Just finished therapy

[Cub]

Hi everyone

Haven't been around for a while; I've been sorting myself out by going to therapy and getting out there and living a little. I do hope you're all okay. 

So, I started therapy in October, through work as my anxiety was holding me back and I just finished the final session this afternoon. And I'm feeling, well...a little fragile, truth be told? My therapist told me I was tenacious, that I'd done so well, that I had incredible insight into how I was feeling and that I'd taught her things as well. And I have felt better inside my own skin; I've been more contented in myself, less anxious, dealing with OCD obsessive thoughts; so much has changed.

And yet I left the session feeling incredibly anxious. I know. The irony is not lost on me. I guess the session felt a little awkward; like we'd run out of things to talk about and maybe that's a good sign? But it just didn't go how I wanted it to go? And now I'm terrified I'm going to mess it all up again and get myself back to square one. I've been told to not aim for 110%, but for 60% or 70% instead and to accept my limitations. Which I'm going to try to do but I'm terrified I'll revert. We did speak about that and my therapist told me to be mindful and that I can always come back if I need.

Is this silly? Has anyone else ever felt like this before? I'm going to try and exercise self-care tonight but I must admit it's been a while since I felt like that. I just feel I was doing so well and yet now I'm on my own with this again, with no more sessions to look forward to, I can't do it alone and it would be arrogant of me somehow to assume so? But I guess that's where accepting limitations comes in and not putting pressure on myself. Just got to be kind to myself.

I'm going to make some meatballs and watch Sherlock. Just wanted to write all that down; thanks for reading. 

C x

[lostinme]

I think it’s only natural to feel saddened and anxious when therapy comes to an end. It’s really frightening going it alone because you become afraid of setbacks. Try to keep hold of the positivity you had whilst you was in therapy and what you have learned along the way, remember that you did all the hard work and your therapist was there to guide and support you. Don’t feel afraid to reach out for help from the forum when you are needing a little guidance and support we are here for you.

Well done, your doing great  you can do this 

[Cub]

Thankyou so much for those kind words of comfort. I'm feeling better this evening. I appreciate you taking the time to leave some logic and good sense. 

[lostinme]

Bless you cub I’m glad to hear that  never give up hope and have a little faith in yourself you can do this one step at a time  

[dksea]

9 hours ago, Cub said:

And yet I left the session feeling incredibly anxious. I know. The irony is not lost on me. I guess the session felt a little awkward; like we'd run out of things to talk about and maybe that's a good sign? But it just didn't go how I wanted it to go? And now I'm terrified I'm going to mess it all up again and get myself back to square one. I've been told to not aim for 110%, but for 60% or 70% instead and to accept my limitations. Which I'm going to try to do but I'm terrified I'll revert. We did speak about that and my therapist told me to be mindful and that I can always come back if I need.

First, happy to hear that you found your therapy helpful and productive and that things are going in a positive direction for you.

Regarding your feelings of trepidation and unease after completing therapy, in my experience thats completely normal.  Therapy is something that offers us hope, its something we do to try improve our situation in life.  Its a clear, concrete step we can take towards recovery, and in addition to giving us hope for the future, can provide a comforting and safe place to be, a respite from our troubles.  Given that its only natural that you would feel anxious now that that safety net is going to be going away, at least for awhile.  Its like a lot of situations in life where we transition from a relatively safe and stable environment to something thats a little more outside our comfort zone.  You are taking off the training wheels and starting to ride the bike on your own.  You are going off to school for the first time.  You are moving out of your parents house for the first time.  Some of the structure and security which you have been relying on is being taken away so of course you feel anxious and vulnerable.  But its necessary in order to move forward.  There is only so much help the training wheels/your parents/the therapist/etc can provide in a given situation.  At some point we all have to take that next step.  

So yeah, absolutely understandable that you feel a bit scared and fragile right now.  But you've also put yourself in a better position to succeed and thrive going forward and you should be proud of that.  Focus on doing your best moving forward and remember, you don't have to be perfect (none of us are), setbacks can and probably will happen, but that doesn't mean you'll fall back to where you were or that you can't move forward and keep getting better and better.  Take your time, do your best, and like your therapist said, if you need a little boost down the line, its not like you're forbbiden from every doing therapy again!

[Cub]

Hi DKSea

I've been trying to find the right words to form an adequate response to your very kind, very empathetic and very gentle post and can come up with nothing better or more than a thankyou. Thankyou for the analogy and for the support and for the understanding. I felt very vulnerable leaving my therapist's house - we've been doing this for two months and we'd started to eke it out more. It was paid for through my own company, you see, so that's why the sessions came to an end. But I have felt the anxiety before and it hasn't killed me yet - I'm still standing.

So, thankyou. Thankyou for your kind post and for supporting me. Thankyou very much.

Happy Christmas!

Ellie xxxx

[dksea]

@Cub Thank you is more than enough :)

We are all here to find help and support. OCD has taken so much from us all, I figure if we can use our experiences to help one another than at least some good can come from this stupid disorder. 

A very merry Christmas and happy New Year to you as well!