Fighting vs. detachment

[malina]

I've just been thinking about how I cope with my intrusive thoughts and anxiety. I've been speaking to my therapist about how there are generally 3 responses to anxiety - fight, flight (avoidance) and detachment. I think my coping mechanisms have been a combination of avoidance and detachment. The detachment is particularly strong to the point where I feel completely detached from my environment, as if I'm not real or the world isn't real (anyone else get that?). I just feel so frustrated, I'm trying to just let these feelings be but everyday is like a cycle of anxiety and intrusive thoughts. I'm at a point where I feel like I need to start actively fighting this, but I don't know how! Well, one way is through exposure. I've been set homework to put out some knives (that's what my intrusive thoughts are about) and I really have done that. I took out a knife, put it where I could see it, put my phone next to it so I'd have to go to it if I needed something on my phone, put it in the sink while I was washing the dishes so that I'd be forced to look at it and be close to it, etc etc. Today I'm much more anxious, but I am keeping the knife out so I can practice when I'm not feeling great. However, the feelings of sadness, fear, anxiety and the engagement with the thoughts still remain a huge problem. I just want to stop feeling horrible really. I am trying to just get angry and say: No, I've had enough, this isn't real, but the thoughts persist. Do you think that if I keep doing that enough they will eventually listen? People keep saying that you have to accept the thoughts and feelings and that they will eventually go away. I've been doing that for 10 years now and they still get to me, there has to be something more that I can do. 

 

I guess my question is this: I understand how this framework we use applies to compulsions (don't do them, allow the anxiety to come and see nothing will happen), I also understand how exposure works (be with the object that scares you, feel the anxiety and see that it will go down and nothing will happen). I don't understand how this applies to thoughts, it's the thoughts that cause me more distress than anything else and I don't know how to apply these coping mechanisms to something that isn't linked with compulsions or real life objects/situations.

Edited December 16, 2018 by malina

[Steve.m.w]

Trying not to have negative thoughts is tiring and impossible... 
You can't stop them by trying to, that will make them more likely. 

The way to get rid of them is to let them run out of steam on there own.

Meditate for a minute or 2 will help.

Or

Notice them, recognise them as negative thoughts and name them as a negative thought  that there is no point following.
Then bring your attention back to what is going on in the room.

You fight negative thoughts by recognising them as that and then I consciously say that's JUST a negative thought  or whatever name you choose and I don't need to follow it.. using the word JUST is important as it implies less important. 
It takes a little practice but works very well and quite quickly.

Once you do this as they come it frees up your mind to think about what you want to. 

Yes let them come, recognise and then dump them. All very gentle, no fear or aggression. Be pleased you are noticing and dumping them.
Look at it a bit like cleaning out a cupboard or something.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Steve

[malina]

4 hours ago, Steve.m.w said:

Trying not to have negative thoughts is tiring and impossible... 
You can't stop them by trying to, that will make them more likely. 

The way to get rid of them is to let them run out of steam on there own.

Meditate for a minute or 2 will help.

Or

Notice them, recognise them as negative thoughts and name them as a negative thought  that there is no point following.
Then bring your attention back to what is going on in the room.

You fight negative thoughts by recognising them as that and then I consciously say that's JUST a negative thought  or whatever name you choose and I don't need to follow it.. using the word JUST is important as it implies less important. 
It takes a little practice but works very well and quite quickly.

Once you do this as they come it frees up your mind to think about what you want to. 

Yes let them come, recognise and then dump them. All very gentle, no fear or aggression. Be pleased you are noticing and dumping them.
Look at it a bit like cleaning out a cupboard or something.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Steve

Thanks, Steve that makes a lot of sense! I guess the fight doesn't have to be one involving anger and trying to force yourself to stop believing these things. You fight this by being logical and trying to give the intrusive thoughts less meaning. Of course that is easier said than done, I've been dealing with this for so long and thought that I knew everything there is to know and yet it still gets to me.