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Becoming obsessed with thoughts - things getting worse (Merged Thread)


Guest Phil10

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Guest Phil10

I have spent hours googling free will again and can’t sleep. I know people say don’t do it but I have done it. 

I fear that life is just an experience like a movie and you have no control perhaps it’s an easy excuse to blame my ocd?

I often look at my time when I was in hospital and worry I will end up back there.

I also tell myself if I was preprogrammed or a robot or if solipsism was true why would I spend all day worrying over it surely I would be programmed to not know this stuff? 

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Guest Phil10
24 minutes ago, taurean said:

Why did you feel the need to Google free will? What did you expect to gain by doing that Phil? 

Well people seem to swing with the fact we do have free will which is good news becuase if there was firm evidence of no free will that wouldn’t be good.

My biggest fear is our enjoyment in life is just an experience like a movie or video game and any interaction is false or preplanned so we are emotionless robots. I guess if that’s the case why does anybody bother to get up and go to work? There is the argument that our judgment is based on our environment and upbringing and that’s how we make choices I hope this is true. Somebody up there making me a puppet on a string would be awful. I google reincarnation a lot so I do believe in this and like it mentioned how you pick your next life again I believe that so I wonder if that’s true how much free will we have. 

These theories can be put up there with the flat earth ones they lack proof. But if the earth was flat again it would be awful and we would all have been lied to. That’s my fear that everything is a lie but I have said before there’s is so many conspiracy theories out there that they can’t all be true .

But having these thoughts is awful again if there false you spend a lot of time worrying over them just like health anxiety and similar ocd themes. So much worry for nothing? 

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Guest Phil10
4 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

But what was the point of Googling? Are you more sure now that you've done it? Are you more at peace? Or is your head still spinning?

Compulsions don't work.

I would say I am in the same place as before I googled 

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Guest Phil10

Added to those worries I am also battling with new shoes I bought worrying they are dirty and also the wedding shirts. I am going to try and wear them but it’s not easy.

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Yeah. Same as with all sufferers. They think if they do just one more compulsion, they'll have the answer. But it never works out. Compulsions lead to more doubt, intrusive thoughts, anxiety and compulsions.

It's the OCD trap. Realize that and then you can start doing something about it.

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Guest Paul92
13 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Well people seem to swing with the fact we do have free will which is good news becuase if there was firm evidence of no free will that wouldn’t be good.

My biggest fear is our enjoyment in life is just an experience like a movie or video game and any interaction is false or preplanned so we are emotionless robots. I guess if that’s the case why does anybody bother to get up and go to work? There is the argument that our judgment is based on our environment and upbringing and that’s how we make choices I hope this is true. Somebody up there making me a puppet on a string would be awful. I google reincarnation a lot so I do believe in this and like it mentioned how you pick your next life again I believe that so I wonder if that’s true how much free will we have. 

These theories can be put up there with the flat earth ones they lack proof. But if the earth was flat again it would be awful and we would all have been lied to. That’s my fear that everything is a lie but I have said before there’s is so many conspiracy theories out there that they can’t all be true .

But having these thoughts is awful again if there false you spend a lot of time worrying over them just like health anxiety and similar ocd themes. So much worry for nothing? 

Phil, I promise you, I have been there. Put everything you've got into not engaging. No Googling. Do not engage. Chalk it up as silliness. Hit it head on. It'll make you anxious in the short to medium term, but I promise it will get better. Be brave. Recognise you have a mental illness, which is fine. We are all here telling you how to feel better. So why not give it a try. I know it is hard. Remember I was freaking out about solipsism? I went through hell for a few days. But I didnt Google and carried on with my work as normal. I felt awful, truly. But today, sat here now, I couldn't care less about it! I promise you it does work. Youre a brave man for seeking help, grab the bull of your own life by the horns and tell yourself you will do what you need to do.

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Guest Phil10
16 minutes ago, Paul92 said:

Phil, I promise you, I have been there. Put everything you've got into not engaging. No Googling. Do not engage. Chalk it up as silliness. Hit it head on. It'll make you anxious in the short to medium term, but I promise it will get better. Be brave. Recognise you have a mental illness, which is fine. We are all here telling you how to feel better. So why not give it a try. I know it is hard. Remember I was freaking out about solipsism? I went through hell for a few days. But I didnt Google and carried on with my work as normal. I felt awful, truly. But today, sat here now, I couldn't care less about it! I promise you it does work. Youre a brave man for seeking help, grab the bull of your own life by the horns and tell yourself you will do what you need to do.

Yes the solipsism issue worried me for around six months but it has since moved onto free will. I can’t let go of the idea someone isn’t controlling me like a puppet on a string. I almost want to take the blame off me and blame something and not take responsibility for how I feel. If someone else controls me then that’s a good reason for my suffering. And yes I have been free of these worries for a month however the thoughts linger back a bit like a snake creeping up on me and they come back..

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But people aren't controlling us, that's "magical thinking". 

It might be the stuff of fantasy from sci-fi such as the original, brilliant, series of Star Trek, but it's fiction not anything else. 

With carrying out this fear reaction, googling for answers, we only strengthen the distress we suffer. 

We have to resist these urges and get otherwise busy. 

 

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Guest Phil10
2 minutes ago, taurean said:

But people aren't controlling us, that's "magical thinking". 

It might be the stuff of fantasy from sci-fi such as the original, brilliant, series of Star Trek, but it's fiction not anything else. 

With carrying out this fear reaction, googling for answers, we only strengthen the distress we suffer. 

We have to resist these urges and get otherwise busy. 

 

Well I would agree with you that it is fantasty but since I moved house last March I have bought into these strange ideas. Im almost a different person because with my ocd whatever I google or think i believe. I some how have to become free of my thoughts and some how separate them from my thinking to see them as ocd? But right now I can’t so that and I have been battling a year looking for a solution but can’t find one. 

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23 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

But right now I can’t so that and I have been battling a year looking for a solution but can’t find one. 

The solution has become the problem because looking for it leads to the compulsions. 

The way to deal with this is to follow what we are saying, not what your own thoughts are saying. 

And chip in with sessions of ERP where you bring up the intrusions, remind yourself they are fabricated worthless nonsense (so we are saying) and don't give them meaning. 

Repeat this session, per theme and individual issue, until the anxiety fades away. 

Remember to replace the intrusions and OCD dross with beneficial thinking and action, or the OCD will try to home in again. 

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Guest Phil10

Today I have been tormented becuase I had a thought I touched the toilet brush and I carried on and did the dusting and never let it beat me. Tonight I worried my socks hit the toilet brush I Duno how I mean I have a toilet paper holder close by so maybe by feet hit that but worried my whole house is dirty I mean I thought why go for a shower I have already walked over the floor so again atleast I never showered but I have been tormented by these thoughts the toilet brush is my biggest fear at the moment.

Also if I did hit the toilet brush I would have had to have pushed my foot right under the sink so I would have had to do something unnatural 

Edited by Phil10
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Good on you for not doing compulsions but, again, what is the point of this diary? We've heard about the toilet brush quite a few times. What's the point of telling us again and again? You want us to give you the same advice again and again?

We're not going to engage with your compulsions and discuss with you the likelihood that your foot touched the toilet brush.

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Guest Phil10
11 hours ago, PolarBear said:

Good on you for not doing compulsions but, again, what is the point of this diary? We've heard about the toilet brush quite a few times. What's the point of telling us again and again? You want us to give you the same advice again and again?

We're not going to engage with your compulsions and discuss with you the likelihood that your foot touched the toilet brush.

Perhaps it’s my head playing tricks again becuase I mentioned that it may be unlikely I could reach the toilet brush but my head goes with the fact it did. My head wants the house to become so dirty I move house again. So basically yes do you think it’s more ocd lies?

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2 hours ago, Phil10 said:

So basically yes do you think it’s more ocd lies?

What is your answer to that question Phil? (N.b. your question of us is the compulsion of re-assurance-seeking).

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Guest OCDhavenobrain

Phil your usage of forums at this point is harmful for your recovery. Take a break from forums for a week or maybe start with 1 day

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Guest Phil10
5 hours ago, taurean said:

What is your answer to that question Phil? (N.b. your question of us is the compulsion of re-assurance-seeking).

Yes but I believe the house could be dirty and I may have to sell the house and move like before. The ocd makes me want to do that due to the risk of toilet brush germs. 

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Guest Phil10
32 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

What do you think you should do?

My ocd says sell the house all the uncertainty is driving me mad toilet germs could spoil the house

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I didn't ask you what your OCD is telling you. I'm asking what you think YOU should do.

Have we ever, in all the times you have posted here, told you that your fears are legitimate? Have we ever told you to sell something, throw something out, because we think it's contaminated? You haven't reached the point yet, but you must start to realize that all these thoughts you have about contamination and other things are all fake. There is no contamination. It doesn't exist. It's all lies made up by your own mind. And you fall for them every time.

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Guest Phil10
5 minutes ago, PolarBear said:

I didn't ask you what your OCD is telling you. I'm asking what you think YOU should do.

Have we ever, in all the times you have posted here, told you that your fears are legitimate? Have we ever told you to sell something, throw something out, because we think it's contaminated? You haven't reached the point yet, but you must start to realize that all these thoughts you have about contamination and other things are all fake. There is no contamination. It doesn't exist. It's all lies made up by your own mind. And you fall for them every time.

Yes but what if something really did need thrown away would nobody tell me? It’s easy to say don’t post don’t sell anything don’t replace if it was that easy then I wouldn’t worry but if I don’t post the risk is I really could move house again if there is no help available as I wasn’t on here when I last moved 

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Guest OCDhavenobrain
15 minutes ago, Phil10 said:

Yes but what if something really did need thrown away would nobody tell me? It’s easy to say don’t post don’t sell anything don’t replace if it was that easy then I wouldn’t worry but if I don’t post the risk is I really could move house again if there is no help available as I wasn’t on here when I last moved 

It is not easy if it was you would not do all your compulsions. But what needs to happen is that you start to take action

You have a responsibility you can' just say that you doing compulsions and we listening is "help". Nobody needs to do compulsions with you

Edited by OCDhavenobrain
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You can't keep posting for an opinion that is never going to change Phil. That's pointless, you know what we have told you to do. 

You prefer to listen to the OCD. 

You are the person that has to make changes - our advice doesn't change. You have to stop listening to what OCD tells you. 

In contamination OCD, the only one believing the suggestion of contamination is the sufferer. 

 

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