Scared of losing my parents. Repetitive worries. OCD?

[Orwell1984]

I have recurring worries that I'm not close enough emotionally to my parents and sister and also have worries that I might not have much time left with them in life. I have fears they will die soon and have fears that they will cause themselves an injury or have a heart attack, car crash or die in their sleep as they keep the window open at night and could freeze to death. Christmas is a trigger because I won't be with them this year for Christmas and I worry will I regret this if there's not long left on this earth for them. I worry also that I have an emotional block with them that doesn't allow me to be as free as I want to be with them and feel 100% at ease. I feel stressed in their company, like there's an internal wall that is preventing me from feeling full emotion to them probably because I will feel full sadness and pain at the prospect of them not being around anymore. I have had these thoughts and worries for months and I don't know why I haven't written about it until now but this evening I've felt very panicky about the possibility there is little time left with them on earth. And I want to be closer to them and feel guilty I'm not and feel there is an internal wall up. What is this? Is this misplaced grief or is this OCD? And if it is ocd what compulsions do I stop? And how do I feel full emotion to them again?

[taurean]

Well it's certainly a recurrent obsession Ollie.

I have seen various of such themes. 

It needs some analysis but I think I have an idea of what's going on here. 

But it's late, I need to have some space and time to work on it, so it's likely - because of personal commitments tomorrow - that it will be tomorrow evening before I can have a crack at this. 

Have faith therefore, and I will see what I can suggest. 

[taurean]

Hi Ollie, 

This reminds me of the theme a former secretary of ours had. 

She opened up to me and said she was constantly tormented by thoughts that something bad was about to happen to her husband. And the overwhelming compulsive urge to check that he was alright. 

She was convinced she was going mad. I told her she wasn't, she was suffering from OCD. 

In your own case Ollie you can see the parallels. There was no evidence to support her OCD fears - they were actually nonsense. 

You have no doubt been trying to work out what is going on with your intrusive repetitive fears. There's a compulsion. 

Treat the intrusions as OCD, don't give meaning or thought /interpretation to them. 

The OCD may be trying to set a rule to stop you enjoying time with them. Making you feel there is a barrier, and that causing distress (the disorder)  and guilt (OCD loves to allege guilt). It's playing an avoidance card. 

Again treat this barrier issue as OCD nonsense. Spend time with your folks, ignore such intrusions. If you don't believe, or connect with them, starve them of your attention, then gradually they will start to lose power and frequency. 

 

 

Edited December 19, 2018 by taurean

[Orwell1984]

Thanks Roy