Any experience appreciated

[Headwreck]

Hello everyone.

As you all know, my current obsession has been here every single day for over a year. I've realised something over the past week or two though; I'm not thinking about it as often. This may sound great; it is and isn't. I'm concerned that I'm okay with this whole worry being true. I don't want to be okay with it, I'm under no circumstances okay with it. But I am no longer constantly thinking about it, and when I do it's not bothering me as much as it did, which is leading me to think that I am happy to ignore this major thing. Not sure if anyone understands when I say it's still constantly there every day but it's not using the active part of my brain as much?

Tablets are numbing emotional response but I still feel that general anxiety, worry. I know that anxiety and worry are natural but I'm also finding it hard to tell if it's a natural response or if it isn't? Having literally been in a constant state of worry/rumination since 2013, I feel since starting my medication and clearing the fog a little, I don't know what emotions are true or false, what is valid or overblown.

Appreciate any input. Thanks.

Edited December 1, 2018 by Headwreck

[Dragonfly]

Hi Headwreck,

Do you think that you’re feeling better but digging around still, as this is what you’ve been used to? I questioned myself at times still too after I began to feel better, after all that’s what we do don’t we! That’s our normal, not to trust ourselves and to let the OCD take the reins. 

I think if you can, and it won’t be easy, you need to ‘take that leap of faith’, that it is all just the OCD. 

May take a while but the thoughts and anxiety will decrease. But one thing is for sure, you keep analysing isn’t doing anything any good. It’s not going to happen overnight, could take months, as you’re retraining your brain, but just try and give a ‘whatever’ when a thought comes in x

[californiadreaming]

Hey Headwreck, it seems like you’re still covert ruminating. Have you been doing ERP/CBT with a therapist alongside the meds? That’s the last piece of the puzzle!

The point is not to gain clarity if you did it or not, the point is to simply not care. I know that sounds scary, but the right treatment will move this thought to the back of your brain because it’s not important.

[PolarBear]

We've talked about this before. You are spending way too much time analyzing your situation, your thoughts, your reactions, your feelings. You don't need to figure these things out. You can leave them all alone and just get on with your life.