Let’s talk about towels

[BigDave]

Greetings and salutations.

Let’s work through a problem together. I am struggling with towels and I need the problem to stop.

Before we begin, I do want to say that I know that the answer to a lot of this is going to be simply “STOP DOING THE COMPULSIONS”. And I hear you loud and clear. That being said, please bear with me and hear me out. 

So I guess in a nutshell it does go somewhat back to more than towels but human waste. Spit is frustrating to me but at the end of the world it’s the waste products that really give me grief. I think the most stressful periods of my day or during and directly after when I go to the bathroom. Heaven forbid I ever get urine or worse on anything. Anything of a sexual nature is beyond that too and frankly I am scared to tan to women, never mind engage in anything that involves bodily fluids so that is a relief I guess. 

But anyway, so the problems with towels. I have this unrealistic expectation that they should always be clean. I say unrealistic but also I struggle with calling it that. My problem is that the towels in our home are close to the sink and the door and there is a good possibility that you’ll eithe rub a against one walking past or you will spray one while washing your hands, I’d not accidentally touch with while soaping up. Problem is with any of the above is that I go into full blown meltdown when any of that happens. IF I think my hand may have touched the towel as I’m soaping up, the towel goes in the wash. That’s a definite. If I think I have got water spray off of it after going for a number 2 then it will also go in the wash. In terms of rubbing against it, if anything touches my waste or lap, it goes into the wash, especially after I have just been to the loo. Today I must have put four towels into the wash because one touched my bum while the other three were in the vicinity of my lap. Of course, in all cases, I can’t prove that they did or didn’t touch my lap and maybe they didn’t but if they did, then it is highly likely they have urine on them because I have bladder issues. And I’m yet to understand how someone can claim to have a clean waistline when they pull their hands up after wiping their butt. They might not be completely soiled but I know I get stuff on my hands from time to time so it’s within the realms of possibility to spread that on you. In all circumstances, it sucks because it really can screw up my day massively. Even now, because i dried my hand with a towel that may have touched my lap, I feel disgusting. I’m pushing through because I know that is what @PolarBear or @taurean would tell me to do but the feeling is agonising. The fact that I probably have pee everywhere now is not particularly exciting to me especially as that includes my drink, my bed and I don’t want to touch my computer, especially my screen. It actually makes me want to vomit. 

 

Back to towels though, they are a curse. In fact, I don’t even properly dry myself with a towel because if the towel touched my bum or bits, then it would effectively be unclean in my eyes. And yes, I’d had a shower so it shouldn’t be a problem but how can those things ever be perfectly clean?

OCD, it’s a hell!

 

[taurean]

For me, on the outside looking in, it's hellish seeing you suffer, as contamination to me is something that is out there to bite us - but in rare but standard rather than regular and false scenarios. 

You see a bodily fluid, you think unclean thoughts, revulsion, contamination risks. 

I see one, think it's just a natural thing and go on my way. 

A towel?  Well my gym towel goes to the gym and gets wet in the drying of me after showering. It just needs drying out. 

Periodically it will be washed. 

And that's all there is to normal dealings. 

Edited December 24, 2018 by taurean

[BigDave]

6 minutes ago, taurean said:

For me, on the outside looking in, it's hellish seeing you suffer, as contamination to me is something that is out there to bite us - but in rare but standard rather than regular and false scenarios. 

You see a bodily fluid, you think unclean thoughts, revulsion, contamination risks. 

I see one, think it's just a natural thing and go on my way. 

A towel?  Well my gym towel goes to the gym and gets wet in the drying of me after showering. It just needs drying out. 

Periodically it will be washed. 

And that's all there is to normal dealings. 

I do wonder about the rubbish up against it via my bum though or it touching my lap with urine on it though. I think those things are my biggest fear. Drying my hands with a towel that has urine on it if that makes sense. 

[taurean]

33 minutes ago, BigDave said:

I do wonder about the rubbish up against it via my bum though or it touching my lap with urine on it though. I think those things are my biggest fear. Drying my hands with a towel that has urine on it if that makes sense. 

So what?  Urine is a perfectly natural way that our bodies dispose of what is not needed. 

You feel revulsion. I feel nature at work. 

We get round to doing a thorough clean of our showerroom ( no bath, we couldn't get in and out of it)  every several months. 

Because, to our eyes there is no fear threat or revulsion, just a feeling of dirtiness which is a legacy of working on OCD with a lackadaisical approach to cleanliness! 

[BigDave]

9 hours ago, taurean said:

So what?  Urine is a perfectly natural way that our bodies dispose of what is not needed. 

You feel revulsion. I feel nature at work. 

We get round to doing a thorough clean of our showerroom ( no bath, we couldn't get in and out of it)  every several months. 

Because, to our eyes there is no fear threat or revulsion, just a feeling of dirtiness which is a legacy of working on OCD with a lackadaisical approach to cleanliness! 

Thanks Taurean. One final question for you. Using your logic, why do we wash our hands?

[Angst]

Hi Bigdave. I think when you stop all compulsions and stop avoiding all situations which spark off anxiety it is called flooding. Some people are able to do this but I imagine most people prefer a graded approach where you start off with situations which cause less anxiety. So for example you could start off with towels and not put them in the wash and properly dry yourself with them.

[paradoxer]

14 hours ago, BigDave said:

Back to towels though, they are a curse. I

OCD, it’s a hell!

 

You've got the second part right, just don't blame the towels. 

[taurean]

3 hours ago, BigDave said:

Thanks Taurean. One final question for you. Using your logic, why do we wash our hands?

I wash my hands because my Mum told me to

 It's as much a matter of etiquette - consideration for other people - and doing what we are told;  in my youth toilets had signs up "now wash your hands" and we were a generation who towed the line. 

I found it repulsive once in Tesco when a guy used the toilet and went straight back into the shop without washing his hands. It's polite, and obeys the natural order of cleanliness,  to wash hands when using the toilet. 

 

Edited December 24, 2018 by taurean

[PolarBear]

So you've defined the problem, told us how it crops up and described the compulsions you do to try and solve the problem.

What you need to realize is that the problem doesn't exist. It's not real. It's a big lie created by a faulty part of your mind.

You'll probably want to respond with more descriptions about how it is possible for you to splash water on your towel while washing your hands or something else, but it doesn't matter. It's not a problem. The rest of the world doesn't deal with the same problem because there is no problem. There's nothing there to fix.

Edited December 24, 2018 by PolarBear

[dksea]

20 hours ago, BigDave said:

Using your logic, why do we wash our hands?

Because washing hands an appropriate amount is healthy and good for you. The problem is not that washing hands is always good or always bad, it’s a matter of degree. The same is true with other forms of cleanliness. It’s fine to not want to get urine on you, most people don’t want to get urine on them. The problem occurs when the mere though of getting urine on you, even in minutest amounts (from say, a few drops of it on a towel you use later to dry yourself) becomes a big deal. 

It’s rational and reasonable not to want to use an overly dirty towel. Using a towel for a few days and then cycling it out for a clean one is reasonable. But not doing that everytime isn’t going to kill you either.  I’ll admit, I’m not always as clean as I probably should be.  Sometimes I use my towel for a week or longer, a little gross perhaps, but not fatal. I’m still quite healthy.

OCD is making you believe you have to choose to avoid contact with bodily fluids at all costs, and that’s a lie. The standard you have set for cleanliness is disrupting your life and providing little to no potential benefit.  You can wash your hands, you can have wash your towels, you don’t need to go out and play in a urine filled pool.  But you shouldn’t wash your hands 100 times a day, shouldn’t replace your towel everytime and shouldn’t avoid drying parts of yourself.