this year

[bendylouise]

This year  i hv managed 2 some extent 2 keep 2 some resolves (progressing slowly with more challenging tasks) i made at the beg of the year  - on and off. and life improved 4 me.  I am now however in a v bad place and hv managed 2 regress with thoughts and behaviour not practised for some months due to  pressure i put on myself lately . I feel like i cannot see my way out of disaallowing myself 2 do what i want  when i thought/hoped  i  was safe in this progress. This shows me  i'm not doing it right - not allowing myself an easy time when ive tried really hard 2 keep 2 resolves all year - its over a single thing that i regressed (somthing i want 2 buy around xmas time) , ive managed it b4 but not enuf 2 practice it as its a once a year thing - sort of. 

I feel hopeless and desperate and frantic now esp as  i cant type enuf  (due 2 back pain) 2 explain.  I hv OCD but also think i am not allowed 2 do ordinary things 4 some reason. I try 2 fix it with magical thinking and  then trip myself up . Pls help.

I

Edited December 29, 2018 by bendylouise
clarity

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Hi Louise,

I'm in a sorry state myself at the moment, so I'm afraid I won't be much use there, but I wondered, with regard to your typing difficulties, whether voice recognition software could help you?

[PolarBear]

Louise, nothing we say now will be different from what we've said many times before.

Your mind creates illogical rules. You follow these rules. That upsets you. 

The solution is to realize the rules are nonsense and start doing what you want to do. Now it's going to be hard to do so, because your mind is screaming at you that you must follow the rules, but you need to be tough and break those rules at every opportunity.

[bendylouise]

5 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Hi Louise,

I'm in a sorry state myself at the moment, so I'm afraid I won't be much use there, but I wondered, with regard to your typing difficulties, whether voice recognition software could help you?

sorry 4 u.lost. Have tried v rec - useless so far. 

2 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Louise, nothing we say now will be different from what we've said many times before.

Your mind creates illogical rules. You follow these rules. That upsets you. 

The solution is to realize the rules are nonsense and start doing what you want to do. Now it's going to be hard to do so, because your mind is screaming at you that you must follow the rules, but you need to be tough and break those rules at every opportunity.

2 simple

 

17 hours ago, bendylouise said:

This year  i hv managed 2 some extent 2 keep 2 some resolves (progressing slowly with more challenging tasks) i made at the beg of the year  - on and off. and life improved 4 me.  I am now however in a v bad place and hv managed 2 regress with thoughts and behaviour not practised for some months due to  pressure i put on myself lately . I feel like i cannot see my way out of disaallowing myself 2 do what i want  when i thought/hoped  i  was safe in this progress. This shows me  i'm not doing it right - not allowing myself an easy time when ive tried really hard 2 keep 2 resolves all year - its over a single thing that i regressed (somthing i want 2 buy around xmas time) , ive managed it b4 but not enuf 2 practice it as its a once a year thing - sort of. 

I feel hopeless and desperate and frantic now esp as  i cant type enuf  (due 2 back pain) 2 explain.  I hv OCD but also think i am not allowed 2 do ordinary things 4 some reason. I try 2 fix it with magical thinking and  then trip myself up . Pls help.

I

cant somebody break it down pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese

[Caramoole]

3 hours ago, bendylouise said:

cant somebody break it down pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese

Hi Louise,

The problem is that we have explained what you need to do many times and in essence, PB sums up what the problem is and what you need to do.

In the past, even when trying to deal with this situation, you've still done it in a way in which you've built in all sorts of rules and get--outs.  These are just alternative rituals (compulsions).

You can face the things you have difficulty with in a graded manner, easiest first etc but you have to face it with no get-out options, you have to sit with the anxiety and keep on with the process until it reduces in intensity.  Sadly, you can't do it using a method that includes "If I do this, then I'm allowed to do that"or "I can buy particular products as long as I don't by certain others"  You have to stop the rules and clauses you build into your method..  You have to make a decision that you're going to deal with your OCD in the way that's recommended.

Why is it that you haven't sought any more support in the form of CBT from someone with the necessary experience?  I think you should consider seeing your GP, explaining what a mess things are and how much distress you're experiencing and ask for some help.  You're clearly struggling to face this on your own

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Thank you, Louise. I appreciate you taking the trouble to write that when typing is so painful for you. I'm sorry voice recognition is no help. I hope you are able to access CBT and get the help you need to get back on track. It sounds as if you were doing really well before your relapse, try not to lose sight of all your achievements, and remember what you did that got you to a better place.

[felix4]

22 hours ago, bendylouise said:

its over a single thing that i regressed (somthing i want 2 buy around xmas time) , ive managed it b4 but not enuf 2 practice it as its a once a year thing - sort of. 

Hi Louise,

Are you avoiding buying stuff throughout the year, and then piling loads of unnecessary pressure on yourself with magical thinking around Xmas time for everything to be 'just right' to buy stuff then? If so, then surely the answer is to get out there and order and keep items right the way throughout the year as ERP, because doing what you are doing can't be doing you any good on an annual basis.

All the best. 

 

[PolarBear]

It is not too simple but it is simple. You cannot get out of this by making up more rules. That's what got you stuck in the first place. More of the same won't ake things better.

[bendylouise]

On 29/12/2018 at 23:16, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

Thank you, Louise. I appreciate you taking the trouble to write that when typing is so painful for you. I'm sorry voice recognition is no help. I hope you are able to access CBT and get the help you need to get back on track. It sounds as if you were doing really well before your relapse, try not to lose sight of all your achievements, and remember what you did that got you to a better place.

Dear Lost , thanks so much 4 yr appreciation.  u seem 2 b the only one who realises and it really meant a lot getting yr reply.  Felix - No i am not doing that.

On 30/12/2018 at 00:44, PolarBear said:

It is not too simple but it is simple. You cannot get out of this by making up more rules. That's what got you stuck in the first place. More of the same won't ake things better.

PB - i am trying 2 implement good practices, not rules.

 

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

Aw, you're welcome.  A while ago I could only write in the titles of threads, so I know how frustrating it is when you can't write very much - it was only because of a problem with my phone though, it is much worse for you.

[Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze]

On 29/12/2018 at 01:03, bendylouise said:

I have OCD, but also think I am not allowed to do ordinary things for some reason.

I just wanted to pick up on something you said. It sounds as if at least part of you disbelieves that it is your OCD making you feel you are not allowed to do ordinary things?

[bendylouise]

3 hours ago, Lost_in_a_Dark_Maze said:

I just wanted to pick up on something you said. It sounds as if at least part of you disbelieves that it is your OCD making you feel you are not allowed to do ordinary things?

 I think i t is just ocd now and low self esteem and feeling unworthy and taking it out on myself 

Edited January 3, 2019 by bendylouise

[PolarBear]

6 hours ago, bendylouise said:

Dear Lost , thanks so much 4 yr appreciation.  u seem 2 b the only one who realises and it really meant a lot getting yr reply.  Felix - No i am not doing that.

PB - i am trying 2 implement good practices, not rules.

 

I think you are hiding rules under the term good practices. The rest of the world doesn't have good practices for buying what we want. We go out and get it. It's really that simple.