Becoming obsessed with thoughts - things getting worse (Merged Thread)

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

The issue is when I seen my theripst I was feeling better so she thought great he’s better. Sadly things went back to where they were before meaning I may need another theripst. I said that the fourm is similar becuase I can talk about the thoughts at therapy. The exposure therapy doesn’t work for me only anxiety elimination. I am struggling at the moment I have spent all day wondering how I can get rid of this chair!

That happened to me maaany times. Took me 10 years to take this disorder serious, in the meantime I wasted some energy but now I am totally aware of the reality of OCD.

 

Pain today for a better tomorror OR pain as long as you can imagine

[Guest Phil10]

41 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

We've been telling you what you should do for a long time. 

I don’t seem to be getting better though I feel I need a plan to get better something structured where I can see progress 

[PolarBear]

Well that would be a very good idea. For that you need a qualified OCD specialist.

On the other hand, you could start taking on some of our advice. Like not using the forum as a diary, which is a clear compulsion of yours. We've explained why you need to stop doing it and we've asked you to curb that behavior (numerous times) but you continue to do it, every day, sometimes more than once.

Now you could cut back. Like do it only every 3 days. Fo that for a couple of weeks. Then twice a week. Then once a week. Then none st all. It's work but it's doable and you'll end up with a dmall feather in your cap.

 

[Guest Phil10]

5 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Well that would be a very good idea. For that you need a qualified OCD specialist.

On the other hand, you could start taking on some of our advice. Like not using the forum as a diary, which is a clear compulsion of yours. We've explained why you need to stop doing it and we've asked you to curb that behavior (numerous times) but you continue to do it, every day, sometimes more than once.

Now you could cut back. Like do it only every 3 days. Fo that for a couple of weeks. Then twice a week. Then once a week. Then none st all. It's work but it's doable and you'll end up with a dmall feather in your cap.

 

That’s true ideally I don’t want to post on an ocd forum however some people post on here daily I sort of think people just get bored of listening to me. If I don’t post here my partner will hear it or I will likely post elsewhere. I have been at a point where I don’t use forums much maybe once a month but that’s been a year maybe two now since that.

[Guest Phil10]

And even if I stop I can’t guarantee I will Stop compulsions or the ocd behavior so by me not posting it won’t solve my issues other than people won’t have to read them 

[PolarBear]

There is no problem posting on an OCD forum when you have OCD. But you very often post the same thing over and over. It is a compulsion and it needs to stop.

You've done it for a long tine and nothing has changed. So why keep doing it? Take that energy and put it into something that will actually have a positive effect.

[Guest Phil10]

1 minute ago, PolarBear said:

There is no problem posting on an OCD forum when you have OCD. But you very often post the same thing over and over. It is a compulsion and it needs to stop.

You've done it for a long tine and nothing has changed. So why keep doing it? Take that energy and put it into something that will actually have a positive effect.

Yes but I believe my mental state would I have been worse had I not asked advice. I bottled things up in the past and suffered a breakdown. So yes there may be a compulsion going on but the risk is I have a breakdown which is worse. 

[PolarBear]

I can see that but, you know, we offer little advice about dirty laundry or toilet brushes other than don't do vompulsions, and dometimes we ask you to challenge your OCD through ERP.

[taurean]

3 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I have anticipaton anxiety again the chair I am getting rid of this for free can’t bear keeping it but already I fear when I remove the chair the door handles will become contaminated by dirty laundry this is what my head says it’s real to me I have a sore stomach again I believe it’s all this awful anxiety and ocd

I would think that anxiety has caused the sore stomach. 

What your head says is OCD. You have to ignore that  including the "contamination connections" created by OCD which are just a load of nonsense to anyone else. 

How can you be right and everyone else not, you need to ask yourself? 

You say you don't know what to do Phil. 

Why not scroll back through the thread and make some notes? You won't find a host of complex things suggested. Just, over and over, the same things you need to be doing. 

Now would be a good time to go about implementing them. 

[dksea]

13 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I don’t seem to be getting better though

I understand you are frustrated and in pain, you don’t want to be, none of us wants you to be either.  Unfortunately you aren’t going to get better if you don’t make some changes in your life.  One of those changes is working to stop your compulsions, including using this thread (and others) as a diary to write out your latest intrusive thoughts.  You need to recognize that this is a compulsion and make the decision to work to stop it.  As PB says, it can be a gradual approach but you need to set goals.

13 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I feel I need a plan to get better something structured where I can see progress 

Yes, a structure plan is much more likely to be successful than trying to wing it.  Your best option is to work with a trained mental health professional, particularly one with knowledge in treating OCD to help develop such a plan.  And you need to make sure you are honest with them about your struggles.  Maybe you were in the past too, but from personal experience we can often hold back for fear of judgment or embarrassment. It’s best to be open as possible to get the best care.

 

[Guest Phil10]

My partner cleaned the washing machine and caused a major stress. She put kitchen roll in the bin whilst holding a bit of the plastic inlays that goes on the machine. It may have been her other hand but I fear my clothes having bin germs so we are no longer talking. She can’t be trusted I can’t afford a new machine to replace it I will now worry as I tend to do. She can’t be trusted so I feel annoyed about getting married I am annoyed I never cleaned it myself to avoid this hassle. Nobody can reassure me my clothes will be clean becuase she has stressed now and they won’t be clean. 

[Orwell1984]

Phil there is no way on the planet that your partner or anyone else in this situation would bend to your/OCD’s will of doing things its way. Now you’re bullying your partner giving her the silent treatment . There is no excuse for this. Would you want to marry you??????

[Guest Phil10]

Yes all I know is I need a new washing machine my partner said I can buy one 

[taurean]

Phil you do realise that to everyone else this fear is a gross exaggeration and not worth the time of day? 

If you don't then you just aren't taking on board what the forum members have been telling you. 

 

[Guest Phil10]

47 minutes ago, taurean said:

Phil you do realise that to everyone else this fear is a gross exaggeration and not worth the time of day? 

If you don't then you just aren't taking on board what the forum members have been telling you. 

 

Yes if only I could see this it’s very hard I feel sick with worry. I don’t get it a few months ago I had a brief spell of control over the ocd then I reverted back and as forum members said it can get worse? My ocd has went from mild to severe in past 3 years I don’t get why. I am struggling to take a step backwards to become well again?

[taurean]

13 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes if only I could see this it’s very hard I feel sick with worry. I don’t get it a few months ago I had a brief spell of control over the ocd then I reverted back and as forum members said it can get worse? My ocd has went from mild to severe in past 3 years I don’t get why. I am struggling to take a step backwards to become well again?

But giving in to the obsessions won't make you any less sick with worry - it just strengthens our belief in them. And you will be more worried. 

Carrying out any form of compulsion makes OCD worse not better. 

I suspect that

being a worrier in general 

Perhaps more than one theme of OCD maybe concurrently - and not feeling up to challenging them. 

Fears over the future and will you ever recover 

May be behind your struggles. 

[Guest Phil10]

So I shouldn’t replace the washing machine? I am finding at the moment daily obesssions as I said in the past it as never that frequent. The only benefit I can see to it is I often forget my previous worries. It all goes back to me being clean as my old theripst said the ocd is about keeping me safe. 

[dksea]

1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

I don’t get why.

To be blunt, because you keep doing the wrong things and won’t do the right ones. You keep doing compulsions, you won’t do ERP, etc.  You’re like someone who complains about being overweight who keeps eating junk food all the time and refuses to exercise.  You are not going to get better until you change the way you have been doing things.

 

37 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

So I shouldn’t replace the washing machine?

Absolutely not!  It’s a perfectly fine washing machine.  The “contamination” is all in your head, it’s not a real threat.  You want to stop your OCD from getting worse?  You want your OCD to get better?  Stop doing what it tells you!  Stop replacing things. Stop following these bizarre rules about “contamination”.  Your fiancé did nothing wrong!  Her behavior is utterly within reason.  You are allowing OCD to take over your life and cause pain not just to you but people you love too!  You deserve better than that and so does your fiancé but YOU have to make the choice to change and then DO THE WORK.  Find a way to see a qualified therapist or someone to help you make a plan.  Recognize and admit to the compulsive behaviors you engage in.  Don’t demand that your partner help enable your OCD by following your unnecessary rules.  You can get over this, but only if you change course.  The sooner the better.

[taurean]

48 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

So I shouldn’t replace the washing machine? I am finding at the moment daily obesssions as I said in the past it as never that frequent. The only benefit I can see to it is I often forget my previous worries. It all goes back to me being clean as my old theripst said the ocd is about keeping me safe. 

No-one without your theme of OCD would consider the washing machine to need replacing. Only the OCD is throwing up that compulsive urge. 

 

[Guest Phil10]

Yes I mean I admit I see people touching bins on like trains without washing there’s hands this disgusts me. I mean I will use bins only if I can throw rubbish in. I made a post about my bin ocd a few months back. I find it horrifying people touch bins and don’t wash there hands as I see them as germ magnets. Not washing hands puts those germs onto like mobile phones. Maybe some people are ok about that?

[PolarBear]

15 hours ago, Phil10 said:

My partner cleaned the washing machine and caused a major stress. She put kitchen roll in the bin whilst holding a bit of the plastic inlays that goes on the machine. It may have been her other hand but I fear my clothes having bin germs so we are no longer talking. She can’t be trusted I can’t afford a new machine to replace it I will now worry as I tend to do. She can’t be trusted so I feel annoyed about getting married I am annoyed I never cleaned it myself to avoid this hassle. Nobody can reassure me my clothes will be clean becuase she has stressed now and they won’t be clean. 

You are going way overboard. Can't be trusted? Doing what? Living her life normally and not gripped by an irrational fear?

You are the one with the problem. Not the rest of the world. Get that through your head.

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

3 hours ago, dksea said:

To be blunt, because you keep doing the wrong things and won’t do the right ones. You keep doing compulsions, you won’t do ERP, etc.  You’re like someone who complains about being overweight who keeps eating junk food all the time and refuses to exercise.  You are not going to get better until you change the way you have been doing things.

 

Absolutely not!  It’s a perfectly fine washing machine.  The “contamination” is all in your head, it’s not a real threat.  You want to stop your OCD from getting worse?  You want your OCD to get better?  Stop doing what it tells you!  Stop replacing things. Stop following these bizarre rules about “contamination”.  Your fiancé did nothing wrong!  Her behavior is utterly within reason.  You are allowing OCD to take over your life and cause pain not just to you but people you love too!  You deserve better than that and so does your fiancé but YOU have to make the choice to change and then DO THE WORK.  Find a way to see a qualified therapist or someone to help you make a plan.  Recognize and admit to the compulsive behaviors you engage in.  Don’t demand that your partner help enable your OCD by following your unnecessary rules.  You can get over this, but only if you change course.  The sooner the better.

This.

I wouldn't jeopardizet the relationship if I were you Phil. You should really not act out on your girlfriend

Edited March 27, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[Guest Phil10]

41 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

This.

I wouldn't jeopardizet the relationship if I were you Phil. You should really not act out on your girlfriend

Yes I mean it’s not great not spoke all day but these issues mean a lot to me touching bins causes stress for me

[Guest OCDhavenobrain]

51 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I mean it’s not great not spoke all day but these issues mean a lot to me touching bins causes stress for me

Well. It is not her fault and she dpesnt have to deal with it

Maybe you cant see it but you will suffer even more if she leaves you. Life really do goes on, outside our heads. For some it is the normal state for all their life and that is pretty tragic but ONLY YOU can turn this around.

You are acting out because you are having compulsions. Not OK

Edited March 27, 2019 by OCDhavenobrain

[taurean]

48 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes I mean it’s not great not spoke all day but these issues mean a lot to me touching bins causes stress for me

And what do you think it does for her? How about her feelings? 

It isn't much fun to be in a relationship with someone with severe OCD. 

To be frank, it isn't something I feel I could cope with. 

My wife insisted I got into therapy, and also helped me work through a self-help CBT workbook. 

She stuck with me, despite the severe stress upon her. That is amazing. 

If I were you Phil, I would go and say sorry to your good lady, thank her for being there for you, and take this as an opportunity to agree with her that you will now throw serious effort to making the thinking and behavioural changes necessary to overcome this. 

We can tell you what you need to know, what you need to do - but only you can stop listening to the OCD and start instead listening to WE.