Silly question

[bruces]

I'm sorry if it seems I'm wasting people's time again but I just can't understand what I'm here for? Does that make any sense? Sorry for the silly post. 

[Caramoole]

Hi Bruce

I'm not going to call it silly but it isn't going to help you.  It is just another of the same questions that you often post and again, it's one we can't answer and also one that simply engages you in endless rumination and introspection, which isn't helpful to you.

Have you been back to your GP?  You really need to be referred to a therapist who can work with you individually

[bruces]

I'm sorry for this post I e tried not to post but this morning got too much and I put it on! Very sorry x 

[Caramoole]

Okay, that's actually more helpful to you.  You say you tried not to post but it got too much.  What was going on in your head?  How did the urges feel?  We're you ruminating?  Did you feel anxious?  Explain how "You" we're feeling.......let's not Get into the question that you asked but the feelings, urges etc you experienced

[bruces]

Yes I ruminate all day long,try to distract myself but even work doesn't seem to be able to channel my energy. 

Its a viscous circle of negative thinking which is destroying me physically as well. 

Whilst im NOT at danger to myself I'm really not getting the point of life. 

[Caramoole]

25 minutes ago, bruces said:

Whilst im NOT at danger to myself I'm really not getting the point of life

and probably the main thing that is keeping you so dissatisfied is your endless, daily search to answer that question.  Your OCD.

As you know from the hundreds of other threads you must have read, whatever your particular OCD manifestation (yours being existential), you can't ever solve it by carrying out compulsions.  You say you try to distract yourself.  I suspect that you probably just try to get on with your work and ignore it.  You have to take it a bit further than that.  You have to make an active, proactive stance to truly change your drifting into rumination.  Rumination can seem automatic, because it becomes habitual it seems to happen automatically but it doesn't quite.  You have to act like your own security doorman and be aware when your brain seems pulled into the cycle of trying to work things out.  You have to acknowledge that's what's happening and actively stop the internal conversation you're so used to having.  You don't engage in that conversation (and we can do that).  You'll find that before long your brain is pulled back to wanting to work it out again, you repeat the procedure and work constantly to stop the cycle of rumination.  It's hard work and you'll have to work at it over and over again, especially at first.

Again, I'll say I feel you need some good therapy to help you.  Have you been back to your GP?  Have you stressed that you feel you need a referral to someone who can help you, to support you with CBT for OCD?  If not, why not Bruces?  I've asked a few times but you haven't answered this question

[bruces]

Thanks or your great reply caramoole,up until about 4 weeks ago I was having private cbt but I stopped for two reasons 1,it was so expensive and 2,I felt I wasn't really doing anything other than spilling my woes out every week. 

When you talk of satisfaction I also find myself looking into the past with rude tinted glasses,I was still unwell but had a lot more going on,I havnt been able to make the transition in to my middle area very well. 

[Caramoole]

36 minutes ago, bruces said:

until about 4 weeks ago I was having private cbt but I stopped for two reasons 1,it was so expensive and 2,I felt I wasn't really doing anything other than spilling my woes out every week

You didn't have anywhere near enough sessions to make it effective, nor (if I understand properly) did the therapist sound to have the best approach.  Despite the many problems it has, we still have an NHS and you have the right to be given treatment without cost.  Your GP is the one who's ear you need to be bending and you're going to have to be firm and ask, don't be fobbed off with the long waiting list excuse (been there, done that for 30 odd years).  You never will get up that long waiting list unless you get on it in the first place.

40 minutes ago, bruces said:

I also find myself looking into the past with rude tinted glasses,I was still unwell but had a lot more going on,I havnt been able to make the transition in to my middle area very well. 

Yes, you do have rose tinted glasses, we all have in varying shades but we're not going to go down the route of looking back any more than it's helpful to dwell on the meaning of life.  All part and parcel of the same.  We only have today and we have to deal with today.  Your today means properly making a decision to properly start on the rumination problem and also making an appointment to go back to your GP.  I'm sure they'll have an evening surgery, pick the phone up and make a date.  Today Bruces.....that's where you're at

[Angst]

Hi Bruce’s. I have had good therapy and bad therapy. What characterised the best therapy, among other things,  was a formulation of my problem(s) which included completing a standard questionnaire. I had one for OCD and one for depression.

I mentioned in another thread that you should complete Beck’s depression inventory. Rumination is where depression or OCD or both can be at play.

I would make an appointment with the GP in your practice with whom you have the best rapport. Book a double appointment. In my case the GP most sympathetic to mental health issues is a part time GP as she also lectures in primary health at a medical school. I would see if you could get an appointment with a clinical psychologist at your local mental health trust. If not ask for a personal recommendation.

Edited December 12, 2018 by Angst

[bruces]

Hi there yes I've done the depressinbtests many times,over the years I've been very lucky to have had a lot of therapy but sadly to no avail,I'm guessing this is down to me and no the therapy. 

[Angst]

There are a number of reasons why therapy might not be successful. Such as (a) the quality of the therapist (b) the period of therapy (c) the approach of the therapist (d) the willingness of the client to undergo therapy (e) the capacity of the client to engage with therapy. What factor or factors relate to you?  Do you have a diagnosis or diagnoses?

[Caramoole]

Have you had therapy specific to OCD with a therapist experienced in OCD?  It seems possible to me that although depression appears to be a major problem, it could be being mistaken and that existential-type OCD could be the driver.

Have you made an appointment yet?  The thing is for certain Bruces is that if you do want to improve your situation, you are going to have to play your part and engage with things, accept that you have a personal responsibility in your role to recovery.

[bruces]

Hi guys sorry I havnt replied to your advice I just to have a lot of family problems going on right now,which as usual I am blowing out of proportion!