Merry Christmas

[jenny77]

Hi to everyone,

I've not posted in years but have been following the forum for a while recently.

I hope everyone is managing to enjoy their day as best they can.

I'm really struggling and am currently sitting in a bedroom with the door shut and light off.

My main theme at the moment is pocd and it's killing me. I'm so terrified that I have done, might do something awful that it's tearing me apart. The intrusive thoughts are so upsetting. I know there are other OCD sufferers with similar themes and it's helped to read your posts and the advice given. 

 

[taurean]

Hello jenny. 

I am sorry to read your update. 

I have harm OCD and with our themes, and others like relationship, sexual preference, the OCD targets one or more of our true core values and alleges the opposite has been, is, or could be true. 

When my therapist explained this to me in CBT, and told me to stop believing the OCD lies I felt enormous relief, and she told me I was getting so distressed because I thought it was true. 

That was a big breakthrough and I stopped listening to the OCD and believed her instead. 

Wishing you feel better soon and maybe my post will give you a lift. 

Roy

 

[jenny77]

Hi Roy,

Thank you for your reply, it's very much appreciated.

My anxiety has eased a little for now but I know it will peak again. I'm looking forward to going home and curling up in my safe place which is bed.

My OCD over the last 20 years has taken many forms but this has to be the most torturous and upsetting and it has at times left me feeling suicidal.

I am currently waiting to start CBT which I should have done years ago.

I wish you and everyone here well during the holidays. There is so much pressure and expectation for everything to be perfect at this time of year, it's got on top of me. 

Much love and strength/healing vibes to everyone reading this. 

J

 

[taurean]

Hi Jenni, 

I haven't had more than 3 forms of OCD, the other ones being checking and magical thinking but, from therapy and the wisdom here, I learned that it is the same old OCD working the same old way, whatever the theme - with the additional feature of attacking a core character value for some themes. 

When themes change, we just need to follow the concept that underpinning the OCD is a false, exaggeration of nil or minimum threat, or revulsion core belief. 

A therapist will usually work out with the patient what the core belief is, show them why it is a falsehood lie or exaggeration, then help them to challenge it. 

Also compulsions need to be identified and stopped, and exposure and response prevention carried out in a structured fashion to remove the distress (disorder)  the sufferer experiences. 

The longer we have been a sufferer, the more layers of rules and restrictions we have fallen under - and will need to be tackled. 

CBT is brilliant, and if The Four Steps, mindfulness and self-love are added into the therapy mix, they can really help. 

[PolarBear]

Do not curl up alone. That is avoidance and is a compulsion. Be around people if you can.

[jenny77]

Thank you Roy, I think it will be the springtime before my therapy starts as the psychologist said it would be a few months wait at the beginning of December. I would have preferred to have seen her but she said it would be a year waiting to see her. My main themes have been contamination, harm, driving and pocd which is definitely the most distressing.

Hi Polarbear, thank you, I did eventually go back downstairs and helped in the kitchen/spent time with family. It really all just got so overwhelming and i couldn't stop crying so i needed some time out. I do realise it's avoidance, OCD has many impacts on my life and restricts me in many ways. I've tried for example to keep driving but the anxiety it causes is just to much that I haven't driven myself anywhere for years. 

I hope to contribute more positively to the forum in the future but I fear that during my therapy the anxiety will get worse before it hopefully gets better.

J