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OCDhavenobrain

Depressed about a relationship.

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Really really bad today and I was at the hospital so I can sleep tonight, it is night now and it is pretty dreadful. It is not even OCD it is just the feeling of total lonliness. Sha says that she has a boyfriend, we stopped having contact 5 months ago because she latched out as usually, I waited on an excuse which never came. NOW I am using other forums and it is pretty sad even to make such a big deal of such an relathionship but I did! However, I am certain that she has created other accounts, those other accounts used words and pictures which she also did. She denies to EVERYTHING. Calls me crazy, paranoid and mad. 

I am trying to get some sleep after those tablets but I feel pretty down. What should I do. Also my computer broke down the other day so that made me stressful, I am sitting with this depressing computer. Tomorrow it is new years Eve. I will get anxiety and I will take benzo, no doubt about it. I have cried all day long. I really feel like my life is over. Pathetic, and we didnt even have  a real relationship. Lol. Feel really bad, well no doubt about it. I will do my absolut best to get my act together and wake up early and do my things, study and such but I mean such an intense anxiety. I have also tried to accept the anxiety but it doesnt seems to work. It is a "real problem" too so I will have some anxiety but I also have the "winterdepression" going. That made me go to the emergency today, my eyes and nose are pretty destroyed from all the crying.  

 

Sorry for the bad typing but this keyboard doesnt have all symbols. 

 

Thanks for any tips you can give me. I really appreciate it and I appreciate your help.

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I think it's normal to have these feelings when something doesn't work out. I think maybe the mistake you're making is in trying to stop yourself feeling them. Disappointment, upset and just general negative feelings are all normal things that everyone experiences. Which sucks. But my advice would be try not to medicate these feelings away or push them out of your mind - feel them, accept them, and in time you will move on x

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I have cried all day. I cried the whole way to the emergency than when I went back. And I cried my eyes out there. She says she has a new one. Our relathionship was pretty much fighting, returning, fighting and returning. Always less and less kindness at the returns as the time passed. 


I am trying to move on but I am feeling so empty and she is also denying that she have even cretaed one of the most apparent accounts. I SHOULD NEVER have talked with her on other accounts but it is hard to say when you are feeling down some days. Now I have to face it and the anxiety came big time. SHE IS EVEN trying now, calling me a liar and such. I had wrote something somewhere where I never even mention her name and she got offended, it smells funny to me, kinda like manipulation and it probably is. Also I guess that I have fallen for an image in my head. There was never something there. 

I understand what you say with the medication thing is that I am feeling the winterblues like every year. Started 24 and I feelt it even if she hadnt told me that she is happynow. So it is like double trouble. The wintersadness AND this crappy ****. I absolutely feel anxious and depressed. It is not only that, its like the room is tighting up and everything gets smaller. 

Thanks for your words, I really appreciate it, I will try to sleep tonight, only sleept 3 hours last night and I didnt even feelt tired. New Years Eve tomorrow and I hate to say it but I know that it will suck for me. I hope you guys have a better time. Thanks again!

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You went to the emergency department and say ‘it’s not even OCD’ so I would follow the advice of the doctors. In the past and in an emergency I have found medication to be beneficial. We are overwhelmed and our ability to cope without help is at zero.  Restful sleep tonight is I think the best thing. Tomorrow you will slowly begin to recuperate.

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I agree with you both. Melatonin is for sleep and benzo well I know I know. It is just it is really terrible having both anxiety and this. I will not take my life but the fewling today was that I would be happy if I got blown up.

But the winterdepression will subside. I do know that. And this relationship.. well... I have to do a lot of things better next time.

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It feels so much better now. And my OCD are much better overall. I just have to accept that there are something more happening in the winters. I am not saying that it have to be a diagnosis, could just be old patterns. 

Got triggered here today because someone told me a big car had stood outside my wndow this morning. I guess that is why I woke up with a headache. It's such small events which I have to deal with here further on. Without letting it get stuck in my head. 

I hope you all are dedicated towards recovery, and do not let it get obsessive. I feel like that in itself is a big problem. Not having that certainty seems to be the path, that is the one thing I am watching out for the most. 

 

Take care everybody

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Glad you are doing better.  You are going through a really tough time and you have been in my thoughts. The "winter blues" definitely hit some of us harder than others. Also, relationships sometimes end badly. The important thing is to stay away from the toxicity and if you are always fighting, in the long run it is definitely for the best. Take care and keep well.

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Hey, I'm so sorry to hear you went through all this. OCD or not, bad relationships can completely wreck us. I think we can all completely relate and have been through this at one point or another, but the pain does get better over time. I'm glad you're starting to feel better, just take it day by day and hang in there.

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You know I had a really really  bad end of last year and beginning of this year. 24/12 - 7/1 was real agony for me. I am not saying that this relationship was the only thing which triggered because this happens every winter. 

I have finally come to an end with this relationship, it is over. But most importantly have my anxiety and depression lifted. I can't fathom how you can feel so bad but you sure can. I didn't have OCD-thoughts. Beside me obsessing about the car outside my window haven't I obsessed. My OCD have got a lot better. And that is all I care for, if it is bipolar or SAD do I not know. I would bet on SAD but not sure. 


Thank you all.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain

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