bobfish Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 An irrational fear doesn't have to come from nothing. Somebody with contamination OCD might be scared of getting food poisoning if they don't clean things enough or don't wash their hands at least 10 times. The fear doesn't come from nothing - food poisoning does happen - but the thoughts themselves are still irrational, blow things way out of proportion, etc. In your case, you are choosing to take that line literally. There are so many other possibilities, ranging from 'The line is not meant to be taken literally', 'The line was translated inaccurately', to 'extreme' ones such as 'That part of the Bible was written by a fraud', 'God doesn't exist and the Bible is a work of fiction', ... So many what ifs, and naturally OCD latches onto the worst-case scenario. You need to challenge your belief that this scenario is more likely than any others - there's no reason why it should be. Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) @bobfish But it's just what I fear, not what I want to do. I've had other people say these words and not be worried, religious people, but I still myself am terrified of it, someone I know who is 'very' religious said it twice to me! I was cringing and she isn't the slightest bit concerned. But my ocd has made it so big and made me obsess so much that I think that if I even try to say this it means I'm evil. A moment of carelessness or an urge and I'm doomed! I don't even think I was acting on an urge it was more trying to prove I wouldn't...or just getting lost in the thoughts, I was so sure I wouldn't do it. I don't want to say it, in the moment it was all coming at me, thought urge type feelings, anxiety etc i tried to brave it and probably prove to ocd and myself that I wouldn't let it come out, (no idea why. It was all 'in the moment') but I didn't want to do it or end up in a mess. The more I've tried to face up to it and prove myself..the more ocd has got to fire back at me. I usually do my best to avoid and hide from ocd, but this one time I had some self belief ocd took it from me almost instantly. It's like someone testing themselves with their biggest fear and in the end they think why did I do that? Was it for evil reasons? Maybe I wanted to do it? Now I don't know! Why did I do that???? Out of curiosity they picked up the knife to see what it would be like....then throw it down in panic. That's like me with these feared words... Yet I don't remember consciously choosing to move my mouth. Throughout this episode it was like I was fighting my way out of it...in and out of this perceived danger. It wouldn't stop until it convinced me I may have messed up. On the occasions where I found myself aware of my mouth I don't remember choosing to do anything it was just happening and I was like wow what's this, what am I doing? It's irrational...yet trying to be rational doesn't work for long "it's nothing...or wait..what if it's bad, what do I do" It's the worst illness I can ever imagine. It's just hell. Edited December 24, 2018 by ocdsufferer85 Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 It is an irrational fear. Absolutely. They are just words on a page. Your mind focused on them and made a huge deal out of them. Other people don't do that. You are slone with this. There aren't millions of people walking around, deathly afraid of doing what you fear. Nope, this is only about you. It's an obsession. It is completely and utterly irrational. Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 3 hours ago, PolarBear said: It is an irrational fear. Absolutely. They are just words on a page. Your mind focused on them and made a huge deal out of them. Other people don't do that. You are slone with this. There aren't millions of people walking around, deathly afraid of doing what you fear. Nope, this is only about you. It's an obsession. It is completely and utterly irrational. Lots with religious ocd have this one worry yes Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 I challenge you to find ONE OCD sufferer with this exact fear. Just one. . Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 I have before, that's where I got it from....I didn't think it up. I read on a forum that someone was worried they spoke under a breath.... That's how I got it! Their worry became mine! Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) That's my whole point, I got it from someone else. Thinking I never would... Somehow it found a way. And what I'm mad at is that somehow i let myself end up this way. It's not that anything was said at this part I keep beating myself up about...it's not knowing the reason it happened. The reason I was so confident is because I thought literally there's no way it would get me to speak. But because I was so confident I feel like I became careless..like so sure you won't drop a glass ball....and you end up nearly dropping it and being mad at yourself Edited December 24, 2018 by ocdsufferer85 Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 24, 2018 Share Posted December 24, 2018 Speaking under your breath, okay, one person. But speaking under your breath while saying something bad about your holy spirit... that's all you. Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 2 hours ago, PolarBear said: Speaking under your breath, okay, one person. But speaking under your breath while saying something bad about your holy spirit... that's all you. No it was the same subject, it's not all me. They were worried they said something about the spirit, that's where it came from. It was religious ocd forum. Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 24, 2018 Author Share Posted December 24, 2018 (edited) But it's not atall what I'd want to say, I can't bare the thoughts and just in that moment I felt safe, this is what happens when I don't fear my every move...lucky me I lose either way as I've said before. Edited December 24, 2018 by ocdsufferer85 Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 Alright, I'll give you that you found one other. Interesting that person gave you the idea. So that idea got stuck in your head and it was sll downhill from there. You don't need to fear your every move. None of us do. Your belief that something bad will happen only exists in your head. It's made up. It's make believe. It's a mental illusion. You are afraid of something that doesn't exist. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 25, 2018 Share Posted December 25, 2018 (edited) Further to what I wrote above, although you latched onto someone's irrational fear, it doesn't mean that person has OCD. You can have an irrational fear and not have OCD. You have both. Edited December 25, 2018 by PolarBear Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted December 27, 2018 Author Share Posted December 27, 2018 On 25/12/2018 at 00:10, PolarBear said: Further to what I wrote above, although you latched onto someone's irrational fear, it doesn't mean that person has OCD. You can have an irrational fear and not have OCD. You have both. I think it was about religious ocd but anyway they were taking it literally too like me. I have been blocking it over Christmas and doing my best to see it for what it is. Link to comment
Orwell1984 Posted December 28, 2018 Share Posted December 28, 2018 On 20/12/2018 at 23:47, ocdsufferer85 said: I decided to dare move my mouth..was it to prove I'd never say the dreaded line, was it to show ocd I was boss, or did I give in to an unwanted urge? This was all a compulsion. A testing compulsion: Trying to prove to yourself you would never say it and to show ocd you were boss. 'Did I give into an unwanted urge' is an OCD intrusive doubt. Compulsions cause higher frequency and intensity of further intrusive thoughts. Problem is you are focusing too much on your mouth and are trying to control the sensations. You are trying to analyse the sensations microscopically so of course they will feel heightened. Then of course you get more intrusive thoughts about speaking and doubts whether you spoke or will speak. All of this is mixed up, and thoughts can follow sensations and vice versa. Get out of the loop by accepting that all of this is going on and don't wilfully add to the analysis. Take a risk and try to not control it. Engage in the exterior world, not the internal one in your mind. Next time you should accept the feeling that you are aware of your mouth potentially moving and don't try to keep it shut. Do your best to focus and engage with the external things in your environment. Do anything but analyse. You need to break this compulsion to stop feeding the obsessive thoughts and sensations. Note that it will feel worse before it feels better but that is the only way out. Link to comment
ocdsufferer85 Posted January 2, 2019 Author Share Posted January 2, 2019 On 28/12/2018 at 00:31, Orwell1984 said: This was all a compulsion. A testing compulsion: Trying to prove to yourself you would never say it and to show ocd you were boss. 'Did I give into an unwanted urge' is an OCD intrusive doubt. Compulsions cause higher frequency and intensity of further intrusive thoughts. Problem is you are focusing too much on your mouth and are trying to control the sensations. You are trying to analyse the sensations microscopically so of course they will feel heightened. Then of course you get more intrusive thoughts about speaking and doubts whether you spoke or will speak. All of this is mixed up, and thoughts can follow sensations and vice versa. Get out of the loop by accepting that all of this is going on and don't wilfully add to the analysis. Take a risk and try to not control it. Engage in the exterior world, not the internal one in your mind. Next time you should accept the feeling that you are aware of your mouth potentially moving and don't try to keep it shut. Do your best to focus and engage with the external things in your environment. Do anything but analyse. You need to break this compulsion to stop feeding the obsessive thoughts and sensations. Note that it will feel worse before it feels better but that is the only way out. Oh wow OK thank you. It keeps trying to get me to go through it again, when I have a long break it's so strong the Urge to go over things. I do feel like I was trying to show ocd I was boss but unfortunately ocd always ends up finding it's way to the top and how it tricked me I don't know... It's managed to take me facing my fear and staying in the moment and turned it into "you intended to do this, you are now evil" Link to comment
Orwell1984 Posted January 2, 2019 Share Posted January 2, 2019 3 hours ago, ocdsufferer85 said: Oh wow OK thank you. It keeps trying to get me to go through it again, when I have a long break it's so strong the Urge to go over things. I do feel like I was trying to show ocd I was boss but unfortunately ocd always ends up finding it's way to the top and how it tricked me I don't know... It's managed to take me facing my fear and staying in the moment and turned it into "you intended to do this, you are now evil" And that's how OCD will always win if you ruminate. It gets you through these backdoor spikes - curveball intrusive thoughts related to the main obsession. So refuse to take part in the rumination. Accept the urge to analyse is there, accept and feel the tension and panic all the while sticking to your guns and not analysing. Link to comment
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