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Becoming obsessed with thoughts - things getting worse (Merged Thread)


Guest Phil10

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Guest Phil10
14 minutes ago, taurean said:

You can't keep posting for an opinion that is never going to change Phil. That's pointless, you know what we have told you to do. 

You prefer to listen to the OCD. 

You are the person that has to make changes - our advice doesn't change. You have to stop listening to what OCD tells you. 

In contamination OCD, the only one believing the suggestion of contamination is the sufferer. 

 

That is true but then my ocd says everything in my life is preplanned and I have no control so basically it’s a never ending cycle. Contamination is very real to me stuff seems ruined I have these thoughts pop up stuff feels weird and dirty basically you say it’s not true but in my mind is is very true

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
8 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

That is true but then my ocd says everything in my life is preplanned and I have no control so basically it’s a never ending cycle. Contamination is very real to me stuff seems ruined I have these thoughts pop up stuff feels weird and dirty basically you say it’s not true but in my mind is is very true

So basically you have given up? 

You always need to stop yourself from being a victim of it, even if it feels unfair and it gives you some sense of power to put yourself in a position where you can't change anything, then atleast you feel like you have the power over how you approach it (even if it is with hopelessnes). You will get nothing out of it, just more suffering. Your anxiety will not reward you because you let it have all the control.

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest Phil10
53 minutes ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

So basically you have given up? 

You always need to stop yourself from being a victim of it, even if it feels unfair and it gives you some sense of power to put yourself in a position where you can't change anything, then atleast you feel like you have the power over how you approach it (even if it is with hopelessnes). You will get nothing out of it, just more suffering. Your anxiety will not reward you because you let it have all the control.

Nope I wouldn’t given up anything but. I would say no closer to finding a solution. I mentioned how if life is preplanned it can carry some blame so no matter what I do I’m meant to suffer. I don’t want to go down that route I would prefer to believe I can change how I feel and control my ocd better. But right now I feel stuck.

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@Phil10 please listen to the advice in this forum. There is no point shooting it down, I’ve done that before and it got me no where. Since Christmas I’ve ruminated on an event until in this last week I decided to give it a try to not dwell on the thought, it works, it really does. I think sometimes it can be harder to take advice from people who have had a handle on their OCD for a number of years. But take it from someone who felt awful very recently, the advice works! I read a line from someone in this forum from a few years ago that they felt they had ‘worried away there 20s,’ that really struck a chord with me, nothing beats a try ?

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1 hour ago, Phil10 said:

That is true but then my ocd says everything in my life is preplanned and I have no control so basically it’s a never ending cycle. Contamination is very real to me stuff seems ruined I have these thoughts pop up stuff feels weird and dirty basically you say it’s not true but in my mind is is very true

I realize it seems true to you. It's the same for all OCD sufferers. You have to listen to people who aren't in your mind and go against what you mind is telling you. That's the way to get better.

Moving would be a huge mistake. A compulsion with dire consequences.

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Guest Phil10
11 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I realize it seems true to you. It's the same for all OCD sufferers. You have to listen to people who aren't in your mind and go against what you mind is telling you. That's the way to get better.

Moving would be a huge mistake. A compulsion with dire consequences.

Yes I said all along the only way I can recover is to neutralise the worry about the germs and not believe they are harmful. For me dirty laundry, toilet germs and such are like radiation to me. The consequences are I don’t use stuff, I sell it and think it’s forever dirty. Sometimes I forget these worries sometimes I don’t. It’s random. Im unable to change my thinking pattern even ocd cleaning doesn’t solve my issues I simply believe something is ruined. And once my mind forgets the germs it moves onto my existance and free will. There is no escape from my ocd. You can’t tell me a toilet brush is clean? It can’t  be rubbed all over the house. I mean like I say the chances of me hitting the brush may be low but my anxiety will go with the worst case that I did. It’s always the worst case scenario with ocd.

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Of course it is, Phil. OCD always makes mountains out of molehills. Always. It takes very minor things and tries to blow them up into catastrophes. You need to learn thst and call OCD's bluff. It always bluffs. It always lies.

Clearly you didn't run around the house touching everything with the toilet brush. That's silly. And even if you had, the sun eould still rise tomorrow and your life would not change one iota.

Call the bluff.

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15 hours ago, Phil10 said:

There is no escape from my ocd.

Yes there is Phil, thats what we are telling you. Thousands, possibly millions of people have taken on and overcome OCD, not because they were special, not because they were different, but because they made the decision to do the work and challenge the OCD.  You can absolutely make that decision too.
 

15 hours ago, Phil10 said:

You can’t tell me a toilet brush is clean? It can’t  be rubbed all over the house. I mean like I say the chances of me hitting the brush may be low but my anxiety will go with the worst case that I did. It’s always the worst case scenario with ocd.

Yes, it is always the worst case scenario with OCD, which is completely illogical.  If the worst case scenario was what happened all the time, none of us would be here, the earth would have been destroyed long ago, heck the universe probably wouldn't even exist.  Far more often than not the worst case scenario DOESN'T happen, so tell me, what sense does it make to assume it did?  Are you making your life better in some way?  Are you happier?  Look at all the non-OCD people around you, they don't worry about things like this and they aren't dropping dead, they aren't selling their houses constantly and throwing things away and replacing them unnecessarily.  And even your fellow OCD sufferers who don't have a contamination compulsion, or have overcome that compulsion don't do what you do.

Does it make sense to you that your way is the right way and everyone else is doing it wrong?  Are you happier than the people around who don't engage in the same kind of compulsions you do?  Has following what OCD tells you to do made your life better?  And if it hasn't, why do you keep listening to it?

Yes its hard, yes it involves feeling uncomfortable, especially at first, but isn't it better to experience SOME discomfort now with the goal of less suffering later, than just to continue to experience suffering all the time?  We all want to see you have a better, happier life, we are showing you that there is a way to get there, one that we, and so many others, have taken and its worked.  I hope you'll think about that.

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Guest Phil10

You are correct they are not selling there houses and throwing stuff away.

But in my head I can tell myself if I touched the toilet with my feet and walked round the house I am ok but if it was a toilet brush and plunger I fear it like dirty laundry. I mean logically people maybe touch toilet brushes quite often or brush them possibility they do go into the toilet water. The plunger has touched toilet water but what scares me is it touched toilet paper and I fear that’s where the germs are. I mean at the end of the day it’s highly unlikely I touched the brush or plunger but like the front door and many other similar issues the ocd focuses on it. It won’t let go of it, it goes through the consequences and how the floor will be ruined. My house feels ruined. But a few months back I worried toilet water came in my shower and people reassured me it never and eventually I let go of it. I mean let me ask you would you worry about a toilet brush? If you touched it would you worry about spreading of germs? 

Another example would be if I was to get a new toilet this would be exactly the anxiety becuase the bowl would come down the stairs and potentially contaminate. My head still says the toilet brush is worse and it sort of makes it seem like radiation or something awful like the dirty laundry issue. It makes the germs more important or like I can’t handle those germs. It’s hard to describe how I feel but when I get these black and white thoughts it’s very hard to get into my brain that it’s ok?

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Phil, the thoughts aren't the problem. They're all lies. The problem is what you do about the thoughts.

You ruminate, endlessly. That's a compulsion. It is you reacting negatively to the thoughts. It solves nothing. But it does ensure that you get more similar thoughts in the future.

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OP, you can't be as 'clean' as OCD dictates and live a normal life. Neither the world, nor human beings are meant to live in some kind of hermetically sealed antiseptic womb. It's your OCD that's out of step. Why be a fool and rush to join it?

Edited by paradoxer
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Guest Phil10
8 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Phil, the thoughts aren't the problem. They're all lies. The problem is what you do about the thoughts.

You ruminate, endlessly. That's a compulsion. It is you reacting negatively to the thoughts. It solves nothing. But it does ensure that you get more similar thoughts in the future.

You mention rumination I can’t stop this I just keep worrying.

I have tried to talk myself round and said it’s unlikely i touched the brush but like my ocd with the door I refuse to accept that and fear my house is ruined and I have to sell up. I really am trying to get better but but when I have this type of thought it really takes over.

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6 hours ago, Phil10 said:

You mention rumination I can’t stop this I just keep worrying.

 

You can stop ruminating. We all can if we are determined enough to work through the process. Watch PolarBear'S excellent video on how to stop ruminating. You can find it from the search field. 

"I have tried to talk myself round and said it’s unlikely i touched the brush but like my ocd with the door I refuse to accept that and fear my house is ruined and I have to sell up. I really am trying to get better"  

Don't enter into debates with OCD. It gives it belief, strengthens it. As PB says, leave the intrusions alone. 

"but when I have this type of thought it really takes over". 

It will do while you continue to engage with the intrusions, connect with them, give them belief. 

All the time you do this you are setting OCD's rules and believing it so making it stronger. 

This will continue until you start thinking "oh that's just my silly obsession" and refocus away and keep on doing that. You will then find intrusions weakening in power and frequency. 

It's your choice. Listen to WE or the OCD. 

 

 

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8 hours ago, Phil10 said:

You mention rumination I can’t stop this I just keep worrying.

You CAN stop it, it takes practice, and it will be difficult, especially at first, but you CAN stop.  The rumination you are engaging in is similar to someone who is addicted to cigarettes.  It FEELS like they must have a cigarette, they crave it, but the reality is if they don't have, it won't kill them (in fact it will help them).  You have gotten in such a strong habit of ruminating that you believe you can't stop, but you can.
 

8 hours ago, Phil10 said:

I have tried to talk myself round and said it’s unlikely i touched the brush but like my ocd with the door I refuse to accept that and fear my house is ruined and I have to sell up. I really am trying to get better but but when I have this type of thought it really takes over.

You can't argue your way out of OCD.  You can ruminate until the sun expands, and it won't be enough for OCD.  You have to simply accept that you are going to feel doubt about this.  You CAN live with doubt, you might not like it, but you can live with it (like NOT smoking a cigarette, a smoker WANTS to do it, but if they want to stop more, then they have to deal with the discomfort for awhile).  It will pass in time, and the less you feed it with rumination and other compulsions, the weaker it will become.  This is not a quick process, it takes time and dedication but the alternative is to continue suffering.  

You feel fear about the idea of your house being contaminated, ok, that is a real feeling you are having.  Its unpleasant, you don't like it, we get that.
But you don't have to actually DO anything about it.  People all around you live perfectly good lives without worrying like you are.  Thats a pretty good indication that your situation is not what your OCD brain is telling you it really is.  Its a false alarm Phil.  Yes, it feels just like a real alarm, but its not.  Just like you can hear a fire alarm go off, be told its a false alarm (or part of a drill, etc.) and ignore it, you can do the same for OCD.
 

On 24/03/2019 at 09:47, Phil10 said:

I mean let me ask you would you worry about a toilet brush? If you touched it would you worry about spreading of germs? 

If I definitely touched a toilet brush? I'd probably wash my hands (once, for a normal amount of time) but thats about it.
If I thought maybe my shoe/foot might have brushed up against it?  I'd do nothing.  Seriously, i wouldn't think twice about it.

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Obsessional thoughts are nothing but that, and nonsense to anybody else. 

They would dismiss them in milliseconds, not even giving them the time of day. 

But sufferers believe them, expand upon them, debate them then go round and round in a vicious circle of awfulising, compulsions, anxiety and fear. 

All actually pointless. 

Until we really start to believe that, and "spoke" the anxiety wheel, we get more and more consumed with, and ruled by, the OCD. 

Those of us who have broken those chains that bind know this, and desperately wish for others to take this on board. 

 

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Guest Phil10

Sadly I’ve got to report back my ocd is got worse it may seem a diary but I want to vent off what’s on my mind to give people an idea how I am suffering for example each day it’s a new thing today:

*My mum took a chair upstairs becuase I never took it up I fear it went in bathroom where I have dirty laundry so thought ok I can put it outside then I worried the garden box will be dirty if it leaves via the front door the bath will harbour dirty laundry germs yes it may never have touched washing but my ocd is at work again. 

*I purchased a second packet of kitchen roll becuase I worried the other one was walked home too close to a bin.

*I worried my backdoor is dirty becuase it had bird poo but my fear was I touched the green bin and that had a toilet plunger in it at one point in the past so I now fear that bin I did wash my hands but I fear that’s not enough 

Yesterday my sore stomach returned luckily today it’s better. I tried to let go of the toilet plunger fear as I know its unlikely I touched it. Anytime I try to challenge these thoughts I think what’s the point my life is controlled fate happens everything is preplanned anyway so yeah it feels like I am only living my life In a simulation and life is just an experience but a controlled experience.

So yeah I wish I could get better I mean I Duno what to do more therapy more self help? When I did get better even for a few weeks I did admit I put work in doing relaxation and distraction. I can’t be bothered with that daily I come in from work sit down and don’t want to do anything simple. People are right it can get worse becuase what happens is every area of the house i fear is dirty and I move that’s worst case. 90% of the thoughts I can forget but 10% linger and trouble me and as people say I ruminatate over them I can’t seem to stop. I over think stuff that’s how I operate. Is there any hope for me? Is it really just a new ocd every day? I am sure people will say no offcourse there is hope but I don’t see it. I admit I am lazy I don’t want to do any work becuase I don’t believe i should have anxiety. Anxiety tells me it’s there basically. I feel alien I feel controlled I feel solipsism it’s a dark place. I don’t want to sleep I can’t be bothered with eating all these things are an inconvenience when I am off work I have breakfast at 1pm and I can’t be bothered getting up until 1pm. Sleeping is a nightmare as I think existance all night and lie there pondering what it feels like to be human and how existing as a computer would feel easier.

Sorry for the rant but I am tried of these feelings I do have a normal life I work I go holidaying I have a mortgage I socialise but I also have this baggage of ocd and anxiety. I fear without ever having cetainity this will never stop?

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

So will you chance anything? You say you are tired of it, that is good. Never heard you say that before

Edit: It will never ever stop in this situation NO under those circumstances

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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Guest OCDhavenobrain
57 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Sadly I’ve got to report back my ocd is got worse it may seem a diary but I want to vent off what’s on my mind to give people an idea how I am suffering for example each day it’s a new thing today:

*My mum took a chair upstairs becuase I never took it up I fear it went in bathroom where I have dirty laundry so thought ok I can put it outside then I worried the garden box will be dirty if it leaves via the front door the bath will harbour dirty laundry germs yes it may never have touched washing but my ocd is at work again. 

*I purchased a second packet of kitchen roll becuase I worried the other one was walked home too close to a bin.

*I worried my backdoor is dirty becuase it had bird poo but my fear was I touched the green bin and that had a toilet plunger in it at one point in the past so I now fear that bin I did wash my hands but I fear that’s not enough 

Yesterday my sore stomach returned luckily today it’s better. I tried to let go of the toilet plunger fear as I know its unlikely I touched it. Anytime I try to challenge these thoughts I think what’s the point my life is controlled fate happens everything is preplanned anyway so yeah it feels like I am only living my life In a simulation and life is just an experience but a controlled experience.

So yeah I wish I could get better I mean I Duno what to do more therapy more self help? When I did get better even for a few weeks I did admit I put work in doing relaxation and distraction. I can’t be bothered with that daily I come in from work sit down and don’t want to do anything simple. People are right it can get worse becuase what happens is every area of the house i fear is dirty and I move that’s worst case. 90% of the thoughts I can forget but 10% linger and trouble me and as people say I ruminatate over them I can’t seem to stop. I over think stuff that’s how I operate. Is there any hope for me? Is it really just a new ocd every day? I am sure people will say no offcourse there is hope but I don’t see it. I admit I am lazy I don’t want to do any work becuase I don’t believe i should have anxiety. Anxiety tells me it’s there basically. I feel alien I feel controlled I feel solipsism it’s a dark place. I don’t want to sleep I can’t be bothered with eating all these things are an inconvenience when I am off work I have breakfast at 1pm and I can’t be bothered getting up until 1pm. Sleeping is a nightmare as I think existance all night and lie there pondering what it feels like to be human and how existing as a computer would feel easier.

Sorry for the rant but I am tried of these feelings I do have a normal life I work I go holidaying I have a mortgage I socialise but I also have this baggage of ocd and anxiety. I fear without ever having cetainity this will never stop?

Also big props to you for admiting that you don't want to have anxiety, which makes you not confront it. But that is what NEEDS to happen here Phil.

This is the worst case scenario, you talking about recovery while at the same time doing nothing about it. It would be less timewasting if you just did your compulsions and then didnt think about it. Also, you seems to think that writing here is the same as therapy of some sort, but in your case you are acting out many compulsions on the site.

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Guest Phil10
1 hour ago, OCDhavenobrain said:

Also big props to you for admiting that you don't want to have anxiety, which makes you not confront it. But that is what NEEDS to happen here Phil.

This is the worst case scenario, you talking about recovery while at the same time doing nothing about it. It would be less timewasting if you just did your compulsions and then didnt think about it. Also, you seems to think that writing here is the same as therapy of some sort, but in your case you are acting out many compulsions on the site.

The issue is when I seen my theripst I was feeling better so she thought great he’s better. Sadly things went back to where they were before meaning I may need another theripst. I said that the fourm is similar becuase I can talk about the thoughts at therapy. The exposure therapy doesn’t work for me only anxiety elimination. I am struggling at the moment I have spent all day wondering how I can get rid of this chair!

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Guest Phil10

I have anticipaton anxiety again the chair I am getting rid of this for free can’t bear keeping it but already I fear when I remove the chair the door handles will become contaminated by dirty laundry this is what my head says it’s real to me I have a sore stomach again I believe it’s all this awful anxiety and ocd

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Guest Phil10
14 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

Well Phil, I guarantee that if you do nothing your situation will continue to suck or get even worse.

I don’t know what to do self help therapy do nothing which isn’t working write stuff down I don’t have a plan on how I can beat this ocd.

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