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OCD- Ruminating Jumping Bean


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I have had OCD since I was diagnosed at 13. It has jumped from thing to thing throughout my life.  Hoarding paper towels at school as a child because my mom touched my hand and I missed my mother, so I hoarded them after I washed my hands in my desk because if I threw them away, I threw my mom away. Also checking appliances, intrusive thoughts about someone hurting me in specific ways that are traumatic to me that are not realistic. And within the last 5 years, relationship guilt in my very healthy and amazing relationship. I seem to have exhausted my relationship guilt ruminating/false memory/guilt/ruminating/confessing, at least for right now.

It has seemed to morph into my every day conversations at work, with anyone and everyone. I can't seem to go a day now without saying something as simple as, "what's up?" and ruminating for the rest of the day wondering how I said it, was I rude, was I dismissive? how did it sound when I said it, did I offend somebody? I am starting to fear even opening my mouth because I know at some point, there will be an interaction that I am going to obsess about for the rest of the day. It is to the point where a simple conversation blows up so big in my head that I ruminate so much that it becomes a bigger deal and steam rolls into possible false memory where the reality of the conversation morphs in my head where I am picturing myself being rude, therefore, it becomes reality.

I can see a bit through the OCD fog, because I can feel in my stomach that this is the same sick/panic/chaotic feeling I get where I have the immense urge to "I must ruminate until I figure it out"!!. And then also report it to a trusted friend/relative to work it out. But of course there is no figuring out. And it is beyond exhausting.

Has anyone had experiences of their OCD jumping throughout their lives or advice when this happens? I'm guessing just treat it like my guilt/relationship OCD and dismiss. But when it jumps to a new thing, it always surprises me and it is like I'm starting all over again.

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8 hours ago, paco5959 said:

I have had OCD since I was diagnosed at 13. It has jumped from thing to thing throughout my life.  Hoarding paper towels at school as a child because my mom touched my hand and I missed my mother, so I hoarded them after I washed my hands in my desk because if I threw them away, I threw my mom away. Also checking appliances, intrusive thoughts about someone hurting me in specific ways that are traumatic to me that are not realistic. And within the last 5 years, relationship guilt in my very healthy and amazing relationship. I seem to have exhausted my relationship guilt ruminating/false memory/guilt/ruminating/confessing, at least for right now.

It has seemed to morph into my every day conversations at work, with anyone and everyone. I can't seem to go a day now without saying something as simple as, "what's up?" and ruminating for the rest of the day wondering how I said it, was I rude, was I dismissive? how did it sound when I said it, did I offend somebody? I am starting to fear even opening my mouth because I know at some point, there will be an interaction that I am going to obsess about for the rest of the day. It is to the point where a simple conversation blows up so big in my head that I ruminate so much that it becomes a bigger deal and steam rolls into possible false memory where the reality of the conversation morphs in my head where I am picturing myself being rude, therefore, it becomes reality.

I can see a bit through the OCD fog, because I can feel in my stomach that this is the same sick/panic/chaotic feeling I get where I have the immense urge to "I must ruminate until I figure it out"!!. And then also report it to a trusted friend/relative to work it out. But of course there is no figuring out. And it is beyond exhausting.

Has anyone had experiences of their OCD jumping throughout their lives or advice when this happens? I'm guessing just treat it like my guilt/relationship OCD and dismiss. But when it jumps to a new thing, it always surprises me and it is like I'm starting all over again.

Responded above. 

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Hi both

This is so true Paradoxer (cool name BTW)

I have rumination OCD and the nature of the thoughts were initially harm to others and now its changed to harm to myself. OCD thoughts get bored and changes  to something else close to your heart. It’s like that, a bully trying to grab your attention. Kick its butt into touch and keep going. 

You wont be starting over again. Remember how you dealt with the first thoughts. Apply the same rules. 

Have thought

Dont pay it attention/don’t do compulsion

Gently refocus on what’s going on around you 

Repeat. 

 

CBT helped me. I have a portfolio to chart my progress. 

 

Xx

Edited by Dawnie
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11 hours ago, Dawnie said:

Hi both

This is so true Paradoxer (cool name BTW)

I have rumination OCD and the nature of the thoughts were initially harm to others and now its changed to harm to myself. OCD thoughts get bored and changes  to something else close to your heart. It’s like that, a bully trying to grab your attention. Kick its butt into touch and keep going. 

You wont be starting over again. Remember how you dealt with the first thoughts. Apply the same rules. 

Have thought

Dont pay it attention/don’t do compulsion

Gently refocus on what’s going on around you 

Repeat. 

 

CBT helped me. I have a portfolio to chart my progress. 

 

Xx

Cheers Dawnie . For the OP it's important to remember that the trigger isn't the problem, though OCD will do its best to try to convince you otherwise. 

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Yes, my OCD has jumped around throughout my life. I think that I've had it as far back in life as I can remember, since I was around 5 years old. Back then, it was mostly guilt related, always thinking that I'd done something wrong and neeing to confess that to my parents. Then as I got older, my predominant problem has been intrusive thoughts about self harm. However, I've also had other anxiety related problems in between - fear of heights, claustrophobia, feelings of depersonalization, physical sensations. I'm 31 now so I've been dealing with this for such a long time and it honestly feels like a never-ending list. I do like when it changes though, because it makes it easier to identify. I really struggled when I started feeling actual physical symptoms, they felt so incredibly real and I thought something was actually happening to me. Now that I recognised them as anxiety, they magically stopped. I think it's like anything in life, nothing is the same over a long period of time, but the underlying congitions and physical processes are the same. 

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