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have i got my self into a bad habit , help please!?


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I don't drink alcohol anymore but when i did , i would'nt get blackout drunk , it would be a tipsy state . On a night out when i did drink i would hug a girl i know and 10 minutes later i would get a thought pop into my head " did we just kiss " i would message the girl the next day and they'd always would say no you didn't . the problem is this happens now even when im SOBER! on a night out , not even drinking a drop of alcohol ! i would hug a friend and kiss them on the cheek , and 10 minutes later id have a thought or a voice saying "did we just kiss on the lips ? "

this happens always when i get into a relationship , i love my girlfriend and adore her so much , is this a fear and me being really protective? i hate this because its making me perform these saftey checks even on a sober night out too

this is happening alot , i do suffer with OCD and im on sertraline , and 'just started CBT therapy . 

if anyone has experienced or has any advice please it would be so much help because im struggling , thanks ,will .

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Hello William and welcome to the forum.

We commonly refer to this as False Memory OCD. Basically, your obsessions are that you did something wrong in the past. It actually does happen frequently for people after a night of drinking, when memories can be poor. However, it is perfectly normal for it to happen when you are sober. There is no hard and fast rule to this. Further, this is a particular type of OCD commonly referred to as Cheating OCD. The obsessions you get are in relation to you cheating on your significant other.

Now you mention that you message the girl the next day and ask if you did something inappropriate. There's the compulsion. You feel an urge to find out if the thoughts are true, so you do a checking compulsion by asking the girl or others. It's also a sort of reassurance seeking. Definitely it is a compulsion and it is something you need to work on stopping.

Compulsions don't work. They can bring you temporary relief but soon enough doubt seeks in and you feel compelled to ask again or you get a different thought that you cheated with someone else. And round and round you go. The problem, other than you are spinning your wheels and not getting anywhere, is that when you do compulsions, you draw attention to the thoughts, ensuring that more of them will pop up in the future.

You need to put your foot down, see that these thoughts are just lies created by your own mind, and refuse to play the OCD game by doing compulsions.

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Thanks for your reply polar bear ! , the problem is , when it did happen when i was drinking , i was'nt in a state to have a poor memory of the night . and secondly im 23 , the first ever relationship when i was 12 i did kiss someone else , but i was really young so i don't think this has caused it . since then every relationship ive been in probably 4 its always happened this thought . im currently still with my current partner who understands all of this which is great but im just annoyed i can not go out SOBER and have this thought hit me once ive hugged a girl.

it really drains me out , is it because im really protective and care about my girlfriend alot , ive read that ocd tries to effect what you fear most and feel preotective over , thanks 

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We don't know for sure why one person gets one type of OCD and another suffers from a different form. At the end of the day, it wouldn't matter much when it comes to recovering from OCD.

Although it's a little difficult to wrap your head around in the beginning, you'll have to trust me that the reason these thoughts pop up through four relationships is because you do compulsions when you get the thoughts. Every time you do a compulsion, you reinforce in your mind that there is something to the thought, that they might in fact be true. It's also sets things up that you are going to get more of those same thoughts in the future.

Conversely, if you stop paying attention to the thoughts, stop doing compulsions because of them, and treat them as the garbage they are, they will, slowly over time, diminish in both frequency and severity.

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