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gingerbreadgirl

Holding onto insight when tempted by a compulsion

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Hi guys

I wondered if I could ask your advice.  I've been terrible in doing lots of compulsions of late and oh-so-predictably have been sucked into a relapse.  It's not exactly a mystery why things are bad right now.  This morning I found myself cleaning the carpet with an antibacterial wipe (?!!) - and while doing it it felt like a perfectly logical thing to do.  (I won't bore you with my reasons for doing this, cos they are ridiculous).

So my problem is that although I know all this stuff, I can give advice, I just can't seem to follow it myself. I know compulsions are bad, they never work, they make OCD worse.

And I've realised that although I know that, when I am tempted by a compulsion I totally lose all insight into why I shouldn't do it.  It's like I become a totally different person and I have to do that compulsion. Which is ridiculous and we all know it isn't true but in that moment, I genuinely can't see otherwise.  I am driven blindly to do the compulsion.  And even when doing it I think "this is the last compulsion, I will tackle my OCD properly after this." 

So how do you guys tackle this? How do you keep hold of that knowledge when in that fight-or-flight state? I know it's possible because I have done it before and I know plenty of people on here do it all the time.  I just can't seem to grasp it this time no matter how hard I try, because when in that state it's almost like it's not me but somebody else entirely, somebody totally irrational.  How do I get rid of that irrational idiot and put me in the driving seat instead?!

Thank you and hope everyone is OK :) xx

Edited by gingerbreadgirl

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1 hour ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

So my problem is that although I know all this stuff, I can give advice, I just can't seem to follow it myself.

 

Hi GBG! So first off...I feel like I could have written this sentence myself. I know exactly how you feel and I don't think I really have an answer to your question, but I think this is really the core of it for a lot of us. We are logical people and understand that this makes no sense, but our entire bodies react to this, a mechanism kicks in and prevents us from acting in a logical manner. 

The point is that the anxiety isn't just a thought, it involves a lot more than that - emotions, physical manifestations etc. Your whole body goes into panic mode and the compulsion seems to be the only solution in that moment.

In my opinion, the way to do it is to just try and stop yourself from doing the compulsion no matter how logical it seems. Then feel the anxiety, let it come and keep reminding yourself that no matter how bad the anxiety feels, it will not actually hurt you in any way. You will see that after a while, the anxiety will go down. It may seem like the person doing the compulsions isn't you, but you're still in there. It may feel like you're going against every signal from your being, but just keep reminding yourself that this is the only way. Talk to yourself if you have to or even write it down so you can read it when you're really anxious. 

I do all kinds of ridiculous things to try to amuse myself and make the anxiety feel less bad when it hits. I'm having problems with harm OCD at the moment and am scared of using knives. So I try to make it more amusing for myself when I use them, last night I ended up talking to the knife!  Sometimes trying not to see it so seriously helps. 

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Insight definitely varies with feelings, I'm pretty sure a study showed that recently, so you can't really hold on to it. However, when you do a compulsion it's a very familiar situation. You've probably felt and acted the same way before and it's this you need to flag up. Once you flag it up you act according to how you've decided is best to act as part of CBT. You have to ignore your emotions and teach yourself a new way to act in this situation. This obviously is a huge effort but not relatively to the effort you will have to put in if you continue living by OCD rules. 

Also, with the cleaning the carpet compulsion. The hardest way to deal with that situation is to leave it. If you can leave it fine but it's pretty torturous and doesn't really push you forward. The best and easiest way is to touch what you want to clean and then touch everywhere. This tends to make it impossible to go back and clean therefore reducing anxiety quicker but also calling OCD's bluff. I think practise with behavioural experiments like this is needed. Too often we seem to just wait for OCD to be triggered and then find ourselves on the back foot, you really need to practise getting on the front foot so ignoring feelings becomes an easier more natural option. 

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1 hour ago, malina said:

Hi GBG! So first off...I feel like I could have written this sentence myself. I know exactly how you feel and I don't think I really have an answer to your question, but I think this is really the core of it for a lot of us. We are logical people and understand that this makes no sense, but our entire bodies react to this, a mechanism kicks in and prevents us from acting in a logical manner. 

The point is that the anxiety isn't just a thought, it involves a lot more than that - emotions, physical manifestations etc. Your whole body goes into panic mode and the compulsion seems to be the only solution in that moment.

In my opinion, the way to do it is to just try and stop yourself from doing the compulsion no matter how logical it seems. Then feel the anxiety, let it come and keep reminding yourself that no matter how bad the anxiety feels, it will not actually hurt you in any way. You will see that after a while, the anxiety will go down. It may seem like the person doing the compulsions isn't you, but you're still in there. It may feel like you're going against every signal from your being, but just keep reminding yourself that this is the only way. Talk to yourself if you have to or even write it down so you can read it when you're really anxious. 

I do all kinds of ridiculous things to try to amuse myself and make the anxiety feel less bad when it hits. I'm having problems with harm OCD at the moment and am scared of using knives. So I try to make it more amusing for myself when I use them, last night I ended up talking to the knife!  Sometimes trying not to see it so seriously helps. 

This is great advice Malina.  I especially like what you say about finding ways to make it less serious.  I think that's a really good way of breaking the stranglehold it has on you in that moment.  Like I know the cleaning stuff (in particular) is totally irrational and not based in reality - so making it less serious in the moment would remind me of that.  Thank you :) 

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Hi Gemma,

Thanks, great advice as usual :)

5 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

 it's this you need to flag up.

I totally get what you're saying - but the thing is, I always always think "but this is different", I find it hard to flag it as being the same as other times.  I always think, in the moment, that this isn't like all the others, or I find some way of rationalising it in my head like "if I do this then I'll find exposure easier later" or whatever.  I really find it impossible to cling onto the idea that I should behave differently.  And then I feel regret afterwards, I berate myself, which doesn't lead to a good state of mind.  I don't know how to cling onto that shred of foresight, of seeing the long game rather than instant relief.  The thing is I can do this with some compulsions, and have done many times, but the cleaning thing feels different, it feels like its got its hooks in deeper to my common sense, if you see what I mean.  Because honestly I don't see contamination as a threat, at all, not even deep down - I don't know why I am so afraid of it.

Like this for example:

8 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

The best and easiest way is to touch what you want to clean and then touch everywhere. 

This fills me with absolute fear - but why? I don't know.  I just know that right now I can't even contemplate doing this.  If I did I would end up doing a bazillion other compulsions to try and counteract it in some way. I've tried to do proper exposure like this a few times and it has often backfired.  I don't know if this is just a lack of courage.  Could be. 

I know basically I need to just try much much harder. 

Thanks again for your time and advice, it's always much appreciated :) 

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15 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

I totally get what you're saying - but the thing is, I always always think "but this is different", I find it hard to flag it as being the same as other times.  I always think, in the moment, that this isn't like all the others, or I find some way of rationalising it in my head like "if I do this then I'll find exposure easier later" or whatever.  I really find it impossible to cling onto the idea that I should behave differently. 

Ok so then you include this in what you flag up. In therapy they get you to look at a time when you were particularly distressed, look at what you were feeling, what you were thinking and then how you acted. You then look at what reasoning you used, what affect your emotions had on you and how helpful the behaviour was. Becoming familiar with what happens to you at times of distress is an important part of recognising the cycle you are in. It is the thing that helps remind you of the bigger picture. You then take the leap of faith that people talk about. 

 

20 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

This fills me with absolute fear - but why? I don't know.  I just know that right now I can't even contemplate doing this.  If I did I would end up doing a bazillion other compulsions to try and counteract it in some way. I've tried to do proper exposure like this a few times and it has often backfired.  I don't know if this is just a lack of courage.  Could be

People with OCD do not lack courage, not at all. It's so so so hard to go against feelings and thoughts. It probably fills you with fear because you aren't that practised at it yet. I remember one of my first exposures in 2015. I was worried something was contaminated, it was a wall (I've washed a few!) but I decided I'd do an exposure. I touched it with the least of my pinky that I could and spread it all over. It wasn't too bad actually. But I had planned it, thought it through and most importantly of everything decided that under no circumstances would I clean afterwards. It is not an exposure exercise if you do compulsions afterwards, because you never actually find out that nothing bad happened, you weren't overwhelmed at all, actually you were strengthened. 

Don't beat yourself up though, whether you do compulsions or not you're just trying to do your best. Just pick yourself up and try again :)

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3 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

In therapy they get you to look at a time when you were particularly distressed, look at what you were feeling, what you were thinking and then how you acted. You then look at what reasoning you used, what affect your emotions had on you and how helpful the behaviour was. Becoming familiar with what happens to you at times of distress is an important part of recognising the cycle you are in. It is the thing that helps remind you of the bigger picture. You then take the leap of faith that people talk about. 

OK this makes sense I think.  I have been able to apply this to other themes before, so I can do it with this, surely! The thing is, it's not the contamination per se that I fear - it's doing something "dirty" and thus feeling "bad", and this pre-emptive guilt basically overwhelms me in the moment.  As you know my OH has similar worries and I totally absorb those fears.  If my OH woke up one day and decided contamination wasn't a problem, then my worries about it would evaporate instantly. So really when it comes to exposure, what makes me really uncertain is not being sure whether my OH would support or understand what I'm doing, and therefore whether I am keeping something hidden and secret and being dishonest.   Stupid stupid stupid.  AARGH. 

9 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

It probably fills you with fear because you aren't that practised at it yet.

The thing is I am! Not with this theme but I have done exposure galore with all kinds of things.  I remember doing a really intensive period of exposure for my checking OCD back in 2015ish and I really really went at it, over and over, and it worked wonders, it was miraculous.  So why is this different? Actually I know the answer to that although I'd rather not say here. 

11 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

I remember one of my first exposures in 2015. I was worried something was contaminated, it was a wall (I've washed a few!) but I decided I'd do an exposure. I touched it with the least of my pinky that I could and spread it all over. It wasn't too bad actually. But I had planned it, thought it through and most importantly of everything decided that under no circumstances would I clean afterwards.

good for you doing this, I can imagine how hard this was :) - and sounds like you have come on leaps and bounds since then.

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4 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

The thing is, it's not the contamination per se that I fear - it's doing something "dirty" and thus feeling "bad", and this pre-emptive guilt basically overwhelms me in the moment.  As you know my OH has similar worries and I totally absorb those fears.  If my OH woke up one day and decided contamination wasn't a problem, then my worries about it would evaporate instantly. So really when it comes to exposure, what makes me really uncertain is not being sure whether my OH would support or understand what I'm doing, and therefore whether I am keeping something hidden and secret and being dishonest.   Stupid stupid stupid.  AARGH. 

Ok but this is still just OCD. For lots of people who clean, it isn't contamination they fear but feeling responsible. For you it's feeling responsible towards your partner, for other people it's themselves, parents, their kids or even strangers. When you do exposures or act how you want, you take on responsibility, this feels overwhelming so we do compulsions. Your responsibility is being a good partner/person, for others it's keeping people safe which is really often about wanting to be a caring person. You see for you it seems more complicated but what you feel are the same things as other people but you just describe it differently. Worrying what your partner would think is the same as worrying what a parent might think about a risk you feel you've taken. Worrying if you're being dishonest, is like worrying if you are irresponsible. Does your partner want you to have OCD? If the answer is no, then you know you need to fight it. 

The complicating factor is your partner's problems. But on the whole you seem to know your opinion on them. You basically said yourself if she gave up all her worries you'd know how to act. Then that's the goal for you, to act in accordance with what you think is right. Remember that you are doing this so you can get rid of OCD by all means set different rules when you are well but until then do what is necessary for you. 

18 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

If my OH woke up one day and decided contamination wasn't a problem, then my worries about it would evaporate instantly. 

Perhaps but remember OCD wouldn't. 

19 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

The thing is I am! Not with this theme but I have done exposure galore with all kinds of things.  I remember doing a really intensive period of exposure for my checking OCD back in 2015ish and I really really went at it, over and over, and it worked wonders, it was miraculous.  So why is this different? Actually I know the answer to that although I'd rather not say here. 

If you know then you know but to add to this I feel that overcoming checking requires a slightly different skill set to overcoming cleaning simply because of the different types of compulsions involved. 

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Hi GBG,

 Gemma has given some excellent as always I can't add anything on that side of things she has it spot on, and better than I could. 

34 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

As you know my OH has similar worries and I totally absorb those fears.  If my OH woke up one day and decided contamination wasn't a problem, then my worries about it would evaporate instantly. So really when it comes to exposure, what makes me really uncertain is not being sure whether my OH would support or understand what I'm doing, and therefore whether I am keeping something hidden and secret and being dishonest.   Stupid stupid stupid.  AARGH. 

I think this is a key statement, your need for approval from your OH is I think magnifying this element of OCD and making it feel more difficult for you to challenge? 

You are aloud to have your own view and you don't have to agree on everything your OH thinks. It doesn't make you a bad person for not telling her everything, as it does not make her a bad person for not telling you everything -  OCD is making you feel you should have to confide but you don't have to. Try not to see it as hiding things its just having a different opinion. 

It sounds to me - and I can only go from what I have read from you that you agree with your OH on the vast majority or things, and generally have a good and loving relationship. OCD muddies the waters and plays on our Achilles heel - its done that with me numerous times over the years and threatened my relationship.

I think you need to be confident in your own view and not constantly worry what your OH thinks. This is a compulsion and is keeping you stuck (along with your cleaning compulsion). Try and live with the anxiety that comes from wanting to confess, ride it out as it will subside. :)

I also think that your partner waking up and saying she is not bothered about contamination would be short term relief. Its highly likely OCD will find something else to focus on, or even ramp up the worry on contamination from another angle.

 

 

 

Edited by Avo

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1 hour ago, Gemma7 said:

Ok but this is still just OCD. For lots of people who clean, it isn't contamination they fear but feeling responsible. For you it's feeling responsible towards your partner, for other people it's themselves, parents, their kids or even strangers. When you do exposures or act how you want, you take on responsibility, this feels overwhelming so we do compulsions. Your responsibility is being a good partner/person, for others it's keeping people safe which is really often about wanting to be a caring person. You see for you it seems more complicated but what you feel are the same things as other people but you just describe it differently. Worrying what your partner would think is the same as worrying what a parent might think about a risk you feel you've taken. Worrying if you're being dishonest, is like worrying if you are irresponsible. Does your partner want you to have OCD? If the answer is no, then you know you need to fight it. 

The complicating factor is your partner's problems. But on the whole you seem to know your opinion on them. You basically said yourself if she gave up all her worries you'd know how to act. Then that's the goal for you, to act in accordance with what you think is right. Remember that you are doing this so you can get rid of OCD by all means set different rules when you are well but until then do what is necessary for you. 

Perhaps but remember OCD wouldn't. 

If you know then you know but to add to this I feel that overcoming checking requires a slightly different skill set to overcoming cleaning simply because of the different types of compulsions involved. 

hi Gemma

Yeah you're totally right.  it's like everyone with OCD thinking "but mine is different!!!! because *insert longwinded explanation* :) - I know it is the same, and my OCD has its own angle just as everyone's does. 

My partner's problems do complicate things somewhat though.  I said recently I feel a bit like a drug addict trying to get clean, but I live with another drug addict who keeps pushing drugs on me!  She is trying really hard.  But she is stuck, too.  And what I alluded too before about the checking ERP being easier - what I meant was it was easier because I had my partner's full support.  She drove me to go to the extreme lengths of possible ERP scenarios.  But she is hesitant with this - she's conflicted.  Of course she doesn't want me to have OCD, she wants me to get better - but she is conflicted when it comes to specific examples.  What I really need to do is just not tell her, or even talk to her about it at all.  Because every time I do, I want her to keep reassuring me she wants me to do exposure etc.  

And you're right - if my fears around this evaporated they would just latch onto something else.  It seems a never-ending merry-go-round. 

 

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1 hour ago, Avo said:

Hi GBG,

 Gemma has given some excellent as always I can't add anything on that side of things she has it spot on, and better than I could. 

I think this is a key statement, your need for approval from your OH is I think magnifying this element of OCD and making it feel more difficult for you to challenge? 

You are aloud to have your own view and you don't have to agree on everything your OH thinks. It doesn't make you a bad person for not telling her everything, as it does not make her a bad person for not telling you everything -  OCD is making you feel you should have to confide but you don't have to. Try not to see it as hiding things its just having a different opinion. 

It sounds to me - and I can only go from what I have read from you that you agree with your OH on the vast majority or things, and generally have a good and loving relationship. OCD muddies the waters and plays on our Achilles heel - its done that with me numerous times over the years and threatened my relationship.

I think you need to be confident in your own view and not constantly worry what your OH thinks. This is a compulsion and is keeping you stuck (along with your cleaning compulsion). Try and live with the anxiety that comes from wanting to confess, ride it out as it will subside. :)

I also think that your partner waking up and saying she is not bothered about contamination would be short term relief. Its highly likely OCD will find something else to focus on, or even ramp up the worry on contamination from another angle.

 

 

 

Hi Avo

Yeah you're right it is all about getting her approval.  I seem to have many many themes but really they are just variations on one and it is essentially this.  I've become obsessive about needing to know I'm good, and my OCD has made my partner in charge of this issue. (She really really doesn't want this in any way!)

We do have a  really good and loving relationship, we have always been really happy and I think that's why OCD has come along and decided to sabotage it.  It has put a strain on things this last year or so.  I wish so much I could go back to before then.  Things were much better then - I know I've been really difficult to live with this past year.  But I've also realised that I've essentially ploughed almost all my happiness into my marriage and it is everything to me - which is not a healthy way to be.  A relationship is an important part of life but it should only be a part.  So how do I address this? How do I get to a more healthy place of seeing myself as equal to my partner and not handing over all my power like this? (I'm not asking you to answer :) - This is just what I keep pondering).  My OH hates me feeling like this, she doesn't want me to put her on a pedestal like this.  

 My worry about not telling her is that I will break some agreement that I agreed to at one point, maybe years ago, and then forgot.  My OH has a superhuman ability to remember everything we've ever decided about cleanliness (cos it is high on her radar).   I worry that I will have forgotten something, or I half remember something and then start to worry I am deliberately going against something we agreed to and she would be upset by this.  And even as I'm saying this I'm aware how it all sounds.  I even feel guilty for saying all this here.  

So I'm going to stop.  I'm driving myself mad, let alone you guys! :D 

Thanks Avo - and hope you're doing OK? x

 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl

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44 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

what I meant was it was easier because I had my partner's full support.  She drove me to go to the extreme lengths of possible ERP scenarios.

And so it was probably a safety behaviour in a way. It was ok to do ERP as long as you had her support. This safety behaviour is fine unless it stops you tackling things without it. But in essence what you're saying is you felt secure. Feeling secure is important when we feel like we are taking risks and perhaps it's this that really holds you back. Dare I say it but a therapist could be that for you this time around. A therapist for the support and push and your partner for love. 

 

39 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

How do I get to a more healthy place of seeing myself as equal to my partner and not handing over all my power like this?

I know you weren't seeking answers but to name a few - stop polarising good and bad, stop treating yourself worse than other people, stop putting yourself down, stop blaming yourself for past and present mistakes and learn self-compassion. 

42 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

My worry about not telling her is that I will break some agreement that I agreed to at one point, maybe years ago, and then forgot.

This is what you worry, but what is so bad about breaking an agreement that you have now forgot? 

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6 minutes ago, Gemma7 said:

 

This is what you worry, but what is so bad about breaking an agreement that you have now forgot? 

You're not going to like this but just being honest... but i guess because sometimes i forget things that i wouldn't forget if I thought about them more carefully.  I'm like this about a lot of things, scatty I guess.  So sometimes I think I've forgotten an agreement but I should be able to remember it, or I've forgotten it because I'm not very thoughtful or whatever. Or sometimes I kind of half remember us agreeing something but can't remember exactly what, so I'll go the opposite way as an exposure, but then feel terrible. etc. etc.

Maybe I do need a therapist, but I worry that the therapist would push me to do something that my OH would be really unhappy with.  And I just can't do that, I really can't. 

I'm so fed up. Sorry to be wallowing I know that many have it much worse than me.  But I am really really fed up of this. 

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6 minutes ago, gingerbreadgirl said:

You're not going to like this but just being honest... but i guess because sometimes i forget things that i wouldn't forget if I thought about them more carefully.  I'm like this about a lot of things, scatty I guess.  So sometimes I think I've forgotten an agreement but I should be able to remember it, or I've forgotten it because I'm not very thoughtful or whatever. Or sometimes I kind of half remember us agreeing something but can't remember exactly what, so I'll go the opposite way as an exposure, but then feel terrible. etc. etc.

This doesn't answer why it's so bad to break an agreement you have forgotten. 

Why should you be able to remember it? Do you ever remember anything your partner has forgot? 

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I guess I don't really know why it would be so bad.  I guess it feels like I'm lying if I say I forgot if I would be able to remember if I tried really hard.  Which sounds stupid I know. I don't really know, I just have this feeling of guilt about so many things and it's almost like I need to find a reason for the guilt or something.

anyway I have strayed far off topic and am building up a giant thread again so i'll stop.  I have definitely taken on board what you've said though, thank you x

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It sounds like you just don't want to feel a certain way and it's feeling that way that you avoid. That is no small thing either, feelings are really hard to cope with. Hope you make some progress with it all xx

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yeh that's probably right.  I don't want to feel like I'm a bad person basically.  Cos if I'm bad then what? and it's like i'm just always on a precipice waiting to be found out.  Like I am constantly hiding behind a facade of goodness when really I'm not.  And i guess if my partner, who knows me better than anyone, thinks I'm good, then that's OK, but if she doesn't, it must mean I'm really bad.  And to me that's worse than anything I can imagine. it's like if I'm bad it's like, I dunno, I don't deserve to be here or even that my presence here is actively harmful to those around me.  Anyway I am rambling - again!! Thank you, and hope you're OK xx

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Hi GBG,

I am so so thanks - still trying to get the car situation sorted, its proving a bit stressful to say the least. In regards to your OH remembering things you don't. My advice would be  - don't over think that. I often remember things my wife doesn't about events, and vice versa - she will remember things I had forgotten and to be honest struggle to recall even with her prompts.

We joke that between us we remember the full 100% but only 50% on our own. People's brains are different - I know my wife and me think quite differently and remember differently. 

Also Try and cut yourself some slack - you seem to beat yourself up way too much. 

 

 

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Hi Avo

I'm sorry to hear the car situation is dragging on, it must be really stressful and annoying.  How is your shoulder doing? Hopefully this whole situation will be behind you before too long and you can put it behind you.

I know what you're saying about the memory thing.  I am never very confident of my memory.  Probably not helped growing up in a household where my version of events was regularly rubbished and overruled.  

I do beat myself up too much, I know.  I feel like if I don't, I will just go crazy and be really irresponsible etc.  This is wrong though I know.

It must be v annoying hearing me constantly banging the same drum (I annoy myself, too) - you and Gemma and Roy and others have helped me so much and I know it seems like I don't take it in but I really do, or I try to at least!

Thanks :)

GBG x

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I think cutting yourself more slack from the responsibility obsession would help. 

You mentioned earlier GBG the possibility of going to therapy and being "made to do something that might upset your other half"  and you would hate that. 

Well, living with someone with OCD is a challenge anyway - most OHs would surely take a short-term pain for long-term gain for their partner and the partnership, wouldn't they? 

Another approach could be using an OCD CBT workbook. I happened to obtain mine from No Panic and it had been written by one of their team. 

But OCD-UK has them available from its shop. 

The beauty of a workbook is it helps you, with the cognitive work, to create a map of your obsessions and compulsions, understand how they work, helps you chart triggers and create and use exposure hierarchies. 

Having something for you to get a handle on, and work with, in that way could be good maybe? 

Re stopping carrying out compulsions it's all about breaking the habit. Stop when you realise you are about to carry one out . Remind yourself this won't help, then refocus back to what you were doing. 

Keep working this methodology until it breaks the urge to carry out the compulsions. 

Maybe watch PolarBear's how to stop ruminating video again - it makes it clear we should use the same methodology to stop other compulsions too. 

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Hi GBG,

Shoulder is getting there thanks - am due back to work tomorrow am now worrying its twinging again - this may be psychological?, will find out tomorrow I suppose. My general anxiety is high at the moment just trying not to engage in too much ruminating!

I know OCD is a tough one - I am happy to help where I can, I have had plenty of help myself on here especially recently with the car accident etc so am happy to do my bit where possible.

  I know what its like to have it meddle with a relationship so I feel I can relate on that score as well. 

 

Edited by Avo

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Thanks Roy, this is all really good advice :) - and yes my OH definitely wants me to get better! - It's hard though to convey exactly how much this kind of thing bothers her. It is not just a preference, she finds the concept of spreading contamination really unbearable.  It's always driven me mad but only recently has it affected my OCD.  It is a tricky situation cos we are now basically feeding off each other. 

Edited by gingerbreadgirl

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8 minutes ago, Avo said:

Hi GBG,

Shoulder is getting there thanks - am due back to work tomorrow am now worrying its twinging again - this may be psychological?, will find out tomorrow I suppose. My general anxiety is high at the moment just trying not to engage in too much ruminating!

I know OCD is a tough one - I am happy to help where I can, I have had plenty of help myself on here especially recently with the car accident etc so am happy to do my bit where possible.

  I know what its like to have it meddle with a relationship so I feel I can relate on that score as well. 

 

Hi Avo

I guess just take it easy at work with your shoulder? - it's possible it might be healing and you don't want to rupture it or set it off again.  Not ruminating sounds like a good plan - look after yourself and try not to take on too much.  We all know how general stress can just pile on and turn into a spiral.  Take it easy won't you :) 

Yeah I think I can relate with a lot of your OCD. You seem to have some similar themes to me, focused round our partners.  You have definitely helped me a lot so thanks :) x

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