Very high anxiety day

[Ollie46]

Having a total nightmare right now. I’m experiencing super high anxiety because of loads of reasons, mainly that I finally took a girl I really like back to my place last night and my OCD was really bad. Kept having sexual intrusive thoughts and feelings and I tried so hard to just let it be but it was so strong and trying to ruin a good thing. This resulted in me not being able to really ‘perform’ and now I feel really bad to be honest. She seems fine with it, and I think she does like me so it’s not bothering her too much. But I’ve been feeling mega anxious all morning about the whole ordeal. Just needed to vent here about it and tell SOMEBODY what happened because it’s really screwing with me right now.

[malina]

Hi Ollie,

I'm sorry to hear this, it sounds so incredibly frustrating! The only thing to say here is that in moments that really matter, anxiety can sometimes be at its peak. It chooses to bother us when we are most vulnerable. Just out of curiosity, have you told her about your issues? I told my partner very early on that I have OCD, mainly because I was really scared that he wouldn't want to be with me because of this and I had to be honest. For us it turned out to be a good experience, but people react in different ways. Just take your time, this caused you a lot of anxiety now, but with work it will go down!

[Ollie46]

Thanks for the response Malinda, it was very frustrating and upsetting for me she doesn’t really know about the nature of the disorder but she knows I have it and was very understanding. It’s just, by myself I can work through these episodes at my own pace but with somebody else it feels like the OCD thoughts are in the drivers seat making me think and feel completely against my will. I won’t let this be the thing that beats me though, I can’t let it run my life. I have a really good thing going here and it’s because of that it’s spiked up so nastily. If I can begin to leave these things unresolved and just accept that they’ll happen, maybe I can get through this. I’m seeing her again on Wednesday and maybe this time it’ll be a bit more familiar and less stressful

[vivi_x]

I know you probably think you're dealing with it really badly but from what you've said it seems like you know you want to beat it instead of the other way around. if she seems cool with it you're probably alright! but if its really bugging you you could always explain to her how you're feeling (though I know sometimes new people don't wanna hear all that). it always gets you when things are looking up so just latch on to that, I hope the frustration dies down for you a little and if you're seeing her on Wednesday I hope you have a good time! x

[Ollie46]

Thanks for the response vivi

Yeah, it’s very typical for this to flare up at a time like now when things are going well, even more so when I consider how stressed out I’ve been about many situations right now, such is the wonderful Christmas time. Yesterday and the day before were very rough for me, it was difficult to not give in to the OCD. However, the one good thing is that I’ve found a new determination to just go through and try my absolute best to beat this now. I’ve been extra perceptive to catch my compulsions and do ERP when something is bothers me. I’m beginning to feel a bit better- I’m anxious and down anyway as a side effect and that is frustrating to have to put up with, but I’m sure that if I continue to change my responses, things will hopefully get much better. I was doing quite well before this, so it’s no wonder it’s gotten worse when I feel like I have something to lose now

[vivi_x]

I totally get that, been struggling a lot myself recently and the good seems to come hand in hand with the bad and it can be really hard to keep on top of it even when you know its the only way you're going to get better. I love that you are able to find the good in the bad though! something I'm not always so good at. its really frustrating when the down feeling hits you even though you know you should be happy with what you have and how things are going, which can make it worse but I guess we've just got to keep trying