Can't cope anymore

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Everything is just too bad.

[Charlie ocd]

I know the feeling i feel the same things are so difficult again i thought i had seen the last of these days.

[lostinme]

Sorry to hear you are both struggling at the moment, I’ve been there too so many times and it’s really not a nice feeling and at the time you feel like you can’t cope. But please remember that these times will and do pass. Try to do something enjoyable whether it’s reading a book, having a bath, going for a walk etc, making time to refocus your attention on something more positive. Your mood won’t lift immediately but don’t be disheartened keep doing it over and over again and eventually your mood will lift. Never give up hope, it leads to motivation and aids forward planning: a key ingredient to recovery. 

 

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

I'm sorry you feel the same, Charlie.

Thanks, Lost. I wish I could go for a walk, but I haven't left the house for six and a half years because of my OCD/agoraphobia. Also haven't had a bath or shower for the same time. Things are in such a mess, I just don't know how they will ever come right again.

[Charlie ocd]

thanks lost

lost in a dark maze we are similar i have always had problems going out at the moment i just make it to the nearest shop some days on my bike.I feel under survelance and im suspecting most people now and i hear people talking about me outside my building everyday.I go without having a bath too long to but not as long as you try to have a bath you will feel better.I know how you must feel i hope we get better.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Thanks, Charlie. I'm sorry you struggle with going out too. Before I stopped going out completely, I used to go to the shops once a week. Then it became once a fortnight, then once a month... I would encourage you to keep getting out there as much as possible. It becomes so much harder once you've avoided it for so long.

Showering became so difficult because of my contamination (and other) fears, and I also started having panic attacks in the shower. I would try again now, but the shower is no longer usable and we don't have a bath.

[Charlie ocd]

Hi lost

its sensing being followed and watched that freaks me out i have been diagnosed with agoraphobia put it this way i dont know my way around london.Started young anxiety panic atacks never going to far from home its like that now i stay close to home.Ill try though thanks lost

that sounds terrible panicking in the shower try it gradualy i had a bath today felt good after and relaxed but then i was worrying panicking about something so had to lay down with the curtains shut.Get someone to fix the shower you need it you need to keep clean try anyway you will feel better.Christmas is stressful too so that might be making you feel low i know it does it to me.

[PolarBear]

Maze, you have what we call extreme OCD. Your disorder is having a profound effect on your life. Some how, some way, you need help. You don't need to live like this. You do need to find the desire to change your situation. Then you need to seek out help that will work for you. One thing you can do, which you've started here right now, is talking about it. So talk. Let's have a conversation about what's going on. It won't hurt you and we won't judge.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

1 hour ago, Charlie ocd said:

Hi lost

its sensing being followed and watched that freaks me out i have been diagnosed with agoraphobia put it this way i dont know my way around london.Started young anxiety panic atacks never going to far from home its like that now i stay close to home.Ill try though thanks lost

that sounds terrible panicking in the shower try it gradualy i had a bath today felt good after and relaxed but then i was worrying panicking about something so had to lay down with the curtains shut.Get someone to fix the shower you need it you need to keep clean try anyway you will feel better.Christmas is stressful too so that might be making you feel low i know it does it to me.

Hi Charlie,

Even quick trips out to the shop are good. Get yourself something nice to treat yourself afterwards.  I sympathise. I've never liked to be far from home either.

Well done for having a bath. I'm glad it helped for a while. Do you find you feel safest in bed? I do.

There are so many things that need fixing or sorting out.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

1 hour ago, PolarBear said:

Maze, you have what we call extreme OCD. Your disorder is having a profound effect on your life. Some how, some way, you need help. You don't need to live like this. You do need to find the desire to change your situation. Then you need to seek out help that will work for you. One thing you can do, which you've started here right now, is talking about it. So talk. Let's have a conversation about what's going on. It won't hurt you and we won't judge.

Thanks, PolarBear. I don't know where to start. I have spoken about my situation in PMs before, but not on the open forum. I am ashamed of how bad things have got. When I think about it, I panic and start dissociating. Things don't feel real.

Sometimes I know that I have OCD, and others I feel like I'm not ill I am just an awful, selfish, lazy, horrible person. Or like I'm a fraud and things aren't really that bad.

Thinking about trying to explain it all, I feel so overwhelmed with everything and like I can't breathe.

Edited December 20, 2018 by Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze

[Charlie ocd]

13 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Hi Charlie,

Even quick trips out to the shop are good. Get yourself something nice to treat yourself afterwards.  I sympathise. I've never liked to be far from home either.

Well done for having a bath. I'm glad it helped for a while. Do you find you feel safest in bed? I do.

There are so many things that need fixing or sorting out.

Hi Lost

Busier now coming up to christmas i dont think i can cope with going out ill try though i wish i could sleep through christmas.Yeah the bath was nice i think i find being in the bed worse but feel safe once im in my flat.

Maybe you can call someone you trust to help you get things repaired.

[Dragonfly]

Hi there,

I’m so sorry to read how you’re feeling.

No way should you feel ashamed though! And you are not lazy, selfish etc either. You have a mental health condition just like all of us on here. The fact you’re on here talking is a good step forward though! 

Have you seen your gp at all? I going out is awful for you, but if you haven’t would you speak to a doctor over the phone, with the possibility of letting them visit you? Not sure if you’re on meds but they may help with the anxiety too. You could then start to tackle the OCD with CBT. My meds have helped a lot with my anxiety. At one point all I wanted to do was stay in bed. 

There’s also some great self help books too. Do you have any at the moment you could begin reading? 

If you can just start by talking small steps, maybe washing your hands and face and just sitting with the anxiety. Those may feel so difficult first of all but it will get easier x

 

[PolarBear]

You don't have to explain it all right now. At some point I think it's good to puke it all out. After that, it's time to move on to recovery. You don't have to keep going over it.

We will eventually need to know some details, such as what your obsessions and compulsions are. No rush. We are not going anywhere.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

15 hours ago, Charlie ocd said:

Hi Lost

Busier now coming up to christmas i dont think i can cope with going out ill try though i wish i could sleep through christmas.Yeah the bath was nice i think i find being in the bed worse but feel safe once im in my flat.

Maybe you can call someone you trust to help you get things repaired.

If you can manage to get out again before Christmas, that's great, but don't beat yourself up if you can't. Do you live on your own? Have you got enough shopping to last for a bit?

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

14 hours ago, Dragonfly said:

Hi there,

I’m so sorry to read how you’re feeling.

No way should you feel ashamed though! And you are not lazy, selfish etc either. You have a mental health condition just like all of us on here. The fact you’re on here talking is a good step forward though! 

Have you seen your gp at all? I going out is awful for you, but if you haven’t would you speak to a doctor over the phone, with the possibility of letting them visit you? Not sure if you’re on meds but they may help with the anxiety too. You could then start to tackle the OCD with CBT. My meds have helped a lot with my anxiety. At one point all I wanted to do was stay in bed. 

There’s also some great self help books too. Do you have any at the moment you could begin reading? 

If you can just start by talking small steps, maybe washing your hands and face and just sitting with the anxiety. Those may feel so difficult first of all but it will get easier x

 

Thank you, Dragonfly.

I haven't seen a doctor for years. I struggle on the phone and wouldn't be able to have them come to me. (It's complicated.)

I've been on the same dose of Fluoxetine since I was thirteen (I'm 26 now). I had some therapy in my teens.

I have one self help book, but I think I picked the wrong one, as I found it complicated and unhelpful.

Although I don't wash with water, I do wipe myself and my clothes a lot with wipes (Dettol) and wear disposable gloves for most things.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Thanks, PB. I appreciate it.

Could I PM you something?

[Dragonfly]

Have you tried reading Break free from OCD? I’ve gone back to re reading that a few times when I’ve been struggling, I do find it useful. Another one is The Mindfulness work book for OCD. 

You may be able to send a letter in to your doctor giving someone you trust permission to speak for you - not sure if that’s something that you’d want to do? Just means that the doctor could re check your medication to see if they think something else would help more perhaps, and possibly get you on the waiting list for CBT. 

 

 

[Charlie ocd]

6 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

If you can manage to get out again before Christmas, that's great, but don't beat yourself up if you can't. Do you live on your own? Have you got enough shopping to last for a bit?

Thanks its getting a bit too much im going to sleep scared and waking up scared i feel freaked out by feeling under surveillance while out.My laptops are doing things they have never done in all the years ive had them.I do live on my own and yeah i got shopping delivered yesterday if i was you soon as you get your shopping order it again for when you run out as all the slots are getting taken up.

we are both not good lost

[PolarBear]

9 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Thanks, PB. I appreciate it.

Could I PM you something?

I really rather answer questions in public, where they can help others. 

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

4 hours ago, PolarBear said:

I really rather answer questions in public, where they can help others. 

Could I maybe write in PM first then move back onto the forum when I'm feeling braver?

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

On 21/12/2018 at 11:37, Charlie ocd said:

Thanks its getting a bit too much im going to sleep scared and waking up scared i feel freaked out by feeling under surveillance while out.My laptops are doing things they have never done in all the years ive had them.I do live on my own and yeah i got shopping delivered yesterday if i was you soon as you get your shopping order it again for when you run out as all the slots are getting taken up.

we are both not good lost

Thank you, we have a slot booked for Friday.

I'm sorry, it must be so hard for you, especially living on your own. At least I still live with my mum at the moment.

Keep posting on the forums for support.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

On 21/12/2018 at 10:07, Dragonfly said:

Have you tried reading Break free from OCD? I’ve gone back to re reading that a few times when I’ve been struggling, I do find it useful. Another one is The Mindfulness work book for OCD. 

You may be able to send a letter in to your doctor giving someone you trust permission to speak for you - not sure if that’s something that you’d want to do? Just means that the doctor could re check your medication to see if they think something else would help more perhaps, and possibly get you on the waiting list for CBT. 

 

 

Thank you for the suggestions. I haven't read either of those.

I have been thinking of maybe writing to the doctor after Christmas.

[Charlie ocd]

1 hour ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Thank you, we have a slot booked for Friday.

I'm sorry, it must be so hard for you, especially living on your own. At least I still live with my mum at the moment.

Keep posting on the forums for support.

Yeah you got to be quick this time of year

Yeah it is hard ive lost all friends years ago because of the pocd i dont want to post too much but its hard at the moment.I just tex my sister she never really calls i might be lucky to get a call off my mum thats it.

[CJay]

On 21/12/2018 at 18:34, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Could I maybe write in PM first then move back onto the forum when I'm feeling braver?

You have to start somewhere and now is as good a time as any. People can only help you if you’re prepared to help yourself. Talking about things openly is the first step. Don’t wait for something that may not happen. 

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Thanks, CJay. It's just difficult to know what to do when it's not just me in the situation.

I'm currently panicking because I have a mouth full of rotting teeth and I think one of them is abscessed. I feel ill and eating is too painful.