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Becoming obsessed with thoughts - things getting worse (Merged Thread)


Guest Phil10

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

The really and only crazy thing here is the amount of compassion in this thread.

Phil can you please read what have been said the last pages? Because now you just came in and wrote out what you are obsessing about.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest Phil10
5 hours ago, Angst said:

Right at the beginning of your last long thread I said that you needed to clarify with your psychiatrist as to why he was unwilling to provide CBT for OCD on the NHS.

If I remember correctly you did visit him/her but did not get an explanation. It might be that receiving an explanation might explain a number of things including your experience on this site.

You could ask to see your medical notes to seek a clarification.

In Scotland you cannot self refer for NHS treatment as you can in England.

I say this given Hal’s suggestion to go to your GP. You have received help from the NHS  for your bipolar condition but not your OCD condition.

You have been denied NHS OCD psychological treatment and cannot take SSRIs because of your bipolar condition.

Outside your house you function well and seem not to be affected by OCD. So when you are busy with other things because of work or because of a holiday you are not troubled by OCD obsessional thoughts.

The issue is why does being in your house spark off obsessional thoughts. 

I should book another session with your psychiatrist to get to the bottom of why he will not approve NHS CBT and if need be ask to see your medical notes. And take a decision from there.

Yes you are correct it’s worse at home I mean I do have some ocd and wash my hands when I’m out but that’s all. Most of my germ worries are in the house and based on dirty laundry and toilet germs. I mentioned on my old house wet towels when I came out the shower were a red flag anxiety for me the toilet plunger is the same these are issues which make me believe the stuff is ruined or I have to avoid the plunger. I mean a bit of toilet water landed on the floor but that worried me less than the false thoughts. When my toilet broke the person went into the system and touched handles this worried me less. 

If it makes it easier here most of my anxiety is actually about falsely created thought. I can’t deal with the **** my head makes up if I think did I touch the plunger it’s not maybe I did or maybe I never it’s certain I did becuase I had the thought. This applies to most of my posts I have the thought and I believe the worst possible contamination.

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Guest Phil10
3 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

The really and only crazy thing here is the amount of compassion in this thread.

Phil can you please read what have been said the last pages? Because now you just came in and wrote out what you are obsessing about.

Yes I Understand but I can’t seem to get the ideas out my head I appreciate all the advice and I will spend time reading over it but I have issues with it sinking in. Someone said they would happily touch the toilet plunger I can’t quite get my head round that one I mean it’s great that they think there is so little harm I mean most people maybe wouldn’t wanna touch it but maybe someone would. But yeah for me it’s always been about throwing stuff away? But I’ve latched into that game if I do the compulsion and throw the clothes away? Guess what I already worried the floor will have the same germs so the washing machine is ruined anyway? 

My ocd has made me feel trapped. I know doing the compulsions makes it worse so 90% of the time I don’t do them. The compulsion would be for me to toss the clothes away a few months ago I would have thought this was rational to do this .

So yes it’s very hard when I feel trapped, no escape from the ocd can’t do the compulsions I can’t stress how hard it is to get up continue my day as normal when it feels like my world has crumbled and ended? It honestly feels this way I said before the compulsions gave me a way out now that entrance has been blocked off. I Duno what to do? Perhaps it’s good for me I don’t throw stuff away but I’ve never known ocd to force someone into change positive change but it’s actually bad for my mind and stress becuase as I say I feel trapped and that’s an awful feeling? 

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Guest Phil10
3 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

You've stopped throwing things away. That's good. It's a compulsion you stopped. But you continue to do other compulsions and it is they that are keeping you stuck.

Yes true but it doesn’t feel like a win when I feel trapped when I can’t do that compulsion? 

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It is very simple, Phil. The only way to get untrapped is to slowly but surely stop your compulsions. Then you need to directly challenge the thoughts by facing what you fear.

You are only concerned with trying to reduce the anxiety you feel. How's that working for you? Multiple intrusive thoughts a day, avoidance, writing out every obsession on here, hours spent every day ruminating.... your way of coping is not working.

 

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Guest Phil10
11 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

It is very simple, Phil. The only way to get untrapped is to slowly but surely stop your compulsions. Then you need to directly challenge the thoughts by facing what you fear.

You are only concerned with trying to reduce the anxiety you feel. How's that working for you? Multiple intrusive thoughts a day, avoidance, writing out every obsession on here, hours spent every day ruminating.... your way of coping is not working.

 

I wash my hands that’s a compulsion I find this hard to stop. 

My main one is replacing or throwing away but I’ve stopped that. 

So yeah basically my only compulsion is the washing or cleaning so that’s not a big issue.

The issue is I don’t want the thoughts? It will be hard to convince me a toilet plunger and brush is clean. I work in a shop and I block the toilet they also use a plunger so I won’t buy anything from it becuase the cleaner mops the floor so I worry the germs have spread. Is that a compulsion to not buy anything? 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
57 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I Understand but I can’t seem to get the ideas out my head I appreciate all the advice and I will spend time reading over it but I have issues with it sinking in. Someone said they would happily touch the toilet plunger I can’t quite get my head round that one I mean it’s great that they think there is so little harm I mean most people maybe wouldn’t wanna touch it but maybe someone would. But yeah for me it’s always been about throwing stuff away? But I’ve latched into that game if I do the compulsion and throw the clothes away? Guess what I already worried the floor will have the same germs so the washing machine is ruined anyway? 

My ocd has made me feel trapped. I know doing the compulsions makes it worse so 90% of the time I don’t do them. The compulsion would be for me to toss the clothes away a few months ago I would have thought this was rational to do this .

So yes it’s very hard when I feel trapped, no escape from the ocd can’t do the compulsions I can’t stress how hard it is to get up continue my day as normal when it feels like my world has crumbled and ended? It honestly feels this way I said before the compulsions gave me a way out now that entrance has been blocked off. I Duno what to do? Perhaps it’s good for me I don’t throw stuff away but I’ve never known ocd to force someone into change positive change but it’s actually bad for my mind and stress becuase as I say I feel trapped and that’s an awful feeling? 

There is nothing to wait on. This is what you should do and do it right away. Everything else that your head throws at you as real problems are not something whixh needs to be handled first.

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22 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

The issue is I don’t want the thoughts? It will be hard to convince me a toilet plunger and brush is clean. I work in a shop and I block the toilet they also use a plunger so I won’t buy anything from it becuase the cleaner mops the floor so I worry the germs have spread. Is that a compulsion to not buy anything? 

None of us want the thoughts. 

But you will continue to get them if you keep believing them and carry out consequential compulsions. 

Belief and compulsions strengthen OCD. 

Yes, it is a compulsion to not buy things from your shop because OCD says there is a worry that germs have spread. 

Challenge that fear. Buy something from the shop and take it home, use it and refuse to keep thinking about apparent (so will say OCD) risk from that object. 

All these apparent contamination links your brain is throwing up are just nonsense to others. 

In fact all of our OCD fears are worthless nonsense to everyone else who doesn't share a similar OCD theme. 

Edited by taurean
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Guest Phil10
6 minutes ago, taurean said:

None of us want the thoughts. 

But you will continue to get them if you keep believing them and carry out consequential compulsions. 

Belief and compulsions strengthen OCD. 

Yes, it is a compulsion to not buy things from your shop because OCD says there is a worry that germs have spread. 

Challenge that fear. Buy something from the shop and take it home, use it and refuse to keep thinking about apparent (so will say OCD) risk from that object. 

 

All these apparent contamination links your brain is throwing up are just nonsense to others. 

In fact all of our OCD fears are worthless nonsense to everyone else who doesn't share a similar OCD theme. 

So how realistic is my thought that if I wash the clothes any item coming out that machine could harbour toilet germs from the plunger?

These thoughts are linked to uncertainty? Why do I worry 90% of the time becuase I don’t have cctv to go back and recheck my actions do doubt creeps in. Every time I post a worry I believe it. Yes I mean the washing machine when my partner touched the bin I did forget that one quickly but sometimes I don’t. My ocd doesn’t doesn’t have a rule book. 

My ocd tells me right now maybe many other people don’t have toilet plungers or brushes so there clothes would never hit them?

 

Edited by Phil10
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Guest Phil10

Update 

After all day agonising what to do whether to throw the clothes away or wash I opted to wash. This may please some people here as the compulsion failed as my head said if I throw away any new clothes on the floor would be dirty anyway so no escaping the plunger germs. I will now worry all my clothes are dirty and my cupboard where I put clean clothes the risk is they could become contaminated so the nightmare about the running round the house with a plunger could come true after all.

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1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

My ocd tells me right now maybe many other people don’t have toilet plungers or brushes so there clothes would never hit them?

The key is to determine to listen to US not the OCD! 

Phil, this is all nonsense about the plunger germs. All massively-exaggerated complete gibberish. 

A toilet plunger has a specific function - cleaning a toilet. It doesn't have to operate within a "clean room" like they use when they build satellites. We have one in our shower room. 

I would say the disinfectant is the least used of our sanitary materials. 

Why? Because all the ballooney about germs about the house is really spread by the manufacturers wanting to sell the stuff. They create a worry so people feel compelled to go buy their product. 

Cleanliness and hygiene make sense - but not to the excessive extremes demanded by OCD. 

Forget about toilet plungers, pedal bins and the like. Did we touch this that or another when holding whatever?

Determine NOT to listen to your OCD and listen to the way everyone else operates around the house, without massive focused fears, contamination links and carastrophising. 

All totally worthless. 

Edited by taurean
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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I wash my hands that’s a compulsion I find this hard to stop. 

My main one is replacing or throwing away but I’ve stopped that. 

So yeah basically my only compulsion is the washing or cleaning so that’s not a big issue.

The issue is I don’t want the thoughts? It will be hard to convince me a toilet plunger and brush is clean. I work in a shop and I block the toilet they also use a plunger so I won’t buy anything from it becuase the cleaner mops the floor so I worry the germs have spread. Is that a compulsion to not buy anything? 

No, your only compulsion is NOT washing and cleaning. I just finished telling you what other compulsions you do. Scroll back and read it. They are compulsions and they are keeping you stuck.

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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I wash my hands that’s a compulsion I find this hard to stop. 

My main one is replacing or throwing away but I’ve stopped that. 

So yeah basically my only compulsion is the washing or cleaning so that’s not a big issue.

The issue is I don’t want the thoughts? It will be hard to convince me a toilet plunger and brush is clean. I work in a shop and I block the toilet they also use a plunger so I won’t buy anything from it becuase the cleaner mops the floor so I worry the germs have spread. Is that a compulsion to not buy anything? 

Yes! It's called avoidance and it is a compulsion. The only way to conquer it is to stop doing it. Stop avoiding and actually buy stuff from that shop, not wash it and use it.

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1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

Update 

After all day agonising what to do whether to throw the clothes away or wash I opted to wash. This may please some people here as the compulsion failed as my head said if I throw away any new clothes on the floor would be dirty anyway so no escaping the plunger germs. I will now worry all my clothes are dirty and my cupboard where I put clean clothes the risk is they could become contaminated so the nightmare about the running round the house with a plunger could come true after all.

You worried all day about two options, wash or throw away. They are both compulsions. There was a third option you didn't consider: do nothing. That's the one that leads out of this nightmare.

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3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

it’s actually bad for my mind and stress becuase as I say I feel trapped and that’s an awful feeling? 

See this intense feeling? It’s anxiety and even though it feels terrible, you need to accept that you have to feel like this to retrain your brain to see that waves of anxiety come and go and you don’t need the compulsion. After doing this over a period of weeks and concerted effort of trying to not do compulsions, the wave of anxiety will come less frequently and ultimately not at all! Short term pain for long term gain Phil.

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Guest Phil10

So I often worry I hit the toilet plunger anyway so clothes do get washed would the washing machine finish off anyway germs that exist from any toilet water? 

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Guest Phil10

I did a compulsion clearing all my stuff away from my clothes in the cupboard in fear they could harbour toilet plunger germs. 

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Hi Phil,

I think you need to take a breather from posting on the forum for a day or so, give yourself a fighting chance by re-reading the replies you’ve received on this thread and your earlier ones.

You’re clearly using the forum as a platform to perform compulsions, that really isn’t and shouldn’t be its function...it and we are here to help you, but when it’s used in a way that’s holding someone back we do need to begin stepping in a bit more and if necessary start closing topics to help break the cycle.

If you’re unsure how best to deal with something, please press the pause button and draw on what I’m sure you know you need to do and not what the disorder’s dictating you do. You can do this, as I said yesterday to you, you’re strong enough to bear the resulting anxiety from not performing these compulsions, that’s the only way to get well again.

Support will always be here for you but I think you should also pick up the phone Monday morning and see your GP for a referral for CBT. The advice you’ve been given by the community has been second to none but that should be in conjunction with rather than instead of professional support and that’s what I feel you need right now.

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Guest Phil10
32 minutes ago, Hal said:

Hi Phil,

I think you need to take a breather from posting on the forum for a day or so, give yourself a fighting chance by re-reading the replies you’ve received on this thread and your earlier ones.

You’re clearly using the forum as a platform to perform compulsions, that really isn’t and shouldn’t be its function...it and we are here to help you, but when it’s used in a way that’s holding someone back we do need to begin stepping in a bit more and if necessary start closing topics to help break the cycle.

If you’re unsure how best to deal with something, please press the pause button and draw on what I’m sure you know you need to do and not what the disorder’s dictating you do. You can do this, as I said yesterday to you, you’re strong enough to bear the resulting anxiety from not performing these compulsions, that’s the only way to get well again.

Support will always be here for you but I think you should also pick up the phone Monday morning and see your GP for a referral for CBT. The advice you’ve been given by the community has been second to none but that should be in conjunction with rather than instead of professional support and that’s what I feel you need right now.

I’m afraid I can’t get CBT I have been told by the doctors and psychiatrist they knew I was seeing a private one though and never minded. I would have to pay money to see another CBT theripst. I have a wedding in a few months I have no spare money to see another theripst for atleast a few months.

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16 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Yes true but it doesn’t feel like a win when I feel trapped when I can’t do that compulsion? 

You feel like you MUST do a compulsion to get relief, a smoker feels like they MUST have a cigarette to get relief.  What you and the smoker have in common is that you are both wrong. You cans to doing compulsions, the smoker can stop smoking and you’ll be fine.  

 

17 hours ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I Understand but I can’t seem to get the ideas out my head I appreciate all the advice and I will spend time reading over it but I have issues with it sinking in.

As long as you refuse to change your behavior the ideas will remain stuck in your head.  If you want to change your situation then you have to change your behavior, it’s that simple (though not easy). 

You have to change your behavior first, then, in time, the thoughts will bother you less and come less often.  But first you have to accept that, for awhile at least, you are going to keep having the unwanted thoughts.  Sorry, I wish it were different, but that’s how our brains work.  You have to CHOOSE to behave differently even though you still feel anxiety, just like a person has to CHOOSE to resist the urge to smoke, or CHOOSE to do exercise that at first makes them feel miserable.  It is in choosing to behave differently that we change our situation. Or you can keep doing what you are doing and hope it all goes away on its own.

thats it, that’s all that needs to sink in, either you choose to respond differently, even though that might be hard, because it’s the path to getting better, OR you choose to keep doing things the same, in which case things will probably only get worse.

Please understand we want to help you, but you have to accept what we are saying in order for that to happen.  I suggest you go back and reread what we have been saying, and every time the little voice of doubt pops in to your head and says “yeah but...” you tell it to go away.

 

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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

So I often worry I hit the toilet plunger anyway so clothes do get washed would the washing machine finish off anyway germs that exist from any toilet water? 

That's reassurance-seeking Phil and you DO know what the Non-OCD answer is, so do the thinking yourself and apply what you know. 

Only the sufferer can do the work to get better. They HAVE TO learn to apply themselves what they have been told. 

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