Trying

[don't know]

I'm trying to ignore my arousals. They are constant and I hate them. I don't know whether I hate them or not - they feel different but maybe that's because I haven't let myself enjoy them. They happen at everything, if I see a picture, a description, words etc. Is this who I am now? Even though I didn't have them until Thursday. I feel really down and empty. I don't know whether it's depression. Maybe this is who I truly am and OCD never let me accept it and kept me in denial. I don't know. 

[PolarBear]

Or maybe this is all normal with sexual obsessions and you sitting there trying to figure them out is a compulsions and the worst thing you can do.

[don't know]

I've been doing a lot of googling and looking back on previous posts about the ' groinal response' but I've got to be honest and say it doesn't feel like it. Firstly, I actually get aroused, it's not a tiny reaction blown out of proportion. The things that used to turn me on don't anymore. In fact, only my triggers bring on this reaction. It's so strong as well. It doesn't feel like how I used to feel where it felt nice, it's just there. I've just been feelings arousal all day. I've read that once people admit that they are into other sexual practices their 'made-up' attractions go and the other ones replace them strongly. Another thing is that my sex drive is down and I feel like I couldn't care less about it. It's like my attraction literally disappeared. How is that possible without any intrusive thoughts and just these feelings. I would've panicked before so maybe that means that's happening to me? I don't know. Oh my god. I'm so confused. I just need someone to tell it to me is it OCD where I can work on it and believe it or is it just me making a fool out of myself not wanting to believe myself even though all the evidence - arousals etc point to my sexual obsessions being true. 

I'm sorry for the long post, it's been a tough couple of days.

[don't know]

Yeah, I don't feel anything now. It's only these responses. I don't know. I've just been online all day but I don't feel anxious, depressed I feel calm. Wouldn't I be feeling anxiety? 

I can't believe I tricked myself into thinking it was OCD the whole time. It feels like the past was all a lie against all this stack of evidence. The funny thing is I read these posts from people that like those types of attractions and I still don't relate until they talk about arousal and that's where I think ****!

All I had to look forward to in the future and I can't do it anymore. Why was I so happy when I didn't deal with these arousals and all that? Is that what denial is like? I probably was in denial. I thought I was okay for a while and now I'm not. There's no use. I'm a fraud. 

[felix4]

DK, all these reassurance type posts and the research online are not doing you any good! You need proper one to one help from someone who is able to tailor CBT to your needs with charts/ diagrams and so on.

I feel like you are kind of giving us an ultimatum here, as in, either reassure me that it is OCD, or else I am what I fear most.

Try and divert your attention away from research online, and put all your energy into a plan of action which involves getting more CBT!

 

All the best.

 

 

[don't know]

Hi, I've done cbt and it didn't work though. I also just feel like all of this points in the other direction of it being real. There's nothing I can do. I don't even know how I feel about it. I just feel empty. 

[felix4]

2 hours ago, don't know said:

Hi, I've done cbt and it didn't work though. 

Hi,

All the more reason to try again!

I have had about 3 lots of one to one cbt with 3 different therapists, and 1 lot of group cbt where all of which achieved very little. However, I then discovered a more specialised OCD clinic near to me, and I had about 11 sessions with them where I really made huge progress!

You sound like you are in a similar situation to what I was in,  and I remember describing it like being in a 'double bind' with OCD.

 

 

 

 

[don't know]

Thanks for the advice, it's just how do I start treatment when I don't believe this to be OCD? 

[PolarBear]

We've talked about this before, several times.

Once more, you have to take a leap of faith that it is OCD. You choose to work on this as if it is OCD and you start doing CBT work to start the journey to recovery. But that also means that you have to stop going to other websites and researching what else this could be. No more having long conversations with yourself about why this just can't be OCD.

If you're prepared to do that, you can move forward. If not, you will stay stuck where you are (though things will likely get worse for you).

[felix4]

On 14/01/2019 at 18:02, don't know said:

Thanks for the advice, it's just how do I start treatment when I don't believe this to be OCD? 

Hi again,

Firstly, trust the original diagnosis of OCD given by the health professional that you saw! Secondly, remember that OCD has the ability to morph, as in changing themes, and questioning that you have OCD at all (hence it being the doubting disease)! 

Also, keep in mind that you are posting on an OCD forum, so presumably you have a slight inkling it being OCD, right!