be helpful from them to know so that they can give you more time to think things through before expecting an answer

This is really good advice thank you :) I think another part of the problem though is that I become really hung up on getting people's approval in a face to face setting - which is sooo sad I know! But I end up saying I'm fine and everything's fine even when it's not, I don't know why I do this. I guess it just seems like a massive extra hurdle to jump over before even getting to the hurdle  of doing therapy. I just think it would be so much more beneficial for me to not do it like this! But anyway no point wishing for something that can't happen so got to make use of what's available. 

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Certainly there is a wealth of knowledge and experience to be gained from books the charity and these forums. 

Some of my most useful help came from stopping worrying books and books on CBT in general, not specific to OCD. 

Since OCD was only part of the overall whole mental health issues I needed this as well. 

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10 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I guess it just seems like a massive extra hurdle to jump over before even getting to the hurdle  of doing therapy. I just think it would be so much more beneficial for me to not do it like this! But anyway no point wishing for something that can't happen so got to make use of what's available. 

I agree it is and it shouldn't be this way. Have you started any relationship where one of the first things they know about you is you seek approval from other people so say things are fine when they aren't? That's where you need to start with a relationship with a therapist. So they can work with it from the start.

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I found the chapter near the end of 'CBT for OCD' about a woman who couldn't engage in CBT before she had tackled her underlying beliefs, really useful. There are times when CBT is not the best choice for problems outside of ocd, especially if you don't want prescriptive answers, have you looked at understanding the different forms of counselling such as person centred counselling and psychodynamic counselling etc? I think you are more likely to get a good counsellor if they are qualified in a specific approach rather than just 'counselling'. I struggle to talk face to face - I clam up or just want to make sure I've not upset the therapist - so I would write down everything I wanted to say before the session and ask them to read it. I googled 'email counselling' recently and there are a lot of therapists offering written online services now. There is also nothing wrong with shopping around and chatting to someone first before commiting, and if you don't like a therapist there is nothing wrong with moving on. 

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11 hours ago, taurean said:

Certainly there is a wealth of knowledge and experience to be gained from books the charity and these forums. 

Some of my most useful help came from stopping worrying books and books on CBT in general, not specific to OCD. 

Since OCD was only part of the overall whole mental health issues I needed this as well. 

That's true Roy and I probably do need to make use of books other than ocd books, I suppose I just don't know exactly where to start because I'm not sure exactly what the problem is!

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11 hours ago, Gemma7 said:

I agree it is and it shouldn't be this way. Have you started any relationship where one of the first things they know about you is you seek approval from other people so say things are fine when they aren't? That's where you need to start with a relationship with a therapist. So they can work with it from the start.

Yeah I suppose I just need to be honest about this stuff so they know that I find the format difficult etc. Thanks :) 

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1 hour ago, Wren said:

I found the chapter near the end of 'CBT for OCD' about a woman who couldn't engage in CBT before she had tackled her underlying beliefs, really useful. There are times when CBT is not the best choice for problems outside of ocd, especially if you don't want prescriptive answers, have you looked at understanding the different forms of counselling such as person centred counselling and psychodynamic counselling etc? I think you are more likely to get a good counsellor if they are qualified in a specific approach rather than just 'counselling'. I struggle to talk face to face - I clam up or just want to make sure I've not upset the therapist - so I would write down everything I wanted to say before the session and ask them to read it. I googled 'email counselling' recently and there are a lot of therapists offering written online services now. There is also nothing wrong with shopping around and chatting to someone first before commiting, and if you don't like a therapist there is nothing wrong with moving on. 

Hi wren 

I suppose I haven't really thought about general counselling and could look into that - thanks! There just seem to be so many different types of therapy, some more evidence based than others, it just seems a bit of a minefield. And I always end up coming back to "oh I can just solve this myself " - I can be very stubborn that way!! 

That is a really good idea to write it all down beforehand. I would do much better with that. Thank you :) - I'm also glad email counselling is becoming a thing! X 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl
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23 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

. And I always end up coming back to "oh I can just solve this myself " - I can be very stubborn that way!! 

I absolutely understand, Im currently relying on books! I think self help is possible but we need to know which therapies will help us, and for me after years of CBT, I'm finally getting somewhere by acknowledging that CBT is not a panacea for all problems. (Caveat - CBT is the best form of therapy for ocd, it's just that if you have ocd it doesn't mean all your problems are caused by ocd). I think the evidence for success rates of different types of talk therapies are patchy, it's seems from what I know that it is the relationship you form with the therapist which is the helpful bit. I think there is a bit of a tendency for CBT to treat us as autonomous individuals, rather than as social beings who are profoundly influenced by our society and relationships, and I've found reading around this subject area helpful. 

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You could start off GBG by taking a look at the various different types of negative cognitive thinking distortions and identifying which ones affect you detrimentally. The list is freely available via a search engine. 

It really helped me to see how 4 of these were chipping away alongside my OCD and needed addressing. 

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14 minutes ago, taurean said:

You could start off GBG by taking a look at the various different types of negative cognitive thinking distortions and identifying which ones affect you detrimentally. The list is freely available via a search engine. 

It really helped me to see how 4 of these were chipping away alongside my OCD and needed addressing. 

Thanks Roy :) I have looked into this and read a number of books on general CBT. I suppose that just knowing that you have distortions - and I know I have a few! - is not enough to get rid of them especially when you have thought that way basically forever. 

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1 hour ago, Wren said:

I absolutely understand, Im currently relying on books! I think self help is possible but we need to know which therapies will help us, and for me after years of CBT, I'm finally getting somewhere by acknowledging that CBT is not a panacea for all problems. (Caveat - CBT is the best form of therapy for ocd, it's just that if you have ocd it doesn't mean all your problems are caused by ocd). I think the evidence for success rates of different types of talk therapies are patchy, it's seems from what I know that it is the relationship you form with the therapist which is the helpful bit. I think there is a bit of a tendency for CBT to treat us as autonomous individuals, rather than as social beings who are profoundly influenced by our society and relationships, and I've found reading around this subject area helpful. 

I totally agree with this and I suppose this is where criticisms of CBT come in - it can be quite reductionist when applied to complex problems and ignores the social aspects like you say. 

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10 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I totally agree with this and I suppose this is where criticisms of CBT come in - it can be quite reductionist when applied to complex problems and ignores the social aspects like you say. 

Although i agree CBT is not a panacea for all problems I don't think you can say it ignores social influences. Maybe a poor therapist would just look at you having OCD and use basic CBT techniques, but I would be looking for a therapist who had experience in many issues, who absolutely included the effect of our environment and who draws from many therapy models. Your problem would definitely fall under the bracket of problems that are helped by CBT. 

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16 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

Although i agree CBT is not a panacea for all problems I don't think you can say it ignores social influences. Maybe a poor therapist would just look at you having OCD and use basic CBT techniques, but I would be looking for a therapist who had experience in many issues, who absolutely included the effect of our environment and who draws from many therapy models. Your problem would definitely fall under the bracket of problems that are helped by CBT. 

Fair enough :) - I guess I don't have the knowledge of the different therapy models to really know either way. 

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Just listening to this, it's a podcast on CFT, there are others too. It falls under the area of cognitive behavioural therapies and it's from the BABCP website. There are podcasts on others too, might be worth listening for you :)

Edit: trying to find link

Edited by Gemma7
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Another thing that might help is a journal I bought in the magazine section of Sainsbury's today. 

It's on mindfulness and how to use I it in our daily lives, but it also includes a feature on love kindness meditation. 

Those that know my story may know that it was mindfulness and love kindness meditation alongside cognitive knowledge that gave me the wherewithal to stop constantly repeating intrusive thoughts, and as a result close down an episode of OCD. 

Julie has grabbed the journal and taken it off upstairs to put with my Christmas gifts - but I will sneak up and advise what it is called. 

It's called "The Mindfulness Journal"and cost £5.99 but is packed with features including Merry Mindful Christmas - using mindful strategies to reduce stress at Christmas, using love kindness and why it counts, understanding how mindfulness works, why laughter is the best medicine, and here is one especially for GBG - writing your thoughts and emotions down using 21 prompts to see how they stack up and what you can do about them. 

Can't wait for Christmas so I can read it. Gotta hide it away again now. 

Edited by taurean
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7 minutes ago, taurean said:

Another thing that might help is a journal I bought in the magazine section of Sainsbury's today. 

It's on mindfulness and how to use it in our daily lives, but it also includes a feature on love kindness meditation. 

Those that know my story may know that it was mindfulness and love kindness meditation alongside cognitive knowledge that gave me the wherewithal to stop constantly repeating intrusive thoughts, and as a result close down an episode of OCD. 

Julie has grabbed the journal and taken it off upstairs to put with my Christmas gifts - but I will sneak up and advise what it is called. 

It's called "The Mindfulness Journal"and coat £5.99 but is packed with features including Merry Mindful Christmas - using mindful strategies to reduce stress at Christmas, using love kindness and why it counts, understanding how mindfulness works, why laughter is the best medicine, and here is one especially for GBG - writing your thoughts and emotions down using 21 prompts to see how they stack up and what you can do about them. 

Can't wait for Christmas so I can read it. Gotta hide it away again now. 

Ah that sounds nice Roy :) - hope you enjoy opening it at Christmas and enjoying it! 

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Well it looks like my copy of "Break Free From OCD" is going out on loan to a local friend whose ladyfriend is struggling with checking OCD. 

So I will have a new publication to add to the collection meanwhile :)

 

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